3 months on...

[Shocked Suzie]

Hi Suzie (and MsAwesome ) - I share many of the same thoughts and feelings on this topic as you do.

 

For me... I certainly breached the subject (repeatedly) - my intuition drove me to begin conversations about 'where' we were. She always sold the idea she was happy and all was well - so I concluded that I couldn't make my 'insecurities' hers. Of course - when the ***** hit the fan -

I realized that my intuition was dead on...

ha ha (((hugs))) maybe i should have a LS name change

 

its good you spoke out...i only did this the once and in this conversation i said that i had the feeling we were no longer on the same page and that when i spoke about growing older, he hardly commented... he didn't open up or take that opportunity to be honest.

 

I read his "detached behavior" as depression which he's stated he'd felt a year before and with the newly found out 'i had no idea' financial crisis we was in i presumed he was depressed and was struggling....i then began to show him more support and gave reassurance....probably ended up pushing him further away

 

your intuition part is the frustrating part isnt it when looking back....thats when the WHAT IF'S run wild!!

 

Hope all is well TS

[TailSpin75]

Suzie - I couldn't agree more with the 'what if's' running wild. I've managed to tame them - meaning they're still there from time to time but no longer carry the impact on my daily life that they have before.

 

I am doing well! I still have my moments (and probably more frequently then I would like) - but have been doing just fine. In fact, there's a bit of 'drama' happening between us right now... in fact - I received an email this afternoon today from her, that for the first time since... well I can't recall - that wasn't about the divorce or the kids. We've had a lot (and I do mean a lot) of interaction in the past week or so... but I maintain my position to be kind, cordial, and polite (something that's incredibly difficult at times).

 

I fully believe in my mind that I am good... and while the emotions continue to take me on a ride - I do know that I am okay. When I find that I'm a hot mess... I just sit back, shrink my world to the walls of the room that I'm in and just allow it to pass.

[Shocked Suzie]

Suzie - I couldn't agree more with the 'what if's' running wild.

I've managed to tame them - meaning they're still there from time to time but no longer carry the impact on my daily life that they have before.

 

I am doing well! I still have my moments (and probably more frequently then I would like) - but have been doing just fine. In fact, there's a bit of 'drama' happening between us right now... in fact - I received an email this afternoon today from her, that for the first time since... well I can't recall - that wasn't about the divorce or the kids. We've had a lot (and I do mean a lot) of interaction in the past week or so... but I maintain my position to be kind, cordial, and polite (something that's incredibly difficult at times).

 

I fully believe in my mind that I am good... and while the emotions continue to take me on a ride - I do know that I am okay. When I find that I'm a hot mess... I just sit back, shrink my world to the walls of the room that I'm in and just allow it to pass.

 

i understand this fully....they aren't as painful, i still shock myself daily! i think im just going along just fine and then something simple...or a 'how are you doing' then BAM! Im crying can't wait for that to go away!! that and my aching jaw which i clench through stress...ouch

 

looking forward to hearing about this DRAMA!! hang in there...hope it doesn't cause you upset and confusion

 

you are a good person and from what i have read you've been a rock under very difficult times

[MsOptimist]

I read his "detached behavior" as depression which he's stated he'd felt a year before and with the newly found out 'i had no idea' financial crisis we was in i presumed he was depressed and was struggling....i then began to show him more support and gave reassurance....probably ended up pushing him further away

 

your intuition part is the frustrating part isnt it when looking back....thats when the WHAT IF'S run wild!!

 

Hope all is well TS

 

I did the same thing! I rationalized away his detached behavior and when I gave more of myself to support him and our marriage I eventually realized it was pushing us further apart due to his built up resentment. It's quite maddening to think about.

[Shocked Suzie]

I did the same thing! I rationalized away his detached behavior and when I gave more of myself to support him and our marriage I eventually realized it was pushing us further apart due to his built up resentment. It's quite maddening to think about.

 

Thing is I think even at this stage it would be too late by then anyway, this is obviously the final stage of them deciding to go...

 

Can't wait for peace in my mind.... So up and down atm, one day good...one day not!

