mrsnaks Posted April 24, 2013 Posted April 24, 2013 Hi everyone! I need your advice. I met this guy on an online dating service. We dated for about a month and went on several dates. We had an instant connection. However, as we dated, I felt he was being 'flaky' like setting up dates (not definite dates) but not necessarily following thru on them. I had a feeling he was possibly seeing other girls as well which I was fine with, I just wanted to be aware of this as well. I started dating another guy and the initial guy sort of just fell out. But he started texting me again a couple of months later but I was already in a relationship. He continued to text me fairly often, a couple of times a month, and sometimes even asked for a 2nd chance because he wasn't 'ready' the first time. But I was faithful to my current BF and declined. He said if things never worked out with my BF, we would make sure he was available and would give anything for a 2nd chance. Well, things didn't work out with the BF after 7 months. So I started hanging out with him again. It's only been a couple of weeks since we started but it feels like we started where we left off. He's giving me more of his attention and time. He's a wonderful guy and could see being in a relationship with him. Here's my dilemma: I want to know what his intentions are about dating in general and about me. I want to make sure we're on the same page. If he wants to date other people or if he wants our relationship to go further. If he wants to date other people, then I will as well. My question: do I ask him about his intentions about dating in general as well as his intentions are with me when I go on a date with him tomorrow or am I being to curious about his intentions too soon? What are your thoughts?
whatsdone Posted April 24, 2013 Posted April 24, 2013 speaking from experience...or lack thereof. I think its always best to bring up that talk before you guys get intimate (sex). After sex is in the picture with no concrete definition of what you guys are or intend to be before hand always makes the whole ordeal pretty messy. 6
Author mrsnaks Posted April 24, 2013 Author Posted April 24, 2013 speaking from experience...or lack thereof. I think its always best to bring up that talk before you guys get intimate (sex). After sex is in the picture with no concrete definition of what you guys are or intend to be before hand always makes the whole ordeal pretty messy. Well, the first time we were dating, sex was already involved. This time around, sex is already involved. Do you think I should still ask his intentions, wait because it's too soon?
whatsdone Posted April 24, 2013 Posted April 24, 2013 mmm well that being said..the sooner you bring it up the better. He might just be at a comfortable point where he is receiving all of the benefits of a relationship without having to actually be in one. From having a discussion post being intimate I find that men's answers are always really flaky...he will say all the right things without saying he wants to be in a relationship with you...but thats just from my experience..Good luck girl! 1
todreaminblue Posted April 24, 2013 Posted April 24, 2013 i basically put it out there...if you want sex while dating im not for you.......from the first date...if sex talk comes up......saves disappointment....on both sides..i think sooner rather than later is better for intentions to be shared...because if you dont match you dont waste time...or harassment....an intimate relationship to me is exclusivity......one on one...no mistakes..........deb
Author mrsnaks Posted April 24, 2013 Author Posted April 24, 2013 I agree, Deb. At the same time, when we were out with his friends, he ran into a girl friend who wanted to set him up with someone. He told her that he said no and that he wanted to focus on me and see where this goes. By him saying that to her, does he mean that his intentions are to go further with me and just me only?
Author mrsnaks Posted April 25, 2013 Author Posted April 25, 2013 So I went out with him yesterday. At the end of the night, I told him that I enjoy spending time with him and I didn't want him to leave. He said the same thing. Then today, I was missing him an awful lot and texted him that "I'm missing you a lot this morning. I don't know why and I don't like feeling emotionally vulnerable at this point." And he responded that the feeling is mutual. I would be totally fine if he wanted to date/see other people at this point so that we are on the same page. At the same time, if he just wants to date me alone, I would much rather prefer this than dating other people. I just don't want to start getting emotionally invested in him if his focus isn't all on me. I never did ask him his intentions last night but wondering if I still should or should I wait for a few more dates to happen??
MidwestUSA Posted April 25, 2013 Posted April 25, 2013 So I went out with him yesterday. At the end of the night, I told him that I enjoy spending time with him and I didn't want him to leave. He said the same thing. Then today, I was missing him an awful lot and texted him that "I'm missing you a lot this morning. I don't know why and I don't like feeling emotionally vulnerable at this point." And he responded that the feeling is mutual. I would be totally fine if he wanted to date/see other people at this point so that we are on the same page. At the same time, if he just wants to date me alone, I would much rather prefer this than dating other people. I just don't want to start getting emotionally invested in him if his focus isn't all on me. I never did ask him his intentions last night but wondering if I still should or should I wait for a few more dates to happen?? You had the perfect chance to ask today. Personally, I wouldn't date others if I was having sex with one, and would not tolerate my man dating around. You need to decide if you can separate sex from emotions, because you're venturing into a FB zone. 1
Author mrsnaks Posted April 25, 2013 Author Posted April 25, 2013 You had the perfect chance to ask today. Personally, I wouldn't date others if I was having sex with one, and would not tolerate my man dating around. You need to decide if you can separate sex from emotions, because you're venturing into a FB zone. I agree. If he wants to date other people, then I would no longer have sex with him. My emotions would just get too involved. I would like to ask him about his intentions today but don't want to do it via text. I'd rather talk to him in person and see his reaction as well when he responds and can always go further into the question.
