Marley88 Posted April 22, 2013 Posted April 22, 2013 I broke up with the guy I fell in love with because he seems to never take any gratitude for anything I do for him. I have paid for nearly everything (it's an expensive world on a college budget!) and have done everything in my power to make him happy. I dont want anything in return but for him to show me that he really cares. It seems we argue more often, and finally it got to the point where I needed to take a few days, and actually think about what it is that I want or need from him. We made up. We had the perfect few days together. Then, come to find out, He was going behind my back, partying with his friends that are very unwelcoming to me. I ended the relationship. Sometimes you have to pick your mind over your heart to make the best decision. If he really loved me, he should be able fix the situation. 1. His friends were extremely unwelcoming, rude, to me. I looked passed this. 2. We are perfect when we are together, just by ourselves. But when he is with his friends, he's completely different. Now that I ended it. I'm upset & sad. I miss him. He hasn't contacted me (even though I text him the reasons WHY i felt the way I felt). I know I made the right choice for myself, But I feel terrible for doing it. Usually, I'm the one who gets broken up with. This is the first time I had to do the breaking apart.
Am4Real Posted April 22, 2013 Posted April 22, 2013 What advice are you seeking; do you have a question; or are you just venting? I broke up with the guy I fell in love with because he seems to never take any gratitude for anything I do for him. I have paid for nearly everything (it's an expensive world on a college budget!) and have done everything in my power to make him happy. I dont want anything in return but for him to show me that he really cares. It seems we argue more often, and finally it got to the point where I needed to take a few days, and actually think about what it is that I want or need from him. We made up. We had the perfect few days together. Then, come to find out, He was going behind my back, partying with his friends that are very unwelcoming to me. I ended the relationship. Sometimes you have to pick your mind over your heart to make the best decision. If he really loved me, he should be able fix the situation. 1. His friends were extremely unwelcoming, rude, to me. I looked passed this. 2. We are perfect when we are together, just by ourselves. But when he is with his friends, he's completely different. Now that I ended it. I'm upset & sad. I miss him. He hasn't contacted me (even though I text him the reasons WHY i felt the way I felt). I know I made the right choice for myself, But I feel terrible for doing it. Usually, I'm the one who gets broken up with. This is the first time I had to do the breaking apart.
Author Marley88 Posted April 22, 2013 Author Posted April 22, 2013 I think I am just venting here. Sorry. I just dont think it's fair. He told me how much he loved me, wanted me and so on... Yet, When I broke up with him, he completely disappeared from me with the snap of a finger. It's as if he wasn't even phased.
Am4Real Posted April 22, 2013 Posted April 22, 2013 That's because he is likely here on LS where [highlight]99.999999999999% [/highlight]of us will tell the dumpee to go NC. If you want him back, call him, not text him, tell him you made the mistake of your life, why you made that mistake, and you want to get back together. You are sorry, very sorry and you love him. If you are unsure of the preceding paragraph, then leave him the HELL alone and move on with your life. He deserves the same. I think I am just venting here. Sorry. I just dont think it's fair. He told me how much he loved me, wanted me and so on... Yet, When I broke up with him, he completely disappeared from me with the snap of a finger. It's as if he wasn't even phased. 3
Astros1039 Posted April 22, 2013 Posted April 22, 2013 So you broke up with him and now you're confused as to why he is moving on...? Here's a hint..... BECAUSE YOU BROKE UP WITH HIM. You sound really selfish.. 1
Frank13 Posted April 22, 2013 Posted April 22, 2013 (edited) Marley, first of all, ignore the bitter haters here. Apparently they have been dumped, and instead of accepting the fact that their ex simply doesn't want to be with them, they want to think all dumpers are bad or have committed some crime. It's like they never even read what you wrote. No one should have to stay with someone they don't want to be with. It's a shame when people come here for support, but are then attacked by losers or trolls who then wonder why they were dumped. I feel you did the right thing. You spelled out the situation very clearly. The guy sounds like a freeloader that didn't care about you. What choice did you really have? There is not a normal person who would have read what you wrote and thought you should have stayed. Of course you feel bad and miss him. That is normal, especially if you loverr him. He may eventually contact you if he misses you enough but I don't get the impression he cared. I was in a similar situation and her pack if contact just confirmed she didnt care. Go no contact and get over this guy. You deserve better. There are a lot of good people here and it is a great support network. Don't let a fewe who think they are owed a relationship scare you away. Edited April 22, 2013 by Frank13 5
Treasa Posted April 22, 2013 Posted April 22, 2013 The guy sounds like an ******* and you did the right thing by dumping him. Of course you're going to be hurt and question things. You loved him. But you also had to make a hard decision. In time you will know that you did the right thing for you. 2
