Girls making it harder on themselves....

[Estate]

I'm having a hard time understanding your concern.

 

You have multiple women you are talking to, but have a problem with women who aren't chasing you? What is the balance here?

 

How is it playing hard to get or game playing when you are just getting to know someone?

 

When I'm just getting to know someone, I'm not texting them or calling them non stop.

 

Smart women know that when they do that, the guy is going to start with the lets have sex ASAP pressure (whether they really like the girl or not), and it all goes downhill from there.

 

It's not game playing. It is pacing things so that it doesn't get out of hand or send the wrong message while she is getting to know you. Why is that so difficult? Especially when you are doing the same thing?

 

Point taken....

But its the point where I'm *trying* to get to know them where girls play hard to get and flakey.

But as soon as I tire of it and move on you can set your clock to it... they come back and are suddenly available to get together.

 

Why not take the oppertunity when a guy is actually asking you out instead of playing it hard and then end up chasing him when he's moved on.

 

I'm not saying its a problem for me, I've moved on. I just don't see the point.

There was no lack of interest on their part if they are chasing once I start losing interest, but when I'm not playing games and try to just get to know them they ruin it for themsleves.

 

The girl who's texting me now. I was very willing to take her out and get to know her 2 weeks ago, but she played too hard, she wanted me to chase, when I moved on to other things, she lost that attention and now she is apparently interested... why not take the oppertunity in the first place when she had it.

 

I'm not playing anyone I don't feel. If I'm seeing a girl and she's awesome, I'm not looking elsewhere, but if she flakey or playing games, I don't feel the need to stick around.

 

Again, its not a problem for me, I'm not worrying over these girls, I am happy to meet others who don't do this... but the ones who do, I don't get their angle. They make they decent guys loose interest and get stuck with the desperate guys who'll put up with the silliness, no use complaining at that point its the guys fault for being lame.

[Imajerk17]

I take it Estate, that you are in your mid 20's?

 

I wouldn't sweat it too much. If you are cold-approaching girls in their mid-20s, then you'll deal with flakey/entitled behavior like Duluth deals with snow.

 

Most people are pretty unaware of how their ways come across to other people when it comes to dating. If 90% of the guys most girls meet are lame (and they do act lame, doing things like telling their life story or pushing for sex way too soon), then probably so are 90% of the girls you meet.

 

Please tell me that you did NOT take out Girl #3 (the one who asked you to take her to that expensive place).

Edited April 24, 2013 by Imajerk17

[aeren944]

I, personally, think you have your head on straight, Estate. I wouldn't put up with random crap like that, especially (like somone else said) if they're only thinking of their emotions and stuff. Kinda would lead me to believe that a relationship would be the same way... her first, you second. Can I ask how old you are? I guess more like how old are these women? I'm in my early 30s, and I'm running into a lot of women like this.

[Estate]

I'm late 20's so yeah, there's a lot of this stuff but I think its from girls who have unrealistic expecations, when I've dated them in the past its all about the guys spending fortunes on them and being prince charming, everything is supposed to be like tv, movies or fairytales.

 

But there's lots of girls are ARE NOT LIKE this, why are we still discussing it, that was NEVER my point. It was just asking why the sillly ones act this way and pass up good things because of unrealistic expectations.

 

On girl 3.... we were on a date... she was telling me of her expensive tastes and how Id have to take her to these expensive places to keep seeing her, then she told of the 6 other guys she was hooking up with that I was competing with.

Honestly, before someone says it again.... she can date 100 guys if she likes but the above is all very tactless and unattractive to flat out say to someone.

 

I didn't call her back and surprise surprise she came calling so she couldn't have had that much going on but decided to paint herself as a girl in demand and I'd have to vie for which actually turned me off a girl who seemed nice when she wasn't talking this crap.

[aeren944]

Ha! I went on a date with a girl that told me she expects to be treated like a queen. I like how I was supposed to treat her like a queen, even though I'd just met her.

