NGC1300 Posted April 22, 2013 Posted April 22, 2013 I've tried so many variations of initial contact, and none seem to ever work. Getting a single reply is 90% of the battle, but it always fizzles out shortly thereafter. Below in a very brief exchange that went nowhere, despite her replying the first time. Please critque, and if you think it was too lame. I generally keep it lite, as asking deep questions to a stranger just feels invasive. Me: Hi, I read your profile; seemed we have some common interests. Had to sell my truck though, it was a POS, lol. I used to snowmobile quite a bit as well. Have you ever been to the Brookside tavern? The trail runs right past there, I think it's near Frankfort, not sure. Well anyway, write back if you want to chat some time. I figure girls on these sites gets lots and lots of messages, so I'll understand if you don't. Her: Hello yes I know where the brookside is its now called hoovers I live ten minutes from there how are you ? Me: Oh I didn't know they changed it, I haven't been there in a while. I might have riden my bike past there though. I think that's route 51, runs through the gorge into Ilion right? Really nice to ride motorcyles through there. I am doing good thank you. How do you like this whole online thing? I bet you get inundated with messages, lol. I have mixed feelings but it is at least nice to try because I work a lot and don't spend my free time in bars and such END; NO FURTHER REPLIES. Do I come across too superficial, boring, or what? Should I just jump right into invasive questions, or just suggest a date after the very first reply?
runningfar Posted April 22, 2013 Posted April 22, 2013 Bringing up her getting inundated with messages twice seems very insecure. I'd suggest not bringing that up at all. I wouldn't really bring up the online dating like you're comparing at all, really. Ask more questions about her specifically, or bring up a hint at a date at least 3
spiderowl Posted April 22, 2013 Posted April 22, 2013 I read your profile; seemed we have some common interests. Had to sell my truck though, it was a POS, lol. I used to snowmobile quite a bit as well. Have you ever been to the Brookside tavern? The trail runs right past there, I think it's near Frankfort, not sure. Hard to tell what a younger woman might have thought but POS in an exchange would have put me off. I don't like bad language. Sounds like you're into very active sports - she might not be. She hasn't really put a a lot into her responses so I suspect she was luke-warm from the start. Better of finding someone who sounds a little more eager to write to you.
gaius Posted April 22, 2013 Posted April 22, 2013 I don't see much of a sense of self in your reply to her. You're mostly just responding to her points one by one without offering any interesting opinions or conversation directions of your own. You didn't give her much to reply to in the second post. She would have to start carrying the conversation, which most women don't like doing. That's the man's job!
Poppy fields Posted April 23, 2013 Posted April 23, 2013 Your second message was rambling and weird. You could of asked if she goes to that bar often. You could have told her you were doing great and suggested meeting at the bar sometime. Kept it simple and to the point. You words seemed like those of a stuttering schoolboy who is unsure of himself. Not attractive. There was a saying at my old job. K.I.S.S. (Keep it simple, stupid) It has worked well for me in a variety of situations.
FitChick Posted April 23, 2013 Posted April 23, 2013 You missed an opening to ask her to that tavern, even if you don't go to bars normally.
Author NGC1300 Posted April 23, 2013 Author Posted April 23, 2013 Points taken. I guess I feel like I have to converse before bringing up the date thing. Maybe next time I'll waste no time but it still feels strange.
Poppy fields Posted April 23, 2013 Posted April 23, 2013 Points taken. I guess I feel like I have to converse before bringing up the date thing. Maybe next time I'll waste no time but it still feels strange. It would be a lot less strange than rambling on with no purpose.
Author NGC1300 Posted April 23, 2013 Author Posted April 23, 2013 (edited) That's the man's job! It's always the man's job, to initiate and do everything, and do it perfectly. Women just have to look pretty, and choose. Edited April 23, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
pyramid Posted April 23, 2013 Posted April 23, 2013 You didn't ask her anything about herself... always include 2-3 questions in your message, changes are she'll respond to at least one of them. I personally prefer at least 3 emails each direction before phone numbers or actual plans, but a "maybe we can meet up there sometime" would have been ok.
