Is this a date?

[Ninjainpajamas]

Maybe. But quite honestly the whole thing has left a rather bad taste in my mouth and any "crush" I might have had, I'm just not feeling anymore.

 

This weirdness, this uncertainty... I dunno, maybe when I was younger it would have piqued my curiosity but I just don't have the patience for it. It's so dumb.

 

I'm not going to reach out to him first.

 

Yeah but men know they can recover in a drop of a hat, women are usually letting men get away with all kinds of things and don't really call men out on anything...so the consequence is minimal, he may have backed off or had second thoughts for something unrelated, he may have even over-thought it at this point (doubtful).

 

The reason really isn't that important, the thing is he's going to make a move when it's convenient for him, and it's up to you whether you want to be there or not unless he never engages because of something completely unrelated like another woman. So don't even put a lot of thought into it, honestly the best thing you could have done was called him out of at the elevator making him react.

 

I mean this is the dating game, this how people work when there is little investment. Sometimes people like to flirt, other times they're just testing the waters to see if you would have been available, like with ES other times they're butting heads with the GF so they go out and rebel by hitting up another girl, there's all kinds of things but really they're all on the same level....you gotta cut guys out easily for things like this, even if he asked at this point you should just tell him that you're busy because you put yourself in a category in a man's mind when you are too convenient and available...and it's not the good kind.

[tuxedo cat]

I know. He asked ME, and is now acting all weird! I'm already mad at him and we haven't even gone out! LOL

 

Why can't he just behave like a normal person??

 

I don't really know what to do about tomorrow. Wait for him to confirm? If I don't hear anything, do I just head home after work?

 

I thought you already had confirmed? Didn't he already send you an invite with the time and place that you agreed to? Then I would assume it's on and maybe send him a text an hour before saying you're looking forward to it.

[Eternal Sunshine]

Yeah but men know they can recover in a drop of a hat, women are usually letting men get away with all kinds of things and don't really call men out on anything...so the consequence is minimal, he may have backed off or had second thoughts for something unrelated, he may have even over-thought it at this point (doubtful).

 

This is true to an extent but women are able to switch emotions off as well and if that happens, nothing a man does will affect her anymore.

 

Like I remember that FWB I posted about that ended up saying he wants a "relationship" few months later. I was VERY into him while I was with him, deeply depressed about him wanting only FWB, I actually cried over him number of times :S . But then since I wasn't getting what I wanted/needed, I emotionally checked out. We still stayed in contact but it increasingly felt like a chore to me. When he offered a "relationship", my interest in him was non-existent. I think men don't count on women losing interest even when she externally appears to accept poor treatment.... At least that's how I work.

[tuxedo cat]

Actually stratch that. Don't text him. Just show up to the place at the time that you set.

 

Sometimes I will retaliate a bit when a guy is being a dick by beating him at his own game. It's easy: just do nothing. Let him do all the initiating, act breezy and friendly but like you could totally take him or leave him, strive for friendly indifference, don't show any trace of irritation or you'll give away that he got to you. This is guaranteed to make a game-playing guy squirm.

 

That or you could just ditch him now. It depends on how much fun you want to have.

 

I still think it's possible he's just nervous about the date and avoiding you for that reason, but that's no excuse for being rude.

 

If I were you I'd probably give him the benefit of the doubt for now until I go on the date and have more information, but sometimes I'm overly optimistic and give people too many chances.

 

PS: Are you sure he's avoiding you? Earlier in the thread you wrote that sometimes he'll go weeks at a time without talking to you.

Edited April 24, 2013 by tuxedo cat

[Drseussgrrl]

This is true to an extent but women are able to switch emotions off as well and if that happens, nothing a man does will affect her anymore.

 

Like I remember that FWB I posted about that ended up saying he wants a "relationship" few months later. I was VERY into him while I was with him, deeply depressed about him wanting only FWB, I actually cried over him number of times :S . But then since I wasn't getting what I wanted/needed, I emotionally checked out. We still stayed in contact but it increasingly felt like a chore to me. When he offered a "relationship", my interest in him was non-existent. I think men don't count on women losing interest even when she externally appears to accept poor treatment.... At least that's how I work.