[Janesays]

Pet peeve: When a girl mentions going on a date with another guy (or even multiple other guys) and some insecure little boy comes along and assumes she is 'banging' them. Seriously? You really think these girls are having sex with SIX GUYS AT A TIME?!?!?

 

You can't possibly think that. Otherwise, claiming they had 'no other options' 5 minutes later would be the epitome of stupid....which is what you did.

 

When I was dating, I went on so many first dates that I literally can't even remember the names/faces of most of them. Guess how many I slept with. NOT ONE!!!

 

And don't get me started on the immature, skeezing sounding word 'banging' being used to describe sex. It's gross. I wish guys would quit saying that. It makes you sound like a big fat guy at a dive bar getting drunk and scratching his a$$. In other words: not the least bit classy.

[RedRobin]

I'm not playing anyone I don't feel. If I'm seeing a girl and she's awesome, I'm not looking elsewhere, but if she flakey or playing games, I don't feel the need to stick around.

 

Again, its not a problem for me, I'm not worrying over these girls, I am happy to meet others who don't do this... but the ones who do, I don't get their angle. They make they decent guys loose interest and get stuck with the desperate guys who'll put up with the silliness, no use complaining at that point its the guys fault for being lame.

 

 

Ok, how do they know that? Do you tell them that? Or do you assume they are supposed to know that just because you have a nice text 'convo' and a few nice emails/phone calls going back and forth.

 

TBH, it is really hard to tell the difference between a so-called 'decent' guy and a not so decent guy until you get to know them for a few months at least.

 

... and I'm a lot older than you. That is the reality of 'dating' these days. Everyone expects instant intimacy and it sounds like you might too.

 

If you don't enjoy their company then don't see them again. If you do, then just go ahead and go out with them. You could give them the chance to reciprocate and plan something too, and show their interest. Especially if they are contacting you again after a couple week hiatus.

 

If you don't want to pay, and you feel like you are being used as a walking wallet, then do things that don't involve money while you are getting to know each other. Heck, you could use that as a challenge when they text you after awhile... you respond back with... "hey, hot stuff. I'd love for you to show me that little such-n-such place you talked about last time... dutch of course!"

 

See how that goes over

 

I know I don't expect guys to pay my way. Never have. I always pay my share or offer. If I exist, there have to be others like me that exist too.

[aeren944]

I'm way too lazy to multi quote livedandlearned, but he/she seem oddly defensive of these random girls. I think it's already been said that the main problem with these women are that they're younger and aren't as mature as older women.

 

You don't need to grow thicker skin, man. I don't think you're taking things too hard or anything. I think you're being very aware and that's smart.

 

Let me also state that you ARE different from girl #3, just because you know how tasteless it is to tell someone you're on a date with that you're dating 6 other people. This has nothing to do with fat girls or anything, so I'm not sure what livedandlearned means with this. And I would not "play ball" with her. Eff that.

 

Don't let him mess you up. You're handling things just fine.

[aeren944]

Pet peeve: When a girl mentions going on a date with another guy (or even multiple other guys) and some insecure little boy comes along and assumes she is 'banging' them. Seriously? You really think these girls are having sex with SIX GUYS AT A TIME?!?!?

 

You can't possibly think that. Otherwise, claiming they had 'no other options' 5 minutes later would be the epitome of stupid....which is what you did.

 

When I was dating, I went on so many first dates that I literally can't even remember the names/faces of most of them. Guess how many I slept with. NOT ONE!!!

 

And don't get me started on the immature, skeezing sounding word 'banging' being used to describe sex. It's gross. I wish guys would quit saying that. It makes you sound like a big fat guy at a dive bar getting drunk and scratching his a$$. In other words: not the least bit classy.

 

Wait, who's saying she's "banging" these other guys? I mean other than you?

[Janesays]

Wait, who's saying she's "banging" these other guys? I mean other than you?

