swiftly333 Posted April 23, 2013 Posted April 23, 2013 (edited) So, I've come across this author, Yangki Christine Akiteng, several times. I have read a lot of her articles and blog posts and even downloaded her free workbook from her site to get an idea of what her style is like. So far I have really liked a lot of things I have read by her, and I think that her concepts would work in my situation as she is against "No Contact" and I don't think NC will work in my situation. I have been mulling it over for weeks now, and was about to bite the bullet and buy the ebook tonight by my computer is a POS and I wasn't able to. (Maybe a sign?) I even tried to do the unethical thing and find a free download, but my lack of tech savvy made that not doable. Has anyone read this book? Anyone know where I can find it? Is it worth the money? Any input would be great. Thanks. Edited April 24, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
OwlSoul Posted April 23, 2013 Posted April 23, 2013 I do not believe in NC in the form it is used on LS either. People take it like a new religion and seem to overthink and panic, if NC is broken. It should be much more simple. Those authors of 'get your ex back', 'dating your ex' are playing on people's feelings. I admit I was tempted to buy one of those {welp, I read tons of those actually). Honeslty, they do not really worth of buying, since they're highlighting obvious things or even stereotypes. Even therapists cannot help to the couples in most of the cases. Like come on, who're the authors? They are using some push-pull and other theories about relationships not really giving a deep explanation to the major question 'Why?'. Honestly, none of those authors really told why relationships break and how to maintain feelings. At least for me. People come to this forum mostly not to know what to do, but get an answer to the main question 'Why?'. When you know 'why', you know 'how' as well. So, if anything, I'd buy the books explaining it.
Simon Phoenix Posted April 24, 2013 Posted April 24, 2013 NC is necessary, but not to a) punish your ex or b) not to make your ex miss you. It's necessary to get your emotions and impulses under control and let both parties settle. The best thing NC does in reconciliations is not to make your ex miss you (though that does happen). It prevents you from acting like an idiot and digging yourself a deeper hole when you are at your most emotional and vulnerable and your ex is at their most defensive and standoffish. 1
ThatJustHappened Posted April 24, 2013 Posted April 24, 2013 NC is necessary, but not to a) punish your ex or b) not to make your ex miss you. It's necessary to get your emotions and impulses under control and let both parties settle. The best thing NC does in reconciliations is not to make your ex miss you (though that does happen). It prevents you from acting like an idiot and digging yourself a deeper hole when you are at your most emotional and vulnerable and your ex is at their most defensive and standoffish. But NC is not a reconciliation tool. It's a healing tool.
Simon Phoenix Posted April 24, 2013 Posted April 24, 2013 But NC is not a reconciliation tool. It's a healing tool. It can be both actually.
Author swiftly333 Posted April 24, 2013 Author Posted April 24, 2013 NC is necessary, but not to a) punish your ex or b) not to make your ex miss you. It's necessary to get your emotions and impulses under control and let both parties settle. The best thing NC does in reconciliations is not to make your ex miss you (though that does happen). It prevents you from acting like an idiot and digging yourself a deeper hole when you are at your most emotional and vulnerable and your ex is at their most defensive and standoffish. I get that. We were in no contact for 1 month already. I waited until I was a lot calmer about things. And I do agree that NC until you are a little more calm is important.
Author swiftly333 Posted April 24, 2013 Author Posted April 24, 2013 I do not believe in NC in the form it is used on LS either. People take it like a new religion and seem to overthink and panic, if NC is broken. It should be much more simple. Those authors of 'get your ex back', 'dating your ex' are playing on people's feelings. I admit I was tempted to buy one of those {welp, I read tons of those actually). Honeslty, they do not really worth of buying, since they're highlighting obvious things or even stereotypes. Even therapists cannot help to the couples in most of the cases. Like come on, who're the authors? They are using some push-pull and other theories about relationships not really giving a deep explanation to the major question 'Why?'. Honestly, none of those authors really told why relationships break and how to maintain feelings. At least for me. People come to this forum mostly not to know what to do, but get an answer to the main question 'Why?'. When you know 'why', you know 'how' as well. So, if anything, I'd buy the books explaining it. Since I do not have the book, I cannot say for sure, but my impression was that this book does not try and use manipulation techniques to get your ex back, which is why I was drawn to it. I think a lot of the other resources out there focus on mindgames which, in my opinion, is not a healthy and mature way to handle things. Yangki seems to focus more on effective and meaningful communication... what that really is I do not really know, which is why I wanted to buy the book! agh!
ThatJustHappened Posted April 24, 2013 Posted April 24, 2013 It can be both actually. We will have to agree to disagree. I believe that if you're ignoring your ex because you want them back, then you're playing games, not trying to heal. Relationships can't be repaired unless each individual repairs what's going on with them separately. If you're just focusing on getting the person back, you're not fixing anything, and therefore it's not real NC.
xpaperxcutx Posted April 24, 2013 Posted April 24, 2013 Yes, I actually read her blog- torontosnumber1datedoctor. Compared to a lot of other dating blogs I read like Evan Marc Katz, I do find alot of her blogs on NC to be very interesting and knowledgeable.
Simon Phoenix Posted April 24, 2013 Posted April 24, 2013 We will have to agree to disagree. I believe that if you're ignoring your ex because you want them back, then you're playing games, not trying to heal. Relationships can't be repaired unless each individual repairs what's going on with them separately. If you're just focusing on getting the person back, you're not fixing anything, and therefore it's not real NC. You didn't read a word I typed, or didn't comprehend it. I'll go back and outline it for you. NC is necessary, but not to a) punish your ex or b) not to make your ex miss you. It's necessary to get your emotions and impulses under control and let both parties settle. The best thing NC does in reconciliations is not to make your ex miss you (though that does happen). It prevents you from acting like an idiot and digging yourself a deeper hole when you are at your most emotional and vulnerable and your ex is at their most defensive and standoffish. Working on yourself is part of the bolded. You shouldn't go after your ex until you have worked on you. Nothing I said had anything to do with playing games and manipulating the ex. I don't know how the heck you got that from what I originally posted. I'm guessing you didn't even read it and just made an assumption.
Recommended Posts