youngnlove89 Posted April 23, 2013 Posted April 23, 2013 I woke up dreary eyed and exhausted and out of routine checked my email. He wrote me: I wanted to tell you some things that I've never spoken about before. I don't know where to start so I'll just jump in to it. I am alone. Completely and utterly alone. I have my buddies and so fourth but I don't get to see or talk to them as much as I like because we are all adults and I can't go over to their house and ask if they want to play. Tonight I finished the Weeds series and afterword I walked outside, lit up a cigarette and starred at the stars in wonder, long enough for half my cigarette to burn down. I then wondered the streets for awhile thinking and to be honest crying, just a little bit, not enough to wipe the tears or anything :-). You'd be surprised how many of these nights I have. I know why I feel alone. I do. I don't let anyone in, ever. I don't know how. I'm a hard nosed, tough son of a bitch that can't get hurt, because I don't allow myself to.( but BTW you did hurt me when you told me you wanted to see other people ) Or I'm afraid, which is probably the real reason. I was somber for many reasons. I thought of my great grandfather ( the person tattooed on my right arm ) I thought of you, recent negative events of you and mostly everything else about you, all the good things. I thought of my life and how I have half the down payment for a house saved and I'll be buying before I know it. I thought of my life and the journey I've gone through to get to where I am, and the adventures along the way. I look at where I am and I can say I'm proud. BUT I'm not. I don't know why. I feel that if I were president of the united states I wouldn't be happy. Some time ago, when I worked that the print shop. They pressman had one of those calenders that you would tear away the pages as the days passed. And on each page there would be a positive message in regards to life, or living. One day I read the message and I'm para phrasing here but it basically said, if you don't enjoy the journey and are only happy when you hit your goals, then you're not happy all the often. Because someone like me is making new goals as soon as I reach the old ones. I only focus on when I need to do and not what I've accomplished. I'm rambling here sorry. I do love you Heather, you're someone I'll never forget. I don't want you thinking this is a goodbye letter, it's not at all. I just wanted to share some of..... me. Could be the booze, or the vicodin I took but none the less here is a little bit of me. You don't need to reply, I have no idea what you would even say to this nonsense. But I wish you well, and I'll talk to ya when I talk to ya. Take care! Please don't respond, only if you feel utterly compelled. I don't want to cry.
OwlSoul Posted April 23, 2013 Posted April 23, 2013 Do not. I'll talk to ya when I talk to ya Da ***.
Toddbt12y1 Posted April 23, 2013 Posted April 23, 2013 If he isn't side-lining you.... His "I'll talk to you when I do." Sounds like he's writing a dear john letter... Just my opinion...so I could be wrong /hug 1
Author youngnlove89 Posted April 23, 2013 Author Posted April 23, 2013 If he isn't side-lining you.... His "I'll talk to you when I do." Sounds like he's writing a dear john letter... Just my opinion...so I could be wrong /hug No, he said that because I told him I will talk when I'm ready and that I will not respond to any calls/messages/emails etc. So he is saying I'll to you when I talk to him.
Author youngnlove89 Posted April 23, 2013 Author Posted April 23, 2013 and u say you wanted to see other people ? So why did your heart fall out of your chest He wouldn't commit to me. I asked him to be my boyfriend and he said no. For 2 years, I put up with that. Saying I love you everyday, acting like bf/gf, having sex, and so on, but he couldn't commit. He has major commitment issues and I finally said enough is enough, if you can't be committed to me then I want to see other people. When I said that, I meant 'eventually'. Not right away, I have to get over the past 2 years I spent with him first.
Author youngnlove89 Posted April 23, 2013 Author Posted April 23, 2013 well, in that case, he still hasnt committed. so ignore him and get on with your life. We cant have what we want always. It's just breadcrumbs, I suppose. It's just him playing with my mind. Every time I really try hard to let him go, this happens, he does this.
