crederer Posted April 22, 2013 Posted April 22, 2013 So I met up with an ex to exchange the remainder of our things after 7 weeks of NC. I posted about how it went if anyone's interested. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/386937-met-ex-first-time-two-months-feel-great That was a week ago. So anyways, lastnight I was getting ready for bed and my phone goes off, and I see on the display it's her. I didn't really know if I should answer or not but I felt I had to. So she's crying, which she rarely ever does. She tells me she's had 3 panic attacks in the last three weeks. She's always had panic attacks but they were usually about once every 4 months. She starts telling me all the things she's having issues with (not pertaining to our relationship). After chatting for a while she said she would like it if I would meet up with her again sometime this week. I said I had a busy week, I'll text her when a time is good (trying not to sound desperate and chasing after her just because she beckons). So I want her back. I don't know how to go about it. I talked to one of my female friends (who is also sort of friends with her, we actually met through this friend) said I should go to her and tell her exactly how I feel and just throw it out there. This friend said that she hasn't seen any guys, went out only twice since we broke up and one of those times was with her co workers, the other time was with her, and she just sat there like a mute all night long (very out of character for her). This advice goes pretty much against what everyone on here says, so I was just wondering what anyone's advice is on how to get her back. I AM going to try to get with her, so please spare the "move on and forget her". Should I play it off cool like in the last meeting or should I let it be known what my intentions are?
barky2 Posted April 22, 2013 Posted April 22, 2013 So I met up with an ex to exchange the remainder of our things after 7 weeks of NC. I posted about how it went if anyone's interested. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/386937-met-ex-first-time-two-months-feel-great That was a week ago. So anyways, lastnight I was getting ready for bed and my phone goes off, and I see on the display it's her. I didn't really know if I should answer or not but I felt I had to. So she's crying, which she rarely ever does. She tells me she's had 3 panic attacks in the last three weeks. She's always had panic attacks but they were usually about once every 4 months. She starts telling me all the things she's having issues with (not pertaining to our relationship). After chatting for a while she said she would like it if I would meet up with her again sometime this week. I said I had a busy week, I'll text her when a time is good (trying not to sound desperate and chasing after her just because she beckons). So I want her back. I don't know how to go about it. I talked to one of my female friends (who is also sort of friends with her, we actually met through this friend) said I should go to her and tell her exactly how I feel and just throw it out there. This friend said that she hasn't seen any guys, went out only twice since we broke up and one of those times was with her co workers, the other time was with her, and she just sat there like a mute all night long (very out of character for her). This advice goes pretty much against what everyone on here says, so I was just wondering what anyone's advice is on how to get her back. I AM going to try to get with her, so please spare the "move on and forget her". Should I play it off cool like in the last meeting or should I let it be known what my intentions are? First and foremost, congrats on 7 weeks NC!! That's huge. You want her back,you can read everything you want till your blue in the face. I can just tell you ,you have to be cool,calm, collected. No begging,no confessing your love. The only time my ex wanted me back ( or looked attractive in her eyes) when i was a dick and playing hard to get. I played Mr. Nice guy,it got me nowhere. I would ask her what her intentions are prior to the meet up,that a you don't have any expectations and to be let down. She could want you back,she could just want to meet up as friends. Do you want to be her friend? If no, ask her what her intentions are. If its friendship,let her know you have too many friends as it is,and you don't need another. This is just IMHO. Good luck man, I'll be rooting for you. Message me if you need me. 1
OwlSoul Posted April 22, 2013 Posted April 22, 2013 Intentional playing off cool just might feel fake and wrong. better to express openly when you're sad, that awkwardly trying to lie about it. Anyways, imho, rule #1 of all times: Do not overthink. 1
Author crederer Posted April 23, 2013 Author Posted April 23, 2013 Thanks for the advice and support. She texted me again lastnight as well and we had a short conversation, exchanged a few jokes. Nothing about her wanting to reconcile or anything flirtatious so I don't know if she's trying to be friends or what.
Pretty Flacko Posted April 23, 2013 Posted April 23, 2013 You're just going to have to talk to her about it. Just be careful with how you approach it though, keep calm and don't pressure her or anything like that.
OwlSoul Posted April 23, 2013 Posted April 23, 2013 Nothing about her wanting to reconcile or anything Meh, just don't think about it too much. When it will be the time, she will tell you eventually. You do not need to know, since nothing will change from knowing it, unless you have someone else you want to have a relationship with. I've learnt one thing about asking what your ex feels: They will tell you if something changes. Or show it clearly. Keeping asking will give you the same answer + just make you look insecure and needy, and moreover, will make you feel this way. 1
Chi townD Posted April 23, 2013 Posted April 23, 2013 Yeah, I agree. If you do meet up with her. Don't fall into the trap. Like, if she starts crying, your first instinct would be to rush over and comfort her. Well, boyfriends do that. And, at the moment, she's not your girlfriend. Stand your ground and let her do all the talking. And if the conversation starts turning to "friend zone" crap. Bolt out of there! You've got better things to do than to listen to that. 1
SharkTooth Posted April 23, 2013 Posted April 23, 2013 Crederer, I don't know man, your playing this one pretty cool. I mean, it damn sure looks to me like she is missing the hell out of you, i.e. mentions the time since BU, tells you negative stuff about her time since BU, wants to make sure you know she's done with the married guy, problems with sleep, and shows jealousy. It's like you said, "sometimes you just got to do what you got to do". I have a strong suspicion that you'll do the right thing and play it slow. What Chi said, just listen, listen to everything she says. And remember how you were with her the last time you met with her. Maybe give her an inch or two and see what see does with it. Just be optimistically cautious brother and be careful.
Lay Posted May 8, 2013 Posted May 8, 2013 i wish you luck, and i would like to know how it goes with your ex.. it seems like the ball is somewhat in your court. has she mentioned the relationship? i am in the early stages of NC like you had been in the past
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