Nostalgia, despair and hope.

[acatinsane]

Hello everyone it's my first post here. I normally don't come to forums for this sort of thing, but I have to let all of this out somewhere, and between friends and confidantes it's just causing more tension and drama. I met this guy in November I immediately felt attracted to when I first saw him.

My heart started beating when he walked in my friends' door and I immediately felt there was some kind of "connection" between us. Let's call him F. We were going to be seeing each other a lot, since I recently joined a local LARP community, and he had been there for some time.

 

As these things go, he had a girlfriend and they had been 4 years together. Apparently things were serious, even though they were very different from each other, including the fact they both had different plans for their future. I also heard they fought a lot, especially the last year since she came back from an exchange program in Brazil. Anyway, after the first larp this guy and I started chatting casually, and became casual friends. I told a couple of friends I liked him too much and they didn't say anything, just advised me to not homewreck anything, which I wasn't.

 

With time, him and me started talking more often, and he eventually started telling me about his relationship and the fact that they had been going through miserable times. I advised him to do what he thought was best for both of them and he said he had decided things were going to be better between them and that he was going to stop lying to himself and her about their relationship.

What we had between us got more and more deep. At larp reunions he told me once when he was drunk, "If I had met you 5 years ago, things would be very different between you and me." We kept talking and got closer and closer. Used to stay up till 4 am chatting on FB, and said good morning and wished a nice day to each other everyday.

 

On March 27, he broke up with her. It was utter shock for her, and took it very badly, at first hoping he needed time, but he told her it was for good. I went to see him that night with some other friends and we talked about it. Two days after he organized a party at his house, and I went obviously. I didn't expect things to escalate this fast, but he held my hand that night and put his hand around my waist.

I was too excited about it and let him do it. The next night we all got together to drink again and he kissed me. We kissed all night in secret and I asked him why was he doing it, and he said it was because he liked me too much and couldn't hold it any longer.

 

That night was eventful cause I got my ankle twisted, and we had to go to the hospital in the morning. We spent the next day in his home, me lying on the bed and him beside me, kissing me and holding me, talking like we used to. He came home with me to help me because of my injury, and from then we weren't separated any longer.

We basically lived together for a month, and I swear it was one of the times of my life. We got along amazingly, and it all felt so very natural. He told me he loved me and I confessed I had been in love with him for some months. He also told me he had not felt this happy in so long, that he felt at peace and that it felt like I was meant to be with him. I felt that too, just like when I met him.

 

He asked me to be his gf in 4 days, but we decided to keep it low profile. He always used to tell me he wished we could last for a long long time and that I was also the best lover he had ever had. We have so much chemistry and are alike so much sometimes it used to scare us both. While we were together I witnessed his gf send him messages, call him, asking to see him, all while asking for him to give her another chance, to which he said no every single time.

We slowly started showing up as a couple, and even though our friends weren't 100% okay with it because it was too fast, they said it was fine as long as we were happy. Once we showed up at a party, and his ex was there. I was wearing his coat and she saw us talking closely. I am told she cried after she left the party. About a week later we were lying on the bed and he asked me to forgive him for everything he was about to do. The next day he said he felt we would not work in the long run, and that he still had hopes of gettin back with her. I was devastated, since I thought everything was going excellent.

 

I asked what would happen if she gave him another chance, and he said he would try it. What if she didn't? Then he'd stay with me. Those three days were hell to me. I couldn't sleep and I just kept asking him why. He told me he wished he loved me as much as I him.

She didn't want to talk to him, saying she was better, and didn't want to get hurt by him at all. He practically begged, and they had a talk. She did not take him back, and he said he felt calmer and we could continue being together if I forgave him. He said he would love me as much as I him, that he was gonna make it happen. It's obvious I wasn't comfortable but we stayed together.

 

Like a week after he got a message from her, telling him that all the good things she expected from him were gone at that party, and that she had no faith in them ever getting back together again. She said something like "You say you'll wait, yet the things you're doing are different, like being with that person". He said he felt sad about it and I immediately said "Maybe we shouldn't be around each other anymore" which 10 seconds later I regretted. I begged him to stay, asking him to remember how he felt with me, but he said he was absolutely certain he could get back with he and start from scratch.

 

He said she was the woman of his life and that she wanted her to have his kids and everything. That he would be willing to be unhappy and change his life plans for her. It was a huuuuge blow to me. I talked with both our friends and they assure me they're not getting back together and that they don't know what the **** is going on through his head.

They told me she is getting over it, and that she would never take him back again. I confronted him last weekend, asking him to please save himself suffering and her, but he got angriet everytime I mentioned it, I was sure he was going to throw a glass of water at me, but I calmed him down. After that day I decided I wanted to speak to her, to tell her the truth about everything (because I was sure he'd lie in his current state) but she said to me that I had nothing to worry about and that she was not mad at me.

 

She said that she didn't feel the need to talk about something she was completely leaving behind and that she was in a completely different plane of existence.

That calmed me down and I felt like I wanted to get over it like her, so I added her to FB and followed her on Instagram. This morning I got a message from him telling me to stop bothering her, that it made her uncomfortable.

 

I apologized if that made her feel like that and I found out through another friend that he went to look for her yesterday with a red rose, telling her he'd do anything to get her back. I was told she just nodded at it and didn't agree on anything.

 

That was enough for me. I want to kill hope of me and him ever getting back together. But I can't stop asking my friends "Do you think she'll take hil back?" Everytimr anyone says no I feel better. I know it's no good for me to be with a guy who told me "I will never love you the way I love her", but I still want to believe we can be together in the future. I really want to kill hope and not at the same time.

 

So what do you guys think? Will she? Won't she? What the **** is wrong with him? What should I do?

 

Agh, hope you guys answer soon.

Edited April 24, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
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[chuzzbug]

> I know it's no good for me to be with a guy who told

> me "I will never love you the way I love her",

> but I still want to believe we can be together in the future.

 

Nobody knows what the future will bring. Obviously.

 

But, if you wish for you to be with him, I propose that you're compromising your core values. You might wind up with him again, but it won't be the way you want.

 

You want how he made you feel, not simply him. 'He' means nothing without the accompanying feelings that he creates in you.

 

Don't hand over your self-respect and self-esteem for this guy. Maybe he made a mistake, maybe he'll regret it, maybe, maybe, maybe. You deserve a guy that doesn't. Period.

 

As hard as it is to walk away, know that you *will* derive a certain type of power from it. Put yourself in charge of your own path, even if it seems like it's heading straight into a wall. Don't count on fickle fortune for happiness (if you search deep inside you know that the pure version of this feeling is no longer possible with this person).

[acatinsane]

Doesn't time heal everything?

[chuzzbug]

Ask yourself whether you want to build a relationship based on trying to fix things with a person for which you are, at best, second choice.

 

You might forget it, after a while, but it *will* come back. One way or another, if you hook up with him, you will wake up one day and feel resentment and regret.

 

I know this isn't what you want to hear. But you know it to be true.

 

Most people here, myself included, can cope with reality intellectually (he/she doesn't love me anymore) but cannot deal with it emotionally (thus all the questions "why?").

 

What kind of person would you need to be to align your emotions to your thoughts?

 

Try to be that person.

[acatinsane]

I am slowly trying to understand there may yet be someone I haven't met that would share better chemistry with me. But how do you guys see their chance? Or mine for that matter. How do these things usually end up?