Girls making it harder on themselves....

[Estate]

So here is an insight into the last few weeks in my dating life....

Why girls make it so hard on themselves to actually meet a great guy and throw it away with games, then complain there are no good guys... just defies me...

 

Girl 1 - Cancels times on me (Why I gave her 3 chances I'll never know, but she was hot I guess...). Deleted her number and wrote her off as a flake... I could have set my watch 3 days later to my phone buzzing "Hey stranger, how are you?"... seriously? Give me a break... You want a 4th chance? You had enough.

 

Girls 2 - Got her number, texted a bit and agreed to get drinks. Didn't here from her over two weekends and literally forgot about her... 7am this morning "Hey stranger, remember me? So I've decided to allow you buy me that drink, when are you free this week?"

Eh, I'm free, but not for you... I mean, how dumb does she think I am. Before anyone says "She wasn't that into you"... well... DUH! She thought she had better options, she was probably banging some other dude the last two weeks, now that hasn't worked out, good old Estate doesn't seem like a bad option... sorry love, I'm not somebodies Plan B.

Even if she tried making up an excuse and apologized for going missing I'd go easier on her but to actually make it sound like she was giving me the pleasure of taking her out? Hahaha....

 

Girl 3 - Agreed to meet up. She made if difficult to set a time. When we met she insisted on one of the most expensive places in town... sure, whatever, I work... proceeds to tell me that it was just so difficult to find time to set something up, she has been dating 6 other guys casually and is just so tired.

Seriously? So... I have the pleasure of paying at the most expensive place in town to show my worth against the 6 other guys you've banged that week?

What is even her game here... like has she ACTUALLY has been seeing 6 guys and actually thinks I'm going to chase her like a puppy to "win" her when she shows such little respect... or she's just saying it to DHV me? In which case, if it's the latter, telling me your banging 6 dudes is not much of a DHV.

Again, I wrote her off... and you'll never guess.... yes, set your watches... 3 days later... "Hey stranger...."

 

Girl 4 - Booty call... texts me late wanting to hook up. I was out with people. I told her to come over to where I was if she wanted to get together...

Tries to turn the table and tells me that when I wouldn't go all the way across town to her "You snooze you loose" and gets ratty. Seriously... I didn't need to go all that way... I had a much better night where I was. If she wants to booty call me, don't pretend like you are in control of me. I'm not literally a walking dick with a brain. I don't need to run across town to chase pussy on her terms.

 

Just a sampling of these girls lately... so in most cases, I guess they either think they have something better on the table, then come crawling back when the realize it doesn't work.... or else they pretend to have better options in order to make me chase when they are "hard to get".

 

Seriously? I don't need to chase them. Either they respect me and stop playing silly games and I'll take them out on the town for a great night, or don't waste my time. I've met at least 8 other girls I could set something up with in the space of time these girls have been wasting my time.

 

All that game playing and now they end up with nothing... individually all 4 of these girls actually seemed cool when I first met them and without all the games I'd probably have taken them on some pretty cool dates.

 

Rant over, thanks

[Els]

My honest opinion - they weren't that interested in you (except for booty call girl - I doubt any girl would travel across the city to get NSA sex, especially NSA sex that she had to initiate - much easier for women to get NSA sex wherever).

 

So, if they're not interested in you, I don't see how either of you are 'losing' anything or how they ended up with 'nothing'? Good on you for not letting them put you on the back burner. Good on them for not forcing something with no attraction. Next?

[xpaperxcutx]

A good judge of character should always come into play.

You are most certainly entitled to being bitter about these users but the most efficient way of letting them know you can't be used is to go silent on them even if they contact you. The best offense of playing games is not to play at all and that is to simply not indulge in any contact with them.

[whatsdone]

damn dood, where you finding these girls at? Nevertheless, you mentioned having 8 other prospects..why don't you go for them instead?

[HoneyBadgerDontCare]

My honest opinion - they weren't that interested in you (except for booty call girl - I doubt any girl would travel across the city to get NSA sex, especially NSA sex that she had to initiate - much easier for women to get NSA sex wherever).

 

So, if they're not interested in you, I don't see how either of you are 'losing' anything or how they ended up with 'nothing'? Good on you for not letting them put you on the back burner. Good on them for not forcing something with no attraction. Next?

 

I disagree.

 

IME, women are extremely entitled when it comes to dating. They want what they want and they want it now. The prettier the girl is, the worse she is.

 

OP, I don't think they were playing games (intentionally) and I do think they were interested. I just think that they weren't considering your feelings at all. They were acting on their emotions and what they wanted in the moment. The next moment, they may very well change their mind.

 

The best things you could do are:

 

1) Stop letting these girls get to you.

