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Is asking him out a bad idea?

Eternal Sunshine

By Eternal Sunshine
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Els Established Member

Els

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Yes, I think she means 'shy' as in 'does not participate in many social activities', which could simply be a case of him preferring to spend more time alone as opposed to socializing. In MY opinion, that is not the same as the type of shy you are talking about, in which the man is pretty much paralyzed when it comes to women and devoid of any relationship skills. She cannot possibly know which one he is until she gets to know him further.

 

However, I am happy to agree to disagree with you on that. :)

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Disinterested Established Member

Disinterested

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More and more I read this you ladies want Conan the Office Barbarian. By Crum that's fine collating. Warrior without fear.

 

Would standing on office furniture wielding a stapler like nunchuks help assert his dominance? Yay or nay.

Imported Established Member

Imported

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OK OP, I got the answer. Go up to him and ask, "You want me make banana cry?" Be sure to make the face when you ask him this, you know what I mean. Then laugh hysterically like a crazy lady and run off till you get around a corner, taking super fast tiny baby steps like you're wearing a Geisha dress. Give it a minute and then poke your head out from around that corner to laugh hysterically again. This will work! He will be super intrigued and will then proceed to asking you out. This is a threefold approach because you'll be showing that you are sexy (banana cry...need I say more?), you know how to laugh (granted it is like a crazy lady, but crazy is kinda like exciting and who doesn't like exciting?) and you're sporty (super fast tiny baby steps...bring your running shoes!).

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BluEyeL Established Member

BluEyeL

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OK OP, I got the answer. Go up to him and ask, "You want me make banana cry?" Be sure to make the face when you ask him this, you know what I mean. Then laugh hysterically like a crazy lady and run off till you get around a corner, taking super fast tiny baby steps like you're wearing a Geisha dress. Give it a minute and then poke your head out from around that corner to laugh hysterically again. This will work! He will be super intrigued and will then proceed to asking you out. This is a threefold approach because you'll be showing that you are sexy (banana cry...need I say more?), you know how to laugh (granted it is like a crazy lady, but crazy is kinda like exciting and who doesn't like exciting?) and you're sporty (super fast tiny baby steps...bring your running shoes!).

:laugh::laugh::laugh:

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Eternal Sunshine Established Member

Eternal Sunshine

Posted
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OK OP, I got the answer. Go up to him and ask, "You want me make banana cry?" Be sure to make the face when you ask him this, you know what I mean. Then laugh hysterically like a crazy lady and run off till you get around a corner, taking super fast tiny baby steps like you're wearing a Geisha dress. Give it a minute and then poke your head out from around that corner to laugh hysterically again. This will work! He will be super intrigued and will then proceed to asking you out. This is a threefold approach because you'll be showing that you are sexy (banana cry...need I say more?), you know how to laugh (granted it is like a crazy lady, but crazy is kinda like exciting and who doesn't like exciting?) and you're sporty (super fast tiny baby steps...bring your running shoes!).

 

This will totally work :lmao::lmao::lmao::lmao::lmao:

charlietheginger Established Member

charlietheginger

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stop..... To forward he may think your desperate

 

Expose yourself visually more often to him. Dress nice

At work. Run into him a lil more often. Be a little friendly.

maybe have a conversation with another person and him.

 

Men can be like fish.....

if the bait is thrown in their face to eazy they wont bite.

 

Let him see you" the bait" naturally float infront of him.

Make yourself appear nice friendly and someone he would

Like to be around. Let him have a comfortable feeling around

You. versus the facebook messages sends " hey im here im crazy

And desperate needing a man"

 

So the vibe you want to put off is not a "mind game"

But find away to be on his mind.

 

Men like animals have sensory response appeal

To his senses.

 

Sight = dress nice

Hearing = use a sweet sounding voice

Smell= smell nice

Taste= use a smell that could have a fruit or vanilla taste

It will trigger in his mind you taste good

Touch= only if its comfortable and natural a brush on

The arm or shoulder in a natural setting. Say at lunch with others

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Eternal Sunshine Established Member

Eternal Sunshine

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Maybe she could answer that question. But I'm guessing she means shy in the socially passive sense because introversion is usually less readily apparent.

