mtnbiker3000 Posted April 23, 2013 Posted April 23, 2013 Here's the way I see it: The more you are emotionally invested in a RS, the larger the possible upside (ROI) and chance for something truly great to emerge. But, unfortunately, it also allows for a greater chance of catastrophe. The higher up you are, the farther you can fall. And of course, if you don't invest heavily or at all in a RS, while you may be relatively safe from the potential disastrous affects of a BU, you also cannot truly reap the rewards you might as if you went 'all in' emotionally. Simple, I know, but it seems to make sense, and I just wonder what all of us will do now that we have recently survived (or now just surviving) a devastating BU?? Are we jaded and guarded now? Is there a happy and safe medium? Do we just apply what we've learned and go for it again? I am not sure what I will do. Are you?
misswillow Posted April 23, 2013 Posted April 23, 2013 I don't know for sure what I'll do, but right now I think I'll be jaded and guarded. And it will be a long time before I'm even going to be ready to meet someone to be jaded and guarded with.
GI_Joy Posted April 23, 2013 Posted April 23, 2013 I'm not going to let my breakup jade me or disillusion the hope I have for future love. I am taking it for what it is, an experience that I can learn from/that I have learned from. I have become a lot wiser in terms of what I want out of a relationship and what I shouldn't have done when i was in it that I feel like the next one will be even better. It can only get better from here. I sort of agree with the whole you get what you give in, but that's not necessarily how it worked out for me though. I mean, I gave my all into this relationship, but he never fully invested himself into me and he ultimately quit on me. That's something that is still bugging me. How someone can walk away from a person who's willing to be there for him/refuse to see what is in front of him.
cavalier99 Posted April 23, 2013 Posted April 23, 2013 Im almost 7 months NC after my 8 year RS. Went thru hell and back to get over it like everyone here. Started getting indifferent at 6 months. then girls started popping up everwhere. Hooked up a few times. Wasnt like early on after the BU were i would go home any cry. Was just having fun. Getting happy being single. Met really cool girl soon after these hookups. Major chemistry. I was a little guarded at first about the idea of a new RS but got over it quickly. It sorta flipped me out and scared me at first that i was going to expose my heart again. this seems to have passed and we are dating and im totally fine with it and excited. Not thinking about old ex much nor am i comparing her to new girl (who by the way blows my old ex out of the water). I think i have matured from the BU. I know if things dont work out ill be fine and will recover. I wouldnt say im not capable of being emotionally invested. I am. Im just a lot stronger now more mature emotionally ecetera. I think this (BU) has definitly helped me land a better match for me and also has let me maintain my sense of self which i think i had lost in my previous RS. Anyway things are still early but i think me and all of us will be capable of loving again without being too guarded if we let ourselves. We just need to make sure we learn out lessons. Not sure what im saying any more but life is good..new girl or not. Rock on! Cav 2
OwlSoul Posted April 24, 2013 Posted April 24, 2013 The thing is to maintian the balance of the emotional investment between partners. Put it in that way: you cannot give more to get more once you guys passed the honeymoon stage. A lot of people try to be overly nice or invest more than their partners do, which leads to the hurt and the BU. So, by inderstanding this I do not really afraid or go defencive about my feeling.
cavalier99 Posted April 24, 2013 Posted April 24, 2013 I'm jaded and guarded. I remeber a few months ago one week where i just felt so bitter and jaded. Like cold as stone. It felt like id never be able to open up again ever and that i was scarred for life. Welp i was wrong. It was just part of the recovery process.
Compromize Posted April 24, 2013 Posted April 24, 2013 I was 100% emotionally invested for the first time in my life. I would like to get there again someday, it just takes everything to a whole new level and I was the happiest, most positive person I have ever been. I was pretty much happy and fulfilled 98% of the time, even though we were not together that much. IT was wonderful and I want that again.
CompleteFailure Posted April 24, 2013 Posted April 24, 2013 I remeber a few months ago one week where i just felt so bitter and jaded. Like cold as stone. It felt like id never be able to open up again ever and that i was scarred for life. Welp i was wrong. It was just part of the recovery process. I hear ya. At this stage that's all I can see and think for my future but hopefully it won't always be this way. Hopefully, none of us have to go the rest of our lives not experiencing the kind of love that lets us be vulnerable. Cav, where you from?(if you don't mind my asking)
cavalier99 Posted April 24, 2013 Posted April 24, 2013 I was 100% emotionally invested for the first time in my life. I would like to get there again someday, it just takes everything to a whole new level and I was the happiest, most positive person I have ever been. I was pretty much happy and fulfilled 98% of the time, even though we were not together that much. IT was wonderful and I want that again. Well fortunately youll never be 100 percent invested again. It just doesnt work that way. Youll be better prepared for a mature relationship but will also not be 100 percent dependent on it. At least that is the how i feel about it. Cav
cavalier99 Posted April 24, 2013 Posted April 24, 2013 I hear ya. At this stage that's all I can see and think for my future but hopefully it won't always be this way. Hopefully, none of us have to go the rest of our lives not experiencing the kind of love that lets us be vulnerable. Cav, where you from?(if you don't mind my asking) You guys will be fine ..just need to keep on going untill indifferent. We all get there. hmm I guess Im comfortable saying I live near big city east coast USA.
ThatJustHappened Posted April 24, 2013 Posted April 24, 2013 Guarded but not jaded here. Currently SLOWLY and CAUTIOUSLY dating the ex. So far so good, but we'll see. 1
cavalier99 Posted April 24, 2013 Posted April 24, 2013 Guarded but not jaded here. Currently SLOWLY and CAUTIOUSLY dating the ex. So far so good, but we'll see. Really! Wow didnt know that. Good luck. Cav 1
ThatJustHappened Posted April 24, 2013 Posted April 24, 2013 Really! Wow didnt know that. Good luck. Cav Thanks Cav! 1
CompleteFailure Posted April 25, 2013 Posted April 25, 2013 You guys will be fine ..just need to keep on going untill indifferent. We all get there. hmm I guess Im comfortable saying I live near big city east coast USA. Ah cool, the way you were talking about your new relationship, I thought maybe you were dating my ex! That made me confused about how I should feel about getting any kind of good advice from you.
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