kidinfo1 Posted April 22, 2013 Posted April 22, 2013 Hello everyone. Hoping for some advice here, I just don't know what to do anymore :/ Im 21, and my girlfriend, 20, of 5 years left me literally out of nowhere the other day. Everything was fine and dandy except she was acting a little pissy. We got into a little argument and where me and her usually would make up, she just didn't seem to care at all. I went for a walk and when I came back she was asleep. I told her that if she didn't care anymore she should leave. And that's what she did. While packing all her things I tried to get her to stay. It crushed me so bad to see her leave again (she's done this before). As she was breaking up with me she was saying things like "your personality sucks" and "no girl would ever want to put up with you", mean things like that. I literally was crying as she got in her car and all she said was "leave me alone". She closed her door and drove off. She hasn't answered my texts and she already gave another guy her number (it's only been a week). She seems so happy without me but I literally did everything for her so I don't see how she could just not care anymore. To make matters worse, her and my sister are best friends and I always hear her car in the driveway picking her up. Last night, they were down there for like an hour, and not being to take it anymore, I went down there to tell her she should leave. When I got to the car I saw she was texting another guy and she wouldn't even look at me. She just rolled up her window and drove off. I just don't understand how she could do this to me. How can you just not care about someone you spent 5 years with? She was my rock. When every I had anxiety about something, she knew exactly what to do to calm me down. She wanted to get married, and always said she was in it for "the long haul". I don't see how just out of nowhere she ups and leaves. It's literally killing me on the inside. I don't know what to do anymore. I can't do anything and I'm always in an awful mood. All I can think about all day is her and how she doesn't care and how she is already talking to other guys having the time of her life while I'm here so upset I can't even move. We've broken up in the past, but she's always answered my calls/texts and came back back soon after. Now she doesn't answer them and she doesn't even care when she sees me crying in my driveway right in front of her while she's texting other guys! I've lost my job over this and I can't even get any of my class work done. Im slowly just deteriorating Is there any advice anyone can give me to help. I don't know how much longer I can go on like this...
Chi townD Posted April 22, 2013 Posted April 22, 2013 (edited) Time to move on, dude. Just the fact that she's meeting other guys within 7 days of the break up should have clued you in. She doesn't care! Problem is, she left this relationship a long time ago, she just didn't tell you about it. She already mourned the loss of you and the relationship WHILE she was still with you. And to be totally honest, there might have been another guy she was interested in before she left. It could explain why she was so eager to fight with you at the drop of a dime. Hard to develop feelings for someone else when you got a good thing in front of you. So, she demonized you in her eyes to make it easy to leave and go on dates with other dudes. She already convinced herself that if YOU weren't such a douche rocket, she would still be with you and not going out on date. Thus, making the demise of the relationship ENTIRELY YOUR FAULT. So, now she doesn't have to feel guilty about it. But, the funny thing is, I speculate that it was her that started most of the fights or was real quick to pick a fight with you.... So, time to start NC and heal from this. I have a feeling that you might have some personality issues that may need to be addressed. I strongly recommend that you seek individual counseling. Might do you some good. The best revenge you can get is to lead a damn good life. Make positive changes in you life. Get a new haircut and style. Something different that people will notice and like. Buy some new clothes. Be styling and profiling. Total GQ. But, before you can do this, you need to dust off that resume and get a job. Any job. Get to the gym. Run your ass off on the treadmill and push weight. Work off those frustrations and stress. Plus, it will lead to a rock hard bod. Helping your self esteem. Continue to go to school and do well there. Bury yourself in your schoolwork and it will help you keep your mind on what you're doing and not on what she's doing. Get new hobbies. These hobbies usually have clubs that you can join in your general area with people that have shared interests. Join them! A running