Gulf-Delta Posted April 23, 2013 Posted April 23, 2013 (edited) So, where to start? I guess i'm starting to question my sanity, i guess. It's been more or less a year and some change since my fiancee left me. And I'm just still not over it. This is a thread I made a few month ago regarding my state at that point in time. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/coping/368016-one-year-later-my-story-where-i-am-now Um, basically, I just...still want to be with her? I still see her in my dreams probably once a week...I still think about her all the time. I think a major reason for it is a text I received in December, from her. It was something very sentimental and personal, which, in her previous "breadcrumbs", as some call it, it was lame bs. But this time was different. it was so different in fact (it was actually about "us"), that i didn't respond. And I feel guilty because maybe that was my chance to fix things. Fix something. Maybe she needed me. I just have this guilt because of what it may have meant or what could have been. Almost every day is a struggle of me debating whether or not to contact her. She's sooo stereotypical gigs, it's unreal, which makes me feel like somehow, there's hope. And in another way, i feel so poisoned by all of this. I question whether or not i'll ever be able to trust a woman again. I don't hate women or anything like that. I just worry that even if I do meet a great girl someday, will I be able to trust her enough to let myself fall for her? i don't know, maybe that doesn't make sense. It's just like...I already had a girl who really, really loved me for me, and she left. if she could, anyone could... I'm just starting to question whether or not i need therapy or something. I just don't know what to do. i still want to be with her, and I still have a feeling that someday, we'll enter each other's lives, somehow. I'm just so confused. I just wake up, and power through the day trying to keep it buried and ignore how I feel. But i don't want to live like that anymore. i want to just let her go, and hope she has a good life, but my heart won't let me do it, and I can't figure out why. I'm just still filled with so many questions, and so many feelings and I don't know how to get rid of it. Edited April 23, 2013 by Gulf-Delta
CompleteFailure Posted April 24, 2013 Posted April 24, 2013 I guess i'm starting to question my sanity, i guess. It's been more or less a year and some change since my fiancee left me. And I'm just still not over it. Some people touch our lives more than others. There's nothing wrong with you if you still have unresolved feelings. And I feel guilty because maybe that was my chance to fix things. Fix something. Maybe she needed me. I just have this guilt because of what it may have meant or what could have been. Almost every day is a struggle of me debating whether or not to contact her. She's sooo stereotypical gigs, it's unreal, which makes me feel like somehow, there's hope. It seems like you can't let go because you're still beating yourself up with this guilt. Hope for what? Your expectations are dragging you down. Will you get closure if she rejects you one final time? If that truth will bring you peace, do it. Find out but don't expect all the answers you want to hear. And in another way, i feel so poisoned by all of this. I question whether or not i'll ever be able to trust a woman again. I don't hate women or anything like that. I just worry that even if I do meet a great girl someday, will I be able to trust her enough to let myself fall for her? i don't know, maybe that doesn't make sense. It's just like...I already had a girl who really, really loved me for me, and she left. if she could, anyone could... That makes total sense. I feel the exact same way. We won't really know if we're capable until we run into that someone that causes us to want to open our hearts again. I'm just starting to question whether or not i need therapy or something. Why not, get therapy if it's accessible? I just wake up, and power through the day trying to keep it buried and ignore how I feel. But i don't want to live like that anymore. i want to just let her go, and hope she has a good life, but my heart won't let me do it, and I can't figure out why. I'm just still filled with so many questions, and so many feelings and I don't know how to get rid of it. It seems you can't get rid of it because you are burying your feelings deep within your heart and ignoring them.
rosadeldesierto Posted April 24, 2013 Posted April 24, 2013 So, where to start? I guess i'm starting to question my sanity, i guess. It's been more or less a year and some change since my fiancee left me. And I'm just still not over it. You're not alone... One year and half here and feeling the same. I miss my ex fiancee like a damn crazy every day even we were in a LDR. Um, basically, I just...still want to be with her? I still see her in my dreams probably once a week...I still think about her all the time. I think of him all the time too... It's not like the early days but sure it damn hurts. He asked me to be friends but I went strict NC since breakup. I couldn't handle watching him with somebody else. I'm just starting to question whether or not i need therapy or something. I'll start therapy in 2 weeks. I think I need professional help. Family and friends have been very supportive but I'm stuck. I've always been a depressive person... Sigh.. I don't want to live like this for the rest of my life. I just don't know what to do. i still want to be with her, and I still have a feeling that someday, we'll enter each other's lives, somehow. I'm just so confused. I hate to say that I'm still in some sort of denial. I just wake up, and power through the day trying to keep it buried and ignore how I feel. But i don't want to live like that anymore. i want to just let her go, and hope she has a good life, but my heart won't let me do it, and I can't figure out why. I'm just still filled with so many questions, and so many feelings and I don't know how to get rid of it. I try to keep very busy myself and distracted. As soon as I stop, everything starts... The ifs are killing me every and my heart hurts like hell. I just hope therapy will work for me someway:(.
BrokenHeartedSavior Posted April 25, 2013 Posted April 25, 2013 Nope, You aren't alone. Just coming up on a year without her, and I still miss her, although I'm starting to think it's the "idea" of her i miss more. We had eight years or so living together by the time it ended, shes been with someone else for some time now, and it serves me well to simply not think about it. Lately- VERY lately I haven't obsessed about her, and fortunately my dreams of her come less often. I think come the end of May i will start to look for interest in other people. That will have effectively marked one full year without her. Its sad but true that she has not endured what i have for the past year, time for me to realize it. Its BEEN over, all i'm doing is letting life pass by.
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