 

Shy as in passive, somewhat socially awkward, only feels comfortable in talking to one person (a guy he shares his office with). Stands back during social events.

 

On second thought, I am pretty sure a guy like that would be a bad match for me.

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charlietheginger Established Member

charlietheginger

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Shy as in passive, somewhat socially awkward, only feels comfortable in talking to one person (a guy he shares his office with). Stands back during social events.

 

On second thought, I am pretty sure a guy like that would be a bad match for me.

 

Often times opposite poles attract.

Many shy guys love extrovert women

candie13 Established Member

candie13

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I would not ask him out.

 

However, I would create opportunities to talk to him and for him to notice me. Do you have other friends at work ? Don't know if this is part if your culture, but in Europe, we organize informal meetings, to get drinks after work. I'd ask one of my gfs to do that and put his name in the mailing list.

 

It's all about creating opportunities ;). This way, if he didn't notice you before, he would now. Of he didn't understand you liked him before, he would now. All of these, in a cool, detached way, without being too direct or aggressive, and most importantly, without exposing yourself.

 

Be a bit more patient and don't just go for the kill ;).

 

Cheers

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Eternal Sunshine Established Member

Eternal Sunshine

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I would not ask him out.

 

However, I would create opportunities to talk to him and for him to notice me. Do you have other friends at work ? Don't know if this is part if your culture, but in Europe, we organize informal meetings, to get drinks after work. I'd ask one of my gfs to do that and put his name in the mailing list.

 

It's all about creating opportunities ;). This way, if he didn't notice you before, he would now. Of he didn't understand you liked him before, he would now. All of these, in a cool, detached way, without being too direct or aggressive, and most importantly, without exposing yourself.

 

Be a bit more patient and don't just go for the kill ;).

 

Cheers

 

He is not a part of the group I work for. When drinks are organized, their group is never invited. You can say he is from a competing research group. It would really weird if I invited him.

mesmerized Established Member

mesmerized

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hmmm my answer is it depends. Is he hot? if yes, do it. if not, not worth it.:p

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Eternal Sunshine Established Member

Eternal Sunshine

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hmmm my answer is it depends. Is he hot? if yes, do it. if not, not worth it.:p

 

He is cute. I wouldn't say hot.

 

Probably 6.5/10 but I am harsh on guys :laugh:

mesmerized Established Member

mesmerized

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He is cute. I wouldn't say hot.

 

Probably 6.5/10 but I am harsh on guys :laugh:

 

Well, I don't know. He most probably will love it. How old is he?

Buttercup84 Established Member

Buttercup84

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Do we have a certain way of dating in Australia ? Lol.

 

I would ask him how his weekend was last time. Ask open ended questions. The lady sounded like she was selling him to you, or maybe she likes him. Hehe.

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Eternal Sunshine Established Member

Eternal Sunshine

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Well, I don't know. He most probably will love it. How old is he?

 

 

He is 33.

 

That lady went on how he was so "lovely" and such a "sweetheart".

 

I am like 95% sure he would say yes.

Drseussgrrl Established Member

Drseussgrrl

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He is 33.

 

That lady went on how he was so "lovely" and such a "sweetheart".

 

I am like 95% sure he would say yes.

 

You could just do what my dude did and ask him out for a drink after work and leave him wondering if it's a date or not. :p

  • Like 1
candie13 Established Member

candie13

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It may be a cultural difference involved, but I've never asked a guy out. While he may be flattered, I feel that by doing this, I am confirming that "I like him", when in fact, I simply am curious about him.

 

I've had a guy I really fancied - he was an 8-9, same age as me. Smooth smooth guy. He was the one to ask me out, after one month or so of emailing back and forth. I've sort of encouraged him to, without giving any hints or making any clear invitations... in the end, that didn't matter and didn't turn out so well for me, because I got sucked in - I did like him a lot.

 

So... how would I deal with that today? I'd let things flow and I would focus on dating other people (I didn't do that part) and give him space to either make a move or move on (that I did). I'm a bit more intense, when I like a guy :o.

