Praying4Peace Posted April 28, 2013 Posted April 28, 2013 I guess another difference you can point out that I forget is that the majority of the posters on this forum are OW, meaning their mates are MM. After reading some posts here on and by MMs, I see a big difference in their thinking vs mines. Back to square one. Do you think MM's and OM's are more alike (by virtue of male brain/feelings) OR that OM's and OW's are more alike (bc they are both single)? Been thinking about that one.... (Or here's a third option- dumper vs. dumpee)
Author ViresSanctity Posted April 28, 2013 Author Posted April 28, 2013 I am still very interested in hearing your perspective. Everyone's perspective is important and you never know what someone is going to pull out of it. We really are just a bunch of anonymous strangers try to help each other out in a difficult situation. And I'd be glad to
Author ViresSanctity Posted April 28, 2013 Author Posted April 28, 2013 Do you think MM's and OM's are more alike (by virtue of male brain/feelings) OR that OM's and OW's are more alike (bc they are both single)? Been thinking about that one.... (Or here's a third option- dumper vs. dumpee) OM - are a mix of both. Men are hunters by nature, in that sense OM and MM are similar... but that's as far as our personalities go before diverging... I have to think harder about this one.
Author ViresSanctity Posted April 29, 2013 Author Posted April 29, 2013 Woke up this morning with a semi-panic feeling. I texted my OW last night when I was drunk and thought I was dreaming about it. When I saw it, I was praying that it was the wrong number this morning that I punched in. I've seen her number so often this past week I couldn't get it out of my mind. Never doubt the memory that surfaces from a drunk person. She texted me back at her usual time when she wakes up. I called her to tell her it was a mistake and... the rest was history. I know exactly what I'm doing right now but I can't control it. Her voice took me back. Her one question, "Do you know how much I love you?" Made my entire insides weak. She already called in to get off early at work tonight to meet me... Do you want to know the difference between men and women? I talked the big talk all week but I couldn't do it. Men always talk big.
DelusionalOne Posted April 29, 2013 Posted April 29, 2013 Ah how the might have fallen . LOL I'm just kidding. Someone you love and miss just told you that they love and miss you too. You would have to be made of stone not to respond. Just keep reminding yourself that nothing has really changed and what you are getting yourself back into. In my frame of mind today, there is actually a part that envies you.
Author ViresSanctity Posted April 29, 2013 Author Posted April 29, 2013 Ah how the might have fallen . LOL I'm just kidding. Someone you love and miss just told you that they love and miss you too. You would have to be made of stone not to respond. Just keep reminding yourself that nothing has really changed and what you are getting yourself back into. In my frame of mind today, there is actually a part that envies you. What triggered your frame of mine today?
DelusionalOne Posted April 29, 2013 Posted April 29, 2013 What triggered your frame of mine today? I have no idea. Never figured it out. I just am so incredibly sad today. Feels like week one NC and I got nothing accomplished today.