club, cycling club, scuba diving lessons, community theater. Whatever.... This will get you out of the house, get you meeting and interacting with new people and making new friends. AND IT KEEPS YOU BUSY!!!! And finally, TRAVEL!!! Go see the world! It's a huge and wonderful place! When you get a job, put some money aside from each paycheck and save it for an adventure that you want to go on. Traveling and seeing something new is very theraputic. Then, talk to your sister. State that you know that her best friend is your Ex, but ask that she not talk about her around you and if she could go out to meet her rather than her come to the house to pick her up until you've healed from this? If she's your sister and loves you, she'll understand. But, wouldn't it be great to burn her ass if one day she asks your sister, " So, I haven't seen Kidinfo1 for a while, what's he up to?" She could say, "OH! Well, he was so proud of the fact that he finished the school year with a 3.72 GPA that he treated himself to a vacation. He became dive certified and he's always wanted to see the Great Barrier Reef. So, he's on a diving trip to Austrailia for the next couple of weeks." A bonus would be her showing a pic of you and your dive partner that happens to be a cute blonde haired, blue eyed Auzzie girl that looks great in a wet suit standing next to you. Remember, best revenge is living a DAMN good life. But! You have to get motivated. You have to get motivated to make these changes happen. Set these things as the goals that you WANT and NEED to accomplish and then YOU have to do them. No one can do them for you. You have to dedicate yourself to making your life better. We are in charge of our own happiness. So, TAKE CHARGE! Edited April 22, 2013 by Chi townD 4
Author kidinfo1 Posted April 22, 2013 Author Posted April 22, 2013 Thank you for your reply. I really appreciate it. You're totally right about mostly everything, except I talked to the sister about it and she said "Kiss my ass". I wish I was making this up. We don't really get along. I've been with my friends like this whole past week everyday and they're all just saying to **** it and she isn't worth it and she was a bitch and all that, but it just doesn't help really. I just wanna get over this. I haven't had the energy and get up and do the things you've suggested yet. I just hope I can soon.... I'm not gonna lie I am the type to let things dwell on me and not forget about them easily... I wish I could..
iouaname Posted April 22, 2013 Posted April 22, 2013 Why exactly has she gotten so vicious? Did you do something that pissed her off? Have you been cheating/flirting/etc. and thought she didn't know? It just seems bizarre that out of no-where she would act so cold and obnoxious.
jovan Posted April 22, 2013 Posted April 22, 2013 heheheh you'll be just fine ... trust me. Do things you love to do, go out, play game's, sleep threw all day, cry, go get drunk get laid, make a fool of your self in public, cry on the rain what ever. There's nothing you can't do. So why don't you just go out and do it! There's nothing stopping you now . Yes your crused atm. and it hurt's, ofc it does, that's the only way you can feel after losing a loved one! So just enjoy it, case you only have 1 opportunity (or 2 ) in you're life to feel like this This is a growing moment for you. Don't waste it Everything you feel, feel it, don't stop your self. Let you're self go.
Author kidinfo1 Posted April 22, 2013 Author Posted April 22, 2013 Why exactly has she gotten so vicious? Did you do something that pissed her off? Have you been cheating/flirting/etc. and thought she didn't know? It just seems bizarre that out of no-where she would act so cold and obnoxious. Honestly, I didn't do anything to warrant this. No I wasn't perfect, but I literally did everything and anything this girl wanted within reason. $100 dinners, clothes, whatever. Yes we got in fights. But nothing I mean nothing I did deserves this....
Author kidinfo1 Posted April 22, 2013 Author Posted April 22, 2013 heheheh you'll be just fine ... trust me. Do things you love to do, go out, play game's, sleep threw all day, cry, go get drunk get laid, make a fool of your self in public, cry on the rain what ever. There's nothing you can't do. So why don't you just go out and do it! There's nothing stopping you now . Yes your crused atm. and it hurt's, ofc it does, that's the only way you can feel after losing a loved one! So just enjoy it, case you only have 1 opportunity (or 2 ) in you're life to feel like this This is a growing moment for you. Don't waste it Everything you feel, feel it, don't stop your self. Let you're self go. Haha, that's definitely a different way of looking at things, but I just don't know if I can get through all this..
