whatsdone Posted April 23, 2013 Posted April 23, 2013 Hey guuyys, Ive been having this "relationship" if you will with a man for about 2 years now. Sometimes it was an LDR (because of his line of work) and other times we kind of just fell off...but we always came back to each other. We poke around at making it exclusive from time to time but never taken it into deep consideration because we always knew his time here was temporary (leaving for work in a couple of months) We have stopped contact for a few months but recently been at it again. This time however, he is much more affectionate both verbally and physically (kisses to the forehead, holding hands, ALOT MORE emotionally expressive) I have always considered what we had something more casual...deep inside hoping there was something more to it. The first year I was doing much more of the work...the chasing..the probing and inquiring, basically felt like I liked him way more than he liked me. However, nowadays it seems like the roles have been reversed...and hes the one wanting to be with me 24/7...inquiring alot more and seems to get jealous when I bring up other guys (never used to see other men in the beginning, it was always just him but after coming to terms of what we were I began dating outside as well) Its as if all the questions I used to ask him (who is she? whats her name? Hows the date) he is beginning to use on me. The recentness of his feelings have caught me off guard however i just recently found out he has been going on dating sites and seems to be actively looking for others to occupy his time.... ok long story short, could we conclude that it is highly possible to propose that some men date around as to avoid getting attached to one girl? Any insights would help wrap my mind around what is going on right now would help. Thank you!
clia Posted April 23, 2013 Posted April 23, 2013 If he is actively on dating sites looking for other women, then he isn't that into you, even after two years. You may be comfort for him, he may have feelings for you, but he does not want a relationship with you. I don't care how he's acting or what he's doing -- if he isn't asking to be your boyfriend or for exclusivity, he just isn't there. So, if your question is whether he would date around because he is trying to avoid getting attached to you, in my opinion, the answer is no. He is dating around because he wants to date other women...in addition to you.
ascendotum Posted April 23, 2013 Posted April 23, 2013 "deep inside hoping there was something more to it." You have had some sort of emotional investment with this guy for the last 2 yrs. You confess here that you hope it becomes something bigger, but he could well be oblivious to that. Like a lot of guys, he will just go with the flow. How about you tell him what you want out this relationship or what you expect when it comes to a relationship instead of staying quiet and merely 'hoping' this will change the way you want. Too many girls will get disappointed by staying in a casual type arrangement without saying anything, hoping the guy is falling in love more over time (fine early on but not after 2 yrs). In a lot of cases she's just a different flavor to try for a few months for the fun phase of a relationship or she's just someone to hang out with and have sex until someone he is crazy about comes into his life or while he focuses on other priorities in his life. The sooner she knows what the story is and not live in hope the better she can makes plans and take control of her future instead of floating around his life. Its not a good sign he's on a date sites, but you are likewise dating other guys and in fact moved first on that. He could now maybe just as easily say he is showing more passion for the relationship than you, and you are the one who is dating around, so he's just made the adjustment. Have a decent discussion with him about what you want/expect and what he wants/expects and if you don't align, then admit it and go single or call him your fwb.
Author whatsdone Posted April 23, 2013 Author Posted April 23, 2013 If he is actively on dating sites looking for other women, then he isn't that into you, even after two years. You may be comfort for him, he may have feelings for you, but he does not want a relationship with you. I don't care how he's acting or what he's doing -- if he isn't asking to be your boyfriend or for exclusivity, he just isn't there. So, if your question is whether he would date around because he is trying to avoid getting attached to you, in my opinion, the answer is no. He is dating around because he wants to date other women...in addition to you. that does resonate something inside. I believe he does have feelings for me...but not enough to want to be in a relationship with me. Thank you for the input.