[Gunny376]

i suppose really what ive learnt here is that you can never presume that everyone deals with things the same as you would 'the rule now is never presume' i'd have spoken up if i was unhappy...im an open book...i thought he'd do the same, thought i knew him well enough....

 

this among many other lessons learnt in all this, hope that one day will make me into a better person.....not to take any situation for granted

 

No, the word that comes back and bites ya in the azz is "assume" as in 'ass' 'u' and 'me ~ that is to to say to assume something about someone or anything?

 

Makes an ass out of both you and me!

[Shocked Suzie]

So over myself today!!! i do so well, then i dont! trying to study for exams and all i can think of is why this has all happened...im so close to finishing my diploma but just dont know if i have the mental strength to do all this!!:( i just cant focus, its the most important part of the course and im on a melt down!! ...one of my exams is on mother/babies and all i keep thinking is of when i had my kids and my husband...keep falling to bits, thought i was over moments like this! feel so bloody overwhelmed

 

i hate this!!

[TailSpin75]

Hi Suzie - I'm so sorry to hear of the timing of this storm. Know that you are amazing though (at least I think so)... What a terrible time for you to have an emotional storm - I'm sorry to hear of the struggle Suzie...

[Shocked Suzie]

Hi Suzie - I'm so sorry to hear of the timing of this storm. Know that you are amazing though (at least I think so)... What a terrible time for you to have an emotional storm - I'm sorry to hear of the struggle Suzie...

 

Thanks TS, all I want to do is heal myself... I want to spend time reading, spend time getting fit, spend time with my kids... And atm all my time is spent on focusing on extra hours, house sale and college... I've been trying to just put my head down and think its just 3 months and it will be over! I think trying to focus on studying for these final exams has highlighted that my mind constantly wanders back to what's going on.

 

I've calmed down a bit now lost it for a bit! I could quite happily punch my H right now

[TailSpin75]

Hi Suzie - I totally get that. Where in the beginning I was just a constant wreck - an emotional mess... things changed to where I was only a wreck some of the time. Of course, as time goes on - the time I spend 'suffering' continues to decrease. But like you've mentioned recently - sometimes the weight of it is too much to get out from under. I practice what I preach (on Tom's thread) - I also 'do' when I can and when I cannot... I take the time to grieve.

 

From what I read Suzie - I think you do well... very well! Where I feel that (at times) I just want to run away and bury my head in the sand - I'm a witness to the struggle that you force yourself through to do what must be done.

[Shocked Suzie]

Well what can I say, all going ok atm...had a pretty flat week last week, couldn't quite believe I seemed to be go backwards with regards to grieving, kept frustratingly thinking of the past..happy times and then onto the free flowing lies and fake affection that we shared whilst he was having his affair....was so annoyed with myself for allowing this to happen, fortunately I turned the pages of my recovery book I'm reading and it highlighted exactly what I was feeling, in the later grief stage...when I realized this, I stopped fighting it and it lifted I've felt pretty settled since then, kick ass a few times this week...had a few anger bursts, that won't hurt either...and were justified

 

Sat 2 exams today, feel mentally exhausted!! passed one and waiting to hear about the other 'which I feel I did ok on'...buyers on my house are being idiots:rolleyes:, so not needed and hope it doesn't fall through, if all goes well will be moving pretty soon. I can't wait to have some quality me time and start to go out more and meet people, unfortunately I just don't have the time, heart or energy atm.....I know this will come just need to get a few things sorted first....just want to fully heal, I know I'm being impatient

 

I'm happy to say my kids seem pretty content, which I'm so happy about

 

SS x

[Calvin's wagon]

Awesome, great to hear all this! Keep us posted, we're eagerly awaiting each new update, especially the ones with great news like this!