Star Gazer Posted April 23, 2013 Posted April 23, 2013 It's always the man's job, to initiate and do everything, and do it perfectly. Women just have to look pretty, and choose. Correct!!
MrCastle Posted April 23, 2013 Posted April 23, 2013 Cut the "I understand if you don't write back" schtick out of your act right now. Never use that or anything even close to that ever again. It screams desperation and neediness, and lack of confidence. I don't care if she gets a thousand messages a day. I message a woman with the understanding she will message me back. I know you were looking for a commonality, hence your opening message, but the topic itself was not very interesting and not a good way to measure someone's personality. It was bland, and you gave her nothing to work with. I would suggest you think of openers that are more interesting and unique. Something that will catch her attention. 2
FlyerFan54 Posted April 23, 2013 Posted April 23, 2013 Suggesting a meet up before a phone conversation? NEVER do this^^^ That just screams desperation. What you need to do is engage in small talk. Don't overload your messages, and always ask a MAXIMUM of 1-2 questions throughout the message, otherwise it becomes overwhelming. Shorten your messages and say something like "Yeah I ride my bike through that area, it's nice." Also, remember she messaged you! She sees something she likes. Always display confidence. Never ask if she gets a lot of messages, because that shows insecurity. As for getting a phone number. I found that after the messages get rather long, I usually pulled a line saying "By the way, it's tough to get on here all the time to respond, so here's my number. Shoot me a text if you want to keep chatting." I absolutely despise giving my number to women, but with OLD, I found it easier to put the ball in their court when it comes to the number. It's not pushy if you let her come to you. If she texts you, GREAT! (It worked EVERY time for me) Chances are if she's logging in to a site to respond to a longer message, she will text you. If she doesn't? So what? Move on. But NEVER ask a girl out on a date via OLD sites, it shows a lack of confidence. Most of the time, a lack of confidence is a deal-breaker.
FlyerFan54 Posted April 23, 2013 Posted April 23, 2013 Why do you say shoot me a text when you were already chatting over email? The purpose of the number is to UPGRADE the communication so you can hear her voice Less pressure. The text is still an upgrade because you have a number where you can call now. You never want her to make the first phone call, and a text sets up a casual conversation that can move into a phone call. From my experience, the smoothest way to go about it is to chat via OLD, then the text, and finally the phone. If you jump straight from OLD to the phone call...it can be misconstrued as pushy. The fact you get her to text is step one. From there you can move forward. People may not agree with me, and I understand. However, that is what I found works the most. There are very few women I didn't meet via OLD with this way.
FlyerFan54 Posted April 23, 2013 Posted April 23, 2013 So is that why this stupid girl seemed hesitant to talk on the phone after I text her once she gave me her number? Me: "Hey just texting you to see if u r free to talk on the phone" Her: "i have a couple of mins" Me: "ok I will call in 5 mins" I call and get no answer. Then she sends a text saying she is out at dinner with her girlfriend and was waiting for her in the car when I first text her So I say all this to say she turned me off and have no interest in calling I see what you are saying, but never ask to call. Just do it. Women like to be surprised. Calling out of the blue will pique her interest, and if she's as interested as it seems via text convo...she WILL pick up. Seems as if that one was playing games with you. She could have said "I can't talk now, but give me a call later." However, if you don't ask and just call them, more often than not they will answer. If they don't, it could relate to nervousness, but they will likely call back. NEVER leave a voicemail either. It will keep them wondering why you called in the first place. I usually preface the first phone call with a plan to ask her out. I know what I'm going to say to start the call, how to ask her out, and how to end the conversation after. Most of the time I even start out with a joke to get her laughing. It eases the tension on her end. Know what you are going to say. If you call without knowing what you will say, she will take it as why this couldn't happen through text...and it could make things awkward.
Eternal Sunshine Posted April 23, 2013 Posted April 23, 2013 You have bad pictures and a boring profile? Your first message is really maybe 5% of it. As long as it's not "hey" or blatantly sexual, you are fine.
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