and reconciliation

[moneyneversleeps]

Hi All,

I was with my girlfriend for nearly 4 years. We were both eachothers first love.

A quick insight on our relationship:

We would get out of our way to go on special dates, we were passionate, loved food, had the most unbelievable sex and loved eachother to the ends of the earth. In all honestly her love for me was unmatched and there was nothing in this world that could ever stop that (or so i thought).

 

3 weeks before we broke up it was valentines day. My girlfriend woke up, came to my work, and surprised me with a handful of thoughtful gifts. She gave me a letter telling me how much she loved me and we would be together forever. We had an argument at dinner that night (my fault and i wasnt appreciative enough i believe).

2 weeks before we broke up we go in an argument about what we would name our children.

i told her it was my way or the highway. She cried and cried and then agreed.

1 week before we broke up, she leant me her car for a week while she went away for work. we got in an argument again over something silly.

 

Her reason for breaking up was that she 'needed to find herself' and that she 'didn't know who she was anymore', she felt like an attachment of me.

 

I responded very maliciously to the break up.

 

About a week after the break up she got resentful and hateful, after we met up she said to me that i was a bad person, treated her poorly and that we could never get back together again. She said i should go see other people and she could never forgive me. All she wanted to do was party until 4am in the morning without feeling guilty.

She was so hateful and vindictive with her words which was extremely out of character. She said it will take years to forgive me and she is not in love with me anymore. We will never get back together she said. She finished up however by pleading that she still wanted to be friends.

 

its been about 6 weeks since our break up. I know she is sort of seeing someone else, however she has been calling me that past 2 weeks and asks me to catch up with her once a week. We meet up and it is nice but vey painful at the same time. She tells me she is confused with what she wants and it is difficult to adjust because she misses my family however we are better people now.

she is very platonically friendly to me in all her texts lately. If i slightly escalate she will respond coldly or not respond at all.

It seems like she does not hate me anymore. We call and talk just like old times about once a week. It seems she is also starting to revert back to herself again and not go nuts partying like she did when we first broke up. (i was a little protective of her during our relationship due to some trust issues and made her feel guilty when she would go out. So she stopped going out because she didn't want me to get angry). I also believe in the last year i wasn't respecting her dreams as i should have and think this may have also played a role in the way she was feeling. I treated her well but when we argued it was a my way or the highway ending and she would always end up apologising. This made her feel unwanted.

 

The other strange thing is that before we broke up she was not cold or distant at all.. She was still super nice and loving..

 

My question is do pursue her? Can i get her back? She is going overseas for two weeks and asked me to book flights for her (as i can always get the best deals out).

I am trying to show her that i have changed, but when we first broke up she was saying that im just trying to manipulate her into getting back with me and im just a good car salesman. She was so unbelievably angry at me.

 

As she is not angry at me atm and being really nice i fear that maybe she is over me? Every time we meet up she tears up at a point when we talk about or old times together or something emotional. I truly love this woman, she is so beautiful. She keeps requesting to meet up again and i keep agreeing. is she just stringing me along? The crazy thing is im not really worried about her seeing this other guy at the moment, because i think im a great guy and he cannot fill her void. I am very disappointed in her at her actions as it is so out of character for her. She told me that he is a rebound and she has slept over in his bed but they have not had sex. (even though i am seeing other women, which is a bit hypocritical). She didn't tell me initially but i know when she lies. I said to her don't lie to me i know you have been sleeping around, and then she said i have been seeing one guy but we have not had sex etc etc. I told her i was disappointed.

 

Guys/Girls can i win her back? I tried pleading to get her back after the first week we broke up but it didn't work.. Should i want her back (i really do)? When i told her i could change she said it was too late, and no one can change in such a short amount of time. I responded with that it would be her loss and regret because if i changed i would be a better person and be pleasing another woman and not her. She said she knows and agrees.

 

Also she asked me what i really wanted after we first met up (about 4 weeks after break up). she really forced it out of me as i didn't want to tell her. When i told her i wanted to be with her, she responded with we are never getting back together. I guess she was still in her angry stage at that moment.. That when i said i was seeing other people (to hurt her back). I believe thats when she rebelled to see this other rebound guy.

 

I need help, this is driving me crazy.

[steelpantherrocks]

if i can pass along any advice to you, is to let her be for now. it seems as though you still may have a chance in getting her back, but.. i think she is using you and trying to keep tabs on what your doing. learn from my mistakes please.I made all the wrong mistakes, i tried, begged cried pleaded and it drove her farther away. it went on for 6 months. i finally after some time passed realized it was for the best. im still very hurt and angry at her (with her for 5 yrs, engaged for 3, she was banging a friend hours after we split) but i see her for the type of person she is now, a skank. but anyways, keep strong go no contact, dont do her any favours, disapear for a while. trust me dont worry about her worry about you, i know it sucks and its hard to suddenly have this person out of your life but honestly you need to worry about you not her. being her friend while shes out bangin randoms or seeing other people will do nothing but cause you tremendous pain. i had to finally let mine go, it was hard but when i did everyday got easier, if its meant to be itll happen, dont force someone to be with you, you need to let her figure that out on her own, maybe a few weeks or months down the road shell realize what shes lost, but untill then, just worry about you man, serious. **** her and let her go party if thats what she wants to do, it gets old soon, mines a bar star now and running through the town, but i sit back and dont care, its her reputation and her life shes free to do what she wants, block her on fb instagram or anyother social media site, trust me bud itll work.. not to get her back but to help you. you want her back because shes rejecting you, us as guys dont like rejection and knowing shes hanging out with other people hurts more.