Toddbt12y1 Posted April 23, 2013 Posted April 23, 2013 It's just breadcrumbs, I suppose. It's just him playing with my mind. Every time I really try hard to let him go, this happens, he does this. Block him, if you really wanna let him go. Why keep hurting? You are a pretty girl, don't be hung up on someone who want give you time(as in officially making you his GD). 1
Minneloa Posted April 23, 2013 Posted April 23, 2013 It's just breadcrumbs, I suppose. It's just him playing with my mind. Every time I really try hard to let him go, this happens, he does this. I'm afraid so. Elaborate, tempting breadcrumbs, but scraps nonetheless. I strongly urge you to block his emails so you won't be put through the pain of hearing from him again.
Author youngnlove89 Posted April 23, 2013 Author Posted April 23, 2013 I'm afraid so. Elaborate, tempting breadcrumbs, but scraps nonetheless. I strongly urge you to block his emails so you won't be put through the pain of hearing from him again. The thing is my friends, he was blocked. He knew it and made another email account so he could send this to me.
Author youngnlove89 Posted April 23, 2013 Author Posted April 23, 2013 Block him, if you really wanna let him go. Why keep hurting? You are a pretty girl, don't be hung up on someone who want give you time(as in officially making you his GD). Thank you. I need to remember that even though he messaged me, that no where in that message did he say I'm ready to be bf/gf. I will not respond. 4
Am4Real Posted April 23, 2013 Posted April 23, 2013 If he knows he is blocked or presumes he is and creates another email account to get through to you it is indicative of not only a selfish man, but one "who must have the last word". He is not the guy who takes the high road out, leaving for the sunset with the best of intentions. No, he is the one who keeps coming back and poking the "game" he just "shot in the woods" and screams at the top of his longs "are you dead, are you dead yet" while he joyously watches the evaporation of life. Look, he knows what you want, he knows how much you want it and despite it all he walks from it. He comes back to poke you, you make it hurt all over!! Thank you. I need to remember that even though he messaged me, that no where in that message did he say I'm ready to be bf/gf. I will not respond. 3
Author youngnlove89 Posted April 23, 2013 Author Posted April 23, 2013 I like your analogy. Very true. If he knows he is blocked or presumes he is and creates another email account to get through to you it is indicative of not only a selfish man, but one "who must have the last word". He is not the guy who takes the high road out, leaving for the sunset with the best of intentions. No, he is the one who keeps coming back and poking the "game" he just "shot in the woods" and screams at the top of his longs "are you dead, are you dead yet" while he joyously watches the evaporation of life. Look, he knows what you want, he knows how much you want it and despite it all he walks from it. He comes back to poke you, you make it hurt all over!!
Author youngnlove89 Posted April 23, 2013 Author Posted April 23, 2013 I feel like the bad person. Here he is reaching out and opening up to me and I am ignoring him. I'm not thinking about writing him back, but how come I feel guilty now? I don't want to be the reason he is sad or lonely. What is the RIGHT thing to do???
EmptyWalls Posted April 23, 2013 Posted April 23, 2013 lol at the hunting part, sometimes this is so true though. I don't think you feel guilty but more pity for him. You have to stay strong and block the new e-mail. Stay NC. All you wanted was a commitment not a engagement ring or to walk down to the courthouse but just to say hey hes my boyfriend and im his girlfriend, or at least you wanted him to say that as well. After reading this e-mail do we take away "that has changed" hes ready to move on and and be with me. I am interested though he never officially said you were bf and gf? Was he committed to you in every other way? or still seeing other people, etc? when people asked him if he was single he said: yes? It sounds to me like keeping someone on strings. The e-mail: let me dangle the strings once more. Move on, when someone really appreciates you and loves you they will stop at nothing to show you and do whatever it takes to be with you. At least thats my opinion. I understand his reluctance though sometimes this is tough and people close off. But its about what you want and what you need now. I know the feeling of throwing your self in front of a train hoping she will save you and to only have the train hit you. But the the things we do for love!! Good luck to you and all. 1
ThatJustHappened Posted April 23, 2013 Posted April 23, 2013 This probably won't be the popular opinion, but I would respond. He actually did open up to you, which sounds like progress to me. Not progress in your relationship, but progress in him as a person. If you don't acknowledge that, it might make him think that opening up was a mistake. If it were me, I would write back and tell him that he doesn't have to be alone, but that he does need to fix himself before you or anyone else would be willing to allow him into their lives for real. For you, he has to be willing and ready to give you what you need. I would also encourage him to seek therapy, as he sounds like he truly needs it. Lastly, I would add that he's hurting you by continuing to make contact with you. That commitment is a deal breaker for you and if he is unable to give it to you, then he needs to leave you alone and let you heal, and find someone who can be what you need them to be. He's being selfish by giving you these breadcrumbs. Then I would block the new email address.
