KathyM Posted May 5, 2013 Posted May 5, 2013 It's not so cut an dry. I'm a nonbeliever libertarian and would be just fine with less serious Christians but not a conservative Christian. YOU may be fine with it, but Christians need the support of their partner in their walk with God. For very good reason, God instructed us not to be paired with unbelievers. They dilute/compromise our faith and our obedience to God. 1
KathyM Posted May 5, 2013 Posted May 5, 2013 Actually that's not true at all. In all I think people think it's easier. People want to make easier however that doesn't test your faith in your religion. On top of that there's different denomination in Christianity. You can't mix two different denomination however you can be with someone who is in a different denomination. What happens if a partner changes their mind are you going to divorce the person if you married that person?? I don't remember reading the bible not to pair with unbelievers. You obviously are not very familiar with what the Bible says. 1
taiko Posted May 5, 2013 Posted May 5, 2013 Actually that's not true at all. In all I think people think it's easier. People want to make easier however that doesn't test your faith in your religion. On top of that there's different denomination in Christianity. You can't mix two different denomination however you can be with someone who is in a different denomination. What happens if a partner changes their mind are you going to divorce the person if you married that person?? I don't remember reading the bible not to pair with unbelievers.What do you mean you can't mix two different denominations however you can be with someone of a different denominations? It depends upon how devoted you are to the doctrine of a specific denomination. Some go as far to say they are the only true faith, others just say some other specific sub groups are not truly part of the faith. Some demand that their members denomination must be held supreme over their partners and any children must be raised in it others just have basic tenets which they think must be the same like belief in the Trinity or should only believers be baptized or should the children raised in a Christian home be baptized soon after birth as Jews circumcised their boys. The Bible in Paul's letters specifically instructs you to avoid "unequally yoked" situations. However it also holds that should you decide to follow the way you are not to leave a partner who doesn't also follow Christ but if that partner should leave because he/she doesn't want to live with a follower of Christ them let him/her go.
William Posted May 6, 2013 Posted May 6, 2013 Read moderation's most recent posting for guidance regarding topical content. Further off-topic discussion will cause the thread to be closed and members infracted as appropriate. Thanks.
autumn2 Posted June 7, 2013 Posted June 7, 2013 I gave everything a lot of thought, and also spoke to a few of my friends who were/are in a similar situation. The next time I saw him, we went out for drinks and I told him pretty directly that religion is really important to me, and my two "deal breakers" I gave him were 1. I need to get married in my church and 2. my kids need to be raised Christian. I joked about how I thought it was absurd for me to bring this up, but it was the kind of thing I really needed to put out there now. Basically I was prepared to end it right then and there. He sort of looked at me with a confused face, smiled and said "No offense but... I pretty much knew that." He said it is obvious that its a huge deal for me, had no problem whatsoever with my "dealbreakers" and even said he is interested in my particular denomination and culture and wants to know about it. He clarified that he is not irreligious, or anti-religious, but had some bad experiences regarding church growing up and sort of just lost his faith. I even asked him if he was just saying that to please me but he assured me that he wasn't because that would be extremely unfair to me. Well... I was not prepared for that. ana0pera - I find it funny that yours was the last response, and the most relevant to the situation that actually happened. So, for now, we will keep dating and see what happens. Thanks for posting your question FunnyFace. I am about to face a similar discussion with this lovely girl I've begun dating. She told me on our first date that she was raised in a Christian family, but because her parents were/are so protective and were quite pushy of Christianity, she's been put off and not really interested in it anymore. I didn't tell her that I was a Christian, I probably should have there and then. But tomorrow is our 3rd official date, and so I plan to bring it up then. I hope it worked out for you two in the end
miss_jaclynrae Posted June 7, 2013 Posted June 7, 2013 Really? Yeah, tell him. If you don't then later on in life when a guy leads you on and then tells you he will never marry you, no matter what, think of it as karma. You should have told him how adamant you were about similar beliefs as soon as he told you what he was.
miss_jaclynrae Posted June 7, 2013 Posted June 7, 2013 Wait, in late to the party, so forgive me...Did you change your mid about someone being the same religion as you beig a deal breaker? I'm confused...
Trimmer Posted June 7, 2013 Posted June 7, 2013 Wait, in late to the party, so forgive me...Did you change your mid about someone being the same religion as you beig a deal breaker? I'm confused... Yeah, this question is still ringing out there, and I don't think the OP has addressed it yet. In their serious talk, she said: ...I told him pretty directly that religion is really important to me, and my two "deal breakers" I gave him were 1. I need to get married in my church and 2. my kids need to be raised Christian. Now that is noticeably different than what she described in her original post: I am a devout Christian. I will never marry someone outside my religion, or who doesn't share the same beliefs that I do - it is a strong part of my upbringing and something that I need in my future potential family life. This is my "deal breaker." Like some other posters, from reading how their relationship progressed, I had the same impression that she was just kind of sticking her head in the sand, ignoring the issue because she "really, really liked" this guy. Then when he brought up the dealbreaker talk, she avoided the topic, because she really, really liked this guy. Now I have to wonder if she is shifting and compromising her originally stated belief because she really, really likes this guy. I'm not criticizing her for that, particularly: I believe compromise is a good thing, if you're really and truly willing to bend to meet the compromise position. However, is she bending her beliefs for now, when everything is rosy and wonderful and hopeful and full of potential, but this little thing stays back there in the background, nagging at her, wondering if she did the right thing when, as KathyM puts it: "...you need to accept God's instruction not to be paired with unbelievers..."? When things settle in for the long run, will she always wonder if she's done the right thing? When things hit a bump, when the marriage gets a little stressful, does this grain of sand eventually become a pearl, or an infection? I ask these questions because the original dealbreaker statement was "will never marry someone outside my religion", but then it evolved (ouch, sorry, Christians!) into "marry in my church, and raise the children Christian"... Are you really being honest with him about what your true dealbreaker is?
pcplod Posted June 7, 2013 Posted June 7, 2013 A deal breaker is a deal breaker and he has asked you. You are obliged, as an honourable person, whether religious, agnostic or atheistic, to answer his question honestly and completely. The next decision is his. You will have to accept it. And he knows. But just doesn't want to hear it. It will be sad for both of you. However, if religion is not just a personal faith, but an influence over all of your life, there is absolutely nothing you can do about it and it would not work, never mind be a deal-breaker.
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