What in the World!!

[mike77]

I recently came across this site and found it interesting and decided to make an account.

 

I ran into a little problem that I cannot figure out.

 

I been seeing this girl for about 4-5 months; she always tell me how much fun she has with me, how amazing I am, how respectful I am, how much she loves talking to me, how cute I am, How no one has ever treated her the way I do. She knows I like her, but when I opened up to her and told her how I felt about her. She said " No spark " and that she didn't feel the same but she wants to be friends?

 

I respect all woman equally and I can get girls but this one just gets me going, never felt like this before. I was NOT expecting her to say that especially after all the things she says to me. What in the world? any idea? help? tips? thank you.

[amaysngrace]

If I had to guess I'd say she is afraid of commitment.

 

What's she say about your lover skills? Does she ever compliment you for them too?

[FlyerFan54]

I've been in the same situation, but reversed. I was getting along with this girl really well, but there was no deep connection. I never got the butterflies in my stomach, and hanging out with her was like hanging with one of the guys. I valued her more as a friend than as a companion. Any girl that says you're nice and fun...isn't an automatic thing that she's into you. She absolutely can think you are all those things, but if there's no spark on one end...it can be tough to move things forward.

 

I wouldn't over think it. The fact that she WANTS to be friends is a good thing. In time your feelings will pass, as hers did for mine.

 

Now let me ask you though. When you say you "opened up," exactly what did you say? How old is she as well? Throwing the whole book at a girl can be a major turn off in certain situations, especially ages.

[todreaminblue]

I recently came across this site and found it interesting and decided to make an account.

 

I ran into a little problem that I cannot figure out.

 

I been seeing this girl for about 4-5 months; she always tell me how much fun she has with me, how amazing I am, how respectful I am, how much she loves talking to me, how cute I am, How no one has ever treated her the way I do. She knows I like her, but when I opened up to her and told her how I felt about her. She said " No spark " and that she didn't feel the same but she wants to be friends?

 

I respect all woman equally and I can get girls but this one just gets me going, never felt like this before. I was NOT expecting her to say that especially after all the things she says to me. What in the world? any idea? help? tips? thank you.

 

 

she wants fireworks(which may never happen......)........or she is afraid to commit,or she doesnt want a full on relationship maybe.......maybe she isnt ready........it could change......best wishes....deb

[mike77]

Amy, when I tried making a move on her on our second date she stated that she does not feel comfortable doing anything with a guy that she's not with. I tried again after awhile same result, so I decided not to approach her in that way and just kind of get to know each other more.

 

Flyer, She's 24 years old. I told her that I was growing feelings towards her and how I was starting to feel around her. I can go in details but hope this helps.

[mike77]

Fireworks? due explain, this part confuses me

 

maybe she's not ready can be the answer because she did say that before but I thought she was over that when she started talking to me differently.

she wants fireworks(which may never happen......)........or she is afraid to commit,or she doesnt want a full on relationship maybe.......maybe she isnt ready........it could change......best wishes....deb

[TheGuard13]

"No spark" is a nice way of saying she's not sexually attracted to you. She doesn't feel that kind of chemistry between you two.

[amaysngrace]

Amy, when I tried making a move on her on our second date she stated that she does not feel comfortable doing anything with a guy that she's not with. I tried again after awhile same result, so I decided not to approach her in that way and just kind of get to know each other more.

 

Flyer, She's 24 years old. I told her that I was growing feelings towards her and how I was starting to feel around her. I can go in details but hope this helps.

 

Did she ever have a boyfriend before?

 

I think you got friend zoned.

[Poppy fields]

You just want her more because you can't have her.

[ascendotum]

When you say seeing her for 4-5 mths, I gather its as friends, though its clear you want more. After this period of time, I cant see it going anywhere more than it is now. You will stay her great to talk to, respectful guy friend. Sparks aren't going to fly if they haven't in the first month.

While she made complimentary remarks regarding you, you probably come off as too much of a respectful nice guy. When she says her bfs don't normally treat her that way, guess what she is emotionally attracted to. Change things so you are not so cute, predictable & drama free, nice to talk to (about her life probably), and respectful.

[mike77]

To answer all of you and again thank you guys for the help.

 

amaysngrace - Yes she was in two relationships

1st one "he was everything she was looking for" however he ended up being abusive, it got so bad to the point where she ended up therapy (I know how to pick them eh? lol)

 

her second relationship he ended up walking out on her because things were moving to fast and he got scared (which we all know its a load of **** he prob just lied to her and used that)

 

both relationships was within 4-5 year span...