Author ViresSanctity Posted April 29, 2013 Author Posted April 29, 2013 (edited) I have no idea. Never figured it out. I just am so incredibly sad today. Feels like week one NC and I got nothing accomplished today. I know exactly what you mean. I got very little accomplished all week from my NC. After talking with my MW today, I got my production up 100x. I'm near my State Board exam for cosmetology and to be honest, I'm very frightened of failing it in the state I was in. Is there ever a good time for NC? Edited April 29, 2013 by ViresSanctity
Author ViresSanctity Posted May 1, 2013 Author Posted May 1, 2013 (edited) Whelp, I dropped by and picked her up. We didn't talk the whole way in the car and I got lost half-way through. It was really awkward. We went to the dive bar to talk. This was the place where our platonic friendship went up a level and the place I first kissed her. Once we sat down with our beers, she started talking about the weather to me. I got pretty frustrated at our pretending not to care so I grabbed her sit and dragged it over to me, and held her close to me. "I missed ya," I said. So this is how our conversation went: She was still at odds about leaning her head on my shoulder and fighting back the urge to get intimate with me. I think it had something to do with what I last texted her. So she finally said, "I know I still love you a lot so I can't be selfish. You're right, you have to find someone who deserves you. You're still young and got a full life ahead. You don't want to be stuck waiting on a woman who's married." "I just wanted to see you this last time to tell you this. Then maybe we'll see each other once a month, until you can slowly get over me. I know if we stop seeing and talking to each other suddenly, we can't handle it." Her logic really made me laugh. Like I wasn't trying to be cute about it. I seriously couldn't hold it in. She was talking about weening each other off like prescription medication No matter how wrong I know this relationship was, I told her this and also myself: We can lie in our words and we can lie with our body language if we're good, but we can't lie about our feelings. I still doubt if we can get over each other in a few months. She wanted to go NC on me for 6 months and she could barely handle 1 week apart from me. I know she was lying when she told me this. There was no way we could get over each other in 6 months. We knew each other for 6 months. She listened to me closely when I told her this, and I asked her, "I'm going to say this one more time. If you think you won't regret making this decision, then I won't stop you just like I didn't the first time. I don't think it's wrong for me and you to stop our affair, but I just don't want you to regret it for the rest of your life, just like you regretted breaking up before this. Do you want to go through with this?" She stayed silent and didn't say anything. Instead of being upfront and done with it, anyone listening to me could plainly tell I was encouraging it by not ending it myself. So we kissed and we knew this wasn't ending. But I didn't like where this was going. So I wanted to force D-Day that night. I told her this and she thought I was joking but I was dead serious. The whole entire time on the car I told her I was doing it. As I dropped her off at the location to meet her husband, I parked right in front of his car and it freaked her out. He wasn't supposed to know we met up. I saw his head peering at us and she looked at me. It was like she saw a ghost. I got a hold of myself and realized how bonkers it was. She ran out of the car and headed into the gas station. I drove home and waived to her husband. Edited May 1, 2013 by ViresSanctity
Author ViresSanctity Posted May 1, 2013 Author Posted May 1, 2013 (edited) Up at nearly 2:00 in the morning with the same anxieties again. When I was apart from her I felt depressed, but with her again I get anxious. I wonder where the h*ll am I going but I can't stop the wheels. I used to worry about my OW's past, until I met her girlfriend and talked to her family from back home. It confirmed in my mind in a way that yes, she is a real person. Every time I come nearer to knowing her, more questions pop up. But after seeing her again this week, I'm starting to believe that her love for me is probably the biggest truth she's told me since I've known her. That night I told her I was going to confess to her husband about us answered a lot of questions on my mind. I asked if she would leave me if I told him. Scared as she was, she told me she'd be right beside me if I did. That's when I felt foolish in pushing for the D-Day and dropped it. I had to think that there are other people outside of our affair and the damage I've already caused. I felt so bad when I saw her husband in that car. I felt so bad seeing him in there though, I couldn't imagine the pain that he'd go through knowing about it. He has a pretty geekish look to him, the kind of guy that get's bullied a lot by guys in high school. If you weren't a bully, you'd feel bad hurting guys like that too. I don't want to take anything from him if I could help it. Seeing him I understand why she wants to work it out her own way and settle things amiably with him before divorcing. I didn't care if he came over and hit me. I'd felt deserving of it. Not that I would let him hit her, but I wonder if she did? I'm hoping she would feel an even greater sense of guilt than me and not shift the blame to anyone else. I want to know that despite our shortcomings to live up to human standards, she still has a human heart that I believe she does and one I fell in love with. We talked further than night on the phone to settle our unfinished dispute before the NC. We cleared the air and agreed we wouldn't back track like that again by making some compromises in our personalities for each other. I basically lectured her and told her she needs to see not only other's faults but hers as well. Admitting our mistakes is not a weakness, but it's something she rarely does. But I got her to admit a lot that night so it's progress. I have money to afford a new house but I found the most broken one (our relationship) in the neighborhood and now I'm trying to repair it. The thing is it's even costlier this way. And this isn't some moral of the story where I end it saying it's all worth it in the end because of love. It probably isn't. No it's not at all. Edited May 1, 2013 by ViresSanctity
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