Chi townD Posted April 22, 2013 Posted April 22, 2013 I just wanna get over this. I haven't had the energy and get up and do the things you've suggested yet. I just hope I can soon.... I'm not gonna lie I am the type to let things dwell on me and not forget about them easily... I wish I could.. See, you're just giving me excuses. Some of the things I've suggested are long and short term goals. Right down the goals you set for yourself for self improvement and positive changes. some are really simple. Change your hairstyle! One goal, DONE! Within an hour. Applying for jobs. Throw the resume out there. Allow yourself at a minimum; one hour a day just looking for work until you land something that's going to bring the cash in. DONE! Buying new and stylish clothes. Doesn't have to be an entire wardrobe. Just a few shirts and pants. And working out, easy. Go to the gym, I think you stated that you're in school. Well, does your college have a gym? GO! Use it, if it's available to you! Just an hour a day. Or, even 35 minutes and I promise you'll walk out feeling a little better. Look, I know 5 years is a long time. And it's going to take some time getting over her. You can't turn it off like a light switch. But, now is the time to be selfish and start taking care of yourself. You need to start looking out for number one.
pcplod Posted April 22, 2013 Posted April 22, 2013 So, in terms of handling personal relationships, what have you learned from the experience? What would you do again and what would you not do again? 1
ForeverHopeful1 Posted April 22, 2013 Posted April 22, 2013 I don't have much to add here... I'm just so sorry you're in so much pain over this.
Author kidinfo1 Posted April 22, 2013 Author Posted April 22, 2013 See, you're just giving me excuses. Some of the things I've suggested are long and short term goals. Right down the goals you set for yourself for self improvement and positive changes. some are really simple. Change your hairstyle! One goal, DONE! Within an hour. Applying for jobs. Throw the resume out there. Allow yourself at a minimum; one hour a day just looking for work until you land something that's going to bring the cash in. DONE! Buying new and stylish clothes. Doesn't have to be an entire wardrobe. Just a few shirts and pants. And working out, easy. Go to the gym, I think you stated that you're in school. Well, does your college have a gym? GO! Use it, if it's available to you! Just an hour a day. Or, even 35 minutes and I promise you'll walk out feeling a little better. Look, I know 5 years is a long time. And it's going to take some time getting over her. You can't turn it off like a light switch. But, now is the time to be selfish and start taking care of yourself. You need to start looking out for number one. Yeah you're right. Well Im definitely ready to buy new clothes and everything. And I'm going to do some online shopping tonight. And I could start going to the gym as I do have a free one because of school. I just hope everything just starts to go away after awhile. Cause seriously it's all I think about.. Even when I was at work or doing school work or even with friends.
Author kidinfo1 Posted April 22, 2013 Author Posted April 22, 2013 So, in terms of handling personal relationships, what have you learned from the experience? What would you do again and what would you not do again? I've learned that I will definitely not let a relationship drag on. We break up once, that's it. No more keep going back to someone. I honestly still love this girl but I could never be with her again after everything she's done to me / doing to me. I just miss everything we used to do...
Author kidinfo1 Posted April 22, 2013 Author Posted April 22, 2013 I don't have much to add here... I'm just so sorry you're in so much pain over this. Thank you. I appreciate your concern. :/ I just would love to get over this and never have to do this again.
ForeverHopeful1 Posted April 22, 2013 Posted April 22, 2013 Thank you. I appreciate your concern. :/ I just would love to get over this and never have to do this again. No problem. Time will help. Being out and about with your friends is better than being home alone. You will think about it for a while no matter what, but I hope with your friends, they can take your mind off it for even 8 minutes. Its not easy to do, especially when she is all you know. Keep coming here and posting. You will always find someone who understands.
Author kidinfo1 Posted April 23, 2013 Author Posted April 23, 2013 No problem. Time will help. Being out and about with your friends is better than being home alone. You will think about it for a while no matter what, but I hope with your friends, they can take your mind off it for even 8 minutes. Its not easy to do, especially when she is all you know. Keep coming here and posting. You will always find someone who understands. Yeah I plan on it! I'm hoping this place can help me out a lot. I guess my biggest worries now are how can I get over her when she's in my driveway every night picking my step sister. It kills me to know she's down there
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