[Shocked Suzie]

Awesome' date=' great to hear all this! Keep us posted, we're eagerly awaiting each new update, especially the ones with great news like this! [/quote']

 

Thanks, slow but in the right direction....Hope your doing ok yourself

[Shocked Suzie]

Wondering tonight if I'm normal... Why is it I don't feel like many other posters here and really want my ex back?? I don't even really miss him...that can't be normal?? I feel hurt, sad, I cry frequently, I think about how happy we was, I've feel frustration, I've had some anger..not loads..why do I not pine for him...I know some will think I should be happy that i don't have that longing feeling ... I am relieved I don't have this, but I feel a bit confused with this emotion or more the lack of it, I hope it doesn't rear up and slap me in the face one day! am I blocking something out or have I just excepted it over...just feels so soon! I don't even feel much when I see him 'which is not often' ??

 

Confused??

[Steadfast]

Wondering tonight if I'm normal... Why is it I don't feel like many other posters here and really want my ex back?? I don't even really miss him...that can't be normal??

 

Could it be that you answered your own question?

 

...(thinking of) happy times and then onto the free flowing lies and fake affection that we shared whilst he was having his affair...

 

For me, after the shock and denial faded her actions killed my attraction. Like you I think, that attraction was very strong. I was crazy about her.

 

For one reason or another, spouses who lose respect find it easier to cheat and/or justify it. No respect (for reasons real or invented) kills sexual attraction. You've read it here and probably heard it in person many times; the cheater gets so into their AP. A soulmate that they love/lust over.

 

One thing that cheaters don't realize is that cheating is a double-edged sword. When the betrayed lose respect, it tends to hit harder because it truly is justified. And, for whatever it's worth, when a woman loses attraction for a man, it very rarely comes back. In my experience anyway.

 

Then again, GIGS knows no gender rules. The weak are just weak. That's my way of saying you didn't kill the desire you once had for him, he did.

 

All that said, please understand that you are still dealing with phases of the breakup. It's all perfectly normal. Don't be surprised at up and down, confused, or conflicting emotions. When your head and your heart are thinking and feeling in unison, you'll feel a general sense of indifference towards him. That doesn't mean you won't remember, it means that the situation has lost its ability to emotionally pull you one way or another.

 

Let yourself heal. Don't question every feeling and emotion. Do the right thing at the right time, the things not in your control will sort themselves out in time. For now? A healthly balance of planning for those in your care.

Edited May 25, 2013 by Steadfast

[trippi1432]

Wondering tonight if I'm normal... Why is it I don't feel like many other posters here and really want my ex back?? I don't even really miss him...that can't be normal?? I feel hurt, sad, I cry frequently, I think about how happy we was, I've feel frustration, I've had some anger..not loads..why do I not pine for him...I know some will think I should be happy that i don't have that longing feeling ... I am relieved I don't have this, but I feel a bit confused with this emotion or more the lack of it, I hope it doesn't rear up and slap me in the face one day! am I blocking something out or have I just excepted it over...just feels so soon! I don't even feel much when I see him 'which is not often' ??

 

Confused??

 

Hi SS - There's nothing abnormal about not wanting your ex back in your situation. I don't feel that you are skipping over anything, but it's easy to come here and see other's situations and make you wonder about yourself. I did that when I came here several years ago and wondered if there was something wrong with me (which was an easy place for me to go to after taking blame for everything that was ever wrong in the world by my second exH).

 

I've taken many journeys of self-exploration, dealt with self-inflicted pain sometimes as a result looking for answers after two failed marriages, because I thought I was missing something I needed to learn. My best advice to you is don't do that to yourself.

 

Embrace the indifference, I did after my first exH abandoned me and his daughter, got his AP pregnant and attempted to reconcile three months after he left. He didn't know that I knew about her....and he wasn't going to tell me about her pregnancy either. When he asked if we could be a family again, I simply asked him did he mean me and his daughter or did we need to count in CE and the baby she is carrying that was his too? My first husband who had never yelled at me, never really spoke to me with anger at all....well, he knew the gig was up and I was no longer his doormat. In the past, I would cry my eyes out and go into deep depressions when he would leave, come back, leave, come back....that time I hit indifference immediately and never regretted it. So, don't question yourself over being a strong person and taking back your heart and your power.

 

If nothing else, you are a great example of a strong woman for your children to admire. You're not missing a thing SS, be proud of yourself and know yourself and your story can be different than others on here.