 

This, and, if you read my posting history you'd see that I'm not the type who puts up with bad treatment.

 

It's such a turnoff.

[Drseussgrrl]

Actually stratch that. Don't text him. Just show up to the place at the time that you set.

 

Sometimes I will retaliate a bit when a guy is being a dick by beating him at his own game. It's easy: just do nothing. Let him do all the initiating, act breezy and friendly but like you could totally take him or leave him, strive for friendly indifference, don't show any trace of irritation or you'll give away that he got to you. This is guaranteed to make a game-playing guy squirm.

 

That or you could just ditch him now. It depends on how much fun you want to have.

 

I still think it's possible he's just nervous about the date and avoiding you for that reason, but that's no excuse for being rude.

 

If I were you I'd probably give him the benefit of the doubt for now until I go on the date and have more information, but sometimes I'm overly optimistic and give people too many chances.

 

PS: Are you sure he's avoiding you? Earlier in the thread you wrote that sometimes he'll go weeks at a time without talking to you.

 

That's the plan, stan. Actually my motto in dating is pretty much do nothing because men will always do what they want. They don't need to be prodded or poked.

[Eternal Sunshine]

That's the plan, stan. Actually my motto in dating is pretty much do nothing because men will always do what they want. They don't need to be prodded or poked.

 

Yep, they tend to not take your interest into account much in my experience. They only care about how interested they are.

[tuxedo cat]

Yep, they tend to not take your interest into account much in my experience. They only care about how interested they are.

 

I actually disagree with this. I think A LOT of guys are very vulnerable to push-pull and will idolize or devalue a woman based on how hard to get she is. It's a psychological fact that people value things more that they have to work for.

[Ninjainpajamas]

This is true to an extent but women are able to switch emotions off as well and if that happens, nothing a man does will affect her anymore.

 

Like I remember that FWB I posted about that ended up saying he wants a "relationship" few months later. I was VERY into him while I was with him, deeply depressed about him wanting only FWB, I actually cried over him number of times :S . But then since I wasn't getting what I wanted/needed, I emotionally checked out. We still stayed in contact but it increasingly felt like a chore to me. When he offered a "relationship", my interest in him was non-existent. I think men don't count on women losing interest even when she externally appears to accept poor treatment.... At least that's how I work.

 

Yes but that's also at a different point in the "relationship", he waited too long to pull the trigger. Men gauge when they "have to" do something, and at the last minute they try and pull the rabbit out of the hat...some women don't let the man back in for a "second chance", other women often do...for a third, fourth, fifth...etc. Then those women are effectively being strung along.

 

You basically accept treatment when you do nothing to contest it or are overly tolerant.

 

This, and, if you read my posting history you'd see that I'm not the type who puts up with bad treatment.

 

It's such a turnoff.

 

He doesn't know that though, and often women do, especially if really interested in a guy. However for the little effort he did put in, objectively I think you've invested quite a lot of thought...so that's a small "victory" on his part as he provoked a strong curiosity...which sometimes is all it takes.

 

Yep, they tend to not take your interest into account much in my experience. They only care about how interested they are.

 

Many men don't, many are self-absorbed and selfish only concerned about their needs. I've seen women do the same though and string along more than a few men to fill her insatiable appetite for attention and "options".

 

Most people are this way though, they're not really thinking about how the other person is "feeling" they're stuck in their own head, basing things off their own emotions in the situation...then they're unable put themselves in the other persons shoes or better yet, detach and say this isn't good enough for me...and that's it. People want to know why, and how come, yadda yadda.

[Drseussgrrl]

So is this a date or not?

[Eternal Sunshine]

I actually disagree with this. I think A LOT of guys are very vulnerable to push-pull and will idolize or devalue a woman based on how hard to get she is. It's a psychological fact that people value things more that they have to work for.

 

Yes..but, I found that the more a man is vulnerable to this, the more emotionally unhealthy he is. Even if I wanted to play these games (and sometimes I do ), I see myself losing attraction and respect when I see that the games work.

[StanMusial]

First of all, calm down.

 

Secondly, it could be that he feels you've both moved into a different dynamic with plans outside of work. So he is being extra careful not to broadcast this to the office gossip mill. If this is the case by the way he definitely views it as a date. I have been in this situation before and it is just better to keep it on the down-low.

