Eternal Sunshine Posted April 22, 2013 Posted April 22, 2013 I have had a crush on this guy at work for few months now. He works at the other end of the building and I barely see him (twice a week in the corridor max). He always says hi and smiles and I have noticed him checking me out number of times. We have had each other on Facebook for a while. He comes across as really shy and nerdy. Last week, I had drinks with this married woman that is friends with him and she went on and on about how sweet he is and how he is looking for a girlfriend. I didn't say much to that. I am considering writing a brief FB message and asking him to go for a drink after work? Is that too forward? Will it turn him off? Guys; would this freak you out?
Keenly Posted April 22, 2013 Posted April 22, 2013 I say do it, you have nothing to lose and he will probably say yes.
Poppy fields Posted April 22, 2013 Posted April 22, 2013 Ask him when you see him at work. I agree with this. When he smiles, make conversation and ask him then. I think Facebook would be too impersonal for my taste if you guys see each other twice a week. 2
Disinterested Posted April 22, 2013 Posted April 22, 2013 I have had a crush on this guy at work for few months now. He works at the other end of the building and I barely see him (twice a week in the corridor max). He always says hi and smiles and I have noticed him checking me out number of times. We have had each other on Facebook for a while. He comes across as really shy and nerdy. Last week, I had drinks with this married woman that is friends with him and she went on and on about how sweet he is and how he is looking for a girlfriend. I didn't say much to that. I am considering writing a brief FB message and asking him to go for a drink after work? Is that too forward? Will it turn him off? Guys; would this freak you out? Facebook is always a bad decision. Besides that if you want to ask him then it is always the right choice no matter the results unless you really don't want to.
carhill Posted April 22, 2013 Posted April 22, 2013 Does he know you're single? The 'lady in common' could assist in that regard and let nature take its course. I mention this because of your traditional style of requiring high interest from men, even if you're 'crushing' on them. This would indicate that he would need to approach you and ask you out. As it is, smiling and 'checking me out', compared to other men, isn't high interest. You could ask him out, sure. If you do, do it in person, IMO. That would go against your traditional style too. Up to you how to process that. Good luck. 1
HoneyBadgerDontCare Posted April 22, 2013 Posted April 22, 2013 Couldn't hurt, but I personally find it a turn-off when a girl asks me out. Lots of guys on here disagree with me on this, however, so take this opinion with a grain of salt. I'm alpha though so any girl that I would be interested in generally doesn't have time to ask me out first lol. 1
Author Eternal Sunshine Posted April 22, 2013 Author Posted April 22, 2013 Does he know you're single? The 'lady in common' could assist in that regard and let nature take its course. I mention this because of your traditional style of requiring high interest from men, even if you're 'crushing' on them. This would indicate that he would need to approach you and ask you out. As it is, smiling and 'checking me out', compared to other men, isn't high interest. You could ask him out, sure. If you do, do it in person, IMO. That would go against your traditional style too. Up to you how to process that. Good luck. My traditional style hasn't been working too well for me. Perhaps time for a change. I also don't see a big deal in him saying no...And I am not sure if he knows that I am single.
BluEyeL Posted April 22, 2013 Posted April 22, 2013 Can't that lady tell him about you and suggest him to ask you out? I really believe it's a turn off for most men to be asked out. 2
Star Gazer Posted April 22, 2013 Posted April 22, 2013 If you want to set yourself up as the pursuer, go for it. A shy guy isn't going to give you what you need. 1
Author Eternal Sunshine Posted April 22, 2013 Author Posted April 22, 2013 Can't that lady tell him about you and suggest him to ask you out? I really believe it's a turn off for most men to be asked out. I work quite closely with that lady and I would rather not have her play the matchmaker. There is potential for more gossip than needed. I don't trust people with stuff like that.
BluEyeL Posted April 22, 2013 Posted April 22, 2013 Your chances with the boy would increase significantly though if you were willing to take that risk.