[Gunny376]

Wondering tonight if I'm normal... Why is it I don't feel like many other posters here and really want my ex back?? I don't even really miss him...that can't be normal?? I feel hurt, sad, I cry frequently, I think about how happy we was, I've feel frustration, I've had some anger..not loads..why do I not pine for him...I know some will think I should be happy that i don't have that longing feeling ... I am relieved I don't have this, but I feel a bit confused with this emotion or more the lack of it, I hope it doesn't rear up and slap me in the face one day! am I blocking something out or have I just excepted it over...just feels so soon! I don't even feel much when I see him 'which is not often' ??

 

Confused??

 

For lack of a better word? The "Process" of divorce is different for each and every individual, unique unto themselves, yet very similar to the experiences to that of others?

 

There are many reasons for this, and reasons that one individual may go through each and every one of the stages of grieving (The Five Stages of Grief). For some it may very well be a linear process. For others its not. Yet for others, it may include a little as one, or two, or three of the five.

 

For others it may manifest itself beyond the traditional five in other forms in the most silly, and absurd things and ways. Others still may jump over some of the stages, or skip them all together.

 

We each have our own individual and unique ways of coping and dealing not only with grief, but with most anything in life. Its what makes us individuals and unique. Its what makes us each and individually un-like any other individual before or since our existence.

 

We are the sum total thus far to date of our own individual lives, our experiences, our education, our educators, our parents, our siblings, our environment, our own unique bio-chemistry ~ some of which may be hereditary, some of which may be environmental, some of which may be "natural" while other parts may be "nurture"

 

"Normal" is defined by our own each and individual "standard" and not that which is set by that of others. What's "Normal?" Is whatever you the individual define it as? What is "normal" for one? Isn't "normal" for another or for another group?

 

"Normal" like the much overly used term "Common Sense" is highly subjective and interpretative. Someone use accustomed to "normal" and the application of "common sense" in one location and environment, would be viewed as a complete dumb ass in another. That is to say, how "dumb" you are is subjective to where your from to where you find yourself at any given point in time and space.

 

Someone who is accustomed to living in the rugged outdoors, and living off of the land in say Alaska, Montana, the Rockey Mountains, etc would be lost in somewhere like the streets of Manhattan, or the Bronx, and vice verse for example. And I SAY THAT while given full acknowledgement that some forms of "common sense" is universal regardless of where one is from and where they find themselves to be?

 

We all learn, adapt, improvise and over-come. It has been this trait among any and all human beings that has ensured the success of us as a species and the most dominant life form on the planet.

 

Its our ability to recognize that the "traditional" and accepted ways of thinking don't or aren't working, that leads us to find ways that do! To find the solutions to the problems and the answers to the questions?

 

There are many things and "tests" in life in which there are no right or wrong answers, nor "pass and fail" end of game point? These are things and situations that we "process" through, flow through, work through, ....................evolve through and from.

 

A mental, emotional, psychological, evolution of sorts ~ a metamorphosis of sorts ~ and if you would.

 

Nothing in our lives happens without a cause and a reason. That is not to say that its is nor will be easy, nor that it will not come without some sort of cost, nor pain. No one every promised us a rose garden. No one ever said it would be easy. The World doesn't owe us a damn thing, it was here first.

 

Without the pain there really can be no growth. Pain is the Ultimate Teacher. When we were small children? We were drawn to and burned by the pain of fire. But we learned and grew not to touch it with our bare hands, to respect it, to learn how to handle it, how to use it as a tool, to mold it for our purposes, to comprehend it, to understand it, to appreciate it...................................

 

It is the act of growing, learning, experiencing, evolving from that which you were? To that which you are to become.

[Shocked Suzie]

Could it be that you answered your own question?

 

 

For me, after the shock and denial faded her actions killed my attraction. Like you I think, that attraction was very strong. I was crazy about her.

 

For one reason or another, spouses who lose respect find it easier to cheat and/or justify it. No respect (for reasons real or invented) kills sexual attraction. You've read it here and probably heard it in person many times; the cheater gets so into their AP. A soulmate that they love/lust over.

