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Update on the sitch....

McGriff

By McGriff
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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McGriff Established Member

McGriff

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Ok, so I've taken a bit of a beating on here after the ex has texting me constantly for 9 days now...so she wanted to meet me for a drink, and we did so...she let me know her new boyfriend cheated on her (haha) but we didnt talk about our relationship, I just let her go on and on about her son blah blah blah. So we hugged goodbye and she went on her way. We never brought up the relationship and she did 90% of the talking. I really don't know where we are in terms of anything. She knows I am dating someone, so she was respectful of that, asked me a few questions about the new girl and I just kinda answered generically. I don't know where we go from here. I will continue to date the new girl, but I have a place in my heart for the ex, so we'll see what happens. I will not initiate contact, so we'll see where she goes from here. I am fine wherever it goes. I am in a good place. What do you guys think? Be gentle with me ;)

TheFriend Established Member

TheFriend

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If your really ok with everything then good for you! :) karma got her with the new guy it sounds like.

KatZee Established Member

KatZee

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I think you're playing with fire honestly.

 

I think you're being unfair to your new girlfriend.

 

I think you need to be single to get over your ex.

 

I think you're lying to yourself when you say you're fine with whatever way it goes, because prior to saying that you say, "I have a place in my heart for my ex."

 

I think since you still refer to you and your ex as a "we" that you need to end the relationship with the girl you're dating, as you're not fully emotionally available to her.

 

I think if you genuinely want to date the new girl, you need to cut your ex out. You're the fallback, you're the safety net. The guy she left you for cheated on her. Boo hoo. She's crawling back like any other stereotypical GIGS, self absorbed dumper. There is nothing new here.

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OwlSoul Established Member

OwlSoul

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If your really ok with everything then good for you! :) karma got her with the new guy it sounds like.
It is not karma!

Basically, dumpers have more chance of being cheated on or dumped in their new relationships than dumpees, since they chose emotionally distant person in comparison to the dumpee.

When she was in the relationship with OP she was confident and content. Now she got smashed by the cheating, which lowered her self-esteem and make wake up and realize, that the world is not spinning around her. On the other hand, the OP is doing a way better, and he is not on her leash. So this makes him more attractive for her. She is most likely getting back the romantic feelings towards the dumpee now.

But getting back together at this point... dunno. If you'd be really sure you won't fall back to the old patterns again.

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McGriff Established Member

McGriff

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Liveandlearned,

 

Haha---I had to lol at that! Maybe I do have issues. But I'm in a good place. I have my ex tiptoeing around, trying to tread lightly, and I have validation that she stepped out and got crushed. I am in a position of power now, as I know she's waiting for me, I can feel it. I treated her like gold and now she sees it. I'm moving on with the new girl, and yes Kat, I still have feelings for the ex, but I will follow my gut from here on out. I know she is in the position of crawling back, and I will tread lightly, believe me, I'm not an *******. She will have to wait until the new situation runs it's course. Whatever that is.

OwlSoul Established Member

OwlSoul

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Hm, I've been on the forum for a couple of months. Feels like that exes willing to get back phenomemnon haooens more often than some folks say.

KatZee Established Member

KatZee

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She will have to wait until the new situation runs it's course. Whatever that is.

 

So are you serious about this person or not? Or are you flat out admitting right here that you don't see this person in your future and that the situation WILL run its course?

 

If that's the case why are you screwing with her? Haven't you seen enough of the damage on this forum, and baggage people carry when they're used as backup, toyed with, lead on?

 

You seriously need to wrap up whatever is going on between you and your ex. The way you speak, you're just playing around like it's a game. You're gloating how you now have "all the power." Who cares about power? She screwed you over. You shouldn't be all happy that she's sniffing around because you're STILL second best.

 

And in all honesty, the only one with power right now, IS HER. She still has you right where she wants you. You're still attached to her little leash, and if she were to snap her fingers and say "I love you so much I want it to work with you" You'd go running.

