rome5535 Posted April 23, 2013 Posted April 23, 2013 Does anyone know of any other social sites that can be logged into with twitter? Ones that might have a chat option or private message option....
SmokeRat Posted April 23, 2013 Posted April 23, 2013 And the purpose of this? The obvious part being that you suspect him of infidelity, but this forum is for the discusion of that topic. Why don't you share some backstory with us and we'll see where we can assist.
96nole Posted April 23, 2013 Posted April 23, 2013 Does anyone know of any other social sites that can be logged into with twitter? Ones that might have a chat option or private message option.... Unless he uses that same password for other sites, you can use his Twitter password to log in to his.......Twitter account.
Author rome5535 Posted April 23, 2013 Author Posted April 23, 2013 SmokeRat - There has already been infidelity (multiple). We are working on things and have started counseling. I went to the counselor first yesterday (the therapist wanted to see us alone first). The counselor actually told me "odds are he will do it again". Now I am feeling even more insecure about the situation. I am a single mother with two kids and a full time job. I truly want to be with him and I want this to work but I can't kick the urge to dig for evidence. If he is still up to his old ways then I want to know so I can move on...... 96nole - Thanks. Yes I know I can log into his twitter account with it. I was wondering if there were any other social sites linked to it.
SmokeRat Posted April 23, 2013 Posted April 23, 2013 Regardless of what your counsellor has told you, the choice to leave/stay/reconcile, needs to come from you. I've found the advise given on this forum, to be 10X more useful than anything I've gotten from an actual therapist. Now onto the issue. How is your partner (husband?), handling the situation? Is he remorseful, does he show guilt, has he shown you that he is committed to you (and your children)? What weight has he been pulling? It's great that YOU want it to work, but does YOUR partner? Or does he want to go through life being a cake eater?
Author rome5535 Posted April 23, 2013 Author Posted April 23, 2013 He is my bf. We've been together for about 18 months now. He is communicating more, going to a therapist now for about two months on his own to help him figure out why. He does act remorseful and does show guilt. He is still very uncomfortable talking about it when I ask questions. Just a week ago I asked him something and he lied yet again. I had to pry the truth out since I have become pretty good with knowing whether he is lying or not. We have verbally committed to being completely open and when he still lies it makes me concerned. He is showing that he is committed and has taken a much more active approach with my boys this go round. In the past he has always reached out to women and I uncovered it a few months ago after I found out about a couple of women that he did in fact have an affair with. I'm afraid now he could still be reaching out but just being more cautious of getting caught. His profession is social media and I know he's on so many sites that I'm sure I have never heard of. I feel he could easily find a safer avenue to contact someone without me knowing. He has unlocked his phone and he went through a lot of his contacts and deleted any that might be a threat to us getting healthy.....so I guess that is a positive for him.
SmokeRat Posted April 23, 2013 Posted April 23, 2013 Trickle truth. It's a cheaters way to have damage control, and control of information given to you. Either he opens up 100%, every. single. time. you are a question, or he's more or less gaslighting you. Which is not good. You need to learn your limits, when enough is enough. Whether he is your BF or husband, he is in your childrens' lives now. What example is he setting for them? Your their mother, and he is your partner, how dare he put you throught his. Selfishness, pure and simple. My wife did the same thing, deleted contacts, unlocked her phone and all that jazz. But she just took her affair deeper, into areas I'd never check. He is 100% with you, or he is out the door. 1
Author rome5535 Posted April 23, 2013 Author Posted April 23, 2013 How did you know she took the affair deeper?
96nole Posted April 23, 2013 Posted April 23, 2013 SmokeRat - There has already been infidelity (multiple). We are working on things and have started counseling. I went to the counselor first yesterday (the therapist wanted to see us alone first). The counselor actually told me "odds are he will do it again". Now I am feeling even more insecure about the situation. I am a single mother with two kids and a full time job. I truly want to be with him and I want this to work but I can't kick the urge to dig for evidence. If he is still up to his old ways then I want to know so I can move on...... 96nole - Thanks. Yes I know I can log into his twitter account with it. I was wondering if there were any other social sites linked to it. You can link your Twitter account to Facebook. But anything he posts to twitter will show up on his facebook page, if he has one. Not ideal if you want to hide anything. Chances are he uses that same password for other sites. Don't let him know you have it. Do you share the computer? If no, do you have access to his computer? With access to his computer you can see his internet history. You can even go the extra step of installing a keylogger that will show what he has typed. Some will even show what websites he went to and what he typed in them. He's had multiple affairs, so chances are, there will be more. How did you find out about the affairs? Perhaps if you post a bit more of your situation we can help with more suggestions, recommendations, or just some understanding.
Jbum5 Posted April 23, 2013 Posted April 23, 2013 Let's get right to the point: instead of living in a relationship where you check-in, you are living in one where you have to check-up. Is this feasible in the long-run? Don't torture yourself, get rid of the buffoon now. 1
Author rome5535 Posted April 23, 2013 Author Posted April 23, 2013 Well I used that password a while back after we split and it magically unlocked his facebook. It's where I found his (multiple desperate attempts) to reach out to women. These attempts went on through our entire relationship. I found myself being obsessed with it and at that point I wanted to move on without him so I confessed that I knew it so he'd change it. A few weeks later we decided to try and work out the relationship. So now that password only seems to work on his Twitter. We do not live together so having access to his computer would be hard.....plus I'm sure it is password protected. He does spend the majority of the time here and he does bring his laptop and ipad. I'm not sure when I would have a chance to pull anything up. My son the other day was playing on his ipad and when I tried to look at his texts it was password protected. I originally found out about by going through his texts. I took a chance one day because I was extremely suspicious about a girl he worked with. His phone password was actually 1234.....crazy it worked. I scrolled through and found the first girl on there. Read just enough to uncover what I needed. I later pried the truth out of him on the girl he worked with. That one actually went on for a few months.... He is 30 and has been single most of his life. He claims this is how he has always been and that he wants to change and wants to be the best he can for me and my boys. I really want to believe him..........