 

One thing that cheaters don't realize is that cheating is a double-edged sword. When the betrayed lose respect, it tends to hit harder because it truly is justified. And, for whatever it's worth, when a woman loses attraction for a man, it very rarely comes back. In my experience anyway.

 

Then again, GIGS knows no gender rules. The weak are just weak. That's my way of saying you didn't kill the desire you once had for him, he did.

 

All that said, please understand that you are still dealing with phases of the breakup. It's all perfectly normal. Don't be surprised at up and down, confused, or conflicting emotions. When your head and your heart are thinking and feeling in unison, you'll feel a general sense of indifference towards him. That doesn't mean you won't remember, it means that the situation has lost its ability to emotionally pull you one way or another.

Let yourself heal. Don't question every feeling and emotion. Do the right thing at the right time, the things not in your control will sort themselves out in time

. For now? A healthly balance of planning for those in your care.

 

 

Thank you for your response .... I think your right, I have lost all respect...one of the things I loved about him most is that I thought I could always rely on him 'especially' in the faithful department! That is shattered into thousands of pieces. I also don't recognize him anymore, when I do see him he is like a stranger.

 

I think my problem is that I want answers, I have to except that I won't get them all of the time. I suppose this has just pushed buttons that I never thought would have been pushed and opened up some self wounds that I didn't know were there... I just need to deal with and move on and stop over analyzing

 

Thank you

 

SS x

[Shocked Suzie]

Hi SS -

There's nothing abnormal about not wanting your ex back in your situation. I don't feel that you are skipping over anything,

but it's easy to come here and see other's situations and make you wonder about yourself. I did that when I came here several years ago and wondered if there was something wrong with me (which was an easy place for me to go to after taking blame for everything that was ever wrong in the world by my second exH).

 

I've taken many journeys of self-exploration, dealt with self-inflicted pain sometimes as a result looking for answers after two failed marriages, because I thought I was missing something I needed to learn. My best advice to you is don't do that to yourself.

Embrace the indifference, I did after my first exH abandoned me and his daughter, got his AP pregnant and attempted to reconcile three months after he left. He didn't know that I knew about her....and he wasn't going to tell me about her pregnancy either. When he asked if we could be a family again, I simply asked him did he mean me and his daughter or did we need to count in CE and the baby she is carrying that was his too? My first husband who had never yelled at me, never really spoke to me with anger at all....well, he knew the gig was up and I was no longer his doormat. In the past, I would cry my eyes out and go into deep depressions when he would leave, come back, leave, come back....that time I hit indifference immediately and never regretted it. So, don't question yourself over being a strong person and taking back your heart and your power.

 

If nothing else, you are a great example of a strong woman for your children to admire. You're not missing a thing SS, be proud of yourself and know yourself and your story can be different than others on here.

 

 

Its crossed my mind before you see and then i read on here that others would have their Ex's back I wondered if i didn't love him as much as i thought not that that really matters now anyway. I think its just looking back at our relationship and who i was before i met him, my own natural self esteem issues and so on....i suppose i just don't want to make the same mistakes if i ever settled down again, i know im probably thinking way too much...but my head does go off on its own a lot at the moment part of the course i suppose

 

I pleased to have my children to focus on, to put a lot of energy into...my goal is to be a good role model and for this to have as minimal effect on them as possible...I know that im going to be ok after time, ive always been aware of my strength and fortunate to be comfortable by my self 'my own space'

 

thank you for your response, much appreciated

[Shocked Suzie]

For lack of a better word? The "Process" of divorce is different for each and every individual, unique unto themselves, yet very similar to the experiences to that of others?

 

There are many reasons for this, and reasons that one individual may go through each and every one of the stages of grieving (The Five Stages of Grief). For some it may very well be a linear process. For others its not. Yet for others, it may include a little as one, or two, or three of the five.

 

For others it may manifest itself beyond the traditional five in other forms in the most silly, and absurd things and ways. Others still may jump over some of the stages, or skip them all together.

 

We each have our own individual and unique ways of coping and dealing not only with grief, but with most anything in life. Its what makes us individuals and unique. Its what makes us each and individually un-like any other individual before or since our existence.