 

ascendotum - she had told me she was not ready for a relationship and just wanted to be friends before we even starting hanging out. However in time I started feeling different towards her and the things she would say made me think she was interested.. and out of no where "I don't feel spark" I've tried to give it a chance and "I don't feel a think"...

 

Is it to late to recover this? should I stop giving her attention and just stop talking to her period ? or is there any other way?

[Imajerk17]

So you made a move 2nd date and got nowhere. What about the most recent 4 months dince?

[mike77]

She stated she was not looking for anything serious + I didn't care about her much at that time so I thought she wanted to mess around... why else would she want to hang out with me? but it didn't turn out like that...so I decided to get to know her more on an emotional level.

So you made a move 2nd date and got nowhere. What about the most recent 4 months dince?

[Aerrie]

You are friend zonned and should have dropped your pursuit after those few dates with her not showing interest.

 

You have now wasted 4 months of your youth, during which you could have met a great girl who would actually want you.

 

Well, next time you will know.

 

Make no mistake, your friendship got ruined the moment you started feeling more and there is no going back.

 

Now you only have the power to decide how long you want to get strung along.

[mike77]

She did show interest that's why I'm here asking what the hell happend! Lol

 

And I don't consider it a waste of time, its a learning experince right? So I'm not hurt lol I'm just confused.

 

You are friend zonned and should have dropped your pursuit after those few dates with her not showing interest.

 

You have now wasted 4 months of your youth, during which you could have met a great girl who would actually want you.

 

Well, next time you will know.

 

Make no mistake, your friendship got ruined the moment you started feeling more and there is no going back.

 

Now you only have the power to decide how long you want to get strung along.

[FlyerFan54]

Flyer, She's 24 years old. I told her that I was growing feelings towards her and how I was starting to feel around her. I can go in details but hope this helps.

 

A couple things.

 

First, she's 24. Most girls I've encountered at that age are not ready for anything. They want to have a good time and live a little. Even though you may be a good fit for her, it may not be the right time for her.

 

Also, delivery makes an impact on her reaction. Did you ease in to it, or did you just throw it all out there at once. If you do too much, it may back her into a corner...that never gives a good reaction.

 

I'd like to hear the details if you don't mind sharing. Maybe we can help you out further.

[Sunshine87]

You are friend zonned and should have dropped your pursuit after those few dates with her not showing interest.

 

You have now wasted 4 months of your youth, during which you could have met a great girl who would actually want you.

 

Well, next time you will know.

 

Make no mistake, your friendship got ruined the moment you started feeling more and there is no going back.

 

Now you only have the power to decide how long you want to get strung along.

 

 

 

Lol!

[mike77]

Well at first I did go easy by showing interest...I'm very stright forward I call it like how I see it, keep in mind I'm 27. At first I didn't really care much so I went in right away to try to score cuz to me it sounded like she wanted the same espically when she said "I'm not looking for a relationship" BEFORE we even hung out the first time.... I assumed she wanted a fling so I didn't bother getting to know her..

 

However when she rejected the idea I decided to get to know her because my mentalliy has always been "test the water first" before going into anything emotional..this time I decided to change it not because I couldn't sleep with her but just to give it a try and get the experince from it...

 

Now I have this idea in my head on the type of girl I would actually consider a girlfriend or be with..., and I mean both phyiscally and emotional level and what they value....the more I started to get to know her the more my interest level went up.. In my head "she is exactly what I been looking for BOTH at emotionl level (what she values, how she thinks and so on) and physical level because is beautiful.... And I basiclly told her what I been looking and everything I been lookin for is in her....

 

She did show interest and she always complemented a lot, and when I opened up to her that's when she said "she tried but no spark"

 

A couple things.

 

First, she's 24. Most girls I've encountered at that age are not ready for anything. They want to have a good time and live a little. Even though you may be a good fit for her, it may not be the right time for her.

 

Also, delivery makes an impact on her reaction. Did you ease in to it, or did you just throw it all out there at once. If you do too much, it may back her into a corner...that never gives a good reaction.

 

I'd like to hear the details if you don't mind sharing. Maybe we can help you out further.

[FlyerFan54]

Well at first I did go easy by showing interest...I'm very stright forward I call it like how I see it, keep in mind I'm 27. At first I didn't really care much so I went in right away to try to score cuz to me it sounded like she wanted the same espically when she said "I'm not looking for a relationship" BEFORE we even hung out the first time.... I assumed she wanted a fling so I didn't bother getting to know her..

 

Two things about this paragraph. One, we are the same age, so I can probably relate to your thought process.