2) Stop paying for girls on dates that haven't earned it (and you don't need to anyway....we live in the hookup culture, rememeber? ).

3) Get your skills to a level where when one girls bails, another one is literally another conversation away (it seems like you get a lot of girls already....so this isn't far off for you, if you're not there already).

[tbf]

While I think it's a great idea to have some self-respect, I do have to question why it's okay for you to have so many options but not for these women to have same? So who's gaming who?

[Estate]

My honest opinion - they weren't that interested in you (except for booty call girl - I doubt any girl would travel across the city to get NSA sex, especially NSA sex that she had to initiate - much easier for women to get NSA sex wherever).

 

So, if they're not interested in you, I don't see how either of you are 'losing' anything or how they ended up with 'nothing'? Good on you for not letting them put you on the back burner. Good on them for not forcing something with no attraction. Next?

 

Well sure, I said it in my post... they most likely had other options they *thought* were better guys but surprise surprise, when those guys turned out to be lame, and they didn't have other options, I didn't seem like a bad option.

It's a bit sad though that they just assumed I was sitting around looking at my phone waiting for them... quite the contrary! I'm not gonna be anyone's 2nd best.

 

As far as NSA girl goes... it's the same story. SHE initiated contact looking for something. If I couldn't get it from anywhere else, sure, I'd be one of those guys to drop everything and run across town. But she initiated, I was out having fun with friends, I'm not desperate for sex in any way. I extended to offer to come over if she was looking for something but I'm not gonna drop my friends and people I was meeting just because she text.

With NSA, the person "looking for it" is never the person in control... very silly of her to try gain the control after texting... I have better things to do. For a girlfriend I might run across town but a FWB? No way...

 

A good judge of character should always come into play.

You are most certainly entitled to being bitter about these users but the most efficient way of letting them know you can't be used is to go silent on them even if they contact you. The best offense of playing games is not to play at all and that is to simply not indulge in any contact with them.

Of course, but I can only judge character by getting to know people... and in these cases, once I did, my assessment was they weren't worth my time.

I'm not bitter at all, I have no need to be, they had their shot and missed out. They just seem to expect the guy is waiting around for their call to take them out next time after blowing them off before... I'm just wondering why girls feel this way? Any decent guy is going to have more than a few options himself.

Don't worry, I'v already gone silent, and not in the hope of making them come back, they missed their shot.

 

damn dood, where you finding these girls at? Nevertheless, you mentioned having 8 other prospects..why don't you go for them instead?

Already have

[Estate]

While I think it's a great idea to have some self-respect, I do have to question why it's okay for you to have so many options but not for these women to have same? So who's gaming who?

 

It's all about tact man.

I don't blurt out to a women on a date "Oh yeah, I banged 6 other girls this week".

What a girl does is her own business but stating those things on a DATE is just tactless and too "gamey". Not very attractive.

[Estate]

Dude, how many times and different ways are you going to ask the same question? We have told you the answer to this question a hundred different times in all the various threads you created.

 

The answer to your question:

 

Most people in the 18 - 25 (and even older) age group do know who they are, what they want, what love is, etc. and they are in the midst of "sowing their wild oats", having fun, playing games, dating around, experiencing the worldm etc. all the while trying to figure it out.

 

Your possible solutions:

 

Either fish in different ponds (Church, Charity Events, Fundraisers, Community Service Projects, etc.) that attract people who are looking for / want what you want.

 

Or...

 

Stop looking for "the one", marriage, love, etc. and have "fun" and "sow your wild oats" yourself.

 

Or...

 

Give up dating till you and these women are older.

 

Or...

 

Date older women.

 

Those are your only choices! Which one are you going to choose?

 

I fail to understand why your results and the countless times we have told you this don't register with you yet.

 

I think you're confusing me with Sanitarium or someone... I don't see how this is related to any thread I've posted, and um... I haven't started a huge amount of threads.

 

Read my post again... I didn't ask how to get women... I can get women...

I was just stating... why do girls play games and "hard to get" only to loose the guy? It's a pretty dumb strategy.

[crude]

Those women are just basically playing the game of piling up the offers, weighing them, and going for the biggest $$$. Six guys might want to take her to a local restaurant, the 7th springs for a trip to Vegas, all expenses paid by him. He wins and she fades away from the other guys for that week. If the trip falls through, she's back on the market. Women love their FWB- fools with benefits.

[tbf]

It's all about tact man.

I don't blurt out to a women on a date "Oh yeah, I banged 6 other girls this week".

What a girl does is her own business but stating those things on a DATE is just tactless and too "gamey". Not very attractive.

So your point is focused around who has the better game?

