d0620 Posted April 23, 2013 Posted April 23, 2013 I started this guy on a rebound while I was going through a break up in February. I am 35 and he is 40. He claims he loves me already, wants me to move in with him, and someday marry him. I have known him for about 6 months and dating only two. He does nice things for me for me, however he wants to spend all his available time with me. He gets jealous when I talk to other guys on the phone (friends). He recently had sexual issues and everytime he was unable to perform sexually he would ask me if I wanted to date other people. In addition to that, if I don't answer my phone in his presence he automatically assumes that it was another guy and when I tell him I have the right not to answer my phone as I please, he states its something that he needs to get use to and gets jealous because he doesn't want anyone else to have me. When I tell him I want to spend time alone, he tries to make me feel guilty about it. Is he overly inscure and controlling or is it just me still hanging on to my last relationship?
clia Posted April 23, 2013 Posted April 23, 2013 It's not just you. He sounds insecure, controlling, jealous, and needy. I'm surprised you've lasted this long with him... 2
BluEyeL Posted April 23, 2013 Posted April 23, 2013 Yes, he doesn't sound like good news. I'd say get out of there soon.
SJC2008 Posted April 23, 2013 Posted April 23, 2013 He sounds jealous and insecure and possibly conteolling. TBS why does it matter? This courtship isn't about him or the both of you it's about you and hiding from your pain by jumping into the arms of another man. Does he know he's a rebound? 3
Jbum5 Posted April 23, 2013 Posted April 23, 2013 Let's do a quick psychoanalysis here: we have a man who's lack in the performance of intimate activities further feed into his own insecurities. Now you come along and he has you in his grasp - he won't want to let go so he tries to sink his claws deeper. And because of that, his actions speak for themselves.
Author d0620 Posted April 25, 2013 Author Posted April 25, 2013 He sounds jealous and insecure and possibly conteolling. TBS why does it matter? This courtship isn't about him or the both of you it's about you and hiding from your pain by jumping into the arms of another man. Does he know he's a rebound? He knows he is a rebound but he is hoping that he could love me through my pain. He does nice things for me take me to dinner, pick my clothes up from the cleaners, or anything I need to do. I thought he loved me through my pain, but I ended up going back to the fwb I was talking to before. I thought if I leave fwb alone I would realize how much I like this guy and maybe because I went back to him it was clouding my vision which is why I asked the question. I went back to fwb but I am leaving him too, it looks like I am going to be alone again. Just last night he tried to have sex, but he ejaculated before he even became erect, it was frustrating going through all the foreplay and he couldn't even perform. Then after he started asking me "why do I put up with it"? Then started acting depressed. It was midnight I was already tired and I went to sleep. I am tired of the pity party. Not to mention he knows I hate getting up in the morning so he attempted to wake me with his first morning woody hoping to try again. "How selfish". I went to bed late trying to attend to his needs then he wakes me up when he knows I have a full day of work. Man... My life
Silly24 Posted April 25, 2013 Posted April 25, 2013 Sweetie I dated a man like this. It only get worse. He'll demand you to give up your friends, hobbies for him. Then when he "has" you...he'll be mean. Have you asked him why he is single and where all his ex's have gone?
SJC2008 Posted April 25, 2013 Posted April 25, 2013 He knows he is a rebound but he is hoping that he could love me through my pain. He does nice things for me take me to dinner, pick my clothes up from the cleaners, or anything I need to do. I thought he loved me through my pain, but I ended up going back to the fwb I was talking to before. I thought if I leave fwb alone I would realize how much I like this guy and maybe because I went back to him it was clouding my vision which is why I asked the question. I went back to fwb but I am leaving him too, it looks like I am going to be alone again. Just last night he tried to have sex, but he ejaculated before he even became erect, it was frustrating going through all the foreplay and he couldn't even perform. Then after he started asking me "why do I put up with it"? Then started acting depressed. It was midnight I was already tired and I went to sleep. I am tired of the pity party. Not to mention he knows I hate getting up in the morning so he attempted to wake me with his first morning woody hoping to try again. "How selfish". I went to bed late trying to attend to his needs then he wakes me up when he knows I have a full day of work. Man... My life You all sound like you're made for eachother. 2
SmileFace Posted April 25, 2013 Posted April 25, 2013 He knows he is a rebound but he is hoping that he could love me through my pain. He does nice things for me take me to dinner, pick my clothes up from the cleaners, or anything I need to do. I thought he loved me through my pain, but I ended up going back to the fwb I was talking to before. I thought if I leave fwb alone I would realize how much I like this guy and maybe because I went back to him it was clouding my vision which is why I asked the question. I went back to fwb but I am leaving him too, it looks like I am going to be alone again. Just last night he tried to have sex, but he ejaculated before he even became erect, it was frustrating going through all the foreplay and he couldn't even perform. Then after he started asking me "why do I put up with it"? Then started acting depressed. It was midnight I was already tired and I went to sleep. I am tired of the pity party. Not to mention he knows I hate getting up in the morning so he attempted to wake me with his first morning woody hoping to try again. "How selfish". I went to bed late trying to attend to his needs then he wakes me up when he knows I have a full day of work. Man... My life You sound worse than him
