Goodbye Posted April 26, 2013 Posted April 26, 2013 She sent me a wall of text today. I have no way of blocking my texts. I almost memorized it right now when I saw her big digits pop up on my screen. I had to save her number to a name until I find a better way to fix this. I have a feeling she memorized my number even after I told her to delete it. Here's the text, "How did me and you get to this point? I know me and you are separated! But deep down I never wanted to lose you. I miss you so much, do you know that? I know the two of us have really big egos and neither of us are willing to contact the other. I'm not texting you with the hope that we'll be together again. I just hope we can at least talk. We've had one week to think about a lot of things. Think it over and then reply to me. You are the one person closest to me and also the first person I've met since moving here to California. I don't want anything bad happening between us anymore." Sounds like she just wants cake? It's really pissing me off. Let it piss you off. That helps you to move on. Delete the text and try not to waste anymore emotional energy on it.
lynn1954 Posted April 26, 2013 Posted April 26, 2013 She sent me a wall of text today. I have no way of blocking my texts. I almost memorized it right now when I saw her big digits pop up on my screen. I had to save her number to a name until I find a better way to fix this. I have a feeling she memorized my number even after I told her to delete it. Here's the text, "How did me and you get to this point? I know me and you are separated! But deep down I never wanted to lose you. I miss you so much, do you know that? I know the two of us have really big egos and neither of us are willing to contact the other. I'm not texting you with the hope that we'll be together again. I just hope we can at least talk. We've had one week to think about a lot of things. Think it over and then reply to me. You are the one person closest to me and also the first person I've met since moving here to California. I don't want anything bad happening between us anymore." Don't answer the text. Just ignore it. You know that No Contact is what's good for you. Stay strong. Don't even waste your energy being pissed off. Think neutral. Stop thinking about the text, stop thinking about her.
Author ViresSanctity Posted April 26, 2013 Author Posted April 26, 2013 Lets go through this wall of total mindf^&&^kery shall we? Somehow you really convinced me to really like your way of thinking. It gives everyone closure and respect without me feeling attached.
Praying4Peace Posted April 26, 2013 Posted April 26, 2013 Thanks VS. I would have loved to tell you to get pissed off, get really pissed off or better yet indifferent...but I know you aren't really there and it would be with your words but not your heart. Then, if you were NC for real- you'd hit that "bargaining" stage and go nuts thinking if only you weren't so mean, blah blah blah. The real anger *will* come (or so I'm told!) and then your silence will be the best 'piss off' statement ever. 1
Author ViresSanctity Posted April 27, 2013 Author Posted April 27, 2013 Thanks VS. I would have loved to tell you to get pissed off, get really pissed off or better yet indifferent...but I know you aren't really there and it would be with your words but not your heart. Then, if you were NC for real- you'd hit that "bargaining" stage and go nuts thinking if only you weren't so mean, blah blah blah. The real anger *will* come (or so I'm told!) and then your silence will be the best 'piss off' statement ever. I don't want to hit any stage but forgetfulness stage lol. I'm really glad I said what I said. I think she's backing off in her own way. She still made me no promises. She replied later today: I know the both of us still love each other a lot. Because I love you, I have to think about your happiness first. You are a good person and are worth someone better than me. I know I bring you a lot of pain because I have a family. Honestly, I have a really hard time getting over you. Hopefully with time, the pain will get better. By that time I still wish we can keep our friendship. She is going to get so fat over all this cake.
Praying4Peace Posted April 27, 2013 Posted April 27, 2013 She is going to get so fat over all this cake. btw- you know you two are not in NC anymore...right?
Author ViresSanctity Posted April 27, 2013 Author Posted April 27, 2013 btw- you know you two are not in NC anymore...right? All your fault.
Author ViresSanctity Posted April 27, 2013 Author Posted April 27, 2013 Honestly, I don't feel any different. If anything, what I said to her reinforced my level of confidence to break apart from her. NC is just a means to separate us from what keeps us from healing. I don't think it's the only method.
whichwayisup Posted April 27, 2013 Posted April 27, 2013 You two can never be friends. It's just too painful and confusing. One cannot live life like that, you know how you feel now, all over the place..it's unhealthy and totally will prevent you from opening your heart to another woman in the future. It's time to let go, close that door, slam it shut! Throw away the key. 1
Author ViresSanctity Posted April 27, 2013 Author Posted April 27, 2013 First thing... if you want her to stop texting you and can't block the text, every time you get a text from her IMMEDIATELY type and respond. Your message could not be delivered because the recipient has blocked this number. That should stop it. Cake? Maybe. Mostly she probably experiencing the same thing the rest of us are out here...withdrawal. She wants to "friend-zone" you so she can gradually withdraw....and besides that, if you are her friend then you can't possibly hate her, right? If you are her friend than she can't be a bad person. Friend-zoning you is all about her and nothing about you. It is selfish. I can't tell you what is going thru her mind and what she really wants. This is just my perspective on the whole thing. Don't anyone take it the wrong way, but I get at least half a picture of what you're saying about her from reading half the ladies' posts here. If it's of any help, you can get a perspective of what your male xAP is thinking of you when you do this to him from me.