Author mrsnaks Posted April 25, 2013 Author Posted April 25, 2013 BTW, what is the "FB" zone? Facebook?
MidwestUSA Posted April 25, 2013 Posted April 25, 2013 BTW, what is the "FB" zone? Facebook? F*** Buddy. Yes, you should definitely speak with him in person, not via text. Maybe you are on the same page and don't even know it. Good luck to you!
Star Gazer Posted April 25, 2013 Posted April 25, 2013 I agree. If he wants to date other people, then I would no longer have sex with him. My emotions would just get too involved. I would like to ask him about his intentions today but don't want to do it via text. I'd rather talk to him in person and see his reaction as well when he responds and can always go further into the question. You can't just take sex off the table at this point. It's manipulative. Besides, if If you can't handle continuing to have sex with him while he's dating other people, how is that any different from letting him see other people knowing you've already given him the prize? IMO, once sex is involved, you either move forward with exclusivity or you go separate ways. 1
Author mrsnaks Posted April 25, 2013 Author Posted April 25, 2013 F*** Buddy. Yes, you should definitely speak with him in person, not via text. Maybe you are on the same page and don't even know it. Good luck to you! Oh duh! I'm sorry. I'm a bit slow today. I feel we are on the same page based on his actions and what he says. I just want definite confirmation. Thanks for your advice!
Author mrsnaks Posted April 25, 2013 Author Posted April 25, 2013 You can't just take sex off the table at this point. It's manipulative. Besides, if If you can't handle continuing to have sex with him while he's dating other people, how is that any different from letting him see other people knowing you've already given him the prize? IMO, once sex is involved, you either move forward with exclusivity or you go separate ways. That's a good point regarding taking sex off the table. I wouldn't mean it to be manipulative. I think I meant more along the lines of not having sex with other guys I'm dating if he wants to date other girls. I just jumped into being intimate with him quicker than I wanted. I really wanted to just hang out and get to know him even better. But since we already had a history of it from the first round, it was easy to get intimate again. I'm just confused. I think I need to see his intentions first and go from there as to whether or not to continue seeing him/having sex with him and date other people or just let him go.... 1
Author mrsnaks Posted April 27, 2013 Author Posted April 27, 2013 So I'm seing him again this afternoon. He has a surprise date planned then he's planning on cooking dinner as well as possibly invite his friends over. I've met some of his other friends before. I'm still on the fence about whether to ask him about his intentions about dating and me. Part of me feels that he's not interested in dating other girl but part of me still wants confirmation. Some of my friends seems to think that since we text/talk on a daily basis and the fact that I've met some of his friends and we hang out at least twice a week, that he probably doesn't have time to date other girls. A couple of weeks ago, when we were out with his friends, he ran into a girl friend who wanted to set him up with someone. He told her no and that he wanted to focus on me and see where this goes. By him saying that to her, does he mean that his intentions are to go further with me and just me only? Or should I still ask him if he wants to be exclusive and date only me or should I wait?
outsidethebox Posted April 27, 2013 Posted April 27, 2013 He's acting like he's dating you exclusively, you're communicating daily, he doesn't have unexplained absences where you don't know what's going on, he's involving you in his life and with his friends, his actions speak far louder than any words. The only thing you need to check on is that your sex with him is exclusive because you are careful. That's all you need to say and hear from him. 1
Author mrsnaks Posted April 28, 2013 Author Posted April 28, 2013 He's acting like he's dating you exclusively, you're communicating daily, he doesn't have unexplained absences where you don't know what's going on, he's involving you in his life and with his friends, his actions speak far louder than any words. The only thing you need to check on is that your sex with him is exclusive because you are careful. That's all you need to say and hear from him. You're right...his actions does say he's dating only me. And I don't know why I needed confirmation of this but maybe to help alleviate any doubts? I wasn't going to ask him but I ended up asking him this morning (we hung out all day/night yesterday). And he did confirm that he doesn't want to date other girls, just me. So yay! :-) Ok I'm a dork! 2
Star Gazer Posted April 28, 2013 Posted April 28, 2013 You're right...his actions does say he's dating only me. And I don't know why I needed confirmation of this but maybe to help alleviate any doubts? I wasn't going to ask him but I ended up asking him this morning (we hung out all day/night yesterday). And he did confirm that he doesn't want to date other girls, just me. So yay! :-) Ok I'm a dork! It's great that you actually had that conversation, as you can never assume anything. Great job! 1
MidwestUSA Posted April 29, 2013 Posted April 29, 2013 You're right...his actions does say he's dating only me. And I don't know why I needed confirmation of this but maybe to help alleviate any doubts? I wasn't going to ask him but I ended up asking him this morning (we hung out all day/night yesterday). And he did confirm that he doesn't want to date other girls, just me. So yay! :-) Ok I'm a dork! You're a dork in a relationship, LOL! Congrats, glad it went well! 1
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