Archgirl Posted May 5, 2013 Posted May 5, 2013 Hmm I'm not sure. I definitely get backing off a bit as I don't want to come on too strong, but at the same time I think the longer I leave it the situation is only going to get worse and more unsalvageable. What about using a little excuse? Like "my internet is down right now so use my number if you need to let me know about that drink". Really though I think this is all quite a slim chance. If I was her and preferred not to go the Facebook route I just would have said "can we exchange numbers first?". I'm not saying I'm a social situation master but I've really picked up on nothing to suggest she isn't interested in terms of body language or voice tone. But LOGICALLY it just seems that's the way things are headed. But she hasn't reciprocated any moves. Shes had multiple opportunities. You don't want to be that guy who is a sure thing. But you can have a last stab at capturing here interest - intriguing her. Then asking for her number. What do you mean by make it worse? 1
Author Granin Posted May 5, 2013 Author Posted May 5, 2013 But she hasn't reciprocated any moves. Shes had multiple opportunities. You don't want to be that guy who is a sure thing. But you can have a last stab at capturing here interest - intriguing her. Then asking for her number. What do you mean by make it worse? Nah I get that, although other than playing it cool, which I can do, I'm not sure what to do. Playing it cool in my eyes is only going to PREVENT me from looking needy and clingy before anything's got off the ground. As for actually intriguing her? Not sure what I can do there if she's not interested already. Got any insight on this? Act cold towards her? Despondent? Uninterested? How far should I take playing it cool? And by making it worse I really mean losing the momentum. It just seems the longer this is drawn out the less likely any chance there is at success. That's how it feels anyway. I don't feel assertive or any of the usual things I feel going for a date because of this bizarre situation.
Archgirl Posted May 5, 2013 Posted May 5, 2013 (edited) Nah I get that, although other than playing it cool, which I can do, I'm not sure what to do. Playing it cool in my eyes is only going to PREVENT me from looking needy and clingy before anything's got off the ground. As for actually intriguing her? Not sure what I can do there if she's not interested already. Got any insight on this? Act cold towards her? Despondent? Uninterested? How far should I take playing it cool? And by making it worse I really mean losing the momentum. It just seems the longer this is drawn out the less likely any chance there is at success. That's how it feels anyway. I don't feel assertive or any of the usual things I feel going for a date because of this bizarre situation. Playing it cool to capture her attention/intrigue her a lil. It is a bit manipulative but I think that being honest and direct right now after all the Facebook shenanigans is too risky. I guess by playing it cool I mean mildly distracted, still casually friendly/polite but slightly distant while still looking her in the eyes etc (do you know the mode I'm talking about?) You're there but you're not there, like you've got a lot of super deep thoughts occupying you. Then if she ever asks you can pass it off as being preoccupied with work/school/whatever. How do you usually start talking when you see her? I don't think you will lose momentum. I think rushing and trying to push things down a predetermined path too early on is where a lot of people cause themselves heartbreak and disappointment. Take it easy. If its gonna happen its gonna happen. You don't need to direct events too quickly. What are you afraid will happen if you "lose momentum"? I dunno, I think you've lost your mojo a lil coz you're really attracted. Doesn't that always happen? It's how you know you like them enough I always think - you start feeling a bit out of your depth/like you've got something to lose. Edited May 5, 2013 by Archgirl 1
Author Granin Posted May 5, 2013 Author Posted May 5, 2013 (edited) Playing it cool to capture her attention/intrigue her a lil. It is a bit manipulative but I think that being honest and direct right now after all the Facebook shenanigans is too risky. I guess by playing it cool I mean mildly distracted, still casually friendly/polite but slightly distant while still looking her in the eyes etc (do you know the mode I'm talking about?) You're there but you're not there, like you've got a lot of super deep thoughts occupying you. Then if she ever asks you can pass it off as being preoccupied with work/school/whatever. How do you usually start talking when you see her? I don't think you will lose momentum. I think rushing and trying to push things down a predetermined path too early on is where a lot of people cause themselves heartbreak and disappointment. Take it easy. If its gonna happen its gonna happen. You don't need to direct events too quickly. What are you afraid will happen if you "lose momentum"? I dunno, I think you've lost your mojo a lil coz you're really attracted. Doesn't that always happen? It's how you know you like them enough I always think - you start feeling a bit out of your depth/like you've got something to lose. Convo usually starts with a smile, then "hi" ask each other how we've been and what we've been up to. She usually asks first. Small talk stuff. We usually get onto some topic of conversation like a new movie we want to see or anything really. We know each other a bit now so we know the stuff we tend to get up to. I think I can pass off "not quite present", I'm quite a daydreamy guy in general tbh Yeah I guess you're right about the momentum thing. I don't know I just expected to be a lot further along by now, or at least have been out once. When I asked her out initially there didn't seem to be any doubt in my mind that she was interested. It was a straight up "yeah sure" with a smile. But I know it's pretty self defeating and stupid to even have expectations so I should probably stop worrying so much. The fact I'm on here looking for advice is testament to that (not saying I don't appreciate your advice and perspective, I really, really do!) And yeah it looks like I might have feelings which is a bit annoying to be honest. The last girl I got interested in ended horribly, and I got way too into her in way too short amount of time (read my other topics if you're up for a pretty depressing essay haha). I thought I was relatively chilled about this, especially compared to the last girl, but it looks like I've developed some level of attachment without realising it and without meaning to. She's actually quite similar to the last girl I liked, not lookswise, but definitely personality. I guess I have a type. Eugh, the whole feelings thing is really a shot in the foot if you're a guy. And a girl too I guess. But it just seems that having feelings for a girl makes everything a lot harder. Not giving a **** is intrinsic to success with women I find! Ok, so from now on whenever I ramble tell me to chill the **** out Although, sort of a development (I won't see her in person til Tuesday). My Facebook feed says she is now friends with a friend of mine, so I guess that shows that she has used it since we started arranging stuff, and still no friend accept or reply. Probably not a good sign, but I don't think it's enough to completely rule her off? Edited May 5, 2013 by Granin
Author Granin Posted May 8, 2013 Author Posted May 8, 2013 Update! Went swimming, on the way in played it cool didn't really chat much. On the way out I ****ed up and we ended up talking for half an hour. Good conversation, she's laughing, I'm laughing, she's ignoring the phone at reception to keep talking to me. Next time I see her I'm going for the number. If there's a problem, this is the only one that makes sense to me. If it's not, then my mind is blown.
Author Granin Posted May 15, 2013 Author Posted May 15, 2013 Right ok Saw her yesterday, some lengthy convo on the way in and out, not any flirting but very friendly. I was a bit rambly and talked fast I think, finding it hard not to be nervous around her, at least at first while the convo gets rolling, which is a pain. Nothing super bad, but not as chilled as I normally am. Anyway, went for the number. Got it. So now I'm wondering where to proceed from here? I'm thinking of suggesting Sunday evening cus it's the only time I'm free this week. Or should I leave things a while? Call or text? Just get a text convo rolling before trying to nail a date? I must quite like her, other options have opened up and it's not affected how I feel about her and I'm not fussed about the other options. People are telling me a girl at work has said she's interested and I should ask her out, she's very attractive to most people there, I don't like scores but I'd say an 8.547. And earlier yesterday a girl at the gym I've spoken to a few times gave me her number without me asking, quite a good looking girl. So I know I'm not desperate and I just like this girl a lot. But she seems the most unattainable out of every option I have, and she's the one I really want. Damn it!
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