 

What works for me may not work for you, though. If you're not that intense and are generally cool with this guy, go ahead and ask him out. I'd still make sure to see other interesting guys... just in case ;)

Edited by candie13
pcplod Established Member

pcplod

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Don't hypothesize, don't stereotype, don't assume, don't categorise, don't prevaricate.

 

Do think. Do prepare. Do act.

 

A first decision doesn't have to be a final decision, nor an only decision. Most mistakes are reversible; just some are more difficult to reverse than others.

 

What happens if he says "No"? Does the ground open up and swallow you whole? Learning to deal personally with rejection, no matter what form it comes in can be character-forming no matter what form it comes in. It is an opportunity to test and assess yourself, even if it requires a tad more masochism than you would ideally welcome.

 

Prevaricating is to do nothing. I should know. I am an expert.

Emilia Established Member

Emilia

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I'm with carhill on changing attraction styles. I hear you ES, I kind of gave 'shy guys' a go or at least men who are not as outgoing and expressive but found that it either didn't work for me or it didn't work for the guy. I can't relate to shy/passive men very well, I don't get why they just don't step up and I get bored/annoyed with their lack of progress.

 

I've also experienced what tuxedo cat posted about: supposed 'nice' men who seem to be off when outside their comfort zone.

 

Not worth it.

  • Like 6
FitChick Established Member

FitChick

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Ask him out for lunch on some pretext, perhaps having to do with work. It's not really a romantic date so if it goes badly, you can both gracefully exit with egos intact. If it goes well, then it's his opportunity to ask you out on a real date. If he doesn't, well, you've got your answer.

crude Established Member

crude

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Only in dating is it considered heretical for someone who's been taking care of herself for decades to extend a simple invitation to someone else. There's a vast pool of men who simply don't ask women out for whatever reason, maybe they've been burned a million times or are shy or get sick of the mind games. You've been swimming in the other pool all your life, why not tap this new reservoir of guys. If you don't, then aren't you the shy one? I know a woman who's had relationships and sex with about 50 men, and in one case she was the pursuer. All she ever talks about is how a woman pursuing didn't pay off and she'll never do it again, conveniently ignoring the other 49 times when the man did all the stereotypical running and the relationships led nowhere.

grkBoy Established Member

grkBoy

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I have had a crush on this guy at work for few months now.

 

He works at the other end of the building and I barely see him (twice a week in the corridor max). He always says hi and smiles and I have noticed him checking me out number of times.

 

We have had each other on Facebook for a while. He comes across as really shy and nerdy. Last week, I had drinks with this married woman that is friends with him and she went on and on about how sweet he is and how he is looking for a girlfriend. I didn't say much to that.

 

I am considering writing a brief FB message and asking him to go for a drink after work? Is that too forward? Will it turn him off?

 

Guys; would this freak you out?

 

He's not worthy of you if he says no for the reason that you asked him out.

 

I never understood why guys freak out when a pretty girl asks them out.

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Eternal Sunshine Established Member

Eternal Sunshine

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I am not sure that I am interested enough to go that extra mile...I go back and forth on this.

 

There is an additional problem that there is another guy at work that recently broke up with his fiance that has been talking to me a lot and always buying me drinks at after work things... (but I think he is not a good bet due to recent break up so I have been pretty cold towards him) and my newly divorced boss.

 

I have some interest in all 3 of these guys though :confused:

 

Guess I will just wait it out...

ascendotum Established Member

ascendotum

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I reckon the shy guy is your best bet out of the three. I don't know if he would be your type, but you did say you have been crushing on him so I reckon he's worth finding out a little more about him, before writing him off. I agree with suessgrl and fitchick. A shy guy would love getting an decent IOI from a woman to feel a little bolder to make a move. You can still enjoy a couple of drinks or a lunch, even if you decide he's not your type (no worse than OLD).

Emilia Established Member

Emilia

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I have some interest in all 3 of these guys though :confused:

 

Guess I will just wait it out...

 

Pretty much story of my life at the moment so I sympathise: unsuitable guys (freshly split up or still in a relationship) or passive/shy. Not ideal to say the least. Have to keep searching ;)

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