Praying4Peace Posted April 27, 2013 Posted April 27, 2013 Honestly, I don't feel any different. If anything, what I said to her reinforced my level of confidence to break apart from her. NC is just a means to separate us from what keeps us from healing. I don't think it's the only method. No I agree. There are things that have to be said before NC. Otherwise it's more hellish.
Author ViresSanctity Posted April 27, 2013 Author Posted April 27, 2013 I finally have the energy today to focus on my tasks and multi even. Yes the pain and withdrawal is still there but it's not crippling anymore. I wish my xAP the best but I can't split my attention to her right now. It's so important that I be self-interested in myself right now and get better. She sent me another follow up text last night before I went to bed, sort of her pseudo-goodbye text. She won't be bothering me anymore... for now. She'll call me back in the future when she believes we're both healed of our wounds and be friends. I don't in all honesty want that. I was a bit annoyed by her denial and felt sorry for her at the same time. I didn't reply and I'm not considering her foot in the door proposal. She states that we are friends now and recommends I call her whenever I'm sad or happy. Definitely not just friends yet or ever.
Goodbye Posted April 27, 2013 Posted April 27, 2013 I finally have the energy today to focus on my tasks and multi even. Yes the pain and withdrawal is still there but it's not crippling anymore. I wish my xAP the best but I can't split my attention to her right now. It's so important that I be self-interested in myself right now and get better. She sent me another follow up text last night before I went to bed, sort of her pseudo-goodbye text. She won't be bothering me anymore... for now. She'll call me back in the future when she believes we're both healed of our wounds and be friends. I don't in all honesty want that. I was a bit annoyed by her denial and felt sorry for her at the same time. I didn't reply and I'm not considering her foot in the door proposal. She states that we are friends now and recommends I call her whenever I'm sad or happy. Definitely not just friends yet or ever. Or she'll call you in the future when she is bored in her marriage or unsatisfied in some way. Glad you are doing better. Onward! 1
Praying4Peace Posted April 27, 2013 Posted April 27, 2013 I finally have the energy today to focus on my tasks and multi even. Yes the pain and withdrawal is still there but it's not crippling anymore. I wish my xAP the best but I can't split my attention to her right now. It's so important that I be self-interested in myself right now and get better. She sent me another follow up text last night before I went to bed, sort of her pseudo-goodbye text. She won't be bothering me anymore... for now. She'll call me back in the future when she believes we're both healed of our wounds and be friends. I don't in all honesty want that. I was a bit annoyed by her denial and felt sorry for her at the same time. I didn't reply and I'm not considering her foot in the door proposal. She states that we are friends now and recommends I call her whenever I'm sad or happy. Definitely not just friends yet or ever. Wow. She's so not over you. Let's see how long she lasts. And you know what, I don't care if you're getting an ego stroke because of all this. You deserve it. Now have fun getting stuff done since you have the energy today! 1
Author ViresSanctity Posted April 27, 2013 Author Posted April 27, 2013 Or she'll call you in the future when she is bored in her marriage or unsatisfied in some way. Glad you are doing better. Onward! I don't think she'll ever be happy in her marriage as long as they have the same argument I overhear on the phone almost every night "Pick up your clothes." "Why do I always have to clean up after you?" "You're always sleeping!" "You never shower!" "I can't continue to live with you if you don't start acting like a grown man." She just wants cake.
