Is this a date?

[mtber75]

You shouldn't go in there expecting it as date...Too much pressure on yourself to conform to a certain way! I say be yourself and like he said hang out! If he makes it a date, he'll make sure to let you know by his actions...At least I will.

 

Good Luck!

Edited April 23, 2013 by mtber75

[Drseussgrrl]

This or he's trying to play it cool and not seem so excited for their "date" or whatever it is.

 

I don't know why I thought this was so funny.

[Jbum5]

This is not a date. Interested parties are unlikely to use words like "Tears..." even if there is some ulterior motive to mask what they consider to really be a date.

[KatZee]

I don't know why I thought this was so funny.

 

Yeah, the image I had in my mind when I was writing this was tough guy Danny Zuko and Sandy, from Grease. lmao.

 

Danny: That's cool baby, you know how it is, rockin' and rollin' and what not.

[Drseussgrrl]

This is not a date. Interested parties are unlikely to use words like "Tears..." even if there is some ulterior motive to mask what they consider to really be a date.

 

The "Tears in my Beers" outlook invite was in reference to my email where I told him not to cry because I'm no good in emotionally-charged situations (obviously joking back and forth).

[Jbum5]

The "Tears in my Beers" outlook invite was in reference to my email where I told him not to cry because I'm no good in emotionally-charged situations (obviously joking back and forth).

 

Then the banter you two exchange clearly establish your relationship as friends (at least for now). Perhaps he may be going through a rough patch with the former girlfriend that you once heard about which in turn caused him to lose his enthusiasm for interacting with you, if not only for a moment.

[Ninjainpajamas]

Update:

 

I just bumped into him near the elevators, as he was on his way out the door for lunch. I said "Hey how are you?" and he responded with a rather monotone, "Hey how's it going" then just stepped on without trying to further the conversation.

 

I feel kind of stupid now, and thinking I read way too much into this.

 

I wouldn't pay much mind to that, he could be shy/intimidated by speaking in person or was nervous/caught-off-guard.

 

Trying to be coy about it.

 

Or intentionally trying to avoid engaging a conversation in that environment for other reasons.

 

See what he does "behind the scenes", meaning out of this environment....that's the real "play" if there is any.

 

Don't be discouraged or confused just yet. You definitely don't have a reason to feel stupid, I've known guys to play it that way, doesn't mean anything at this point IMO.

 

See what the follow-up is, and that is through text/cell...if there is any, but things fall apart for many reasons, so regardless don't just assume he "lost interest" or what not, that's often times just not the case, it's because of something else.

[Drseussgrrl]

Already up to 3 pages, did anyone figure it out yet? LOL! The thread after your date or non-date or hang out thing should be interesting.

 

Drseussgirl you have the same "issue" that Eternal Sunshine, tuxedo cat, Star Gazer, mortensorchid, etc. have. Due to your dating / relationship history and the good and bad that came from it... You over-analyze things way to much. Just like a girl can sense a guy who isn't confident a mile away... Guys can sense this over-analyzing thing from a mile away too (and it's not a good thing).

 

For you and the others I mention above, opening up on LS for something this early on creates far more problems than it solves. It makes your over-analyzing "issue" worse than it is, takes the fun / excitement away, makes it feel like a job and trust me it's a turn off to men.

 

My advice...

 

I would not post about something this early on and let everyone on LS make your over-analyzing issue worse than it is.

 

You are absolutely right. I'm just going to have a beer with this dude and be my usual charming self.

 

 

At this point, it doesn't matter what it is, nor do I suppose I particularly care after today.

 

 

I'm in a transitional period and really just need to worry about myself.

[StanMusial]

Last Chance Saloon.

[Drseussgrrl]

It's funny. Tonight he was doing some work not more than 10 feet away from my office and he never poked his head around to say hello.

 

Why are you men so weird?

[Drseussgrrl]

Drseussgrrl you are a hot mess and a guy would be lucky to have you.

 

Any guy over 30 worth a crap is going to know that you dated some turds and had some bad experiences which are going to make you a little "nuts" until we get through the "awkward" stage of dating and you feel "safe" with us.

 

As long as you are happy and don't want to unload 3 truckloads of "baggage" on us (which you don't)... Everything will work out fine.

 

Getting all of LS involved with a guy before a date or before you get to the "awkard" stage is TOXIC for you, Eternal Sunshine, tuxedo cat, Star Gazer, mortensorchid, etc.

Not to mention, a large majority of the people here in the dating thread are jaded, bitter, clueless, angry or miserable and many of them enjoy screwing with you and the other women I mention above.

My Advice for you and the other people I mention above is...

 

Only PM a select few men and women from here. You can even do a group PM. You know who's opinion you trust, value, respect. You know who understands you, tells you like it is, walked in your shoes, know your issues, knows how you over-analyze things and can get in your own way. These are the people who can be objective yet speak to you in a way that won't make you "worse".

 

These select people can ENCOURAGE, SUPPORT, ASK THE RIGHT QUESTIONS, UPLIFT, MOTIVATE, BE HONEST, KEEP YOU FROM SCREWING UP, etc. and really help you.

 

For your sake, health, well being and future success... Go the group PM route instead of creating a thread in the dating section.

 

I heart you.

 

 

A hot mess doesn't begin to describe me and how I feel about dating. LOL

[candie13]

Drseussgrrl, ever thought that maybe he didn't ask you out sooner because he didn't want to handle this type of situations? Or maybe because he is 200% against dating anyone from work? This may explain his behavior.

 

And I really don't understand why anyone would automatically think of a hook up. Is he that hot or what?