 

Two, that should have been your first red flag. Most women who blatantly say that...mean it. You'll find that women who say "I enjoy being single" are more open to the possibility of something for the most part.

 

You need to tread lightly when they give you that forewarning.

 

Now understand this is from my experience, so I am not saying every girl says that, but it's what I've seen.

 

However when she rejected the idea I decided to get to know her because my mentalliy has always been "test the water first" before going into anything emotional..this time I decided to change it not because I couldn't sleep with her but just to give it a try and get the experince from it...

 

Now I have this idea in my head on the type of girl I would actually consider a girlfriend or be with..., and I mean both phyiscally and emotional level and what they value....the more I started to get to know her the more my interest level went up.. In my head "she is exactly what I been looking for BOTH at emotionl level (what she values, how she thinks and so on) and physical level because is beautiful.... And I basiclly told her what I been looking and everything I been lookin for is in her....

I have a similar experience. A girl who moved next door to me became very friendly and although we had mutual interest, but we never said anything. We became very good friends and after a while we tried the transition from each other's friend zone to dating. It failed just because it was too uncomfortable. Although I had feelings, it just couldn't happen. She wasn't ready. It put a damper on our friendship for a little while, but mainly because I didn't understand she didn't want to risk our friendship over a failed relationship.

 

We had a long talk one night, and realized that we should have never tried it in the first place. We tried something with no spark, and it just didn't feel right. Once we had closure, all the feelings I had went away. It felt good knowing how she felt, and I could move on.

 

We are still good friends to this day. And although she moved away for a job opportunity, we still talk often.

 

She did show interest and she always complemented a lot, and when I opened up to her that's when she said "she tried but no spark"

Sometimes that happens. It's nothing you can change. It's not like the movies where the girl sees what she passes up and chases you down at the airport. You're in the friend zone, but don't take it as a negative thing. If anything, she will recommend you to other women she knows because of how well she knows you.

 

My friend? She became one of my best wing men hahaha.

 

Sorry to hear that it didn't work out the way you hoped, but hold your head high. You've made a great friend, and you'll know when you find the girl to make you feel special.

[mike77]

Good advice and thanks again. Do you think her past has a role to play here? Or I'm I over thinking? I'm not sure how your situation was with that girl but at times I feel that she is not over what has happend in her past mentally..again her ex was "the one" but turned out very abusive verbaily and emotionaly to a point where she went to therapy. I'm NOT trying to make an excuse for her however could this play a role in the "no spark" situation?

 

Example; she has brought her past up several times, she has talked about how she needs to buld a "backone" whatever that means, she's also said before she was not emotionaly stable.

 

I remember one time driving It was cold and I had my big north face jacket on and she was wmearing a small jacket I didn't have the heat on and she was getting cold and I remember just pulling over my car to the side to take of my jacket to put it in the back seat so I can blast the heat for her and she gave me the most evil look I have ever seen and when I asked her what it was about she didn't say anything until days after when she said my ex use to pull over at times and basiclly yell at her and left her there stranded... HOWEVER she does say "she is completly over what happend" BUT her actions say something else at times.

 

AGAIN I'm NOT making excuses her just trying to find out if something like this can prevent a "spark". Keep in mind I had told her before that if she doesn't see anything between us that she should stop talking to me .. She basiclly said no.

 

Any thoughts on this?

 

Two things about this paragraph. One, we are the same age, so I can probably relate to your thought process.

 

Two, that should have been your first red flag. Most women who blatantly say that...mean it. You'll find that women who say "I enjoy being single" are more open to the possibility of something for the most part.

 

You need to tread lightly when they give you that forewarning.

 

Now understand this is from my experience, so I am not saying every girl says that, but it's what I've seen.

 

I have a similar experience. A girl who moved next door to me became very friendly and although we had mutual interest, but we never said anything. We became very good friends and after a while we tried the transition from each other's friend zone to dating. It failed just because it was too uncomfortable. Although I had feelings, it just couldn't happen. She wasn't ready. It put a damper on our friendship for a little while, but mainly because I didn't understand she didn't want to risk our friendship over a failed relationship.

 

We had a long talk one night, and realized that we should have never tried it in the first place. We tried something with no spark, and it just didn't feel right. Once we had closure, all the feelings I had went away. It felt good knowing how she felt, and I could move on.

 

We are still good friends to this day. And although she moved away for a job opportunity, we still talk often.

 

Sometimes that happens. It's nothing you can change. It's not like the movies where the girl sees what she passes up and chases you down at the airport. You're in the friend zone, but don't take it as a negative thing. If anything, she will recommend you to other women she knows because of how well she knows you.

 

My friend? She became one of my best wing men hahaha.