[Drseussgrrl]

I'm just going to show up at the agreed upon time.

 

I'm overanalyzing one flipping drink. Gah.

[jujubes]

How did it go?

[Drseussgrrl]

How did it go?

 

It went well. We had fun, lots in common.

 

But by the end of the "date" I wasn't really feeling it.

 

I'm pretty sure is ex texted during dinner, too.

 

Next!

[Drseussgrrl]

I had mentioned in passing that me and my crew are heading into the city tonight to watch a hockey game and that he was welcome to join up, since we left it on a friendly vibe.

 

He just texted that he definitely wants to meet up.

[Star Gazer]

It sounds like he likes you. If you're not into him, you need to make that friendzone clear.

[tuxedo cat]

It went well. We had fun, lots in common.

 

But by the end of the "date" I wasn't really feeling it.

 

I'm pretty sure is ex texted during dinner, too.

 

Next!

 

That was kind of anticlimactic. Can we have some details? You seemed so into him before the date--what happened?

[tuxedo cat]

I had mentioned in passing that me and my crew are heading into the city tonight to watch a hockey game and that he was welcome to join up, since we left it on a friendly vibe.

 

He just texted that he definitely wants to meet up.

 

Don't lead him on if you're not interested. If I were him I'd assume that you were (interested) based on the post date invite.

[Imajerk17]

It went well. We had fun, lots in common.

 

But by the end of the "date" I wasn't really feeling it.

 

I'm pretty sure is ex texted during dinner, too.

 

Next!

 

I'm curious--what was missing for you?

[Drseussgrrl]

Welp everyone. Just an update.

 

He ended up not coming out that Saturday to meet up with me and my friends, and asked if we could get together another time. I just said no problem.

 

A few days later he texted about what's going on with my job situation, I updated him, and a few days after that I get a text asking if we can have brunch on Sunday. I said yes of course. He asks if he can pick me up and I suggested a place in my neighborhood. Brunch was great, I felt that old familiar attraction to him that I had had before, and after we met up with a group of my friends who were out for cinco de mayo. My friends are pretty boisterous but he seemed to fit right in.

 

He had already had plans to kayak that day, so he left in the middle of the afternoon, but we kissed before he took off and it was pretty awesome. He soon texted me, "When can I get some more of THAT?"

 

I saw him again for drinks the next night, kissed some more, and then he asked me to see a show at a small local venue here last night.

 

When he came and picked me up, there was a beautifully wrapped package sitting on the seat - turned out to be my favorite chocolates. Cute huh? We headed into the city and grabbed a quick bite, then saw the show which we both loved.

 

He ended up spending the night but we just snuggled. He asked if he could see me again tonight.

 

So - I guess we're dating LOL.

[Imajerk17]

What?? No way. You just can't have chemistry with someone if you don't have chemistry on the first date. Didn't you learn ANYTHING from your time on Match??

 

 

Great update. I am happy you have things another chance and they seem to be working out so well.

 

Welp everyone. Just an update.

 

He ended up not coming out that Saturday to meet up with me and my friends, and asked if we could get together another time. I just said no problem.

 

A few days later he texted about what's going on with my job situation, I updated him, and a few days after that I get a text asking if we can have brunch on Sunday. I said yes of course. He asks if he can pick me up and I suggested a place in my neighborhood. Brunch was great, I felt that old familiar attraction to him that I had had before, and after we met up with a group of my friends who were out for cinco de mayo. My friends are pretty boisterous but he seemed to fit right in.

 

He had already had plans to kayak that day, so he left in the middle of the afternoon, but we kissed before he took off and it was pretty awesome. He soon texted me, "When can I get some more of THAT?"

 

I saw him again for drinks the next night, kissed some more, and then he asked me to see a show at a small local venue here last night.

 

When he came and picked me up, there was a beautifully wrapped package sitting on the seat - turned out to be my favorite chocolates. Cute huh? We headed into the city and grabbed a quick bite, then saw the show which we both loved.

 

He ended up spending the night but we just snuggled. He asked if he could see me again tonight.

 

So - I guess we're dating LOL.