Author ViresSanctity Posted April 27, 2013 Author Posted April 27, 2013 Wow. She's so not over you. Let's see how long she lasts. And you know what, I don't care if you're getting an ego stroke because of all this. You deserve it. Now have fun getting stuff done since you have the energy today! Thank you. You're a doll.
spice4life Posted April 27, 2013 Posted April 27, 2013 I don't think she'll ever be happy in her marriage as long as they have the same argument I overhear on the phone almost every night "Pick up your clothes." "Why do I always have to clean up after you?" "You're always sleeping!" "You never shower!" "I can't continue to live with you if you don't start acting like a grown man." She just wants cake. Good thing you ended it because while she may not say those negative dysfunctional things to you, she would certainly find something to tear you down with eventually. The fact that she chooses to stay stuck in that dysfunctional cycle is on her and you should be relishing in the fact that you are free to take your life in any direction you choose. I know it's a loss, but once you've grieved it your thinking will switch to WTH was I thinking?! Don't allow yourself to become her emotional whipping post. Unfortunately, her husband is stuck with that role until he wises up. You're lucky to be free, without any attachments, to make your own choices. 1
DelusionalOne Posted April 27, 2013 Posted April 27, 2013 Don't anyone take it the wrong way, but I get at least half a picture of what you're saying about her from reading half the ladies' posts here. If it's of any help, you can get a perspective of what your male xAP is thinking of you when you do this to him from me. I would be very interested in your perspective on this from a male point of you and I am sure others on this board would be interested too. For me it wouldn't really be relative because on D-Day he ended it. I loved him enough to go quickly and quietly without any drama(in spite of the fact that he threw me under the bus to save his own ass) when in actuality I could have given his W enough info that after the divorce he'd be shuffling down the sidewalk in his bedroom slippers and robe! I avoided responding to the breadcrumbs he was tossing to me because I knew where they would lead... back to a place that wasn't good for either of us....and in response all he did was replace me with another OW. So quite frankly, I really don't give a rat's furry ass what my male xAP is thinking of me when I do this because his opinion of me means nothing now. 3
DelusionalOne Posted April 27, 2013 Posted April 27, 2013 Please excuse my typo's above! I hate typing on my iPhone! Relevant not relative Point of view not point of you Geeze! 1
Praying4Peace Posted April 28, 2013 Posted April 28, 2013 True. I'm still struggling with being the one who ended it. I noticed VS talked about "relief" that his OW imposed NC and took the deciding our of his hands (even though urns nor been strict NC). But VS didn't have any decision making power in his hands. He's single. She's married. He's made it clear that he would be with her openly if she were single. The only decision making power he has is to not remain in an affair and to go NC, which she doesn't want...she wants to be "friends".
Author ViresSanctity Posted April 28, 2013 Author Posted April 28, 2013 I woke up with this huge craving for my MW today. I had a dream of us making up again. We were fugitives on the run (gee I wonder), and we were helped out by a friend to find us a remote location to live our life out together. We were happy together as always in the dream. I couldn't make out the other part of my dream, but I saw my sister who passed away visiting us in the dream. The girls were sharing delicate items with each other and discussing about perfume. It felt like a whole family with just them two. I miss making loving with you so much right now.
spice4life Posted April 28, 2013 Posted April 28, 2013 Don't take this as a slam, but you were probably just horney so it will pass and reality will set in once again. 2
Author ViresSanctity Posted April 28, 2013 Author Posted April 28, 2013 Don't take this as a slam, but you were probably just horney so it will pass and reality will set in once again. Glad I'm still working
Author ViresSanctity Posted April 28, 2013 Author Posted April 28, 2013 I would be very interested in your perspective on this from a male point of you and I am sure others on this board would be interested too. For me it wouldn't really be relative because on D-Day he ended it. I loved him enough to go quickly and quietly without any drama(in spite of the fact that he threw me under the bus to save his own ass) when in actuality I could have given his W enough info that after the divorce he'd be shuffling down the sidewalk in his bedroom slippers and robe! I avoided responding to the breadcrumbs he was tossing to me because I knew where they would lead... back to a place that wasn't good for either of us....and in response all he did was replace me with another OW. So quite frankly, I really don't give a rat's furry ass what my male xAP is thinking of me when I do this because his opinion of me means nothing now. I guess another difference you can point out that I forget is that the majority of the posters on this forum are OW, meaning their mates are MM. After reading some posts here on and by MMs, I see a big difference in their thinking vs mines. Back to square one.
DelusionalOne Posted April 28, 2013 Posted April 28, 2013 (edited) I guess another difference you can point out that I forget is that the majority of the posters on this forum are OW, meaning their mates are MM. After reading some posts here on and by MMs, I see a big difference in their thinking vs mines. Back to square one. I am still very interested in hearing your perspective. Everyone's perspective is important and you never know what someone is going to pull out of it. We really are just a bunch of anonymous strangers try to help each other out in a difficult situation. Edited April 28, 2013 by DelusionalOne 2
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