encaged Posted April 24, 2013 Posted April 24, 2013 Hi there, I'm Caged! I'm new to the forum, and very inexperienced in the dating world. So go easy on me please! I am 27 years old, and I met this girl around a month and a half ago, and we hit it off pretty well. I'm a very shy guy when you are starting to meet me, but when I get comfortable with someone, if I like that person, I will show more of myself towards that person. I do this consciously as a "defense" (I've been used multiple times in the past by friends and lovers, I went through depression and built these "walls" around me. For a while I could not control it, but I can now). So we went out 4 times, last time was last two nights ago. All of our dates went amazingly well, we have a lot in common and spoke to each other for hours. I started getting comfortable with her around our third date, then she had to leave town for a while (3 weeks) and we barely spoke to eachother during that time. Then, 2 nights ago we went out. I was (again) a bit shy during the first hour or so, but began feeling comfortable around her again. And I would like to make the next move. What is the problem? The problem is that I am horrible at reading signs. I can't tell if what she does with me is something she would do with any friend (give or take 2 or 3 things), since I've seen girls being like that around (male) friends before, or if she likes me / is interested. So I get nervous (I have Anxiety Disorder btw) whenever I think would be a good time to just go ahead and DO something. I know, in this day and age 4 dates and no move is very lame (and I punch myself mentally for this a lot), but I just want things to go smooth, since I really like this girl. So I get a lot of signs from her, but more often than not I feel that they're mixed. I also send out very obvious signs towards her - she HAS to know I'm interested in her by now from those. Here's a list of signs I've received from her: she rested her head on my shoulder twice, while laughing at something I said, but it was really fast, she did not rest her head more than 2 seconds (I kinda froze a bit during the first time ahah); once, we were at a teashop (very late at night) and we were on the final stretch of conversation on a certain topic, and she just laid her head down on the table resting / looking sleepy and stared at me with a smile, she stood there for at least a minute; she takes a long time to reply to my texts (we use a service that tells the sender when a message has been read - she once took 3 days to reply to me after reading it) and she usually quickly ends all of our text conversations, and her replies are really small - except when we're planning a date, a (girl) friend of mine told me she could be playing hard to get and / or just prefers to speak with me personally instead of wasting conversation topics on text, which makes sense I guess, but I don't have a lot of confidence so it bugs me a bit; she cancelled two of our dates on the day (once work, once family); when we're walking we walk very closely to each other (nothing I'm forcing, it's mutual), we bump into each other (softly) a lot while walking - but, she always has her hands on her pocket - OK, it's cold, but how could I go for a hand hold like this? ; she tells me a lot of stories which involve her and other (male) friends going out - nothing regarding romantic endeavours or something, just friends (and just her and another friend, not a group), but still, it's almost always men; she asks me a lot of questions about me and my family (I do too, since I want to know her better, but she almost always has the incentive to do that); her eyes widen a lot when I'm telling her something and she smiles a lot while looking directly at my eyes; she has told me some personal stuff about her (one of which she told me she had never told anyone else) - I'm kind of afraid this might be a sign of the frienzone? :S; when we're eating a meal we sit directly in front of eachother, and she constantly has her feet on my side of the table, which I accidently bump a LOT during the meal, lol (she removes them after this for a little while); last date was planned by her and it was a very romantic place, she also planned our next outting and it's also VERY romantic (we're going stargazing - I don't think this is a "friend" thing tbh); the fact that she went away for 3 weeks and didn't reply to my texts or send me anything (except when she came back, telling me she was back) kind of bugs me; we've had a couple of these dates cut short because she wanted to go to sleep early (again, my (girl) friend told me she probably didn't want to burn out of things to talk about / do - idk); she has told me on an IM service she was going to sleep and we say goodbye, but she actually stays on a lot longer (and active), multiple times - and our conversations by IM are also very quick and she ends them quickly. Uff, sorry for the wall of text, I didn't imagine it would come out this long. Also, I don't have that much experience with dating. My first date with her was my first date in around 6 years. And I think I've had more dates with her than I've had (in total) with other girls. So yeah. I've had 2 girlfriends before, but these are relationships that were bad, based on lies and hurt me a lot. So I don't have much confidence, which hurts a lot of opportunities. I think from that list you can tell which signs are dead-on and which are kind of mixed, a lot of those I've seen girls do on guys who were just friends, so I don't know if I should go for it or not. I value her as a person, and I would not like to lose the opportunity of having her as a friend if things don't go so well, but we can't have everything now, can we... I'm just very confused. Your thoughts would be great. Thanks a lot for reading this!
HoneyBadgerDontCare Posted April 24, 2013 Posted April 24, 2013 That was very long and I couldn't get beyond the first paragraph. I'll ask the only question that matters: did you make a move on her?
ltjg45 Posted April 24, 2013 Posted April 24, 2013 I read the entire thing. Needless to say, in my opinion, she has shown interest in you but it is very vague and they may not mean the same thing to her as it may mean to you. Out of all of this, I can tell you didn't make a move on her. She has indeed did some things with you that tells me she is comfortable with you. I'm thinking you got the opportunity to make this exclusive. You need to make a move on her before she goes cold. Of course, keep this in mind: This is coming from someone who hasn't even got a first date yet with any woman and I'm 26. You may need to ask someone else who is experienced for better advice.
Author encaged Posted April 24, 2013 Author Posted April 24, 2013 (edited) That was very long and I couldn't get beyond the first paragraph. I'll ask the only question that matters: did you make a move on her? Yeah, sorry I know it's long, there are just a lot of (often mixed) signals I get from her and couldn't find a way to shorten them out. I did not make a move on her, yet. I kind of want to at least be half sure that she is interested in me (I have AD, so I give these things too much thought I know... I stress out a lot). I most definitely will make a move soon (probably next date, we're going stargazing - her choice) but I guess I wanted to get other oppinions (from people who probably have more dating experience) to maybe help give my confidence a boost, I guess. (this thread was very spontaneous lol) I read the entire thing. Needless to say, in my opinion, she has shown interest in you but it is very vague and they may not mean the same thing to her as it may mean to you. Out of all of this, I can tell you didn't make a move on her. She has indeed did some things with you that tells me she is comfortable with you. I'm thinking you got the opportunity to make this exclusive. You need to make a move on her before she goes cold. Of course, keep this in mind: This is coming from someone who hasn't even got a first date yet with any woman and I'm 26. You may need to ask someone else who is experienced for better advice. Hi! Thank you for the reply. Yeah what messes with my AD is exactly the "it is very vague and they may not mean the same thing to her as it may mean to you" part. I will probably do it during the next date, need to find ways to boost up my confidence! Thanks again! Edited April 24, 2013 by encaged
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