Edited by KatZee
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McGriff Established Member

McGriff

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Kat,

 

Aren't we all in that situation honestly? I mean, I love the woman, I admit it. We have great memories. She's human, I'm human. She stepped out thinking she found something better, and got served. Been there. Done that. Everyone on here would lying if they said they wouldn't at least CONSIDER taking the ex back if they came crawling. I could be an ass to her, but I'm not that type. She hasn't laid her cards on the table and gone "all-in" at this point, so I'll continue to do my thing. I've met a nice woman who is interested. Everyone is aware of the situation at hand, it's all out there. What will be will be. If the ex ultimately decides she wants another bite at the apple, we'll deal with when and if it happens. She hasn't done that yet, she may not. I'm living my life whether or not she decides to come back. I consider myself lucky to have someone who recognizes my value, and is interested in taking a chance on me. She may get hurt, hell, I MAY get hurt---it's the nature of human interaction. As long as everyone is informed of the situation, I will continue to live my life. I'm just trying to live for me right now.

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KatZee Established Member

KatZee

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Kat,

 

Aren't we all in that situation honestly?

 

No. We're honestly not. The right thing to do is close the door on one relationship before starting another. I learned this years ago. It's not fair to hurt innocent people while dealing with your own inner turmoil.

 

I mean if this girl is well aware that you're in love with your ex, and she's fine with it, then more power to her. Although she might benefit from participating on this forum to examine her own level of self worth.

 

And my ex pulled the same thing. Cheated on me. Dumped me for someone else. Thought there was something better. I don't care that he's human. He could be amphibian for all I really care. At the end of the day, what he did was make a series of very f.ucked up choices. And he's done to me. I would never, NEVER even contemplate taking him back.

 

If someone's going to throw the relationship I have with them out in search of something better, then go. Go find what you're looking for b/c it's obviously not with me, and I'm not going to play second fiddle to anyone.

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McGriff Established Member

McGriff

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You are right on pretty much everything you said. I have a lot of of work to do on myself. Just trying to live as painfree as possible. I've been through ALOT in my life. Ultimately, I am a good person, and while I have much to improve, I just have to keep moving in the only way I know how at this point.

Simon Phoenix Established Member

Simon Phoenix

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I think it was a foolish move and a douchey move to do to the girl you are dating if we are going to be honest. I think you are just going to be run over again by your ex or you are going to screw over the girl you are currently dating. I don't think you are showing much maturity or foresight at all. But besides that it was a good idea.

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ThatJustHappened Established Member

ThatJustHappened

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I like you McGriff..but I'd like to smack you upside the head right now. You're being SUPER naive and kind of douchey!

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geegirl Established Member

geegirl

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This woman you are seeing is likely coming to the table emotionally available believing you are too but little does she know you're still emotionally distracted and in love with your ex. Unfair and selfish.

 

You're using this woman as a bandaid for the void and pain you feel for your ex.

 

You're too much of a coward to deal with your pain on your own, so you drag this woman in to distract you from your bad emotions, then moan and groan about the ex on LS practically everyday, then go and meet the ex while this woman is in lalaland thinking she's just met a wonderful man, and then boast about the power you now have over the ex.

 

You're no different from your ex. You both can't be alone nor do you consider the feelings of others.

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cavalier99 Established Member

cavalier99

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I like McGriff. Everyone seems to be taking his dating life a little personal.

 

I say keep on F*cking the new girl and have some fun..i mean it doesnt seem like a deep relationship yet...and see what happens. Im sure everone is going to hate on me but i dont care! :) i do vote for not giving a sh*t about the ex though. Get rid of those lovey feelings. Cav

 

i guess the otherside of the coin could be staying single for 6 months along with hardcore NC with the EX. Hmm confused. Please ignore my advise. Dont know.

Edited by cavalier99
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McGriff Established Member

McGriff

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I'm doing me. Dating is guerrilla warfare. You do what you have to to survive. I learned that from 10 years military service. Again, the new girl knows the situation and is fine with it, so...I keep going. I don't have to apologize for anything. I know it's not ideal, it's just life in the dating game. Play ball!

