Coup La-La Posted April 22, 2013 Posted April 22, 2013 I've been "dating" a girl for several months now, although it has been in secret. She said to me last night (paraphrasing here): I'm head over heels in love with you, BUT my parents are very racist SO I will go on dates with you, I will have sex with you but I CAN'T be your girlfriend. I can't even lie: I am extremely bitter. After all the progress that the United States has made in the last 5 years alone, people are still living in the 19th century. Apparently her parents think that race mixing is the worst thing in the world (even though they're Sicilian and thus of mixed race themselves). There has been a 2 term black President, 20+ fortune 500 CEO's that are black, and Even 3 of the 10 biggest lobbying firms on K street are led by black men. WTF else do we have to do to prove that we're NOT Inferior? This is made a lot worse by the fact that I only realize today that the majority ( more than 90%) of rejections I've had have been due to race (black people are inferior) or religion (gentiles are inferior).
Treasa Posted April 22, 2013 Posted April 22, 2013 While I agree with you, there's nothing you can do to change her mind, or her parents' minds. My family doesn't even see color, I don't think, and when my black boyfriend's mom first called my mom and said, "Doesn't it bother you that your daughter is dating a black man?" My mom (who KNEW my boyfriend) said in response, "Keith is black?" She was trying to make a (pretty funny) point. In that respect I've been very lucky. However, even if she was racist, I would continue to see who I wanted to see. Does your girlfriend live on her own or with her parents? If she's living on her parents' dime, they do have some sort of say as to what she does. She should move out and make her own decisions if that's the case. As for you, stop sleeping with her. She's basically saying she'll take you for sex, but doesn't have the balls to stand up to her parents. That isn't cool. 5
Quiet Storm Posted April 22, 2013 Posted April 22, 2013 (edited) My husband is black, and I am white. Actually, I am 3/4 Irish and 1/4 Cherokee, so not completely white. I look white and have blue eyes, but I get really dark and have long thick hair. My family still had issues...the Cherokee (like her Sicilian) doesn't matter. I actually believe that race relations were better in 1991 when we started dating, then they are now. We would get disgusted looks from old men that saw us kiss, but nothing major. No real hate. I love that we have a black president, but I feel like it has made race relations worse in some ways. Along with the internet. Back in the early 90s, most racists weren't vocal about it. Now, the internet gives them a platform and a voice. They aren't ashamed to be racist anymore. A black president gives them a target, someone to blame. It sucks that she broke up with you becuase of your race, but try not to be bitter. The fact is, there are people that will judge you because you are black. It's just reality. There are people that will judge her because she is dating someone black. Because I'm married to a black man, people have wrongly assumed that I am on welfare, that I'm fat, that I have daddy issues, etc. I don't like it, but it doesn't surprise me. I'm not going to allow the foolish judgements of others to make me bitter. Don't give them that power. If you want to date a white woman, you are going to have to find one like me...one that doesn't give a crap what her family or society thinks about it. Your girl couldn't handle the judgement. A relationship with you was not worth it for her... but that doesn't mean that all women will feel the same. My family's prejdudices seemed to disappear as soon as they laid eyes on my oldest son. He's 17 & 6'3" now... facing his own issues with white girls' dads. He takes all AP classes, gets all A's & B's, just got 2140 the first time he took his SATs, gets stacks of mail every day from the nations best colleges....and some fathers will only see his race. Sad, but true. I live in Maryland and see all different combos of races on a daily basis. However, family influence does run deep. I've had a few married white women aquaintences commend me for "having the guts" to marry a black guy. Some say they've had sexual relationships with black guys, & even fallen in love, but don't have the "guts" to face judgement from their families. This shows that even though someone may personally not be a racist, the fear of judgement from others is still a driving force in their behavior. Hang in there. Remember....being bitter only hurts YOU. NOT THEM. Edited April 22, 2013 by Quiet Storm 2
Chi townD Posted April 22, 2013 Posted April 22, 2013 Yep! Time to move on. You want to find a girl that doesn't care and is proud to have you as a boyfriend regardless of race, color or creed. If she can't do that, then time to move on. And I hate to disagree with you on certain things as far as racsisms are concerned, but black people have the SAME stigma when it comes to interacial dating. Not just white people. My friend, who is white, is dating an african american girl. She's an absolute sweetheart too. They seem really good for each other. But, SHE'S the one that gets all the flak for dating a "white boy" from her brothers and all of her male black friends. Like, she's being made to feel guilty for betraying her race or black men aren't good enough for her. She just brushes it off saying that she hates the double standard. That it's more socially acceptable for a black man to date a white girl. But, God forbid if a black woman falls for a white guy! She says she doesn't care because "Tim" treats her like a princess and she's proud to be his. THAT'S colorblind for ya!!
ForeverHopeful1 Posted April 22, 2013 Posted April 22, 2013 My father was very strict on this while I was growing up and often joked about other races and was extremely racist. I fortunately have a brain of my on though. I also.make my own choice because, well, I can! Funny enough though, my father opened up when I brought boyfriends home and told him to get over himself and it wasn't his choice AT ALL! It wasn't until I put my foot down that he relaxed on his POV. It was actually my boyfriends moms who told them it was wrong for them to date me... A horrible white girl. I dated a Chinese guy. His mother told him he was a banana (white on the inside, yellow on the outside.) He then dumped me because his mom called him that and told me she was right and we shouldn't be together. I dated an Indian guy and both of his parents wanted him to marry a nice Indian girl. He is still not married 17 year later.................... He doesn't even want to marry an Indian woman! Lol. So sad. If it was important enough she would tell her parents its not up to them and she is going to be with the person who makes her most happy even if they don't agree with it.
Author Coup La-La Posted April 22, 2013 Author Posted April 22, 2013 Chi TownD I don't completely disagree with you.Many black men think of slave times when black women were just sexual objects when they see white men with black women. The difference is: Black people don't disown their family members because they choose to marry outside their race. (almost never, because psychology isn't an exact science).
Author Coup La-La Posted April 22, 2013 Author Posted April 22, 2013 Treasa: The <3 and mind are two completely different things. I just love here so much and would marry her tomorrow if I could. Not to mention the fact that the sex is AMAZING!!! no woman has ever made me feel the way she does. I guess I understand now why the Book of Mormon says that dark skin is a punishment! Maybe Joseph Smith was smarter than people give him credit for. My best friend is White as a grain of rice in a snow storm (he's 2nd generation immigrant from Sweden) and he is constantly being asked out by women of ALL races. Even many of the Jewish and Asian women that swear they will NEVER date outside their ethnic group, break their rules for him without a 2nd thought. ...And people wonder why with all of his money, power and talent Michael Jackson was never accepting of his own appearance.
amaysngrace Posted May 9, 2013 Posted May 9, 2013 Well that should make your decision easy seeing as how you are playing 2 girls for a fool by dating each of them behind the other's back. So you pick the one that doesn't have the racist family. But you might not have a choice if either of them finds out what you are doing. I think the relationship was the secret because her parents don't know.
Recommended Posts