ana0pera Posted April 22, 2013 Posted April 22, 2013 I am a shy girl. I met a shy guy online. I like said shy guy. He likes me. We admitted that to each other. We also admitted that we are both shy and kind of socially awkward around new people. I've never been with someone who is also really shy so this is very new to me. In social situations when I am around other quiet people I really try to come out of my shell and start conversation so I am kind of doing that with this guy, and it's kind of working, but it's hard, because it's not natural for me. We're just friends right now but it's hard to tell if there's real chemistry besides infatuation (he's HOT! and for some reason he thinks I am hot too :love:!!)... we have a lot of shared interests and in some ways he is my dream guy (handsome, masculine, stylish, outdoorsy, in the same field that I'm in, I could go on and on) but it's very hard to read him because of the shyness. We are talking about meeting IRL to determine if there's real chemistry and if we want to take this further, or just be friends. The earliest we can do that for a bunch of reasons is June. I am wondering if any other shy people have successfully dated other shy people and if so, what's your trick? How do you guys open up to each other? Not that he isn't "open," when I ask him something he is quick to respond with an answer, it's just that those answers (or my questions and response to his answers, who knows) don't allow for much in-depth conversation. Do you think it's a chemistry problem or does it sound more like we are just socially awkward people?
Leegh Posted April 22, 2013 Posted April 22, 2013 I think it's too early to tell. Even very outgoing people are not as confident as they may seem on a first date. Everyone is a little nervous on a first date, especially if they like the person a lot. I think everything will be fine, a good way to get conversation going is to ask the other person questions about themselves, (not personal questions), but about their hobbies, etc. You'll do fine.
Estate Posted April 22, 2013 Posted April 22, 2013 I am a shy girl. I met a shy guy online. I like said shy guy. He likes me. We admitted that to each other. We also admitted that we are both shy and kind of socially awkward around new people. I've never been with someone who is also really shy so this is very new to me. In social situations when I am around other quiet people I really try to come out of my shell and start conversation so I am kind of doing that with this guy, and it's kind of working, but it's hard, because it's not natural for me. We're just friends right now but it's hard to tell if there's real chemistry besides infatuation (he's HOT! and for some reason he thinks I am hot too :love:!!)... we have a lot of shared interests and in some ways he is my dream guy (handsome, masculine, stylish, outdoorsy, in the same field that I'm in, I could go on and on) but it's very hard to read him because of the shyness. We are talking about meeting IRL to determine if there's real chemistry and if we want to take this further, or just be friends. The earliest we can do that for a bunch of reasons is June. I am wondering if any other shy people have successfully dated other shy people and if so, what's your trick? How do you guys open up to each other? Not that he isn't "open," when I ask him something he is quick to respond with an answer, it's just that those answers (or my questions and response to his answers, who knows) don't allow for much in-depth conversation. Do you think it's a chemistry problem or does it sound more like we are just socially awkward people? In some respects it should help you both understand where the other is coming from. Often shy people are perceived wrongly by people who are not so shy. So it should be a good thing. But the key is... if you are both shy... be honest about it with each other. And if you are, then one or both of your will have to be not so shy and begin to open up... but the point is... if you're both honest about being shy and be comfortable around each other having that commonality, it should make you both more comfortable to open up to each other even if you don't with everyone you meet. I used to be horribly shy when young, but most people are shy or quiet when they are unfamiliar or not comfortable around people. There are always the one or two people you feel you can confide in even if it's just close family. It might actually work for you both... but it takes a "little" put of pushing from both of you to open up. Don't make that a big deal though, dating someone who is not shy at all can often be a bigger stretch since you will be put in situations so far outside your comfort zone it can often be overwhelming. Be honest and up front, I think it should go well. 1
todreaminblue Posted April 22, 2013 Posted April 22, 2013 I am a shy girl. I met a shy guy online. I like said shy guy. He likes me. We admitted that to each other. We also admitted that we are both shy and kind of socially awkward around new people. I've never been with someone who is also really shy so this is very new to me. In social situations when I am around other quiet people I really try to come out of my shell and start conversation so I am kind of doing that with this guy, and it's kind of working, but it's hard, because it's not natural for me. We're just friends right now but it's hard to tell if there's real chemistry besides infatuation (he's HOT! and for some reason he thinks I am hot too :love:!!)... we have a lot of shared interests and in some ways he is my dream guy (handsome, masculine, stylish, outdoorsy, in the same field that I'm in, I could go on and on) but it's very hard to read him because of the shyness. We are talking about meeting IRL to determine if there's real chemistry and if we want to take this further, or just be friends. The earliest we can do that for a bunch of reasons is June. I am wondering if any other shy people have successfully dated other shy people and if so, what's your trick? How do you guys open up to each other? Not that he isn't "open," when I ask him something he is quick to respond with an answer, it's just that those answers (or my questions and response to his answers, who knows) don't allow for much in-depth conversation. Do you think it's a chemistry problem or does it sound more like we are just socially awkward people? destined to fail.....or..... a work in progress...in a lot of ways two shy people when they get together understand completely what the other person is dealing with..in regards to social awkwardness...the more time you spend together the easier it is to talk and relate...it is a common bond .........as far as chemistry goes.......i believe in the slow burn..............far more enduring than a flash fire.......deb
Author ana0pera Posted April 22, 2013 Author Posted April 22, 2013 slow burn... I like that imagery. So far we've been very honest about it, the cat was never in the bag on that which is good. It might be too early to think about, I guess the best thing to do in my scenario is plan a meeting and see what we're like in-person, and if the chemistry is there. I started wondering whether we should meet given that sometimes it seems like we've run out of things to talk about, but I guess it's harder to tell virtually. I am very used to over-thinking my shyness because I am usually around non-shy people or people I am just not that close to. I open up to my friends and family, no problem. With some people silence doesn't feel awkard, you know? But in my culture (U.S.) silence isn't golden and sometimes feels like a weakness if you are a person that gravitates towards it. His culture is the opposite, they value silence, so that plus the fact that he too is quiet means this friendship could work in the long-run.
grkBoy Posted April 22, 2013 Posted April 22, 2013 I think if you two are shy, then it'll mean you'll both lead an introverted relationship. That's not a bad thing. I more imagine it being hanging at home, candlelit dinners, etc...rather than nights on the town.
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