Trying to reconcile after Divorce, H imposing stipulations...

[findinmyway]

Hi everyone. I have posted a couple of times regarding my situation...under Tracy (I recently changed my LS name). Here's a brief synopsis....My H and I were divorced about 3 yrs ago. We have two small children, and it has been a long, hard 3 yrs. We've went back and forth, but never lived together. We began talking last December and in January, he asked me to marry him. He said he was tired of the games and we needed to put our family back together once and for all. I thought about it for a while and decided that it had to be the answer because things were so hard with us apart.

 

This got kinda long, you can skip to end....

 

I told my H that if we were going through this again, that it had to be all or nothing. For the first time, I committed myself to make things work and honestly wanted it. I sold my house and moved back in with him. After a couple of months, and him not mentioning anything about marriage, I began to question him. At first, we were just too busy and was waiting for the right time. Then it turned into, let's not rush things. I began to get upset, like I was mislead. I thought things were completely different and had taken such a giant leap of faith by selling my house, etc. We began arguing about it, so I decided to let it go and trust him, hoping it would just happen when the time was right.

 

Not long after that I found out he was inappropriately chatting with other girls online. He had been doing it mildly since January. I told him it bothered me, then straight up asked him to stop. He didn't and kept lying about it. I think he has finally stopped the online flirting, but it caused lots of problems while we have been trying to reconcile.

 

After the last confrontation of the online stuff, I told him we should take a step back, gain some composure, and really focus on making things better. It was hard enough for us to work on things after being divorced, and the getting married issue and online stuff only made things worse. I had built up resentment and wasn't attracted to him sexually. When we were together it only made things worse. I felt like he didn't respect me enough to give our RS a true effort, but he still expected sex. I asked him if we could refrain from sex until we worked through these problems, until we could be together wout all the resentment--not just from recent events, but also from past issues we realized we hadn't let go of. I wanted us to work on the core problems, rebuild a friendship, and then an intimate relationship.

 

HERE'S THE URGENT PART: He called me today and said he has been praying about things. And, God is telling him he needs to take charge and be the leader of our family. He said that if I want us to continue living in the same house that I must have sex with him......at least three times a day. Keep in mind, we have only refrained from sex for six weeks so far. We had sex Saturday per his request and it didn't go well. I felt used. He said that if I couldn't do that for him, that he had no motivation to meet my needs for affection, or anything else for that matter. And, if I couldn't do that, then I should leave. He feels like I am just wasting time by wanting to work on issues and build a friendship first, and if I give him sex then he will have motivation to treat me better, and things will just get better from there.

 

I really want our marriage to work...mostly because of the kids. And, I have really been trying since January. To his credit, in the past, he wanted it and tried harder than I did. But, for the past year, he has been the one to continue to jeapordize things. I know that it will not make things better by him forcing me to have sex. But, I am afraid to leave because I know it will be over.

 

Advice, thoughts, anything..........

[findinmyway]

Please do not respond to this thread. I reposted under "Trying to reconcile Divorce, H forcing sex". I edited to make it shorter....trying to delete this one. Thanks.