kodiak Posted September 20, 2004 Posted September 20, 2004 Hey Everybody- First off I would like to say that this site has been awesome to have. It has helped me so much though what I feel like is the worst,most depressing breakup i have gone through. Everybody her has been so bitchin and I thank you. So here is my question- I had a LDR relationship with a great girl for 10 months. We saw each other alot, I mean alot considering the 3 hour distance. We went on many trips together, met pretty much all family members on both sides and just truly fell inlove very fast and hard. To make a long story short towards the end my feelings for her grew so strong that I started to get insecure. I knew she loved me and wanted to be with me in my heart but my mind would think something else. Anyhow I started to change and I ushed her away. The breakup was very hard for both of us and we still were very much inlove when it ended. It just was bad timing and at the time it wasnt working. Not a day goes by I dont regret my actions and I would give anything to have a second chance. Some of her final words to me will stay in my heart forever. she said "All you had to do was beleive that I loved you and wanted to be with you". I still get teary eyed like right now when i type that. We ended on great terms and still talk although I keep it to a minimum. Just too hard. We are both young and I have my carrer in line and am doing what I will be doing to I retire. Herslef on the otherhand is just trying to figure her life out and I know that can put a burden on any relationship. Anyways so my question to everyone is this. Although we were only together for 10 months does that play a role on whether you get a second chance or not. Sure i know we were not dating for years liek alot of people that get there second chances but overall our relationship was pretty good. So basically does the time you are with someone have a bearing on whether you get a second chance or not? Or if it is meant to be then will time not play a factor? Please give me your opinions....thanks...............Kodiak
backspn Posted September 20, 2004 Posted September 20, 2004 Yes. 10 months is not a long time though. It takes longer than 10 months to really know if it is love or just fascination. IMO....1 1/2 to 2 yrs is a good time to have a chance.....but this also depends on the time spent with each other and the feelings shared. If you date someone for 10 months you really dont get to see the real side of that person, but there is always the exception to the rule.
djones Posted September 20, 2004 Posted September 20, 2004 Kodiak, I dont think time is an issue if you guys made an impact on each other....like you said to me buddy: Or if it is meant to be then will time not play a factor... Only time will tell.....
prevch Posted September 20, 2004 Posted September 20, 2004 I think time does play a factor in some ways. My girl and I were together almost 4 years and we were truly in love. I guess it really depends man I would say just give it time and see what happens. It is the crappiest solution in the world, yet the only one that works.
beautiful Posted September 21, 2004 Posted September 21, 2004 Time plays a big role in a relationship however it has nothing to do with second chances! It takes a life time to get to know someone and even than, we really don't know the other person. I do not believe in "meant to be" that is something that we as human being have told ourselves as a form of comfort to one self. A relationship takes 2 people to pull 100%. on each side. It is hard work to have a healthy and loving relationship. 10 month is not enough time to have a real relationship. It is still the lust stage in my opinion. LDR do work only if both partners are healthy individuals and want the same thing out of the relationship. Age does matter as well. If you are very young, there are many people to date and many things yet to experience. An so it should be! I believe when people break up it is time to completely let go. Go your separate ways and live a happy and healthy life. Staying in contact is completely useless. and in most cases extremely painful to the one who got dumped. Learn from the experience and do not make the same mistakes with the next person.
