Loveroster Posted April 21, 2013 Posted April 21, 2013 [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3][/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Calibri][sIZE=3]I met my wife on the internet while I was ondeployment. She is a good women andfamily oriented. I wanted to start afamily as well, so I thought she would make a good wife. We only talked for a 4 months on Skype beforeI decided to go to her county and marry her. When I was there we got married right way and I stayed with her for 2weeks. During that time I realized thatI was not that attracted to her. Afterthe 2 weeks ended I came back to Canada realizing I don’t love her, and I havenever loved her. I was hoping love willcome after marriage, since she is a good woman. We are now working on getting her papers tocome to Canada, but I honestly don’t feel I want to be with her. What do I do? She did nothing wrong, I just think we rushedthings. I know she loves me and I don’twant to hurt her feeling. I keepthinking about this everyday and every night, and this is making memiserable. Sometimes i think i need togive her a chance and see how things will develop in the future. But on the same token i don’t want thisrelation to develop further by her coming to Canada and maybe having kids , and my feeling to her don’t change. Any words of wisdom out there?[/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3][/sIZE][/FONT]
tojaz Posted April 21, 2013 Posted April 21, 2013 Hard situation. I guess it depends on whats at the root here. Has the idea of marriage in general lost it's luster now that your living it and the honeymoon has worn off? or is it really her? If your certain, then you need to set her free as gently as you can and beg her forgiveness because you burned her pretty good with this. If you have doubts then I would suggest you take the time to get to know here beyond what can be learned in a couple of months on Skype and just 2 weeks together. Thats not long enough to get to know someone enough to even consider marriage... and you should have known better. TOJAZ 1
todreaminblue Posted April 21, 2013 Posted April 21, 2013 Let her go now....because it will only happen later........is an anulment possible....i am firm on marriage should be forever that is why you should know with out any doubt when you get married that you are ready to accept all that is involved....and its work....and trust....respect and compromise.....the honeymoon period is a period in time.....just one part of a relationship not the all of it......it will fade...attraction butterflies.....intensity will settle..with familiarity....but love should remain....if the person you married is the person you want to spend your life with..and it has to be mutual....i think you are in for some difficult days..maybe try some therapy before you decide to call it quits......deb 1
january2011 Posted April 21, 2013 Posted April 21, 2013 Yes, you rushed things. Sorry, in my opinion, love usually doesn't come after marriage, it comes before it. I strongly advise you to postpone the paperwork and any other preparations until you are sure about what you want. It would be heartbreaking for her to travel all the way to Canada. And then you decide that you want to divorce/annul. She would be away from her support network. She'd be all alone, with a husband who does not love her. Do the honourable thing. Pain now to avoid worse pain in the future. 1
HokeyReligions Posted April 22, 2013 Posted April 22, 2013 yes you rushed things. be honest now so both of you can save some pain. besides how do you know she's not feeling the same thing. have your first honest and frank discussion and make it about a relationship-- or not. 1
Author Loveroster Posted April 22, 2013 Author Posted April 22, 2013 Thank you Deb, what kind of thereby you suggest?
aMguilts Posted April 22, 2013 Posted April 22, 2013 (edited) you frigging kidding right??? you never loved her but you still married her.....HOPING...... that `love `would come in time` My advice to you? grow a pair and be honest with her go tell her, even better still go SHOW her what you have put on here i`m sorry , but i have NO sympathy for you whatsoever you went into marriage without a care, and now you want to get out of it as just as fast as you went into it! jeeeeeeeez aM i suggest the `get a life therapy` you need it Edited April 22, 2013 by aMguilts 1
Mr. Lucky Posted April 22, 2013 Posted April 22, 2013 When I was there we got married right way and I stayed with her for 2 weeks. I'm writing this down so you can read it: You married someone you didn't know Forget Skype and a two week honeymoon, there's no way you get to know someone without spending actual time with them. So just as surprising as your decision to marry blind is your assessment that, still without knowing her, you don't want her. Having rushed in blindly, you're now running out the same way. Stop, slow down and take a breath. Have a honest conversation with her about how you feel - she may have the same misgivings about living with a stranger. Make a plan that's more based on thinking and less on flat screen images and start acting like an adult... Mr. Lucky 1
GuyInLimbo Posted April 22, 2013 Posted April 22, 2013 Bro, your ONLY option RIGHT NOW is to call everything off. Otherwise, you're an a-hole for leading her on. You made a mistake. Correct it before it becomes a series of mistakes that are difficult to resolve. Do it today.
LeGenDary_Man Posted April 22, 2013 Posted April 22, 2013 (edited) I met my wife on the internet while I was ondeployment. She is a good women andfamily oriented. I wanted to start afamily as well, so I thought she would make a good wife. We only talked for a 4 months on Skype beforeI decided to go to her county and marry her. When I was there we got married right way and I stayed with her for 2weeks. During that time I realized thatI was not that attracted to her. Afterthe 2 weeks ended I came back to Canada realizing I don’t love her, and I havenever loved her. I was hoping love willcome after marriage, since she is a good woman. We are now working on getting her papers tocome to Canada, but I honestly don’t feel I want to be with her. What do I do? She did nothing wrong, I just think we rushedthings. I know she loves me and I don’twant to hurt her feeling. I keepthinking about this everyday and every night, and this is making memiserable. Sometimes i think i need togive her a chance and see how things will develop in the future. But on the same token i don’t want thisrelation to develop further by her coming to Canada and maybe having kids , and my feeling to her don’t change. Any words of wisdom out there? What are you? A kid or something? Imagine the pain that you will inflict upon your wife and her family after this disclosure. You might ruin her life, if she is from a culture which is family-oriented. I am willing to bet that you wanted to satisfy your LUST! Despicable. Can anybody be more self-fish then this? I have ZERO sympathy with people like you who play with the lives of others. Marriage is HARD WORK, genius. Even if you settle-down with Mrs. Right, you would have to put "lot of effort" in your relationship with her to make it work. Marriage isn't like a fling or a date; marriage is a tedious but rewarding journey of companionship. Also, people are NOT like "fictitious Hollywood model" types in real life; nobody is perfect. Sorry, in my opinion, love usually doesn't come after marriage, it comes before it. I strongly disagree with this statement. If this was the case then "arranged marriages" would have never worked. We can "click" with a person whose mind-set matches ours. If the spouse is willing to put effort in the relationship and respect your wishes, I don't see why it would be difficult to fall in love with such a person. Edited April 22, 2013 by LeGenDary_Man
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