Decorative Posted April 23, 2013 Posted April 23, 2013 Bluntly? Dating is an audition for a deeper commitment, for most people. This dude? Doesn't get a callback. And your kids don't need the disruption of taking a chance on him. Listen- reconciliation is the hardest work I have ever done. And I will freely admit- that if we were not married? I would have walked off so fast you saw smoke. Well. actually. I did that anyway. LOL But I eventually gave him another chance because we were married. And had a very long history. And a bank balance of love and history that was huge. You don't have that. You have a serial cheater inside of 18 months that is messed up. Run. 3
SmokeRat Posted April 23, 2013 Posted April 23, 2013 Stop. Done. Finished. If he wanted to change, he would have, long before he started having relations with other women. Cheating is a choice, it's not dictated by emotions and all that other bull****. At the end of the day, it's a choice to drop your pants and have someone else, besides your mate, **** you. Simple as that. I'm speaking from a position of extreme anger, rage and hurt right now, so maybe some of the other more seasoned people here can smooth over what I am trying to tell you. Believe all you want. I want to believe my wife will magically realize how well I treated her, and how much I still love her. I have a greater chance of waking up tomorrow morning and my fire chief telling me I can have his job and his super model daughter as well.
Author rome5535 Posted April 23, 2013 Author Posted April 23, 2013 Jbum5 - I know this is no way to live. My ex husband had an affair as well. The situation there was a bit different because I was not in love with him and there was no affection or intimacy from me at all. It didn't justify what he did but it made sense why. I stuck it out as long as I could for the family but realized it was better for our boys if we were apart. This go round I am in love with my bf and walking away just seems so hard. I have tried many times over the past four months to walk away and I just can't......
96nole Posted April 23, 2013 Posted April 23, 2013 I'm going to assume that your boys are from a different relationship. You don't need to spend time on someone who "wants" to change. He can try to change with someone else. You don't need to try and raise this man-boy. You are driving yourself nuts following up on him. You need that time and energy for your sons. It's time to move on and find a real man. Not one that hopes to be someday.
SmokeRat Posted April 23, 2013 Posted April 23, 2013 Can't is a strong word. You can. Have your family support you, tell them your plight. Gather your friends and use them as shoring, so that you can stand tall in what will be a difficult time. You are not alone, we are here to listen and help where we can, but ultimately you must stand up and to quote Captain Jean Luc Picard: "The line must be drawn here! This far, no further!" 1
Author rome5535 Posted April 23, 2013 Author Posted April 23, 2013 Thanks everyone! I can't say that I want to hear all this but I definitely NEED to hear it. I just wish it were easier to let go of this one. I really don't understand why I am hanging on like this. I am an extremely strong woman and have been through far worse and turned out just fine. I just feel so weak when it comes to him. And my kids...you are all right about my kids.....
SmokeRat Posted April 23, 2013 Posted April 23, 2013 You're hanging on like many of us, myself included right now, have when our lives are being shattered around us. It's natural, it's normal. But eventually you have to decide what is best for you and your children. It's because you're in love, and I understand that. I'm separated from my wife, and I love her more than anything. And if she called me right now, and said she needed me, I'm not sure I could say no. But you know better, we both do. Make the choice, do what is best for you and the children, you're only dating.
Author rome5535 Posted April 23, 2013 Author Posted April 23, 2013 I guess I might be a hopeless romantic.... Isn't it possible that we are stuck in a societal box that leads us to believe that everything must start out perfect? If we believe what the rest of the world wants us to believe then are we truly making our own decisions and choices?
SmokeRat Posted April 23, 2013 Posted April 23, 2013 Philosophy aside. I'm a hopeless romantic as well, I believe most people involved in long, loving relationships are. And should be. But there comes a time when enough is enough, and it will hurt, it will suck, it will take every ounce of will power to withstand the crap that comes with all this. But look at your children. They want their mother to be happy, truely happy. Use that as motivation, children aren't slow and stupid as some people think. They have a way of looking at the world that we have all long forgotten. They are able to see things that we think they can't, and one of those things is the true nature of your emotions. They know when Mommy is sad. You deserve better, you deserve someone who will truely love you and only you. And along with that, will serve as an amazing role model for your children. Helping to raise them to know right from wrong, good from evil, and a strict code of morals, values and so forth. Do better for you, so that you can do better for your children.
Jenn.Smith Posted April 23, 2013 Posted April 23, 2013 Sweat heart. 18months is not worth this. Specially 18 months of hell. Dont be one of those moms who drags her kids through bad guy after bad guy. Dump his sorry butt with no contact. Get individual counselling. And move on. Your kids need a good role model in their life. And you deserve a man who loves and respects you.
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