Author Eternal Sunshine Posted April 22, 2013 Author Posted April 22, 2013 If you want to set yourself up as the pursuer, go for it. A shy guy isn't going to give you what you need. You are probably correct. 2
Author Eternal Sunshine Posted April 22, 2013 Author Posted April 22, 2013 Your chances with the boy would increase significantly though if you were willing to take that risk. I disagree. I don't see it having a big impact on his attraction towards me. Men that are .turned off by women asking them out are generally into thrill of the chase. I would rather not date such men. 3
Star Gazer Posted April 22, 2013 Posted April 22, 2013 I disagree. I don't see it having a big impact on his attraction towards me. Men that are .turned off by women asking them out are generally into thrill of the chase. I would rather not date such men. There are men who are into and need the thrill of the chase, and will bail as soon as they catch a woman, and then there are the rest of men...the men who don't find much value on something that's just dropped off on their doorstep. It's a fine line, but there's a distinction. The man you're attracted to is a man who goes after what he wants. This guy has had ample opportunity to ask you out, and hasn't. 1
Disinterested Posted April 22, 2013 Posted April 22, 2013 If you want to set yourself up as the pursuer, go for it. A shy guy isn't going to give you what you need. She isn't getting what she needs right now. Nothing to lose.
Star Gazer Posted April 22, 2013 Posted April 22, 2013 She isn't getting what she needs right now. Nothing to lose. And absolutely nothing to gain except wasted time and energy.
Disinterested Posted April 22, 2013 Posted April 22, 2013 There are men who are into and need the thrill of the chase, and will bail as soon as they catch a woman, and then there are the rest of men...the men who don't find much value on something that's just dropped off on their doorstep. It's a fine line, but there's a distinction. The man you're attracted to is a man who goes after what he wants. This guy has had ample opportunity to ask you out, and hasn't. She rarely sees him and they only see each other in a work context. Where is this ample opportunity?
Disinterested Posted April 22, 2013 Posted April 22, 2013 And absolutely nothing to gain except wasted time and energy. She has too much energy. Siphoning a bit off would be a good thing.
carhill Posted April 22, 2013 Posted April 22, 2013 I work quite closely with that lady and I would rather not have her play the matchmaker. There is potential for more gossip than needed. I don't trust people with stuff like that.If there is gossip potential, the lady has likely already shared with him what she told you and your reactions. On that front, when encountering her again, a display of some apparent sympathy and laughing off a few failed dating anecdotes of your own without giving much personal info could get the message across (that you're single). If you want to 'change' your attraction style, that's a pretty tall order IMO. It involves how you 'feel' around a man and what you respond to instinctively. If his 'shyness' doesn't give you 'what you need', the encounter will likely fail. Of course, there may be any number of reasons for his apparent shyness with you, unless you've seen similar behavior with other co-workers. He may not be shy at all, one on one in an environment where mutual interest has been established. Glad I'm out of the dating biz....too much stress! Hope it works out. 1
Star Gazer Posted April 22, 2013 Posted April 22, 2013 She rarely sees him and they only see each other in a work context. Where is this ample opportunity? To quote the OP: He always says hi and smiles and I have noticed him checking me out number of times. We have had each other on Facebook for a while. I'll repeat: A strong man goes after what he wants. This guy has had ample opportunity to approach, the make contact, etc., and hasn't.
Disinterested Posted April 22, 2013 Posted April 22, 2013 To quote the OP: I'll repeat: A strong man goes after what he wants. This guy has had ample opportunity to approach, the make contact, etc., and hasn't. This didn't occur in a social setting and there are many women who see unsolicited facebook messaging tantamount to cyberstalking.
Star Gazer Posted April 22, 2013 Posted April 22, 2013 This didn't occur in a social setting and there are many women who see unsolicited facebook messaging tantamount to cyberstalking. Oh, c'mon. You're just trying to justify having to chase a man. If he's interested in you, sees you fairly often, says "hi," and has you on his FB... What reason would he possibly have to not ask you out? He's either painfully shy, which does not suit ES's needs, or he's not interested enough to approach and ask her out. Either way, it's a problem. 1
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