 

i read once and i wish i would have taken this advice. we all want to be friends, maybe because in our heads we think that being close to them will rekindle the relationship. but what really do we get out of it. are you going to be the one she talks to about her new guys, can you handle that, anxiety about whats shes doing all the time, why shes not answering texts, calls. depression from being rejected? hell no, take her off the pestle right now man and start the healing process, she seems to be on her way, dont be a chump like me..

[moneyneversleeps]

hey thanks for your advice.

i did no contact for a week and she called me to catch up.

Should meet her in a few days for dinner (at her request again).

Do i cancel? The truth is that the only reason i would try be friends with her is to get her back. Otherwise i would just cut ties now.

I am seeing two other women at the moment. One has asked me out and I told her i cant at this stage because i am still feeling very raw.

The truth is no other woman feels, smells or acts the same. And my ex was just perfect in every way. Her only downfall is that she had a bit of a promiscuous past.

I'm still not entirely sure why we broke up.

 

thanks again.

 

j.

[CaliBabe]

She's totally friend zoning you. Don't do it!

 

She gets the benefits and excitment of a new relationship while have what is familiar (you) at the same time.

 

How can she possibly miss you if you are always so easily accessible?

[cavalier99]

Dude what you are doing is crazy. She is using you and you are letting her.

 

IT IS OVER. Sorry. You need to go hard hard core NC or you will be miserable over this like forever.

 

Burn her out of you life like a bad disease. Delete and block everthing and dissapear so you can start to heal! Good luck. Rock on! Cav

[clia]

You need to move on, and allow her to move on. Just cut all contact. It's over. She is still holding on to you because you are in her comfort zone and she is used to having you around. But, that doesn't mean she wants you back. Once a sufficient amount of time has gone by for her to move on, she will stop contacting you.

 

As to your statement that you "aren't even entirely sure why you broke up," let me help:

 

3 weeks before we broke up it was valentines day. My girlfriend woke up, came to my work, and surprised me with a handful of thoughtful gifts. She gave me a letter telling me how much she loved me and we would be together forever. We had an argument at dinner that night (my fault and i wasnt appreciative enough i believe).

2 weeks before we broke up we go in an argument about what we would name our children.

i told her it was my way or the highway. She cried and cried and then agreed.1 week before we broke up, she leant me her car for a week while she went away for work. we got in an argument again over something silly.

 

Her reason for breaking up was that she 'needed to find herself' and that she 'didn't know who she was anymore', she felt like an attachment of me.

 

I responded very maliciously to the break up.

 

About a week after the break up she got resentful and hateful, after we met up she said to me that i was a bad person, treated her poorly and that we could never get back together again. She said i should go see other people and she could never forgive me. All she wanted to do was party until 4am in the morning without feeling guilty.She was so hateful and vindictive with her words which was extremely out of character. She said it will take years to forgive me and she is not in love with me anymore. We will never get back together she said. She finished up however by pleading that she still wanted to be friends.

 

It seems like she does not hate me anymore. We call and talk just like old times about once a week. It seems she is also starting to revert back to herself again and not go nuts partying like she did when we first broke up. (i was a little protective of her during our relationship due to some trust issues and made her feel guilty when she would go out. So she stopped going out because she didn't want me to get angry). I also believe in the last year i wasn't respecting her dreams as i should have and think this may have also played a role in the way she was feeling. I treated her well but when we argued it was a my way or the highway ending and she would always end up apologising. This made her feel unwanted.

 

You clearly know why she broke up with you. You claim to love her so much, but that isn't the way you treat someone you love. Please take this as a huge, huge learning experience for how not to treat your next girlfriend.

 

Also, what does this mean:

 

I responded very maliciously to the break up.

 

What did you do?

[moneyneversleeps]

week 1

we didn't really break up. She asked for a break. I then said i'm not going on a break we should just end it now.

 

week 2

we hadn't spoke. I went to her house while she wasn't there and took some of my clothes. (it really pissed her off)

We met at the end of the week for dinner and i fought and fought. she finally agreed for us to be together but she can do what she wants whenever she wants.

I send her flowers/cards/etc of the next few days which she was really happy with. i then said i miss her and she said we are not back together i need space.

 

Week 3

i replied with maybe we are not meant for eachother.

I put my status to single on facebook. She called me crying and said we are never being together again but can we meet up.

 

We met up had a good time. she finally kissed me but it took A LOT of work.

 

Week 4.

She starts acting cold, i call her up we argue and argue and swear at each other (really out of character for her). i tell her we are never seeing her again and she begs and pleads. I msg her for her birthday Week 5 really coldly.

She replied back coldly.

 

Week 5.