 

We are the sum total thus far to date of our own individual lives, our experiences, our education, our educators, our parents, our siblings, our environment, our own unique bio-chemistry ~ some of which may be hereditary, some of which may be environmental, some of which may be "natural" while other parts may be "nurture"

 

"Normal" is defined by our own each and individual "standard" and not that which is set by that of others. What's "Normal?" Is whatever you the individual define it as? What is "normal" for one? Isn't "normal" for another or for another group?

 

"Normal" like the much overly used term "Common Sense" is highly subjective and interpretative. Someone use accustomed to "normal" and the application of "common sense" in one location and environment, would be viewed as a complete dumb ass in another. That is to say, how "dumb" you are is subjective to where your from to where you find yourself at any given point in time and space.

 

Someone who is accustomed to living in the rugged outdoors, and living off of the land in say Alaska, Montana, the Rockey Mountains, etc would be lost in somewhere like the streets of Manhattan, or the Bronx, and vice verse for example. And I SAY THAT while given full acknowledgement that some forms of "common sense" is universal regardless of where one is from and where they find themselves to be?

 

We all learn, adapt, improvise and over-come. It has been this trait among any and all human beings that has ensured the success of us as a species and the most dominant life form on the planet.

 

Its our ability to recognize that the "traditional" and accepted ways of thinking don't or aren't working, that leads us to find ways that do! To find the solutions to the problems and the answers to the questions?

 

There are many things and "tests" in life in which there are no right or wrong answers, nor "pass and fail" end of game point? These are things and situations that we "process" through, flow through, work through, ....................evolve through and from.

 

A mental, emotional, psychological, evolution of sorts ~ a metamorphosis of sorts ~ and if you would.

 

Nothing in our lives happens without a cause and a reason. That is not to say that its is nor will be easy, nor that it will not come without some sort of cost, nor pain. No one every promised us a rose garden. No one ever said it would be easy. The World doesn't owe us a damn thing, it was here first.

 

Without the pain there really can be no growth. Pain is the Ultimate Teacher. When we were small children? We were drawn to and burned by the pain of fire. But we learned and grew not to touch it with our bare hands, to respect it, to learn how to handle it, how to use it as a tool, to mold it for our purposes, to comprehend it, to understand it, to appreciate it...................................

 

It is the act of growing, learning, experiencing, evolving from that which you were? To that which you are to become.

 

Do love your posts (((hugs))) you are so right and I'm a little inpatient i have a tenancy to rush through things that i don't wana deal with, or things that annoy me...so this is all a lesson in itself for me, MOST of the time i try to draw strength from the new challenge, the pace which is out of my control and the change in my life...and part of me just wants my old simple life back, which I know isn't worth going there with because its gone

 

Thanks again...your always there for everyone

[LIFE.GOES.wrONg]

I think my problem is that I want answers, I have to except that I won't get them all of the time. I suppose this has just pushed buttons that I never thought would have been pushed and opened up some self wounds that I didn't know were there... I just need to deal with and move on and stop over analyzing

SS x

 

Hi Suzie, really thought about your post tonight - about wanting answers and wondering if what you're feeling is normal. You know what I've been thinking lately - that I wish my wife had left me for another man! How f'd is that!!!

 

Somehow, in my warped mind, somehow, I rationalize that that would be "less painful"... somehow. I think, at least I'd have *some* reason. I'd have another man to hate and I could paint my wife a cheater.

 

I just want answers too - answers I know we'll never get.

 

Thanks for posting.

[coaches24]

Hi Suzie, really thought about your post tonight - about wanting answers and wondering if what you're feeling is normal. You know what I've been thinking lately - that I wish my wife had left me for another man! How f'd is that!!!

 

Somehow, in my warped mind, somehow, I rationalize that that would be "less painful"... somehow. I think, at least I'd have *some* reason. I'd have another man to hate and I could paint my wife a cheater.

 

I just want answers too - answers I know we'll never get.

 

Thanks for posting.