[SJC2008]

I'll die alone before I play second fiddle to someone. I don't play games but that doesn't mean I come on strong and am clingy. I don't care anymore, when a woman doesn't show interest or plays games I call them out on it tactfully and if scares them off (it usually does) oh well, at least they know not all guys are pussy beggars who are gonna put up with their flakyness! This wil be my standard reply to any scenarios you were in "Lol seriously? You aren't the only ass in town honey".

[Estate]

So I'm not allowed post dating topics on a dating forum?

What's your point?

Half those threads were from weeks/months ago... I'd forgotten about most of those girls until you listed the threads TBH.

 

At least I'm trying to spark some conversation and debate instead of 17 "Do girls like my haircut" threads.

 

BTW, the fact you'd actually go to those lengths to follow and post off that is rather creepy.

 

Also, I really don't understand your advice. I never asked how to meet women. I don't understand why I should stop dating or date older people... you're age bracket is also completely off.

I'm a pretty good successful guy, I'll go after whatever I want.

This is just a subset of girls I've interacted with in the last 2 weeks or so... I've met some great girls too. My point wasn't a whiney, woe is me, point. It was to spark some debate over why the silly ones do the silly things.

 

I'll meet hundreds of these types of girls before I meet the right one. I'm not silly enough to engage with them in games, if they start, I move on... so I don't get why you're giving me such negative advice like give up on dating or date people I don't want to date... how does that make any sense?

Edited April 24, 2013 by Estate

[Silly24]

Welcome to dating.

 

It sucks and you will spend a great deal of time meeting weird people. You may even waste time dating someone for a while, only learn they are not a right fit.

 

It's just a part of the process.

 

I've learned to have a sense of humor about it and just remind myself, "I have another story to tell"....good times.

[outsidethebox]

How can a guy get so bent out of shape over a girl texting "hey stranger"?

 

And you go through numerous of these scenarios all the time leaving a trail of devastated girls in your wake? What is this Times Square where you do this stuff?

[HoneyBadgerDontCare]

OP, what are you looking for exactly?

 

"The one"?

 

Hookups?

 

Validation that you get girls?

 

Do you know?

[Estate]

Like the others in this thread, I am engaging you in conversation, answered your question, provided feedback, listed your available options, etc.

 

The options you gave me were to date wildly out of my age bracket. I feel this leads to even more incompatibility, I am not looking for a woman much older than me, just as I am not looking for a girl much younger than me... we are not compatible.

 

You're 2nd suggestion was the give up dating completely.... lol... what? Just be alone forever because I met a few girls who acted silly? lol.

 

Sorry I don't agree to those being the ONLY options. I think I can very easily meet and date girls in my own age bracket who ahve their head screwed on.

 

Next, the age bracket you put me in is totally wrong.

Also, you say EVERY girl of that age bracket is incapable of dating... some women are married with children at this age... this arguement does hold any water.

 

So there is your debate. Thanks for the input but those are NOT the only options and are NOT what I'm looking for.

 

And you're point about repeat posting? This is the FIRST topic of this kind... you had to go back MONTHS to even find any other threads I started. Get off your high horse.

[Estate]

OP, what are you looking for exactly?

 

"The one"?

 

Hookups?

 

Validation that you get girls?

 

Do you know?

 

Yes, I know exactly what I am looking for.

I'm picky, I know exactly what qualities I'm looking for in a woman (and no thy don't all revolve around looks) but if girls aren't measuring up... what? I should put a ring on it, just because I'm supposed to? Sorry but no.

 

I don't need more hookups, to be honest I'm tired of them. I'd like to meet someone with more potential than that to be honest.

[El Brujo]

Why girls make it so hard on themselves to actually meet a great guy and throw it away with games, then complain there are no good guys... just defies me...

 

I realize this is stretching the limits of the topic, but IME it's a catch-22. As long as women don't want to go against their programming by approaching men, they're not going to nab the good guys who happen to be shy. It really is up to the women: dare to break tradition, or remain a wallflower?

[hudson701]

I actually quite like this thread.

 

How do you get so many girls on the go at one time?

[Estate]

I actually quite like this thread.

 

How do you get so many girls on the go at one time?

 

I just talk to people anywhere. If they seem cool I'll get their number or ask them out.

There's really no method to it.

 

But if you meet lots of people you'll meet good and bad, but you won't really know that until you get to know them a little.

 

Sure, I could give up totally but I don't see why I should do that.

If I just met 1 girl a year I'd be more selective about getting to know people but Id really be risking and putting a lot on the line for that 1 person to be "it" which I found to be a bad strategy a long time ago.

 

If you meet more people I figure you increase your odds of meeting someone really great, the only point I had was it gets frustrating because the more you meet the more selective you become about actually wanting to persue anything with them unless they are really great, a lot of girls just seem to over inflate their own worth and girls I'd initiallly be interested in, totally blow it by playing sillly games and trying too hard to be seen as elusive.