 

The OP. Didn't you read the first post? Let me quote the highlights...

 

She thought she had better options, she was probably banging some other dude the last two weeks

 

And....

 

I have the pleasure of paying at the most expensive place in town to show my worth against the 6 other guys you've banged that week?

 

And don't forget....

 

telling me your banging 6 dudes is not much of a DHV

 

And I got that from just briefly skimming the first post! Didn't you read it AT ALL?

[aeren944]

Well, in my humble opinion, when you're on a date with someone, it would be in your best interest to find out about them... have a date with them. Coming out and saying you're dating other guys isn't needed or wanted. Obviously she's available if she's on a date. Most people, hopefully, wouldn't have one date and think she's the one... so bringing it up is pretty tasteless. There's no point, unless you want whoever you're trying to manipulate with it to try much harder...

[aeren944]

The OP. Didn't you read the first post? Let me quote the highlights...

 

 

 

And....

 

 

 

And don't forget....

 

 

 

And I got that from just briefly skimming the first post! Didn't you read it AT ALL?

 

Ok, and yes I read it, before I read the 3 pages after it. But thanks.

[Janesays]

Well, in my humble opinion, when you're on a date with someone, it would be in your best interest to find out about them... have a date with them. Coming out and saying you're dating other guys isn't needed or wanted. Obviously she's available if she's on a date. Most people, hopefully, wouldn't have one date and think she's the one... so bringing it up is pretty tasteless. There's no point, unless you want whoever you're trying to manipulate with it to try much harder...

 

That wasn't my point. My point was that it's gross, tactless, and flipping SKEEZY to assume that any girl who multidates is 'banging' every single guy she sees just because you're a itty bitty witty insecure guy who is afraid of competition.

 

I highly doubt that this girl who, GOD FORBID, mentioned she went out a date before him even KISSED these guys. But she gets s!ut shamed just because she had the audacity to mention that her date is not the only man in the world?

 

Please.

 

Likely, she brought it up because the first dates were bombs and was hoping he would mention some crappy dates he had recently went one and they could bond over some 'first date horror' stories.

 

Was it the smartest idea in the book. Nope. But doesn't mean she's a raging wh)re, either. Just makes the OP look like an immature sour grapes type. YMMW.

[Janesays]

Ok, and yes I read it, before I read the 3 pages after it. But thanks.

 

Did you read THIS page? Because the OP is still saying this nonsense....

 

AND I QUOTE

 

then she told of the 6 other guys she was hooking up with that I was competing with.

 

I think maybe your reading comprehension skills could use a little tweaking.

[aeren944]

That wasn't my point. My point was that it's gross, tactless, and flipping SKEEZY to assume that any girl who multidates is 'banging' every single guy she sees just because you're a itty bitty witty insecure guy who is afraid of competition.

 

I highly doubt that this girl who, GOD FORBID, mentioned she went out a date before him even KISSED these guys. But she gets s!ut shamed just because she had the audacity to mention that her date is not the only man in the world?

 

Please.

 

Likely, she brought it up because the first dates were bombs and was hoping he would mention some crappy dates he had recently went one and they could bond over some 'first date horror' stories.

 

Was it the smartest idea in the book. Nope. But doesn't mean she's a raging wh)re, either. Just makes the OP look like an immature sour grapes type. YMMW.

 

I understand you. That post was directed toward livedandlearned, though.

[Janesays]

I understand you. That post was directed toward livedandlearned, though.

 

Opps! My apologies!

[aeren944]

live, that's exactly what I said... "I assume when I meet and dating someone they are dating other people. Most people usually are." So, what's the point of stating it... like a competition? Or manipulation? Or what?

 

Edit: Due to the risk of getting **** on just like this poor guy and wasting my time and my horrible reading comprehension skills, you guys go ahead and make him feel like crap. I'd rather not continue this.

