whirl3daway Posted April 22, 2013 Posted April 22, 2013 So... not sure how to put this really. I am a 25/F. I have lost a decent amount of weight in my life, nearly 50lbs. I am currently 5'6, and about 155lbs. I work out and am CURVY, in the sense that I am very hourglass with thick thighs and legs... I do also have a belly and some cellulite and some loose skin from the weight loss. I LIKE my body... I think I look good most of the time. However, I am still struggling with learning to love myself regardless of how I look. I was also in a relationship with a man (who was a child porn lover...), who told me that I was too big for him to be attracted to, he never wanted to have sex etc. I ended that, and have been doing some OLD. I met some crazy people naturally, but have now met one who seems to be pretty fantastic. He's quite in shape, and is very, very attractive. Probably a 9 on the scale. He's also very sweet and attentive, and has been pursuing me mostly after I reached out to him first. Seems pretty dreamy right? He is but the issue is entirely within me. We've slept together (and he is just as attentive and sweet after that!), and it was basically perfect! The whole time he said I was gorgeous and wonderful and that my body is amazing and womanly and everything he loves... he's been saying the same things since then as well. Problem is now - I CAN'T TURN OFF the part of my brain that is saying "oh he's just saying that, he doesn't mean it, he's probably disgusted with you just like B... was". Sigh. It's frustrating, and I definitely do not let it show with him, and I am in therapy and working on my sense of self... but I really just want these feelings to go away. I want to feel like this is how it should be, that he says these things because he actually feels them, and that everyone has different tastes. I could perfectly well be his type. He certainly made mention of how beautiful he finds me enough, and has been incredibly attentive to me.. it just seems genuine, and I want to stop myself from worrying needlessly. Any tips?
Author whirl3daway Posted April 22, 2013 Author Posted April 22, 2013 There will always be insecurities there but if you are having sex and he's obviously enjoying himself then that's attraction you cant fake. From a mans perspective he seems into you, but if you don't control your insecurities you could ruin that. You might always have those little thoughts in the back of your mind but that should fade with time with him. You are right, and in the moment there is no feeling weird for me at all. He makes me feel really beautiful, and I recognize that this is all in my head. He does seem into me, and he is very different from the majority of men I tend to date... which is A GREAT THING. I'm just feeling out of my comfort zone (another good thing) hah!
Author whirl3daway Posted April 22, 2013 Author Posted April 22, 2013 He might make you happy and Im pretty sure you make him happy, but you cant let him be the only source of your happiness. Thank you for pointing this out to me. I've been pretty cognizant of keeping myself occupied otherwise, and doing things with my friends and such. I have a pretty busy life, but you are right... I am certainly on cloud 9, and a part of me is very wary that something is going to ruin this. That may be partly why I am focusing on this body image issue, actually.
BluEyeL Posted April 22, 2013 Posted April 22, 2013 You shouldn't have a problem with your body image, you look great, and different men prefer different body types. I think a lot of men prefer the hourglass figure. Forget the other one, be happy you found a good match and be careful. 1
MidwestUSA Posted April 22, 2013 Posted April 22, 2013 Please be very careful, you are so fresh off of that nightmare! Continued therapy will surely help; you're headed in the right direction. God bless! 2
pcplod Posted April 22, 2013 Posted April 22, 2013 Personally, I think the first step forward is not to seek reassurance from someone else, even someone who seems to be that much into you. If you keep on relying on that and keep on seeking it they may very well eventually get sick of repeating themselves. Also, try to take a different perspective on your looks, the one that comes out of the school of body acceptance, what I would call the true school of body acceptance. Instead of worrying whether you are really good-looking start trying to think whether you are good-looking enough. When you are travelling down the fast lane of a motorway, no matter how fast you are travelling there will always be someone who wants to travel faster. Just pull over and set a pace for yourself that you can be content and satisfied with. I think that everyone has a baseline requirement of a partner in the looks department but it doesn't take you to get much older to realise that those who are really good-looking can spell trouble, if narcissism is their middle name and they have a sense of entitlement. Good-looking is no good if living with you is a complete bloody nightmare. Doing something about your looks is actually easier than fixing a dysfunctional personality, believe it or not. Do what you can to be confident in yourself, both inside and outside the bedroom, because there is nothing more sexy than a pretty good-looking woman who is confident in her sexuality and in sex. That particular passport will see you travel a long way. It could be worse, you could be a 10/10 in the naked looks department but a dead loss in the sack, for whatever reason. What use is a Barbie Doll to a horny man? And what use would you have for a man who's maturity and intelligence leads him to believe that all women should look like they have walked out of the pages of Sports Illustrated? Google Sophie Dahl, (granddaughter of Roald Dahl) and then look at pictures of her husband Jamie Callum. I would argue anything is possible, if you are prepared to believe in it. 1
Author whirl3daway Posted April 22, 2013 Author Posted April 22, 2013 Do what you can to be confident in yourself, both inside and outside the bedroom, because there is nothing more sexy than a pretty good-looking woman who is confident in her sexuality and in sex. That particular passport will see you travel a long way. It could be worse, you could be a 10/10 in the naked looks department but a dead loss in the sack, for whatever reason. Thankfully, I do have this going for me. I feel that I am a pretty good looking woman, and I have the sex drive and desires of a horny 14 year old boy. One thing I have learned from being single is that my "skillz" are a welcome respite from a lot of women. This particular guy has mentioned to me several times that he loves how in tune with my sexuality I am. I should also mention that I don't seek out validation from him in anyway... he is just naturally very complimentary with me. It feels fantastic and has done a huge number for my self esteem, that's for sure. But I would certainly love to focus on having that feeling coming from within myself.
crude Posted April 22, 2013 Posted April 22, 2013 Everyone has different tastes, sometimes really strong preferences. There's nothing wrong with that, and there's nothing wrong with happening to be the type that some guys don't like. You've found someone who likes how you're built, so don't complicate it. The other guy didn't like, he should stick to the type he likes. I see this with bridesmaids. 5 are skeletons, one is the fat girl. The chubby one actually has pleasing body parts, and her curves give many men a chubby.
Author whirl3daway Posted April 22, 2013 Author Posted April 22, 2013 Everyone has different tastes, sometimes really strong preferences. There's nothing wrong with that, and there's nothing wrong with happening to be the type that some guys don't like. You've found someone who likes how you're built, so don't complicate it. The other guy didn't like, he should stick to the type he likes. I see this with bridesmaids. 5 are skeletons, one is the fat girl. The chubby one actually has pleasing body parts, and her curves give many men a chubby. I am trying very hard not to think of myself as "fat" or "chubby" anymore... but thank you for your analogy haha.
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