SoulSoldier Posted April 23, 2013 Posted April 23, 2013 I'm 24, female, college graduate and currently employed full-time as a telecommuting IT worker. That basically means I work from home and aside from going to the gym, the store and picking my sister's kids up from school, I don't have much of an opportunity to meet new people. Luckily I still have a solid number of college friends and some other local people who I've met through Facebook. I previously have dealt with issues with mild anxiety (mostly social) and mild depression. Thanks to medication, therapy, exercise and journaling, I've overcome these issues and am a happier person for it. I used to be very shy and unable to talk to people, much less make friends; now I'm a lot less shy and am regarded as a friendly, happy person by friends and family. Now that I've got my life in order, so to speak, I've started to date. Previously I've only dated casually, but I am now looking to date a little more seriously. The issue is, I still live at home with parents who are under the assumption that I've never dated before. Yes, I know, I should move out, but due to debt that I am working on paying off, paying $500+ a month for an apartment is just not doable right now. I recently met a guy through OLD with whom I've really connected. No, he's not a catfish and yes, we've Skyped, texted, talked on the phone etc. He's exactly who he claims to be (an engineer who is close to my age, has his own place, super smart, cute, funny etc.). We have a ridiculous amount of things in common and are both looking (ideally) for a long term relationship. Of course, I'm not the type to get heavily invested in things (I like to take my time) so I know this may not work out...but I'm fairly optimistic. So we're now at the stage where we want to begin going out on dates and spending time together. Right now what I'm struggling with (stupid as it sounds) is how to tell my mom about him and about our plans to date. Even though she told me a couple months back that I should date if I want to and that I shouldn't let what I think my parents think about my dating stop me, I'm still anxious to tell her. Our date is scheduled for Wednesday, so I need to tell her soon. Any suggestions?
MrCastle Posted April 23, 2013 Posted April 23, 2013 "Mom I'm going out on a date tonight, be home late. See you later." 3
TheZebra Posted April 23, 2013 Posted April 23, 2013 You'd only pay $500 for rent in your area? Wow, over here I can't find anything for less than $1k. So as you can guess, I'm also living with my folks lol. I usually just tell them I'm going out with a guy, but that's it (I don't do OLD dating though). If your mom is the paranoid type about meeting people over the internet, just tell her you'll keep in touch as the date progresses (when you're coming home for example), so she can feel more at ease. Otherwise, leave it at that. 1
backinthedatinggame Posted April 23, 2013 Posted April 23, 2013 You think its bad to be 24 and have to tell a date that you live with your parents! I had to move back in with my parents, with my two kids, after divorcing my ex. I've been with them for almost a year now and have another year left since I am also back in school. Try to tell that to a guy! I've actually found it a great way to weed out people who were looking for booty call instead of getting to know and date me. Anyway, I was nervous at first telling my mom that I was going out on a date. But, remember that you are a grown-up so you don't need to ask your parent's permission to date. But you do live in their house. So, you owe them the common curtesy of letting them know where you are going, who you are going to be with, and whether or not you are coming home that night. (I know that's a bit awkward, but they deserve not to wake up at 3 am and find you are unbeknown to them not home - they are your parents and will think the worst at that point). If you treat yourself and you and your parents all treat each other with respect then it should be no problem! 1
FlyerFan54 Posted April 23, 2013 Posted April 23, 2013 Tell her a friend from work wants to introduce you to somebody, or say you are meeting from friends at work. Later, you can tell her you met a guy. It's not a big deal. Most guys won't care if you live at home. We live in a time where not everyone is able to live on their own because of finances. Just play it off like you're meeting some friends. Parents will rarely question that.
DannyMason Posted April 23, 2013 Posted April 23, 2013 Most guys live at home at 24. What? Since when? 1
Sparkly24 Posted April 23, 2013 Posted April 23, 2013 Same problem!! I am 24, and am in the process of moving back home after trying it out in London for a year. Rents are astronomical and salaries are low, so I basically had to hold my hands up and tell my dad I failed, and that I couldn't manage my money properly. So far being back at home is really weird, and I am finding it really hard to adjust. I am used to doing things my own way. And now there is a guy in the picture, and I am not really sure about what is going on with him right now. It would be brilliant to be able to have the freedom to go out and do whatever, but I cant right now, and there is absolutely no way I could ever tell my dad I was going out on a date with someone. I know what those reasons are, and I will probably just tell him I am going back to London for the evening to meet a girlfriend for a drink. I feel more comfortable telling a white lie than stress him out, and stress myself out at the same time. In my mind, my dad, and dating guys, should never ever mix. So you are totally not alone, and I really understand where you are coming from. You need to have a think about why you don't feel very comfortable speaking to your mom about where you are going. Are you worried she will not like it that the guy you met is from an OLD? Do you not want her to know in case she worries overall?