Edited April 24, 2013 by aeren944
Edit

[Janesays]

live, that's exactly what I said... "I assume when I meet and dating someone they are dating other people. Most people usually are." So, what's the point of stating it... like a competition? Or manipulation? Or what?

 

I used to mention it because I dated some real tools and it was fun to laugh about it with the my date if I liked him. Like, "What's the worst date you've been on this month" sort of back and forth. Then after having a few laughs with the dude, I could do a little flirty, "So glad THIS date is going so well...."

 

The whole thing doesn't work, though, if the guy acts like a total dip at the mere mention of another man.

 

But then again, he'd just be someone to joke about with the next guy....

 

*shrugs

[Estate]

Look,

Tere's a bunch of responces here making wild assumptions not based on what I actually said.

 

One thing that stands out... Where did I ever say it was bad to date multiple people only if your a girl??

I ASSUME she is until we are exclusive...!

 

If the topic comes up after a few dates, sure, make it clear whether or not you are seeing other people. Then everyone knows where they stand.

 

But seriously... if someone sat across from you on a first date and said they were currently with 6 people.... is that a TURN ON for you? Guy or girl?

I really don't think you'd be impressed.

 

I assume she's dating other people but just coming out with that out of nowhere and saying 6, (not maybe just saying, I'm dating people and leaving it at that), then proceeding to tell me I need to take her to the most expensive places in town if I want her to continue seeing me as I am in direct competition with these guys?

 

Come on... what guy is ok with that? Desperate guys!

 

What did she do the deserve the right to instruct me to buy her things or taking her to expensive places or she will take her interests elsewhere.

 

She shouldn't be dating me to see if I'll buy her more stuff than the other 6 guys... I have no interest in that, she doesn't respect me, she just wants to be on a pedastil and see what I'm willing to pay to be with her... very unattractive... I really can't get with any guys here saying they would be impressed with that.

 

RedRobbin also said I think she is actually with 6 guys... here, maybe she IS dating but she's not with 6 guys. I didn't humor her requests, I wasn't impressed and I didn't look to set up another date.... yet after initially being VERY hard to set a date with because she was so busy since so many guys are trying to be with her apparently... all of a sudden when I stopped calling, she comes back looking to meet up!

 

No way is she with 6 guys! She's trying to put herself on a pedastil, make herself look like a woman who is in demand so that I'll feel the need to chase her....

Those are just games... and sorry but I find it unattractive. We all want what is scarce, but when a girl goes too far with it, I just can't be bothered anymore.

 

She seemed like an otherwise nice girl when she let up with this sort of conversation but when the whole point is... be honest...

I asked her out because I liked her... had she not said the above stuff, I'd have asked her out again... she is currently asking ME to go out since I stopped calling... so she's obviously interested but now she's turned me off it. Why not just up front and make things easier... I liked her, she liked me, no games, have a good time. Is it that difficult ladies?

[ltjg45]

What Janesays has mentioning does makes sense when it comes to Girl #3's possible reason for mentioning that she is multi-dating.

 

However, the only reason why I'm siding with Estate in this case is because she wanted him to take him to someplace expensive.

 

She sounds like a gold digger.

 

Why would she currently date 6 males, makes request to be treated financially like a queen, and still looking for other males while keeping the initial 6 around?

 

That doesn't sound right.

[SJC2008]

Look,

Tere's a bunch of responces here making wild assumptions not based on what I actually said.

How long have you been on loveshack??

 

One thing that stands out... Where did I ever say it was bad to date multiple people only if your a girl??

I ASSUME she is until we are exclusive...!

 

If the topic comes up after a few dates, sure, make it clear whether or not you are seeing other people. Then everyone knows where they stand.

 

Multi daters are cake eaters, They can't be alone and string people along and ghost once they meet somone better. I don't mind if a few dates overlap but after that you should focus on eachother. It doesn't mean you're exclusive but you know what I'm getting at.