KatZee Posted April 23, 2013 Posted April 23, 2013 well, in that case, he still hasnt committed. so ignore him and get on with your life. We cant have what we want always. Exactly. He didn't say, "come back to me, I'm so in love with you and I'm going to do right by you." All he said was, "Sorry I'm drunk and on pills right now, and I'm so lonely and I have no friends." <-- He's trying to make you pity him, and he's being selfish and looking out for his own needs and interests. Is he particularly interested in making you a girlfriend? Nope. He just doesn't want to be alone and lonely. Delete it and keep it moving. 3
Author youngnlove89 Posted April 23, 2013 Author Posted April 23, 2013 He would reference me as his girlfriend to friends and strangers, but couldn't admit it to me. We acted like bf/gf for the two years we were together and we were actually bf/gf for 6 months before he broke up with me the first time and then just never asked me again. We bother agreed not to see other people and I truly do trust that he hasn't. lol at the hunting part, sometimes this is so true though. I don't think you feel guilty but more pity for him. You have to stay strong and block the new e-mail. Stay NC. All you wanted was a commitment not a engagement ring or to walk down to the courthouse but just to say hey hes my boyfriend and im his girlfriend, or at least you wanted him to say that as well. After reading this e-mail do we take away "that has changed" hes ready to move on and and be with me. I am interested though he never officially said you were bf and gf? Was he committed to you in every other way? or still seeing other people, etc? when people asked him if he was single he said: yes? It sounds to me like keeping someone on strings. The e-mail: let me dangle the strings once more. Move on, when someone really appreciates you and loves you they will stop at nothing to show you and do whatever it takes to be with you. At least thats my opinion. I understand his reluctance though sometimes this is tough and people close off. But its about what you want and what you need now. I know the feeling of throwing your self in front of a train hoping she will save you and to only have the train hit you. But the the things we do for love!! Good luck to you and all.
Author youngnlove89 Posted April 23, 2013 Author Posted April 23, 2013 I think you are right. All I ever wanted was him to open up to me, so he does and then to ignore it seems wrong. It wouldn't be me falling back into his arms, just letting him know I appreciate it. I'm going to really think about it before I do anything I regret. But he said, "Don't reply unless you feel utterly compelled too." Which then in turn just makes me very confused. What does he want from me? This probably won't be the popular opinion, but I would respond. He actually did open up to you, which sounds like progress to me. Not progress in your relationship, but progress in him as a person. If you don't acknowledge that, it might make him think that opening up was a mistake. If it were me, I would write back and tell him that he doesn't have to be alone, but that he does need to fix himself before you or anyone else would be willing to allow him into their lives for real. For you, he has to be willing and ready to give you what you need. I would also encourage him to seek therapy, as he sounds like he truly needs it. Lastly, I would add that he's hurting you by continuing to make contact with you. That commitment is a deal breaker for you and if he is unable to give it to you, then he needs to leave you alone and let you heal, and find someone who can be what you need them to be. He's being selfish by giving you these breadcrumbs. Then I would block the new email address.
