winter_02 Posted September 20, 2004 Posted September 20, 2004 I am a 35 yr.old single Mom with 4 children 1 of them disabled. And I'm beginning to think that is the reason guys are not interested. I am attractive, smart, goofy, I work, I'm independant, I'm nice, honest and I treat people the way I want to be treated. I've met a few guys online and I am very upfront with whom I'm talking to and let them know I have kids and they tell me how much they like kids. I just don't understand why they invest so much time emailing, chatting and phone calls and after the first or second date they are no longer interested in another date, but continue to call or email me. The last guy I went out with I had a great time. (First date. Talked for about 3 weeks prior) Definately clicked. We talked about seeing each other again (he did not kiss me good night). After that date he called and email me a couple of times. It's like... he likes me, but just doesn't want to go out with me? Does that make sense? Keeping his options open, maybe? Waiting for something better to come along? I would think that if 2 people clicked they would continue getting to know each other, but I guess I was wrong. I really don't know much about dating. What the rules are? Or am I just fooling myself that no one is interested in someone with 4 kids? Or am I picking the wrong guys? Putting too much into it? I just feel like I'm being played. And wasting alot of my time.
Mr Spock Posted September 20, 2004 Posted September 20, 2004 I think that if you're clear to men that you're not looking for a father for your 4 kids or a provider you shouldn't have any problems dating. How often do you mention them, and how much? If you talk about them all the time, it may be a bit of a put off. Certainly acknowledge the fact you have 4 kids, but put some effort into talking about YOU as a person-not as a mother, or a wife, etc etc. Hard to strap on the single hat......
beautiful Posted September 21, 2004 Posted September 21, 2004 I can understand your frustration however this has nothing to do with you but all with the guys you see. When you had a date and the guys did not ask for a second date, automatically you want to find fault in you. WRONG! This behavior tells you that you must work on your self esteem. Remember you will only attract the kind of people in your life to how you feel about yourself. Mirror image ring a bell? Work on your self esteem. There are some great books out there for that as well as on healthy dating. I like you to think about something, do you really want a guy in your life and your children's life that after one date does not want to see you again? These men are not worth it trust me, for one they are cowards for not telling you openly why they won't date you again..................HIS PROBLEM! NOT YOURS! The fact that you have children has zero to do with that. I do not believe in telling a man right up front all about your family. Save that for the second or even third date , after all you do not know him! It takes a life time sometimes to get to know a person, there is no need for you to spill your entire life situation to a stranger you just met. BIG MISTAKE! Spend more time listening to him on your first date. You be amazed what you can learn from a man by just listening to him. Be sincere however know when the timing is wrong to tell him your whole life story and a first date and even a second one is the wrong timing! If I was a man I run to. Once you have a healthy self love and self respect as well as self esteem about yourself, you will attract healthy men in your life. Please keep in mind that online dating is a nice tool however , there are a lot of bad characters out there online pretending to be something they are not. Most guys online are out for sex and only a few of them are out to have a loving, healthy longterm relationship. The same can go for women online. You will be fine once you make some changes within yourself.
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