 

 

But seriously... if someone sat across from you on a first date and said they were currently with 6 people.... is that a TURN ON for you? Guy or girl?

I really don't think you'd be impressed.

 

Agreed 100%, total turnoff and comes accross game playing. A simple "Until one of us asks to be exclusive we are free to date others and should be assumed we're doing so"

 

I assume she's dating other people but just coming out with that out of nowhere and saying 6, (not maybe just saying, I'm dating people and leaving it at that), then proceeding to tell me I need to take her to the most expensive places in town if I want her to continue seeing me as I am in direct competition with these guys?

 

Come on... what guy is ok with that? Desperate guys!

It's hard to meet quality people and people here will tell you it's you, especially if you don't take their advice. I'm not perfect and I know we have to look at ourselves to see who we attract but I stand my ground on it's hard to meet quality people. Yes age has a lot to do with it but age isn't always an indicator of emotional maturity, everyone knows that.

 

People aren't held accountable for their actions. I'm a man so I'm speaking about women when I say that men need to hold women accountable for their BS. When a woman flakes it's over. TBS I'm going to let her know, tactfully of course, that her behavior is unacceptable and that she did me a favor!

Edited April 24, 2013 by SJC2008

[TheBigQuestion]

Look,

Tere's a bunch of responces here making wild assumptions not based on what I actually said.

 

Of course there are. This is LoveShack. This is a place where most posters just project their neuroses onto the writings of others, and will rarely post advice or otherwise say anything that is actually responsive to the original poster. If you want your words twisted so you can have your character assailed, here is the place to be. Remember, we're only four pages into this thread and it's already been implied that you're an insecure, proverbially impotent man who is guilty of the high crime of "slut-shaming."

 

What you're venting about is understandable, and certainly worthy of a limited amount of frustration. The key word, however, is "limited." The poster who is telling you that you're bound to run into lots of flakey, entitled women at your desired age range is pretty much on the money. The best thing you can do is grin and bear it. Or you can mess with the ones whose behavior is particularly egregious. For example, if you're on a date at a restaurant and your date says something blatantly disrespectful or insulting, finish eating, excuse yourself to go to the bathroom, and just don't come back. I've never been on a date bad enough to justify ditching a woman and making her foot the entire bill, but you seem to be meeting enough flakes where it may be appropriate.

[Estate]

All good and valid points but you are going to be hard pressed to find a lot of women in the 18 - 25 age group who aren't going to be immature, self-absorb, shallow, superficial and these play silly games.

 

You just have to keep on trucking down the road, asking girls out until you run into one that is on the same page as you.

 

Liveandlearned... I know you mean well.... but for the like, 500 time...

I am not interested in that age group!

[Sith Apprentice]

These women are all attention wh0res, girl 3 was a gold digger, and girl 4 was sending you across town for a flake date. The only difference between you and me is I give women 1 chance as opposed to 3-4. Fook these clueless AFC's who are criticizing you.

Edited April 25, 2013 by Sith Apprentice

[HoneyBadgerDontCare]

That wasn't my point. My point was that it's gross, tactless, and flipping SKEEZY to assume that any girl who multidates is 'banging' every single guy she sees just because you're a itty bitty witty insecure guy who is afraid of competition.

 

I highly doubt that this girl who, GOD FORBID, mentioned she went out a date before him even KISSED these guys. But she gets s!ut shamed just because she had the audacity to mention that her date is not the only man in the world?

 

Please.

 

Likely, she brought it up because the first dates were bombs and was hoping he would mention some crappy dates he had recently went one and they could bond over some 'first date horror' stories.

 

Was it the smartest idea in the book. Nope. But doesn't mean she's a raging wh)re, either. Just makes the OP look like an immature sour grapes type. YMMW.

 

This has really nothing to do with the OP. You're definitely projecting on this one.

 

That's actually not likely in the context that the OP described it. It's more likely that she was trying to manipulate OP. No guy with any self-respect would put up with that.