jab101 Posted April 23, 2013 Posted April 23, 2013 (edited) My ex's nickname I gave her is "*****." ***** and I met and connected because of our light hearted flirtation, fun, and excitement. We were happy then. Our personalities fit so well together. When the romance progressed we developed routines. Everything was comfortable and beautiful. The thing is, she's impulsive and acts on emotions without thinking. She decided to ignore me when she went back to her hometown for the week. When she came back, I understood what was happening, or I thought I did, so I confronted her. She said she didnt feel it anymore. We broke up. Two days later she writes me a L O N G note. She mentioned that she misses me and loves me and it was stupid of her to make the brainless decision to move. She ended up staying and asked me back. I mentally prepared myself to be single. I wasn't over her, but I got rid of the idea that we were still in love. When she asked me back I said I would be willing to try again. It would take me a while to find that romance again after all that preparation for being single. This is where MY mistake comes in. Instead of looking to the beginning of our relationship as an example for finding the romance, I jumped us back into old routines, thinking all would be well, but things of course got bland this way. We got together last night and communicated everything. We discussed why things went the way they did, the mistakes we made, and we agreed on it all, ESPECIALLY this: we just wanted things to be like they were when we first met. Light hearted, fun, flirty, exciting. We were so happy, but unlike me, she's too emotionally discouraged by what had happened to try again, so we broke up and decided to stay friends. Here's where I'm torn. We KNOW what went wrong. We KNOW how we used to be, and by logic, I feel like we can overcome this and move on in the way that would make us both extremely happy. I want to tell her that our relationship wasn't founded on friendship or emotion. It was founded on fun, sensual, flirty excitement. Everything else came naturally after. I want to tell her that even though we are emotionally exhausted, we should keep that dynamic in our relationship together. We should go out and have lightheated, simple, casual fun the way we used to, no strings attached, no titles, no intentions, as just two single people, and if any feelings arrived again, we'd keep the dynamic the same. Simple and fun, the way we wanted it to be all along, and we can take our relationship day by day, no plans for commitment unless we know for sure we can work it out. I feel like because we communicated that this is what we want the most, it would be easy to confront her on this and she would be accepting, but on the other hand, her discouragement might scare her away from trying this. So should I take the chance and tell her and face the fear of instant rejection, or should I create this fun atmosphere without telling her and just let it happen? In that case I'd face the fear of all HER fears racing back as she starts enjoying it again, and I'd get rejected because of those fears later. Should I communicate so maybe she won't be so afraid? Or should I let it happen without communicating and go with the flow? Edited April 24, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
ForeverHopeful1 Posted April 24, 2013 Posted April 24, 2013 (edited) This relationship will last as long as you can make things exciting. Sooooooooooo, not very long. As soon as reality hits, she isnt compatible with you. Stop wasting your time. If she only wants to be with you (and you her) when things are fun, light hearted, and exciting, then this relationship will fail time and time again until you realize its not meant to be. This sounds like the classic "love is not enough" story. WHAT actually went wrong? It sounds like things just stopped being fun. In all the things you have described, I am having a hard time figuring out Edited April 24, 2013 by ForeverHopeful1
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