Inflikted Posted April 22, 2013 Posted April 22, 2013 I almost never meet girls that I actually like enough to want to date, so when it does happen, I tend to get too emotionally invested, and when they reject me, I have a hard time getting over it and letting go, because who knows how many years it'll take me to find another girl I want to take a chance on? I'm sick of never finding that awesome girl that happens to like me back, too. I've been feeling bad for months now about the last such girl. It's been several months since she turned me down, and I'm still feeling awful about it, and missing when we used to have a fun friendly dynamic going on prior to me asking her out. It's difficult because I still know her (not by choice, mind you). It doesn't help that I know two guys she's dated (one being her ex, the other being her current boyfriend), and I just can't stop wondering "Why them and not me?". I know that's such a horrible thought to have, but I just don't understand what she saw in either of those guys that she couldn't have with me. It really bugs me a lot. I'm just tired of feeling... whatever it is I feel, about her and all of this. Consciously, I want to let go and not give it another thought, but subconsciously, I just want to keep holding on, because I really loved the friendship she and I had before I asked her out, and I miss that. It was so good, and I've never experienced anything like that before, and I question whether or not I ever will again. It just drives me crazy that I'm still feeling so awful after all these months. I've been trying to distract myself with hobbies and whatnot, but even that doesn't help. Hell, if anything, I'm performing worse in everything I do because all of this stuff is floating around in the back of my head and bringing me down.
meghann8 Posted April 23, 2013 Posted April 23, 2013 I'm sorry to hear you're having such a tough time. Break-ups just suck, especially when you're the one being dumped. The way I get over relationships is to learn what went wrong. Sometimes, I messed up and it was all my fault. Other times, I was way too clingy and it was a huge turn-off for him. And there have been the times when the other person just lost interest in me. That one was the worst. It took me months to feel normal again. When I went out, I felt asexual because I still had feelings for this guy and was simply not interested in anyone else. Maybe I got lucky or I had finally broken out of my shell a little, but after months of living numb and unresponsive to my feelings, I had gone to a few of my friends' dinner parties and I got to know a different friend group. There was this cool guy that I started to like a lot through simple conversation and joking around in a group. He finally asked me out and it felt awesome. It was tough in the beginning because if I'm excited, I go 110% on trying to be perfect and make sure everyone else involved is satisfied too, but I had to take a few steps back and chill out or else I'd scare this guy away! I spent about a week either sad or angry because I had so many pent up feelings for this guy (even though I knew I barely even knew him. New love sucks sometimes!). I also talked to my friends and people online about it. Simply talking helped me out a ton. Through minimal contact (or as minimal as I could stand), we went out on the first few preliminary dates. This guy was really cool and we got along great! Turned out, he really liked me too and we dated for 3 years. We unfortunately fell out of love and it was mutual, but that relationship dug me out of the hole I had created and I'm now more confident about dating and feel better. Lesson learned: put yourself in different situations and friend groups. Just relax and have fun. The right one will come along at the right time. Hang in there
Author Inflikted Posted April 23, 2013 Author Posted April 23, 2013 Well, at the risk of sounding extra pathetic, I should add, me and this girl never actually dated. I got to know her over the course of a month or so, and I realized how much our personalities complimented each other. I eventually asked her out, and she said no. After that, the fun friendly dynamic started dying off, and despite the fact that she and I still know each other, we barely talk, we don't joke around and tease each other the way we used to. It really sucks... What's worse is, if you had asked me years ago to describe my "ideal girl", down to the intricate details, I would've described someone pretty much exactly like this girl. Even down to the little details, she's more or less exactly what I always wanted in a partner. How often do you find someone that fits that bill so well? How do I know I'll ever meet other girls that are that good for me? It's like, once you've seen "the best", you don't want anything lesser. I can't even fathom dating other people right now, because I just can't warm up to the idea of dating someone that's not basically exactly like her. It sucks because like I said, it's extremely rare for me to find a girl that compliments me so incredibly well, but that's what I want, that's what I look for, and I don't have any interest in dating anyone I don't feel that with. Thus, I've never dated at all. I can count the number of girls I really wanted to date on one hand, and they've all rejected me. There have been a handful of girls I *maybe* could've chatted up and asked out, but I never really felt a connection with them, so I never pursued it. People have suggested to me that I have to meet more girls and just date any girls I can until I find the one that really sticks, and I dunno, to me, that just sounds like such a dull plan of action. I don't want to go out on dates with girls I don't feel some kind of connection with, and for the most part, I rarely feel a "connection" with girls in that kind of way. Ideally, I'd like a "friends first" kind of approach to dating. Being that I'm attracted more to personality and connection than anything else, I need to get to know a girl a little BEFORE I know if I want to go on a date with her, but that doesn't typically happen very much for me. I don't really have any friends; I want to, I want to have a more fulfilling social life, and potentially meet a girl through friends (to me, that's much more ideal than just going up to some random girl in public and asking her on a date), but I'm not so good at making and keeping friends.
Recommended Posts