 

The "Hey stranger" girl is still texting me today to take her out but is still trying to be "in control" by acting like she is the prize... well, I'm not the one chasing this, if she was a little more nice about it I might consider it, but really she missed the boat 2 weeks ago by playing overly hard to get. Maybe a lot of guys would be sitting around waiting for her but qualities guys won't. As long as she plays these silly girl games, she'll only get the losers who actually take her out... so my original question was, why make it so hard on yourself?

 

I don't know why people keep giving me dating advice, I don't need it and it wasn't my question, its why girls liketo play games like hard to get so much that they'll actually loose the good guys because the good ones have other options and don't need to wait around. Yet the same girls will complain the guys they DO date are losers... welll... when they have a chance with a good one, they blow it!

[Silly24]

You're 2nd suggestion was the give up dating completely.... lol... what? Just be alone forever because I met a few girls who acted silly? lol.

 

Sorry I don't agree to those being the ONLY options. I think I can very easily meet and date girls in my own age bracket who ahve their head screwed on.

 

You've answered your own question silly....

[pbjbear]

People online are soooooooooooooooo flakey! The end.

[Emilia]

If I just met 1 girl a year I'd be more selective about getting to know people but Id really be risking and putting a lot on the line for that 1 person to be "it" which I found to be a bad strategy a long time ago.

 

If you meet more people I figure you increase your odds of meeting someone really great, the only point I had was it gets frustrating because the more you meet the more selective you become about actually wanting to persue anything with them unless they are really great, a lot of girls just seem to over inflate their own worth and girls I'd initiallly be interested in, totally blow it by playing sillly games and trying too hard to be seen as elusive.

 

The "Hey stranger" girl is still texting me today to take her out but is still trying to be "in control" by acting like she is the prize... well, I'm not the one chasing this, if she was a little more nice about it I might consider it, but really she missed the boat 2 weeks ago by playing overly hard to get. Maybe a lot of guys would be sitting around waiting for her but qualities guys won't. As long as she plays these silly girl games, she'll only get the losers who actually take her out... so my original question was, why make it so hard on yourself?

 

I don't know why people keep giving me dating advice, I don't need it and it wasn't my question, its why girls liketo play games like hard to get so much that they'll actually loose the good guys because the good ones have other options and don't need to wait around. Yet the same girls will complain the guys they DO date are losers... welll... when they have a chance with a good one, they blow it!

 

I think they sense that there is competition. The good ones walk away, the insecure with low self-esteem stay. This is the trouble with a game mentality. You don't get the good ones stick around.

[RedRobin]

I just talk to people anywhere. If they seem cool I'll get their number or ask them out.

There's really no method to it.

 

But if you meet lots of people you'll meet good and bad, but you won't really know that until you get to know them a little.

 

Sure, I could give up totally but I don't see why I should do that.

If I just met 1 girl a year I'd be more selective about getting to know people but Id really be risking and putting a lot on the line for that 1 person to be "it" which I found to be a bad strategy a long time ago.

 

If you meet more people I figure you increase your odds of meeting someone really great, the only point I had was it gets frustrating because the more you meet the more selective you become about actually wanting to persue anything with them unless they are really great, a lot of girls just seem to over inflate their own worth and girls I'd initiallly be interested in, totally blow it by playing sillly games and trying too hard to be seen as elusive.

 

The "Hey stranger" girl is still texting me today to take her out but is still trying to be "in control" by acting like she is the prize... well, I'm not the one chasing this, if she was a little more nice about it I might consider it, but really she missed the boat 2 weeks ago by playing overly hard to get. Maybe a lot of guys would be sitting around waiting for her but qualities guys won't. As long as she plays these silly girl games, she'll only get the losers who actually take her out... so my original question was, why make it so hard on yourself?

 

I don't know why people keep giving me dating advice, I don't need it and it wasn't my question, its why girls liketo play games like hard to get so much that they'll actually loose the good guys because the good ones have other options and don't need to wait around. Yet the same girls will complain the guys they DO date are losers... welll... when they have a chance with a good one, they blow it!

 

I'm having a hard time understanding your concern.

 

You have multiple women you are talking to, but have a problem with women who aren't chasing you? What is the balance here?

 

How is it playing hard to get or game playing when you are just getting to know someone?

 

When I'm just getting to know someone, I'm not texting them or calling them non stop.

 

Smart women know that when they do that, the guy is going to start with the lets have sex ASAP pressure (whether they really like the girl or not), and it all goes downhill from there.

 

It's not game playing. It is pacing things so that it doesn't get out of hand or send the wrong message while she is getting to know you. Why is that so difficult? Especially when you are doing the same thing?