jjjman Posted April 22, 2013 Posted April 22, 2013 My ex gf of nearly 4 years dumped me 3 months ago. Now she is seeing someone new. She was my first love, I have never been this close and love somebody this much in my live. We have hope and dream together, we have planned our future together, we talked about marriage and having kids and spend the rest of our lives together............what happened? I know I should just accept the fact that it is over and moved on but for some reasons I can't let go. My phone is full our pictures and I try to delete them but I can't do it. I m so scared of deleting them. I cannot concentrate at work, I think about her constantly. I feel like my head is about to explode. I feel sick to my stomach when I think about her and him but I can not switch my brain off. What is happening to me? I m so scared and nervous all the time. Every morning, I feel sick to my stomach, I always get this weird nervous feeling in the morning. I just don't know how to cope without her......... I feel so tried and exhaust. Is it always this difficult to let go of your first love?? I miss her so so much, I want to talk to her..........I want to see her...... I want her to give us another chance............ What is wrong with me???
ChazzB Posted April 22, 2013 Posted April 22, 2013 man i feel you... you probably have it harder since you were together a longer time and it is more recent... and i don't know what to say, since i myself don't know what to do and feel the same way i do have a few ideas that i try to hold on to, though. hang strong, endure. every time we have had it rough in the past is now a memory (even if it is still an intense one), and good things have come after that, and this will be the same, just don't stay stuck in there. she left you. all those things you wanted, she did not. if she did, if she loved you, she would have worked in fixing, improving, every way possible. she gave up on you. you don't have to put up to that. there is someone out there, that will be better, more adequate for your love. that will embrace you and those same dreams. i have been thinking a lot on those second chances. but, in my case, nothing will change the past, nothing will really mend my heart. there is a point where there is no going back, and you should be able to see that. maybe in the future, and if she can give you what you need, in good terms for both, and with love. but you can't be stuck on that possibility. you cant give the control of your present and future life, freedom and happiness to anyone, let alone someone that does not even care... get life going, force it to. distract yourself when you start to dwell. sing, go to good memories, read, play, whatever it takes. it will start getting easier at some point (that is what i hope) 1
intigo Posted April 22, 2013 Posted April 22, 2013 Same here every day is another fight they dont seem to get easier but im still alive so that means she cant kill me. nights are hell mornings are hell i miss her like crazy but now theres another guy in her mind. Sometimes i feel strong the next second im on my knees. But eventually you me Chazz will get over it. The images that appear on my head are nasty i cant stop thinking about her and him together, being happy kissing F.ck. I wish i could be like her stop my emotions with a push of a button. I do things for myself but she is haunting my every thought. I dont know how long it will take but i wll win this and you are going to win this trust me on this. I ve done it in the past and i will do it again, believe in yourself and you will be surprised. 3
ChazzB Posted April 22, 2013 Posted April 22, 2013 here are my 2c on this... that is a killing thought that I have also man, how can they switch off those emotions? the thing is, they don't have it anymore, or the intensity of those is such that it is not a driving force on them anymore. In my example, when we said "goodbye" she cried, she said she did not want to leave, we kissed, stuff like that ... but on the inside she already had her plan and all her **** figured out :S i don't say that she lied to me 100% in that moment but, since the emotion was not in full strength anymore, a lot of things started going with the same inertia... and all the other mean ****ty things got easier... we can't turn off our emotions, we can only control how we act upon them, and we fail badly at it because a lot of them are intensified by the sadness and the rejection, while on the other hand, theirs are nullified by the other circumstances in their lives, be it the presence of another person, the pain that we have caused, the wear of the relationship, or even a complete lack of feeling.
pushforward Posted April 23, 2013 Posted April 23, 2013 My ex gf of nearly 4 years dumped me 3 months ago. Now she is seeing someone new. She was my first love, I have never been this close and love somebody this much in my live. We have hope and dream together, we have planned our future together, we talked about marriage and having kids and spend the rest of our lives together............what happened? I know I should just accept the fact that it is over and moved on but for some reasons I can't let go. My phone is full our pictures and I try to delete them but I can't do it. I m so scared of deleting them. I cannot concentrate at work, I think about her constantly. I feel like my head is about to explode. I feel sick to my stomach when I think about her and him but I can not switch my brain off. What is happening to me? I m so scared and nervous all the time. Every morning, I feel sick to my stomach, I always get this weird nervous feeling in the morning. I just don't know how to cope without her......... I feel so tried and exhaust. Is it always this difficult to let go of your first love?? I miss her so so much, I want to talk to her..........I want to see her...... I want her to give us another chance............ What is wrong with me??? There is nothing wrong with you. You loved and you lost. What you are experiencing is grief. It's all normal. Trust me when I say letting a love go is one of the most difficult things you will do in life. Regardless of how many times you've done it. Also, you have all these feelings but you don't have to act on them. They are FEELINGS. Get rid of all the things that remind you of her. Your brain will obsess over her so you don't need additional reminders. NC means removing everything and cutting the cancer out before it spreads. Don't get comfortable in pain because you can end up staying there for a long time and start to make an identity out of it. Just know that whatever she is doing, she is doing for her happiness. You should be doing the same with this thought in mind, she is not your happiness. 1
LumberJack Posted April 23, 2013 Posted April 23, 2013 There is nothing wrong with you. You loved and you lost. What you are experiencing is grief. It's all normal. Trust me when I say letting a love go is one of the most difficult things you will do in life. Regardless of how many times you've done it. That's exactly it! People would tell me the same thing when I was dying, and I thought they just didn't have a clue what I was going through, trying to push their light-hearted sap on me whn they've never had it this bad. Well guess what - they were right. I say this with no shame. I'm happy to have been wrong on that one. Turns out it's perfectly human to completely and utterly fall apart after being dumped. Another cliche I used to think was a pile of BS and turns out to be 100% true: eat right & exercise. When you said you'd wake up every morning sick to your stomach - I remember that feeling. For me it wasn't just the pain of the breakup. Turned out I had an undiagnosed bowel disease, possibly celiac (runs in the family. didn't want to go through the biopsy to confirm it). I started the SCD diet. Changed my life. I mean it. I'm sure your case is different. My point is - don't dismiss the cliches. They've become cliches simply because they're true. Take a good honest look at yourself, and improve what you don't like. Hear people out when they give you advice, and don't be affraid to apply it to your own life. This place of great discomfort you're in now is an amazing platform for growth. When you don't care about your life so much you're free to do whatever you want with it. When you can't sleep or have nightmares, you're free to wake up at 6am, take a nice long walk and see the sunrise. You'll be better than before. That's how it works.
intigo Posted April 23, 2013 Posted April 23, 2013 that is a killing thought that I have also man, how can they switch off those emotions? . Had a girl for 3 years she moved to another country i had to end it i loved her how long untill my next relationship? 1,5 years. In my opinion you cant measure love you either love someone or you dont. If something happens and you cant be with him/her then in my opinion you have to spent sometime alone just to fix yourself. If you jump into another relationship then that means that you dont know what love really is.
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