Author whatsdone Posted April 23, 2013 Author Posted April 23, 2013 "deep inside hoping there was something more to it." You have had some sort of emotional investment with this guy for the last 2 yrs. You confess here that you hope it becomes something bigger, but he could well be oblivious to that. Like a lot of guys, he will just go with the flow. How about you tell him what you want out this relationship or what you expect when it comes to a relationship instead of staying quiet and merely 'hoping' this will change the way you want. Too many girls will get disappointed by staying in a casual type arrangement without saying anything, hoping the guy is falling in love more over time (fine early on but not after 2 yrs). In a lot of cases she's just a different flavor to try for a few months for the fun phase of a relationship or she's just someone to hang out with and have sex until someone he is crazy about comes into his life or while he focuses on other priorities in his life. The sooner she knows what the story is and not live in hope the better she can makes plans and take control of her future instead of floating around his life. Its not a good sign he's on a date sites, but you are likewise dating other guys and in fact moved first on that. He could now maybe just as easily say he is showing more passion for the relationship than you, and you are the one who is dating around, so he's just made the adjustment. Have a decent discussion with him about what you want/expect and what he wants/expects and if you don't align, then admit it and go single or call him your fwb. Say we did talk about the future....what if he brings up having a child with him? What does it say about him that he would sooner bring up having children than speaking of marriage/commitment? Surely he wants to have me in his life in the future? But it does seem like its a sure way to keep me around in the event that he does find someone else to be with and Im just there on the side? Please advise...I read your input and it is so in depth..Id really like to hear more from you.
HoneyBadgerDontCare Posted April 24, 2013 Posted April 24, 2013 Men date around because we like to have sex with as many women as possible. Some men don't get in relationships because it's not worth it to them when it inevitably fails. I find relationships to be very boring. I'm currently in one and I'm very much missing my single life. If the guy is naturally attractive to women, he probably feels the way that I do.
Author whatsdone Posted April 24, 2013 Author Posted April 24, 2013 I find relationships to be very boring. I'm currently in one and I'm very much missing my single life. If the guy is naturally attractive to women, he probably feels the way that I do. what exactly do you miss about the single life?
ses Posted April 24, 2013 Posted April 24, 2013 I find relationships to be very boring. I'm currently in one and I'm very much missing my single life. If the guy is naturally attractive to women, he probably feels the way that I do. Break up with your girl and have casual flings. It's fair. Your partner deserves someone who wants to be in a relationship with her. 1
HoneyBadgerDontCare Posted April 24, 2013 Posted April 24, 2013 what exactly do you miss about the single life? I miss going out with my friends. I miss the rush of a new girl. I miss not having to answer to anyone and doing what I want all the time. 1
HoneyBadgerDontCare Posted April 24, 2013 Posted April 24, 2013 Break up with your girl and have casual flings. It's fair. Your partner deserves someone who wants to be in a relationship with her. Tbh, this girl is very cool, very smart, and very physically attractive. I'm 26 and should want a relationship at my age, no? (especially since it's my first exclusive one in 6 years)
Jbum5 Posted April 24, 2013 Posted April 24, 2013 I miss going out with my friends. I miss the rush of a new girl. I miss not having to answer to anyone and doing what I want all the time. This sounds more like you miss a healthy relationship. Adopt a more positive view in life: whether or not you are single you win big - you go out with friends and you tell the one your with what you are doing before they even ask. That way you avoid answering to anyone because they didn't have to ask and you go out with your friends because you are not in jail. The rush of a new girl gets old when you realize no one cares about you more than those closest to you. 1
HoneyBadgerDontCare Posted April 24, 2013 Posted April 24, 2013 This sounds more like you miss a healthy relationship. Adopt a more positive view in life: whether or not you are single you win big - you go out with friends and you tell the one your with what you are doing before they even ask. That way you avoid answering to anyone because they didn't have to ask and you go out with your friends because you are not in jail. The rush of a new girl gets old when you realize no one cares about you more than those closest to you. I've already realized this and accepted it. For some reason, it doesn't really bother me. I've learned to enjoy people while they're in my life....and to enjoy moments, no matter how short or fleeting. PS: Sorry for stealing your thread, OP!
outsidethebox Posted April 24, 2013 Posted April 24, 2013 OP, didn'tyou say he is leaving for somewhere in two months? You don't have to worry about him on dating sites. Women will figure that out pretty quick.
Author whatsdone Posted April 24, 2013 Author Posted April 24, 2013 OP, didn'tyou say he is leaving for somewhere in two months? You don't have to worry about him on dating sites. Women will figure that out pretty quick. Thanks! Guess he's trying to go out with a bang if ya know what I mean 1
Author whatsdone Posted April 24, 2013 Author Posted April 24, 2013 update we had that talk just now. I asked what do you want from us...then all he said was that he is still leaving. In layman's term: he is just wanting something casual and sees no future or does not want to pursue something more with me. Got my answer! Thank you all who contributed! 1
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