 

I absolutely thin that thought process is normal. Im in the same boat. I want answers, I want to understand why this is happening with my wife. I likely will never get what I want but I'm still in the stage where I feel there is more to learn and possibly a chance even though I gather from responses to my posts that on the outside looking in my case is hopeless. In just not in a place to accept that right now.

 

I also know what you mean when you say you wish your wife had cheated on you. I told my wife early on in our issues that part of me wants her to have cheated on me because that would explain what's happening a lot more than "I don't know why I feel this way" or "I don't know what's wrong with me" which is what she tells me when I ask for answers. She swears there is no one else but I keep wishing there was.

[Shocked Suzie]

Well there you go... I'd rather it be the other way, I'd rather my H tell me that he didn't love me anymore, that he wanted to experience different things in life, wanted to live a little. Having said that I would probably had lived in hope that he would have come back if he had done this??

At least my way he has broken everything and it's not possible for him to come back...but it kills me when I think that he lied so much to me over those months...slept with me and her all that time and has chosen a woman that he's only known a short while over me and walked away from his family.

 

Think either way, there must be a kinder way of doing these things... Think the frustrating part of it all is the no real sign before hand and the lack of effort to try to at least try to work through things prior to just up & going

 

I often wonder if I'll ever try another relationship, I'd like to think I can one day...but I am happy in my own company and maybe it's a good time to travel...'once my kids have moved out of course' be a bit of a free spirit

and help others....who knows where we'll all end up hey, all I do know is that I'm gonna make sure I'm happy whatever path I go

 

I don't think there is anything wrong with asking or looking for answers, as long as you do not dwell on this for too long or it'll just drag you under again and again. Having said that there wouldn't be too many times I'd ask my H for those answers as he blames me for almost everything....minimal or no contact works for me and I try to find the answers through looking back and into myself...no point in thinking too much about his thought process anymore, it's me I need to repair now not him

Edited May 26, 2013 by Shocked Suzie

[coaches24]

Yea it's probably a "grass must be greener " thing and it's likely not any better the other way, it just feels like it would be because of how bad the real situation is.

 

Im not even at the point where I can think about whether I would be able to try another relationship. Im not ready to consider that just yet.

 

Well there you go... I'd rather it be the other way, I'd rather my H tell me that he didn't love me anymore, that he wanted to experience different things in life, wanted to live a little. Having said that I would probably had lived in hope that he would have come back if he had done this??

At least my way he has broken everything and it's not possible for him to come back...but it kills me when I think that he lied so much to me over those months...slept with me and her all that time and has chosen a woman that he's only known a short while over me and walked away from his family.

 

Think either way, there must be a kinder way of doing these things... Think the frustrating part of it all is the no real sign before hand and the lack of effort to try to at least try to work through things prior to just up & going

 

I often wonder if I'll ever try another relationship, I'd like to think I can one day...but I am happy in my own company and maybe it's a good time to travel...'once my kids have moved out of course' be a bit of a free spirit

and help others....who knows where we'll all end up hey, all I do know is that I'm gonna make sure I'm happy whatever path I go

 

I don't think there is anything wrong with asking or looking for answers, as long as you do not dwell on this for too long or it'll just drag you under again and again. Having said that there wouldn't be too many times I'd ask my H for those answers as he blames me for almost everything....minimal or no contact works for me and I try to find the answers through looking back and into myself...no point in thinking too much about his thought process anymore, it's me I need to repair now not him

[Shocked Suzie]

Yea it's probably a "grass must be greener " thing and it's likely not any better the other way, it just feels like it would be because of how bad the real situation is.

 

Im not even at the point where I can think about whether I would be able to try another relationship. Im not ready to consider that just yet.

 

:eek no me neither! And it's way too early for that....it would end up a train wreck lol I have far too much learning and healing to do first...my life for now is on hold for my kids....they need me 100% they didn't ask for any of this and want them to feel as secure and loved as possible on the odd times I've been out I'm just happy to have some fun and enjoy myself, that enough for me right now

 

Doesn't matter which way really, it still hurts n sucks big time!!! Hopefully one day we'll look back at these posts and be in a much better place than before