I still havent contacted her beside bday message. She calls me the night before she asked to have dinner to see if we are still on. i say ok.

She goes to another guys house that night. (i find this out later because she cant lie to me).

 

Week 6 around now.

she isn't 'fuming' at me anymore for some reason. She was so angry and cold and now she is just neutral and slightly cold at times.. she is a little flirty on the phone when we talk if i switch it on..

 

do i meet her this week as planned?

 

she has always been obsessed with me and pretty much idolised me.. not anymore.

 

my other issue is yes, i know what i did wrong, but shouldn't i deserve a second chance if those are the issues. i sincerely didn't realise what i was doing.

 

 

story ends here..

[cavalier99]

story ends here

 

This is the only part that matters. Sorry. No you dont meet up with her or ever talk to her again if you want to get over this. Cav

[ThatJustHappened]

How old are the two of you?

 

Honestly, it sounds like she's over you. I would cut contact and move on.

[moneyneversleeps]

The thing is I think I stuffed up and its easy to fix this.

Lately she has been telling me she is confused and she asked me if I want to sleep with her. I said no.

I think a major reason that we broke up is because I was going out heaps with Mates and partying. I wasn't contacting her enough, wasn't complimenting her enough. I was the typical ass at many points.

I'm 23 she is 22.

I believe the no contact or me blowing her off will not show that I have changed and I am finally willing to compromise.

It's a bit of a double edged sword here the way I see it..

[ThatJustHappened]

How have you changed? What work have you done on yourself since she dumped you?

[moneyneversleeps]

I was self absorbed and didn't care about anyones opinion.

I'm starting to listen to people more and not act like I am always right.

It doesn't matter who is right at the end of the day.

I have a successful career, multiple houses and plenty of money in the bank.

I have a decent car and heaps of friends.

Women think in cute. I was just so cocky and arrogant that I feel I didnt listen and respect her dreams.

I honesty had no idea what I was doing until now.

She says it's too late.

She then cries saying it is hard to adjust.

When I said I don't want to be friends she cried and said in quitting on her.

The. I said its too late and she says in quitting on our friendship..

She is confused..

[moneyneversleeps]

can anyone help my situation?

I am in desperate need of help.

Should i move on?

What happened to fighting for whats important?

[steelpantherrocks]

no offense but if you got all these great things goin on and you seem to have good self esteem why are you letting this chick dictate your life. like why are you asking what you should do. you obviously dont need her, and to be quite honest, i do alright too, i gave her everything, and when i say everything, i mean everything, cars, money, gifts, trips a beautiful house, all on me, at the end of the day that stuff means ****.

 

i was in this exact same situation. i spent some time with her 4 months after we split, we had been in contact over those months, not in a positive way, i called her alot of names said some horrible things but i was hurt, its no excuse but i really gave it to her, we tried to be friends and i had that exact same thought if i was her friend shed want to be with me again see how much id changed etc. you can not be friends with someone you love. trust me, it just prevents you from healing from this and actually changing for the better. she has a bit of a past, as did mine, it bugged me alot, when we split up she went right back to where she was before i met her, back to being a slut. youve stated a few times shes been hanging out with other guys etc, dude, if she respected you she wouldnt be doing that. if she cared for you she wouldnt be doing that. also if she meant that much to you too and you see shes worth fighting for then you wouldnt be dating 2 other girls. see what im saying. your hurt cause shes rejecting you, i know the feeling, but you dont respect eachother. this may be because of your age. you both seem a bit lost and confused.

 

to answer your question, yes. move on, dont sacrifice you for her, ultimatley your in control of your own happiness not her. stop letting her control you. shes just keeping tabs on you, playing the field and dangling a carrot, you will never let go as long as you allow her to keep doing this. why fight for someone who doesnt want you. you cant force someone to be with you, and quitting on a friendship is total bull****, you said yourself you have a tonne of friends, so then why do you need more. my friends dont cause me stress or heartache.. alls im saying is put some distance between you two, dont meet her, dissapear i cant say this enough. trust me.

[steelpantherrocks]

and another thing, your so young, sounds like you got your **** together, enjoy your 20's bud, serious cause 30 creeps up fast, and if i could do it all over i woulda slayed as many girls as i could, travelled as much as i could and settled down after i got all this out of my system, if your having these issues now, you think in 5 years these wont be issues again. do it up man, enjoy your life dont look to someone else for your own happiness..

[moneyneversleeps]

so i didn't listen to anyone.

I called up the ex and told her we cannot be friends anymore.

She cried and said i am quitting on the friendship. I told her that she quit on the relationship, however she refuses to believe that as she says 'we just didn't work together'.

We had sex. she made me promise that i would meet her one last time for sex and to both get closure and move on.

We had such a great time together, i don't understand why she is doing this.

She said she misses me and still loves me but she is not in love with me anymore.

Does anyone have thoughts. Because she is adamant that we should break up.

Also if i cancel now and break my promise will she be angry?

 

eeekkkkkk

[iouaname]

Yes, cancel the sex (I mean really? You're going to let her use you for sex now? Nobody who cares about you would reduce you to that), and stand firm on your decision to not be friends.