todreaminblue Posted April 25, 2013 Posted April 25, 2013 I started this guy on a rebound while I was going through a break up in February. I am 35 and he is 40. He claims he loves me already, wants me to move in with him, and someday marry him. I have known him for about 6 months and dating only two. He does nice things for me for me, however he wants to spend all his available time with me. He gets jealous when I talk to other guys on the phone (friends). He recently had sexual issues and everytime he was unable to perform sexually he would ask me if I wanted to date other people. In addition to that, if I don't answer my phone in his presence he automatically assumes that it was another guy and when I tell him I have the right not to answer my phone as I please, he states its something that he needs to get use to and gets jealous because he doesn't want anyone else to have me. When I tell him I want to spend time alone, he tries to make me feel guilty about it. Is he overly inscure and controlling or is it just me still hanging on to my last relationship? you were in a fwb and u went back to that guy then you stopped and you dont answer phone calls in front of him he is insecure about his sexual performance.....you sleeping with someone else is not going to help that insecurity to lessen...... to me hsi concerns are justified by your actions...to every action there is an equal and opposite reaction.....he doesn't trust you, maybe you know this is rightly so......and even though he is sweet to you even when and if not suffering from depression....he tries to make up for his lack of sexual precision by trying again when he is most aroused..you think he isnt still insecure and just raring to go with a morning protein injection, he is probably scared of trying but it is for your benefit and to try and satisfy you that he does.......and you resent that he tried when you wanted to sleep instead of trying to belie his fears and insecurities...let the guy go...or seek therapy if you truly care about him...i wish you both happiness......deb
Author d0620 Posted April 25, 2013 Author Posted April 25, 2013 (edited) His insecurities and lack of sexual performance is what sent me back to FWB even though I know it was wrong to go back to him to. He had these issues before I went back. I figured if you are going to accuse me and drive me insane than I might as well get some satisfaction out of the whole thing. I was unsure if it was genuine admiration or just borderline creepy. Fact is my fwb and I dated 9 months no commitment so I label it fwb because that's what it had amounted to in my opinion. I was genuinely trying to move on but only dating him for two months is it really my responsibility to always talk him off the ledge? He knows he has a problem, so why keep trying instead of getting some help? It's like every night he thinks its the night that everything is going to change. I think it's unfair to get me all wound up with the foreplay knowing he can't deliver and then he gets mad when I don't want to try again the next time. I don't even ask for sex because its more like an event then pleasure and it takes more of my energy to try to have sex then actually being in the act. Truth is I think I would enjoy the time we spend better if we didn't ever have sex because now I get anxious when he tries. Edited April 25, 2013 by d0620
todreaminblue Posted April 25, 2013 Posted April 25, 2013 His insecurities and lack of sexual performance is what sent me back to FWB even though I know it was wrong to go back to him to. He had these issues before I went back. I figured if you are going to accuse me and drive me insane than I might as well get some satisfaction out of the whole thing. I was unsure if it was genuine admiration or just borderline creepy. Fact is my fwb and I dated 9 months no commitment so I label it fwb because that's what it had amounted to in my opinion. I was genuinely trying to move on but only dating him for two months is it really my responsibility to always talk him off the ledge? He knows he has a problem, so why keep trying instead of getting some help? It's like every night he thinks its the night that everything is going to change. I think it's unfair to get me all wound up with the foreplay knowing he can't deliver and then he gets mad when I don't want to try again the next time. I don't even ask for sex because its more like an event then pleasure and it takes more of my energy to try to have sex then actually being in the act. Truth is I think I would enjoy the time we spend better if we didn't ever have sex because now I get anxious when he tries. i think life can be unfair and throw curve balls when you least expect them that included in love relationships...i think for anyone to grow as a person you need to be able to learn to catch curve balls....and when you miss those curve balls and cant be bothered accept the fact its not the ball for you and move on.....deb
Joaquin Posted April 25, 2013 Posted April 25, 2013 And other than providing a hole what exactly can you offer this guy at the moment. You come across as a user, a "because im worth it" woman with a sense of self entitlement that wouldn't be attractive to a guy with any self esteem. He sounds insecure but you are at least half the problem. 1
Recommended Posts