Drseussgrrl Posted April 23, 2013 Posted April 23, 2013 I was out of the house at 18 and never looked back. Paying rent and managing your money is part of being a functioning adult. I get sometimes you might fall on hard times but living with your parents should be a temporary solution until you get back on your feet. And at 24, I'm really surprised you're trying to find a way to "tell your mom" that you're going on a date. Aren't you allowed to do what you want?
pbjbear Posted April 23, 2013 Posted April 23, 2013 Im 25 and moving back to my hometown soon. I will be living with my parents for at least 6 months until I get situated. Its not the end of the world but my parents are cool. If I had clingy parents like yours Id go bat**** crazy
meghann8 Posted April 23, 2013 Posted April 23, 2013 I've noticed that at this stage (20-24, and even into 25-29) parents are just happy to be told what's going on in your life. If you keep them in the loop, they'll accept your decisions and will love you even more for making them feel loved and wanted in your life. Talking to your mom about dating and relationships will only help your relationship between you and your mom. So just go for it! 1
DannyMason Posted April 23, 2013 Posted April 23, 2013 And at 24, I'm really surprised you're trying to find a way to "tell your mom" that you're going on a date. Aren't you allowed to do what you want? Maybe she's in some kind of emotionally abusive situation? I don't think it's normal to be feeling that she needs to be justifying basic life activities to her mother at that age, although didn't she say she had her mother's blessing to date? My own situation is similar at the even more embarrassing age of 25 only I don't have my father's blessing for much of anything.
meghann8 Posted April 23, 2013 Posted April 23, 2013 Same problem!! I am 24, and am in the process of moving back home after trying it out in London for a year. Rents are astronomical and salaries are low, so I basically had to hold my hands up and tell my dad I failed, and that I couldn't manage my money properly. So far being back at home is really weird, and I am finding it really hard to adjust. I am used to doing things my own way. And now there is a guy in the picture, and I am not really sure about what is going on with him right now. It would be brilliant to be able to have the freedom to go out and do whatever, but I cant right now, and there is absolutely no way I could ever tell my dad I was going out on a date with someone. I know what those reasons are, and I will probably just tell him I am going back to London for the evening to meet a girlfriend for a drink. I feel more comfortable telling a white lie than stress him out, and stress myself out at the same time. In my mind, my dad, and dating guys, should never ever mix. So you are totally not alone, and I really understand where you are coming from. You need to have a think about why you don't feel very comfortable speaking to your mom about where you are going. Are you worried she will not like it that the guy you met is from an OLD? Do you not want her to know in case she worries overall? Mothers will worry. My mom is pretty laid back, but wants to be told the truth on my whereabouts. She'll tell me if she senses red flags going up about my nightlife plans. I'll just talk to her about it, where I'm going, who the guy is, if anyone else is going, and give her an estimate on when I'll be back. Her whole thing is safety. She'll accept my decisions (mainly because I rarely get into trouble and am generally safe myself) and be okay with me having a night in the city. She just wants to know that I'm not being abducted and raped or something crazy (mother logic). Best thing is to just tell her. If she's okay with it, awesome. If not, talk about it. If you think she's being irrational, tell her. A conversation with your parents is best. It'll show that you are a grown-up and can handle your own life. They'll always have your back through the best and the worst of times. Don't ruin that by lying to them!
Drseussgrrl Posted April 23, 2013 Posted April 23, 2013 Mothers will worry. My mom is pretty laid back, but wants to be told the truth on my whereabouts. She'll tell me if she senses red flags going up about my nightlife plans. I'll just talk to her about it, where I'm going, who the guy is, if anyone else is going, and give her an estimate on when I'll be back. Her whole thing is safety. She'll accept my decisions (mainly because I rarely get into trouble and am generally safe myself) and be okay with me having a night in the city. She just wants to know that I'm not being abducted and raped or something crazy (mother logic). Best thing is to just tell her. If she's okay with it, awesome. If not, talk about it. If you think she's being irrational, tell her. A conversation with your parents is best. It'll show that you are a grown-up and can handle your own life. They'll always have your back through the best and the worst of times. Don't ruin that by lying to them! I mean - what if you lived on your own? Would you have to check in with her then, too? 1
Author SoulSoldier Posted April 23, 2013 Author Posted April 23, 2013 You'd only pay $500 for rent in your area? Wow, over here I can't find anything for less than $1k. So as you can guess, I'm also living with my folks lol. I usually just tell them I'm going out with a guy, but that's it (I don't do OLD dating though). Yeah, $500 per month for a decent apt in a nearby suburb, closer to $600-$700 for a nicer apt. I live in MI though, so that's probably why it's relatively cheap. I was out of the house at 18 and never looked back. Paying rent and managing your money is part of being a functioning adult. I get sometimes you might fall on hard times but living with your parents should be a temporary solution until you get back on your feet. And at 24, I'm really surprised you're trying to find a way to "tell your mom" that you're going on a date. Aren't you allowed to do what you want? What basically happened is this: I had a cat and dog who got super sick when I was in college and only working part-time min wage (because I was taking 16-18 credit hours per semester and paying my own way). Both required extensive vet treatment. Being the animal lover that I am, I did everything to save them and in the process wracked up thousands of dollars in credit card debt. That's what I'm working to pay off now and will have it paid off within the year. The issue is, yes, I'm allowed to do what I want, but I respect my parents enough to keep them informed of what I'm doing. I feel it would be disrespectful to tell them, for instance, "I'm going out on a date no matter what you think." They're letting me live here (rather than pay rent I do all of the cleaning and also help out with groceries/laundry) and I feel obligated to run things by then first. Obviously if we disagree on something, I'm still going to do it but the goal is to not create a big conflict. Meghann, I completely agree with you on keeping her informed and that her concern is merely safety. I guess I just get nervous telling her things because I automatically think she'll disapprove.....which isn't the case, but it's a stupid irrational fear of mine.
meghann8 Posted April 23, 2013 Posted April 23, 2013 I mean - what if you lived on your own? Would you have to check in with her then, too? I do, but that's because I have an awesome relationship with my mom. She's become a really close friend to me and we talk about everything. It's also a good safety thing to let others know where you're going incase something bad happens.
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