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Simon Phoenix Established Member

Simon Phoenix

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I like McGriff. Everyone seems to be taking his dating life a little personal.

 

I say keep on F*cking the new girl and have some fun..i mean it doesnt seem like a deep relationship yet...and see what happens. Im sure everone is going to hate on me but i dont care! :) i do vote for not giving a sh*t about the ex though. Get rid of those lovey feelings. Cav

 

i guess the otherside of the coin could be staying single for 6 months along with hardcore NC with the EX. Hmm confused. Please ignore my advise. Dont know.

 

I like you in general, but I think you are way offbase here. Though I've seen you edited your post a bit. But yeah, McGriff is trying to play one for the other and is going to end up with egg on his face.

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cavalier99 Established Member

cavalier99

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I like you in general, but I think you are way offbase here. Though I've seen you edited your post a bit. But yeah, McGriff is trying to play one for the other and is going to end up with egg on his face.

 

Hmm you could be right. I dont know anymore. I think my barometer has been off since becoming indifferent and with this new thing. My advise used to be so good when i was in the pits of hell. What happened? Lol :)

Simon Phoenix Established Member

Simon Phoenix

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Hmm you could be right. I dont know anymore. I think my barometer has been off since becoming indifferent and with this new thing. My advise used to be so good when i was in the pits of hell. What happened? Lol :)

 

Meh, no clue. I just don't think overtly screwing with people is ever a good idea.

cavalier99 Established Member

cavalier99

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Meh, no clue. I just don't think overtly screwing with people is ever a good idea.

 

I just didnt read it that way.

 

ps love u too Simon ..your a great LS bro :)

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McGriff Established Member

McGriff

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Pursue and get crushed? I think not. Look, I am not perfect, I am a survivor. I do what I have to do. The ex is not coming back, and I'm moving on. I am not suicidal like some of these people. I choose to live my life. Fast. I don't know what the future holds. But I'm not gonna lay in my bed crying and wait to find out. I deal with my heartache by getting out there. I make no apologies for that. Everyone deals with heartache differently. You don't like the way I handle it, I can respect that. But, as long as I'm honest with those involved, I'm not doing anything wrong. Hell, this new girl may be my wife someday, I don't know.

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McGriff Established Member

McGriff

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Livedandlearned,

 

You've carved me up pretty good. I have no problem with that. It's all very accurate. I cannot deny. But you know what? I'm gonna be alright. I'm not suicidal, I'm not feeling sorry for myself. Am I a selfish bastard? Probably. I did lie to my ex about my age when I met her. I said I was 38 and I'm 42. It was a stupid 1st night thing, didnt think the relationship would go far blah blah blah. Lesson learned. It was stupid and it'll never happen again. As for the new girl---I've told her from the beginning that I just got dumped by my girlfriend of 5 months and I was head over heels. She laughed. She is 37, and has a great career and considers me a challenge. I respect that. Am I emotionally unavailable at this point? Yep. I warned her from the very beginning and she laughed it off. She's a progressive, non conformist type. I got lucky, cause most most women would run for the hills with my baggage lol. She took me on. Will she be rewarded or hurt? Dunno. We've had a good time so far, so we'll see. Again, you can judge me, I really don't mind, and I may do things that you find repugnant, but at the end of the day, I lay down to sleep with money in the bank, happy children, a beautiful home and (lately) a smile on my face, which is a lot better than some of these folks around here can say.

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ThatJustHappened Established Member

ThatJustHappened

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I like McGriff. Everyone seems to be taking his dating life a little personal.

 

I say keep on F*cking the new girl and have some fun..i mean it doesnt seem like a deep relationship yet...and see what happens. Im sure everone is going to hate on me but i dont care! :) i do vote for not giving a sh*t about the ex though. Get rid of those lovey feelings. Cav

 

i guess the otherside of the coin could be staying single for 6 months along with hardcore NC with the EX. Hmm confused. Please ignore my advise. Dont know.