KatZee Posted April 23, 2013 Posted April 23, 2013 You've been doing this dance with him for TWO YEARS. He knows you. He knows exactly how to play you. He knows exactly what he needs to say to get you running back. And you fall for it every single time. This time, do something different. 3
Author youngnlove89 Posted April 23, 2013 Author Posted April 23, 2013 And then of course I have you, Katzee, who says what I really need to hear. (although it ain't always what I want to hear) Maybe I shouldn't respond. I just want to do the right thing whether that is to respond, or to not. He knows what he has to do. He knows all I want is confirmation about being bf/gf. He can't give me that. Until then... I'm putting my foot down, crossing my arms, and rolling my eyes...no more ms nice girl! Exactly. He didn't say, "come back to me, I'm so in love with you and I'm going to do right by you." All he said was, "Sorry I'm drunk and on pills right now, and I'm so lonely and I have no friends." <-- He's trying to make you pity him, and he's being selfish and looking out for his own needs and interests. Is he particularly interested in making you a girlfriend? Nope. He just doesn't want to be alone and lonely. Delete it and keep it moving. 2
Author youngnlove89 Posted April 23, 2013 Author Posted April 23, 2013 You've been doing this dance with him for TWO YEARS. He knows you. He knows exactly how to play you. He knows exactly what he needs to say to get you running back. And you fall for it every single time. This time, do something different. You know what he said when I initiated no contact? He said "Heather, you don't know yourself like I do, you always say this and then 2 weeks from now you'll be calling me wanting to be friends and that you are ready to be friends" and, he is right. He knows me better than I know myself. He knows I'll coming running back every time. I have to remain strong. 1
Author youngnlove89 Posted April 23, 2013 Author Posted April 23, 2013 Liveandlearned: Reality sucks. Thanks for the smack across the face, I really needed that wake up call, even though it hurt. Because I know you are right. Where is the coffee now? I need that too. 1
GI_Joy Posted April 23, 2013 Posted April 23, 2013 And then of course I have you, Katzee, who says what I really need to hear. (although it ain't always what I want to hear) Maybe I shouldn't respond. I just want to do the right thing whether that is to respond, or to not. He knows what he has to do. He knows all I want is confirmation about being bf/gf. He can't give me that. Until then... I'm putting my foot down, crossing my arms, and rolling my eyes...no more ms nice girl! THIS. You've done what you could, it's his turn. I like what Katzee said about how he's roving on about how miserable he is as a ploy to make you pity him and she's totally right. Honestly, nothing bugs a miserable person more than seeing you living a happy life. 2
EmptyWalls Posted April 23, 2013 Posted April 23, 2013 He would reference me as his girlfriend to friends and strangers, but couldn't admit it to me. We acted like bf/gf for the two years we were together and we were actually bf/gf for 6 months before he broke up with me the first time and then just never asked me again. We bother agreed not to see other people and I truly do trust that he hasn't. Again sounds like strings to me. He didnt want you as his girlfriend but still wanted you to be his lady, sorry its just not the way it goes you deserve more. He deserves to be happy as well but only he can do that, there is nothing you can do at this point except make your self happy. He sounds very scared and uncertain about the situation, this is what you must avoid because it will only cause you pain. Opening up to you is one thing, as a friend. But putting you in a spot where your guessing what to do is not right. Like KatZee said "Two Years" he knows what you want and why you walked away. Until he works out his commitment and any other issues he has on his own hes not going to be ready. I think its best not to respond, but I have a feeling you will just to be nice and feel better about it. Keep it simple, short and to the point. Don't mention how you feel or what you are doing. Be nice, supportive and to the point. Don't be that shoulder to cry on, you need to heal too. Good luck! 1
Author youngnlove89 Posted April 23, 2013 Author Posted April 23, 2013 Thank you EmptyWalls. I'm going to do what a good friend said to do, tell yourself you'll think about it tomorrow and tomorrow tell yourself the same thing and so on...before you know it 2 months will have passed. I think I know what the right thing to do is: No Contact. Period. 1
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