chimom Posted April 22, 2013 Share Posted April 22, 2013 Ex broke up with me 3 weeks ago, has tearfully contacted me several times, begs me to be friends, and doesn't understand why I don't want that. WTF? I know that "no contact" is recommended here, but honestly, these conversations have exposed how emotionally clueless she is, and in a way, it makes me feel less of a loss. Is wanting to be "friends" a thing? Why would I want that? Why does she want that? Isn't it a little crazy that she doesn't understand why I can't go there? Link to post Share on other sites
Ordinaryday Posted April 22, 2013 Share Posted April 22, 2013 Whether they mean it or not is irrelevant, it is still a terribly selfish thing to say. The majority of dumpers who DON'T mean it don't realise just how rude it is to say, because if the dumpee legitimately wants to then be friends they will have to BE REJECTED A SECOND TIME by the dumper who says 'nope I don't want friendship either'. And if the do mean it it is selfish because they are only taking into account their own needs, not yours. For example, I got dumped by a girl I developed a huge bond with and she with me, difference is I felt it sexually, she told me she thought of me 'as a brother' :/ Anyway, when I was with her she would often use me to do favours for her, go out of my way for her, act as her free counsellor, etc. I didn't mind doing it because we were together, but then she dumped me and basic all stated that she needed me in her life, just not in a sexual way. In other words, she wanted me to keep being 'there' for her and satisfy her EMOTIONAL needs while she goes out and finds some other 'bad boy' guy to satisfy her PHYSICAL needs. Screw that. I would rather not have her in my life at all than have her just as a friend, and I told her that, albeit in a nicer way. Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted April 22, 2013 Share Posted April 22, 2013 She wants to be friends with you because she KNOWS she hurt you. She doesn't want to get back with you, but she doesn't want to you to be in pain as a result of her actions. She's feeling extremely guilty. She would love to say to herself, "Oh look! we're not together anymore, but we're still really good friends." That would totally ease her guilt. Bottomline, she made the choice NOT to be with you. She made the choice to have you out of her life. She pulled the plug on the relationship, NOT YOU. So, she has to live with the consqences of her action and decisions. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
TearyEyedPride Posted April 22, 2013 Share Posted April 22, 2013 She wants to be "friends" because unfortunately it's a selfish attempt to minimize her guilt for dumping you. If you agree, she can feel like she didn't hurt you "that bad" and she can also keep you around as a safety net, a possible booty call, and keep tabs on your progress. It's a vicious cycle. Link to post Share on other sites
AKisBaked Posted April 22, 2013 Share Posted April 22, 2013 ^what the person above said. If you agree to being friends with her, she ultimately could think that your not "that hurt" of she breaking up with you. And plus if she did find someone new she would be shoving it in your face, and be like " I thought were suppose to be FRIENDS." So she thinks that since you know her the best, she expects you to give her full support in whatever she choose or decides to do... Cut her loose. Link to post Share on other sites
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