Ashley_SW6 Posted April 23, 2013 Posted April 23, 2013 I posted on here two days ago, about my 2 year relationship with my Ex ending. I said that it was out of the blue, and that one day she just said "I only see you as a friend now." Since then, I have seen her, and I asked her why she suddenly came to that conclusion. She felt that we was drifting apart, which I suppose I can understand. I asked her if she would let me put it right, because I love her more than anything and anyone in the world. She doesn't see me that way anymore, and that hurts me. She told me she still loves me as much as she did when we were together, but just can't help but see me as a friend. I've told her that I will do everything I can to make her happy again, providing she gives me the opportunity. At first she was telling me no, it won't happen. But she has now decided to think things over. She wants me to see her Thursday to discuss it. Even though she seems pretty adamant that we can only be friends now, now that she has decided to think things over again, does any of you feel that she may change her mind? Like I said, she told me she still loves me as much as ever. When I see her thursday, do you think it's possible that I'd be able to sort things out with her? A brief overview of the relationship until we split up - We very rarely argued. We talked about futures together, I'd take her out a lot, whether it was a fancy restaurant, or a trip to the beach. We never really had any problems, but she felt that in the end, I wasn't seeing her as much, which I can understand to a certain extent. But I was busy a lot recently. She is my first proper girlfriend and I can't bare to lose her, she is everything to me and I want your opinions on whether or not I stand a chance with her again? (Not sure if this means anything, but the first time I saw her after the break up, about 3 days after, she was still wearing a bracelet I got her months ago with the date we got together and a personal message engraved into it.) Does that mean something perhaps? Thanks for your time everyone!
KatZee Posted April 23, 2013 Posted April 23, 2013 She told you that she views you as a friend and that she didn't see you the same way anymore. You have since been begging for her back. In the dumper's eyes, you come off really needy, and kind of desperate. Right now she just feels sorry for you. This is harsh, but it's true. You also want to be with someone who WANTS to be with you back, not someone who was convinced to be with you, not someone who was guilted back into the relationship. That's the card you're playing with right now. You should just let her go. Let her go be single, and let her see what life is like without you. Grasping at air, and saying you can't lose her is selfish and unrealistic thinking. You can't force anyone to be with you no matter how much you promise to change, or make her happy, or whatever. The person either feels something for you, or they don't. And if you guys don't get back together, you WILL still go on and you WILL meet other girls and you WILL date those other girls. I think you've said all you could say, and she agreed to meet up with you to talk, but if she still says she doesn't want to be with you, you need to let her go. 3
ThatJustHappened Posted April 23, 2013 Posted April 23, 2013 Kat hit the nail on the head. That's pretty much exactly what I was going to say..you can't talk someone into loving you. Either she wants to be with you or not, and if she says no, you need leave her alone and cut her out of your life so you can heal properly. 1
Author Ashley_SW6 Posted April 23, 2013 Author Posted April 23, 2013 As much as I want her back, she's the one who has contacted me first each day. I've tried to not come across as that, but she asks me to meet with her, and I'm glad she has, but I haven't texted her/called her non stop. I find the situation difficult, and as much as I find it hard not to talk to her, she is the one who will talk to me first. I'm not just going to ignore her when i want to sort things out...
Author Ashley_SW6 Posted April 23, 2013 Author Posted April 23, 2013 I know, like I said, this is my first proper relationship, and we worked so well together so to be told one day I'm just a friend hurt, alot. If she has decided on thursday she doesn't want to be with me still, then fine. But, it came out of the blue, she never gave me a chance to talk things through, and that kind of confused me. I understand where you're coming from though, it's just something I've never dealt with before.
OzHeartache Posted April 24, 2013 Posted April 24, 2013 Great words KatZee.... This is so my situation right now......Just wish I knew how to lift myself up to be able to do it.... Obviously gave too much of myself in the RS and now I've got nothing left for myself "self esteem, self love etc" (or so it feels) to put it into action... I am still in Limbo as I've openly asked her if its over last time we spoke and I have been giving her the "space" she wanted and she said no she needs more time (so have been NC for just over 2 weeks now) , I know I need to look at it as though its over and move on (for my own sanity) but Miss her and what we have/had so much its hard to do it She told you that she views you as a friend and that she didn't see you the same way anymore. You have since been begging for her back. In the dumper's eyes, you come off really needy, and kind of desperate. Right now she just feels sorry for you. This is harsh, but it's true. You also want to be with someone who WANTS to be with you back, not someone who was convinced to be with you, not someone who was guilted back into the relationship. That's the card you're playing with right now. You should just let her go. Let her go be single, and let her see what life is like without you. Grasping at air, and saying you can't lose her is selfish and unrealistic thinking. You can't force anyone to be with you no matter how much you promise to change, or make her happy, or whatever. The person either feels something for you, or they don't. And if you guys don't get back together, you WILL still go on and you WILL meet other girls and you WILL date those other girls. I think you've said all you could say, and she agreed to meet up with you to talk, but if she still says she doesn't want to be with you, you need to let her go.
KatZee Posted April 24, 2013 Posted April 24, 2013 As much as I want her back, she's the one who has contacted me first each day. I've tried to not come across as that, but she asks me to meet with her, and I'm glad she has, but I haven't texted her/called her non stop. I find the situation difficult, and as much as I find it hard not to talk to her, she is the one who will talk to me first. I'm not just going to ignore her when i want to sort things out... This is what A LOT of dumpers do. They want out of the relationship, but at the same time, just getting rid of someone they've spent years with is hard. So instead of going cold turkey, they continue to contact the dumpee. They are fine with the breakup and they think a "friendship" is possible. She's not contacting you telling you she wants you back. She's using you as a cushion to ease her own guilt and to lessen the blow of the breakup. Once she's completely over it, guaranteed you'll stop hearing from her. Since you keep reciprocating and engaging in this pseudo-relationship, she gets to say to herself, "I broke up with him and he's fine. He doesn't hate me. I'm not a bad person, I did nothing wrong." She may be a great person, but it's really selfish for her to dump you and the continue tossing those breadcrumbs at you. It's going to give you hope that's not there, and you're not going to move on at all. You're going to keep pining away and holding the torch for her. You need to stop contacting her. Being a "friend" right now will put you right in the friend zone. She's not going to see how awesome you are, she's not going to miss you or see what she lost. You're the new buddy! The new best friend! Look how cool you are filling that role now. She needs to be completely away from you. No contact. Only then will she realize if she made a mistake. 1
CompleteFailure Posted April 24, 2013 Posted April 24, 2013 I hate what KatZee has posted in here because it forces me to look at my own situation through their words and realize all the mistakes I continuously make. OP don't make those mistakes, you will end up suffering more and being more depressed. 3
ThatJustHappened Posted April 24, 2013 Posted April 24, 2013 KatZee is a pretty smart cookie..heed her words wisely. 1
OwlSoul Posted April 24, 2013 Posted April 24, 2013 She is my first proper girlfriend and I can't bare to lose her, she is everything to me and I want your opinions on whether or not I stand a chance with her again? Welp, what's your gut feeling saying if you'd imagine the future? What do you dream at night? Your subconcious might see whether there is a future with her or not. Before talking about chances, you should realize that she is not your everything. You're most likely to be happy without her in the future. Stay in touch with reality.
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