 

Sorry to hear that it didn't work out the way you hoped, but hold your head high. You've made a great friend, and you'll know when you find the girl to make you feel special.

Edited April 24, 2013 by mike77

[FlyerFan54]

Good advice and thanks again. Do you think her past has a role to play here? Or I'm I over thinking? I'm not sure how your situation was with that girl but at times I feel that she is not over what has happend in her past mentally..again her ex was "the one" but turned out very abusive verbaily and emotionaly to a point where she went to therapy. I'm NOT trying to make an excuse for her however could this play a role in the "no spark" situation?

 

No problem. Absolutely her past has a role in this. Let's not forget she is only 24. It doesn't matter how they say girls mature faster than guys, she's still pretty young. The fact that everything relates to her ex as well would be a red flag to me, almost immediately. I never bring up exes with women I am dating, there's no reason to...it's in the past. She seems like she's carrying baggage, and that will have major impact on any future relationships until she grows up.

 

Example; she has brought her past up several times, she has talked about how she needs to buld a "backone" whatever that means, she's also said before she was not emotionaly stable.

 

Why would you want to develop a relationship with someone who is not emotionally stable? Seems like she can't stick up for herself and is just numb to anything as far as feelings for someone goes.

 

I remember one time driving It was cold and I had my big north face jacket on and she was wmearing a small jacket I didn't have the heat on and she was getting cold and I remember just pulling over my car to the side to take of my jacket to put it in the back seat so I can blast the heat for her and she gave me the most evil look I have ever seen and when I asked her what it was about she didn't say anything until days after when she said my ex use to pull over at times and basiclly yell at her and left her there stranded... HOWEVER she does say "she is completly over what happend" BUT her actions say something else at times.

 

That didn't freak you out? I'd be VERY concerned about that.

 

Actions speak louder than words. That would be enough to freak even me out, and I have a strong amount of patience when it comes to people with baggage.

 

AGAIN I'm NOT making excuses her just trying to find out if something like this can prevent a "spark". Keep in mind I had told her before that if she doesn't see anything between us that she should stop talking to me .. She basiclly said no.

 

Any thoughts on this?

 

I'd stay friends, but I would not pursue anything more. She seems like she has to work out her own issues first before she can trust anyone. That, my friend, is something you do not want to waste your time on.

 

My advice? Go meet other women, see what else is out there. 27 is a prime age for dating, as in the past year I have done a lot of it.

 

Even though I'm not the strongest proponent of it anymore, ever try OLD?

[mike77]

Trust me it did raise a red flag, I have confronted her about it because it got annoying. However she assured me that she was "over it" and the fact she had another boyfriend after her abusive ex made me think she really was over it.

 

She NEVER EVER talks about her last ex (it's like he was never there. Apparently they fell in love right away and he got scared because things were moving to fast so they broke up, sounds bull to me.)".....

 

She always talks about her first ex (The abusive one). So for her to have another boyfriend after her abusive relationship made me think she was over it however at times her actions say other wise.....

 

During the 4 months of knowing her she must have brought him up or situations of him up at least 3-4 times....

 

I always thought something was up that's why I never bothered to see her too much I would see her ones every 3 weeks.... But within that time we did talk a lot over text and or phone at times... and again somewhere along all that I started growing feelings towards her ..

 

It's funny how you said she needs to work on her issues because one time she was telling me how angry she was with her self that her ex took control of her and how its hard for her to trust anyone..

 

 

 

 

 

No problem. Absolutely her past has a role in this. Let's not forget she is only 24. It doesn't matter how they say girls mature faster than guys, she's still pretty young. The fact that everything relates to her ex as well would be a red flag to me, almost immediately. I never bring up exes with women I am dating, there's no reason to...it's in the past. She seems like she's carrying baggage, and that will have major impact on any future relationships until she grows up.

 

 

 

Why would you want to develop a relationship with someone who is not emotionally stable? Seems like she can't stick up for herself and is just numb to anything as far as feelings for someone goes.

 

 

 

That didn't freak you out? I'd be VERY concerned about that.

 

Actions speak louder than words. That would be enough to freak even me out, and I have a strong amount of patience when it comes to people with baggage.

 

 

 

I'd stay friends, but I would not pursue anything more. She seems like she has to work out her own issues first before she can trust anyone. That, my friend, is something you do not want to waste your time on.

 

My advice? Go meet other women, see what else is out there. 27 is a prime age for dating, as in the past year I have done a lot of it.

 

Even though I'm not the strongest proponent of it anymore, ever try OLD?

Edited April 24, 2013 by mike77