Author kodiak Posted September 21, 2004 Author Posted September 21, 2004 Hey everybody- Thanks for everybodies replies so far. I have to say it kinda hurt my feelings because so far most think that 10 months is not long enough to have a true relationship. Its weird because I have been in relationships longer than that and i never felt as close or as inlove as i did with this one. I guess i just miss her so much. I know that some said not to talk to your ex at all but its hard when the relationship ended on a good note. Sure she broke my heart but it wasnt in a bad way. For some reason I can see it working out but maybe thats just in my mind. I guess I just need to let it go completely. Prevch- Did you get back with your ex or not? I wasnt quite sure. Although I was hoping to hear some more positive stuff I still appreciate all your opinions from everybody, keep them coming.....Thanks Kodiak
backspn Posted September 22, 2004 Posted September 22, 2004 My relationship ended on as good as a note as it could too. We have talked to each other since the break...almost 6 months. The thing Ive come to realize is that when you have a break both parties need to do NC for a while then they can start communication again. One it will help her realize what she has lost in you since you're not there anymore, and two it will help you. I should have done NC at the beginning. I am doing it now because I feel I am geting nowhere with her and it feels like Im her fall back. She needs to realize that Im not a fall back but I will try again if she wants. I am doing the NC thing til she decides she wants to work on us agin and give it a REAL shot this time.....this could take a while though and I am willing to take the chance that she will call me eventually....hopefully. Like you Kodiak....I am sure that I will get another chance....afterall....we were together for almost 3 years. I find it hard to believe that someone like her could throw it all away so fast.
prevch Posted September 22, 2004 Posted September 22, 2004 I agree with Back. I sort of half assed my no contact for the first month and a half but now I am good to go. It gets easier ya know? I guarantee though No Contact is the hardest thing you will ever do in your entire life, at least it was in mine. I was with my girl for a LONG time so it is hard to believe that she would throw it all away but who knows? Just whatever you do do not pressure her! I hope it all works out for ya buddy
Author kodiak Posted September 22, 2004 Author Posted September 22, 2004 Thanks everybody for your replies. Its been a very hard night for some reason and im not really sure why. My ex and shared such great times in our rather short relationship that it kills me that I will never have that again. Its been three months now and I still have days were I fall asleep crying. I mean she called me the other day after about a month from the last time she called. I mean its just so great when we do talk. I beleive that she has moved on but the truth is I dont wanna know or ask her. Im sure by know she has a new Bf and it kills me. Part of me just wants to still tell her that I miss her everyday but i know that most people dont recommend that. My mom seems to think that maybe just maybe she thinks that I have moved on thats why she never talks about us. I tell her shes wrong but then she replies with " what do you have to loose if you ask her for another chance" I guess its true. What do you guys think? Should I just wait till she comes around if ever or swallow my pride and ask her. I mean sure it takes alot longer than 3 months sometimes but whatever. I dont know guys, I just dont know. Not a day has gone by were I have felt less inlove with her but I just wish she felt the same. Thanks for all the advice....Kodiak
Weird Posted September 22, 2004 Posted September 22, 2004 Originally posted by beautiful Time plays a big role in a relationship however it has nothing to do with second chances! It takes a life time to get to know someone and even than, we really don't know the other person. I do not believe in "meant to be" that is something that we as human being have told ourselves as a form of comfort to one self. A relationship takes 2 people to pull 100%. on each side. It is hard work to have a healthy and loving relationship. 10 month is not enough time to have a real relationship. It is still the lust stage in my opinion. LDR do work only if both partners are healthy individuals and want the same thing out of the relationship. Age does matter as well. If you are very young, there are many people to date and many things yet to experience. An so it should be! I believe when people break up it is time to completely let go. Go your separate ways and live a happy and healthy life. Staying in contact is completely useless. and in most cases extremely painful to the one who got dumped. Learn from the experience and do not make the same mistakes with the next person. I don't agree with this at all. If there is no person you are meant to be with and all relationships are basically meant to end (as they are just learning experiences) then what is the point? To have sex? Go become a prostitute or porn star and make money doing that rather than get into an emotional bond with someone only to know going in you don't plan to have it last. I also especially don't agree with the "you're young so go and date trillions of people" line of thinking. That is silly. If you find someone who is amazing while you are young then HOLD ON and don't try and deny it simply because you are young and are expected to explore all these diff options. It is the "explore the options" mentality that has lead to the huge % of people with STDs, emotional issues and all the cheating in this world. How come so many people in this world never want to work for anything and actually put in an effort to make things better or solve problems? No wonder the divorce rate is so high....first sign of problems and people bail.
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