 

Put down the bottle Cav...

thefooloftheyear Established Member

thefooloftheyear

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When you find yourself on the short end(getting dumped), its easy to become cynical about things....

 

You get dumped on your head and now everyone wants you to conform to some "code of ethics" when it comes to dating/courting. Where was the code of ethics when you are on the receiving end getting your heart ripped to pieces? Why didnt THEY follow "the rules"? So now you want to do wnatever makes you happy so that you can get out of your rut, even if it causes someone else some pain. I can understand completely and I relate.

 

At the end of the day, when you look at life in general, be it jobs, relationships,. friendships, whatever. There is always some using going on. And you know what? This damn life is all about inequity and unfairness. And as much as it pains me to say this, in my experiences the one that cares the least and uses/abuses the most usually winds up on top. Its unfortunate, but true. We have a saying in business. "Scumbags win". I dont consider myself a scumbag and you know what? While I am generally happy with my standing in life, I could have reaped more and been taken advantage of less just by being a d-bag. Its a fact of life.

 

I wont change because thats who I am, but I learned a long time ago that Life is incredibly unfair. Id even call it cruel, frankly. And while I generally agrree with the others that claim to "worry about hurting the feelings of the new girl" and "resolve your issues and close that door first" I can also see ones point in doing whats best for THEM.

 

Either you are the bug or the windhshield. What role do you want tp play today?

 

TFY

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cavalier99 Established Member

cavalier99

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Put down the bottle Cav...

 

Hahaha bottle is finished!

 

...kidding. Ive been dead sober. Your just getting the full me and all my flippiness...im emmerging from my BU shell! So you getting pure me with all my quirky personality! Lol :) Cav

Edited by cavalier99
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thefooloftheyear Established Member

thefooloftheyear

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Works for me and plenty of other happy single or married people I know.

 

 

 

I'm confused...

 

If two people date, neither you or the other is allowed to break up even you if don't want to be with them anymore unless the other person gives you their permission and written consent?

 

When did the "rules" change and that go into effect?

 

 

 

I apparently have an outdated dating / relationship handbook.

 

In mine, it clearly states that if you are in dating or entering into a relationship with someone... they can break up at any time, for any reason without notice or be liable for any damages.

 

It also states, that the purpose of entering into a relationship with someone is to determine the answer to a question.

 

What is the question, you ask?

 

"Is this the person I want / am going to spend the rest of my life with?"

 

If either of you decided to stop dating, break up or end a relationship for WHATEVER reason... You both now have the answer to that question and the answer is, NO.

 

What's the alternative?

 

To deny yourself or the person you were with their own happiness? To take it personal, lose all your self-respect, dignity and chase after someone who doesn't want you? To forgo all your hopes, wishes and dreams to stay with someone you shouldn't / don't want to be with?

 

How on earth could anyone view the above a success?

 

 

 

Damn dude... Why would you even bother date or be with someone?

 

 

Totally missed the point..by a mile..Perhaps you are having trouble with your reading comprehension.

 

While you "cherry picked" my post of the the things that make your point, you mysteriously left out the part that says I AGREE WITH OTHERS LIKE YOURSELF..I live my life to the standard that YOU profess. So where are we in disagreement?

 

What you are saying is that all relationships go on and die a nice, natural cause. Is that in your "handbook"? People dont lie, cheat, deceive, use(sexually or emotionally) in relationships? Happens every day. Do you really think people are morally responsible in relationships? Sure, soome are, a whole lot aren't. You know why? They are in it only for what is good for them and frankly that isnt what being in a healthy relationship is all about.

 

The only point I was making was that people become cynical about things when they get shytted on. you dont need a handbook for that, its basic human nature. When and if they decide to "turn the tables" all the Peanut Gallery does is tell them what thay can and cant do..

 

So you see, "dude", we are on the same page really. But I wont sit in judgement of anyone for doing what they do. I am not that self righteous.

 

TFY

Edited by thefooloftheyear
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