BenH1000 Posted April 23, 2013 Posted April 23, 2013 Here's my situation: I started dating my ex girlfriend back in September of last year. We became "official" in December. I met her on OKCupid and was immediately attracted to her. She was exactly my type from a physical standpoint. Emotionally, however, I am not certain how much we connected. While we would always have a lot of fun together, I never felt I had a 'great' understanding of her dating history (maybe my fault for not asking her enough questions) or what she was looking for (again, maybe my fault). Nevertheless, we always had fun together, we went on some fun weekend trips, our sex life was excellent, and we seemed to balance each other out pretty well. On a couple separate occasions, she acted very cold and distant towards me without explanation. When I'd ask her if everything was ok, she'd basically shrug me off. It was pretty unbearable. To end these 'cold spells', I'd kind of pushed her into telling me what was on her mind. I found out, later on, that she'd actually lied about one of the reasons for being standoffish. This upset me, but I accepted her apology and we kept the relationship going. On another occasion, I called her up following a date that ended with me wondering if she was even interested in me anymore and basically arguing that I don't want to be in a relationship where honesty and communication aren't hallmarks. We ended the call very much on the same page…or so I thought. Everything has been starting to get much better since that call, but she got back from a vacation with her folks last week and wasn't very communicative via text. The next day, she called me up to tell me she thinks we should break up because she thinks we're 'incompatible' and that she can't see a future together. I feel like such an idiot for not ending this thing sooner. I tried my best to make it work, I treated her like gold, I made her feel great in bed, I got along well with her friends, but in the end I just wasn't the guy for her. I'm now trying to figure out if it was my more introverted personality that drove her away or if I did something else to annoy her. I'll never know. I'm feeling pretty upset that she couldn't even find it in her to break up with me face-to-face. It's almost like the past 7 months didn't even happen. It's making me depressed. I've deleted all texts/emails/her number but am still FB friends with her. I feel like there's a significant void missing in my life even if she wasn't 'the one'. Looking for some ideas to move on and forget about her.
CompleteFailure Posted April 24, 2013 Posted April 24, 2013 How old are you? 7 months doesn't seem like that long. It still hurts though. The simplest way to move on would be NC? If you know she's not the one, just do things to keep improving yourself and fill the void by actively searching for the one or the one's in between.
Author BenH1000 Posted April 24, 2013 Author Posted April 24, 2013 25, almost 26. Agreed, 7 months of dating is not that long, but it's more of the following that hurts: 1) She ended it, and I didn't when I should have 2) Just a couple days before breaking up with me, she was sending me cute texts and she'd called me the weekend before and we had a great phone conversation while she was away on vacation 3) She dumped me over a PHONE CALL...didn't even have the respect to meet with me in person Those are the primary reasons I'm feeling pain right now.
ThatJustHappened Posted April 24, 2013 Posted April 24, 2013 25, almost 26. Agreed, 7 months of dating is not that long, but it's more of the following that hurts: 1) She ended it, and I didn't when I should have 2) Just a couple days before breaking up with me, she was sending me cute texts and she'd called me the weekend before and we had a great phone conversation while she was away on vacation 3) She dumped me over a PHONE CALL...didn't even have the respect to meet with me in person Those are the primary reasons I'm feeling pain right now. 1. It's not a competition. If you wanted to end it, you should have. She probably sensed that you wanted to and nipped it in the bud because you chickened out. 2. That's pretty normal. 3. Oh well. All the more reason not to be upset about the break up. It sounds like you're not even all that bummed to be broken up, you just wanted to to be the one to do the breaking. Come on..really? How immature is that? Be glad you're not one of the other sorry souls on this website who is miserable and pining for their ex (no offense to the souls in question..I don't mean sorry in a derogatory way) and just move on.
Author BenH1000 Posted April 24, 2013 Author Posted April 24, 2013 (edited) 1. It's not a competition. If you wanted to end it, you should have. She probably sensed that you wanted to and nipped it in the bud because you chickened out. 2. That's pretty normal. 3. Oh well. All the more reason not to be upset about the break up. It sounds like you're not even all that bummed to be broken up, you just wanted to to be the one to do the breaking. Come on..really? How immature is that? Be glad you're not one of the other sorry souls on this website who is miserable and pining for their ex (no offense to the souls in question..I don't mean sorry in a derogatory way) and just move on. Yeah, I definitely should have ended it earlier. I guess what bothers me the most is that things had been getting significantly better following our phone argument about a month or so ago. And that the break-up just came out of the blue, basically. I just think it's a microcosm of what a good portion of the rest of our relationship was like: a rollercoaster, where her highs were great and her lows were an excuse to take things out on me. Either way, it hurts, because there were things I wanted to say to her/do with her -- things that could have potentially helped the relationship -- and now I won't have that chance. In the meantime, I'm focused on self-improvement. I got back on OKCupid (where I met my ex) but realized right away that I'm not ready to do that. That's another thing - even if this girl wasn't "the one" I still want to be with her and not other girls. I hope that feeling goes away soon... Edited April 24, 2013 by BenH1000
CompleteFailure Posted April 25, 2013 Posted April 25, 2013 25, almost 26. Agreed, 7 months of dating is not that long, but it's more of the following that hurts: 1) She ended it, and I didn't when I should have 2) Just a couple days before breaking up with me, she was sending me cute texts and she'd called me the weekend before and we had a great phone conversation while she was away on vacation 3) She dumped me over a PHONE CALL...didn't even have the respect to meet with me in person Those are the primary reasons I'm feeling pain right now. 1. Yea that sucks, your ego is probably taking a hit. Just be the bigger person in this case. 2. Yep this seems to happen with a lot of peoples relationships. Everything seems fine and then suddenly it just ends. It doesn't help you much but know that all of us who have gone through it feel/felt like sh.t too. 3. That's just rough. Some people just haven't learned any manners and/or have absolutely no respect/courage. Either way, it hurts, because there were things I wanted to say to her/do with her -- things that could have potentially helped the relationship -- and now I won't have that chance. That's another thing - even if this girl wasn't "the one" I still want to be with her and not other girls. I hope that feeling goes away soon... It sucks but the good news is you will definitely learn from this and apply whatever it is you were going to say/do with your new relationship(s). Yea its like it doesn't matter how many sexy people you run into/meet, the ex still seems like the best fit. That feeling will eventually go away.
itto ogami Posted April 25, 2013 Posted April 25, 2013 Anybody that breaks up over phone -- or text etc -- is somebody you are lucky to not be with anymore.
omit Posted April 25, 2013 Posted April 25, 2013 stick it down to experience ben, sounds like you discovered what you want and what you don't want with this one. Focus on things that make you happy like out with your friends going to the gym or something. Don't feel that there is something fundamentally wrong some times these things don't work out. The feelings you have are normal, some times we just have to be able to take a punch and get back up again.
GB25 Posted April 25, 2013 Posted April 25, 2013 Its a bruised ego bud, nothing more, nothing less. You wanted it to be over but she just beat you to the punch. You are hurt bc it didn't end on you're terms. You win some you lose some. Put ego aside and get back to life
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