steveT95 Posted April 23, 2013 Posted April 23, 2013 I am going insane. I don't want to be trapped in my mind anymore. For the last two nights I have been up late crying. I thought I had started to do good but clearly I was wrong. I stupidly looked at her facebook and saw she is flirting and putting kisses to this guy she was talking to when we were together. I hate her for that. I should have never trusted her. I wrote down everything I wanted to say to get it off my mind, it did help for a time but I just want to say it to her. I just want to tell her what a horrible person and a slut she is, I feel like I won't get any sanity without getting it off my chest. The only person off of here that I really talk is my mum but now she is fed up and just tells me to get a grip because at least I don't have cancer or a missing limb like some people. I want this hell to end. There is a massive hole in me and I don't no how much longer I can cope.
richard9 Posted April 23, 2013 Posted April 23, 2013 I am going insane. I don't want to be trapped in my mind anymore. For the last two nights I have been up late crying. I thought I had started to do good but clearly I was wrong. I stupidly looked at her facebook and saw she is flirting and putting kisses to this guy she was talking to when we were together. I hate her for that. I should have never trusted her. I wrote down everything I wanted to say to get it off my mind, it did help for a time but I just want to say it to her. I just want to tell her what a horrible person and a slut she is, I feel like I won't get any sanity without getting it off my chest. The only person off of here that I really talk is my mum but now she is fed up and just tells me to get a grip because at least I don't have cancer or a missing limb like some people. I want this hell to end. There is a massive hole in me and I don't no how much longer I can cope. Ive been there, she left me in essence to go party with her girlfriends and chat and flirt with other guys. I'll be honest you made a SERIOUS mistake looking at her Facebook, I remember as I was blocking my ex from my facebook I caught a glimpse of her profile picture, she was only posing in it but my heart started pounding, my stomach was turning and it must have set me back at least a week. My advice would be to block her from your facebook, or even deactivate your own account. You REALLY do not need to see this right now while you are trying to heal. You need to try focus on something, a new hobby, sport, gym?? anything, i personally started a mixed martial arts (mma) class. I didnt want to go but i forced myself, and trust me when I was there blocking punches she was the last thing on my mind lol I also joined a gym and have a great set of arms! and i also enrolled on a college course. You have to force yourself to do things, I know its hard but try to better yourself in mind and body, trust me you will feel better! And DONT LOOK AT HER FACEBOOK EVER AGAIN!!! Give it time. 2
Minneloa Posted April 23, 2013 Posted April 23, 2013 Steve, As you know, I am quite sympathetic to your situation. However, this time I am going to be stern with you. The FB checking is unnecessary self-torture, and you need to stop it. NC can't help you unless you follow it to the letter, and we can't help you if you don't help yourself. M.
Author steveT95 Posted April 23, 2013 Author Posted April 23, 2013 I know, I was stupid, I regretted it immediately. I was deleting some old messages and saw that she had changed her profile picture. As I was already feeling terrible I could resist clicking on it. For someone with self-esteem issues she changes her profile picture a lot. F*cking hypocrite. All I did was end up confirming my suspicions and now I have been sent insane.
Minneloa Posted April 23, 2013 Posted April 23, 2013 Good. Now, what is your plan for the day? I would recommend getting out of the house ASAP.
Author steveT95 Posted April 23, 2013 Author Posted April 23, 2013 Talking to a counsellor at the minute then back to the dentist for round two of fix my face. Then college work. I hate been trapped in my head, I feel like I am going insane.
Minneloa Posted April 23, 2013 Posted April 23, 2013 Steve, I know you are feeling crazy right now. But you are not. You are deeply hurt, yes, and reeling from a breakup. I honestly believe that with time, effort, and consistent, hardcore NC, you will recover and heal. But it's gonna hurt, as you grieve the loss of the relationship and come to terms with how toxic and dysfunctional (from what you have posted) your ex is. One day at a time. Breathe. Keep posting here. Sending good thoughts. M.
Author steveT95 Posted April 23, 2013 Author Posted April 23, 2013 As advised by the counsellor I shall think of her as an addiction, which she was. She is alcohol, it may hurt me to be without her but she can now do harm to someone else. 1
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