Gettingitwrong Posted May 1, 2013 Posted May 1, 2013 Only a dumper can support his own. However calling dumpees as losers doesn't make sense, you have to only get dumped to understand the pain and loss we go through.... It's so ***ing real it's not even funny Only a dumper can support his kind? You don't know anything about this person besides what she said. For all you know she may have been dumped numerous times before. Does one time being the dumper negate everything else you've gone through? Unless the dumper cheated or found someone new before they broke up, they go through pain as well. They go through the pain of realizing the got this love thing wrong again and, like the dumpee, have to start over from scratch. For some people their spouse is their only emotional outlet. So, they too are dealing with their emotions alone. Some of them may have been dumped many times before and instantly feel guilty because they are about to put someone through those same emotions. But, sometimes they have to do it. Sometimes the relationship isn't right for either party. Sometimes the dumpee has done something hurtful to the dumper and has no intention of change. I think this dumper vs dumpee dynamic is really said. Unless you're a firend of one of the people in the relationship, then you have to help your friend feel better. No one goes into a relationship hoping it will end. Whether they were the one's dumping or the one's being dumped, something wasn't working and it just wasn't right. So they both have to start looking again, when they thought they had found that special someone. 2
tinker683 Posted May 1, 2013 Posted May 1, 2013 Only a dumper can support his kind? You don't know anything about this person besides what she said. For all you know she may have been dumped numerous times before. Does one time being the dumper negate everything else you've gone through? Unless the dumper cheated or found someone new before they broke up, they go through pain as well. They go through the pain of realizing the got this love thing wrong again and, like the dumpee, have to start over from scratch. For some people their spouse is their only emotional outlet. So, they too are dealing with their emotions alone. Some of them may have been dumped many times before and instantly feel guilty because they are about to put someone through those same emotions. But, sometimes they have to do it. Sometimes the relationship isn't right for either party. Sometimes the dumpee has done something hurtful to the dumper and has no intention of change. I think this dumper vs dumpee dynamic is really said. Unless you're a firend of one of the people in the relationship, then you have to help your friend feel better. No one goes into a relationship hoping it will end. Whether they were the one's dumping or the one's being dumped, something wasn't working and it just wasn't right. So they both have to start looking again, when they thought they had found that special someone. Well said. I was the dumper in my relationship, but I ended it because my ex checked out of the relationship months before hand and every time I tried working with her on it, she would either retreat further away from me or would insult and denigrate me, telling me that she didn't have time to "baby my feelings" or that I was "crying like a petulant child" and that if I couldn't take it then I could "just leave". Well, guess what, after 3 months of being blown off, belittled, or being made to feel like I was the least important person to her, I decided I had had enough and walked away. It's been 4 months since the breakup and I still miss her terribly. Some part of me keeps hoping she'll come back and apologize, tell me that she loves me and she wants this to work....but I know she won't. Her and I had made plans to have kids together, to move in and start a life together. Now I'm having to rebuild a new life alone, a life I didn't want. I keep thinking of the life we could have had, the things I could be doing right now but aren't. I didn't want to leave...but I don't hate myself enough to stick around someone who doesn't want me there and whom expects me to wait around until she decides I'm worth something again. I love her dearly and I miss her terribly and I think about her almost every second of everyday. I promise you, as a the dumper, I'm in pain too 3
Gettingitwrong Posted May 1, 2013 Posted May 1, 2013 Well said. I was the dumper in my relationship, but I ended it because my ex checked out of the relationship months before hand and every time I tried working with her on it, she would either retreat further away from me or would insult and denigrate me, telling me that she didn't have time to "baby my feelings" or that I was "crying like a petulant child" and that if I couldn't take it then I could "just leave". Well, guess what, after 3 months of being blown off, belittled, or being made to feel like I was the least important person to her, I decided I had had enough and walked away. It's been 4 months since the breakup and I still miss her terribly. Some part of me keeps hoping she'll come back and apologize, tell me that she loves me and she wants this to work....but I know she won't. Her and I had made plans to have kids together, to move in and start a life together. Now I'm having to rebuild a new life alone, a life I didn't want. I keep thinking of the life we could have had, the things I could be doing right now but aren't. I didn't want to leave...but I don't hate myself enough to stick around someone who doesn't want me there and whom expects me to wait around until she decides I'm worth something again. I love her dearly and I miss her terribly and I think about her almost every second of everyday. I promise you, as a the dumper, I'm in pain too Thank you. I'm sorry to hear what you went through. I hope it gets better for you.
bob the brave Posted May 2, 2013 Posted May 2, 2013 Bottom line is he is immature and didn't respect you. And if he dosen't repsect you, he can't care for you. You did right. You handled a very difficult situation with wisdom and character which is more than most people could do. I am proud of you, kiddo! Plus, you lost nothing while saving your integrity and freeing yourself for a future with someone who will appreciate you. It's all good from here out.
melenkurion Posted May 2, 2013 Posted May 2, 2013 I am sorry for your pain. Missing someone who has been a big part of your life is natural: the emotions you felt can't be turned off like a light switch. However, it sounds very clearly like you made the right decision to end this relationship. You were being badly treated, in the end. The perfect days do not outweigh the other bad days. Do stuff you enjoy, get plenty of exercise, make sure you see your friends a lot. Maybe start doing something you have always wanted to try but never did. It will take time, but the bad feelings will get less and less, especially if you look after yourself. And these bad feelings you have now: they would have been far worse if he had stayed in your life any longer. 1
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