 

BTW, since you're in a "transition" period, you either start dating seriously or don't date at all. By "dating seriously" I mean being 100% there, seeing more than one guy and actually enjoying it.

 

You may actually not be ready to have "just a beer" with this dude. Maybe that's why you posted here, 'cause you're not sure? Don't say "yes" only because he asked... maybe waiting a while won't be such a bad idea, after all...

[Drseussgrrl]

Drseussgrrl, ever thought that maybe he didn't ask you out sooner because he didn't want to handle this type of situations? Or maybe because he is 200% against dating anyone from work? This may explain his behavior.

 

And I really don't understand why anyone would automatically think of a hook up. Is he that hot or what?

 

BTW, since you're in a "transition" period, you either start dating seriously or don't date at all. By "dating seriously" I mean being 100% there, seeing more than one guy and actually enjoying it.

 

You may actually not be ready to have "just a beer" with this dude. Maybe that's why you posted here, 'cause you're not sure? Don't say "yes" only because he asked... maybe waiting a while won't be such a bad idea, after all...

 

I agree. But by transitional I meant career-wise. I was just offered another job by a different company making about 20k more. I'm not sure what to do, as it would entail moving neighborhoods which I hadn't anticipated. Gah. I know - first world problems, huh?

[candie13]

Drseussgrrl you are a hot mess and a guy would be lucky to have you.

 

Any guy over 30 worth a crap is going to know that you dated some turds and had some bad experiences which are going to make you a little "nuts" until we get through the "awkward" stage of dating and you feel "safe" with us.

 

As long as you are happy and don't want to unload 3 truckloads of "baggage" on us (which you don't)... Everything will work out fine.

 

Getting all of LS involved with a guy before a date or before you get to the "awkard" stage is TOXIC for you, Eternal Sunshine, tuxedo cat, Star Gazer, mortensorchid, etc.

Not to mention, a large majority of the people here in the dating thread are jaded, bitter, clueless, angry or miserable and many of them enjoy screwing with you and the other women I mention above.

My Advice for you and the other people I mention above is...

 

Only PM a select few men and women from here. You can even do a group PM. You know who's opinion you trust, value, respect. You know who understands you, tells you like it is, walked in your shoes, know your issues, knows how you over-analyze things and can get in your own way. These are the people who can be objective yet speak to you in a way that won't make you "worse".

 

These select people can ENCOURAGE, SUPPORT, ASK THE RIGHT QUESTIONS, UPLIFT, MOTIVATE, BE HONEST, KEEP YOU FROM SCREWING UP, etc. and really help you.

 

For your sake, health, well being and future success... Go the group PM route instead of creating a thread in the dating section.

 

man, I'm an overthinker, so, and from an overthinker to a non-overthinker, I can tell you, this is NOT how you are supposed to address them.

 

It's like telling a stressed person to relax. What, you think they like to be stressed? That they don't want to relax? It's not how it works.

 

You need to understand why these people behave that way, why they ask questions this early, which fears are they trying to address. then you can actually bring a fresh perspective. For this is what people on this forum look for. A Fresh Perspective. Can't provide one, then don't feel obliged to input, it's as easy as that.

[tuxedo cat]

I think it's a date but I would be more sure if you guys aren't very chummy at work. How well do you know each other? Do you talk often?

 

If anything the calculated way he went about it--asking in person, then emailing, then sending the calendar appointment--points more in date direction. With another girl at work I would probably just ask for her number and then send her a really casual sorta text:"Hey! Wanna grab that drink tonight??"

Edited April 24, 2013 by tuxedo cat

[Drseussgrrl]

Well it seems as though he's avoiding me at this point so who the hell knows what's going on LOL.

[Drseussgrrl]

I think it's a date but I would be more sure if you guys aren't very chummy at work. How well do you know each other? Do you talk often?

 

If anything the calculated way he went about it--asking in person, then emailing, then sending the calendar appointment--points more in date direction. With another girl at work I would probably just ask for her number and then send her a really casual sorta text:"Hey! Wanna grab that drink tonight??"

 

No we're not all that chummy and actually weeks could go by where I don't see him.

[tuxedo cat]

Well it seems as though he's avoiding me at this point so who the hell knows what's going on LOL.

 

When is your date?

 

Maybe he is avoiding you because he feels awkward now that the nature of your relationship has changed somewhat. Does that make sense?

 

Another dimmer possibility is he still has a girlfriend and feels guilty.

 

Or he is just weird/crazy and trying to understand him is pointless.

[Eternal Sunshine]

Well it seems as though he's avoiding me at this point so who the hell knows what's going on LOL.

 

Either it's a date or he changed his mind.

 

I had a guy at work ask me out for drinks that had a fiance, then completely avoided me to the point of being rude WTF. Then canceled the drinks the day of. My read was the he might have had a bad patch with the gf/possibly intended to cheat. But then they worked it out or he felt too guilty so he changed his mind.

 

Another possibility is that he likes you so he feels anxious around you now.

 

If it was just a chummy invite, I see no reason for changes in behavior. Remember, he initiated the whole thing!

[KatZee]

OR.... He's a member of this forum and has seen this!!

 

Dun, dun, dunnn.....

 

 

0_o

 

o_0

[Drseussgrrl]

Either it's a date or he changed his mind.

 

I had a guy at work ask me out for drinks that had a fiance, then completely avoided me to the point of being rude WTF. Then canceled the drinks the day of. My read was the he might have had a bad patch with the gf/possibly intended to cheat. But then they worked it out or he felt too guilty so he changed his mind.

 

Another possibility is that he likes you so he feels anxious around you now.

 

If it was just a chummy invite, I see no reason for changes in behavior. Remember, he initiated the whole thing!

 

I know. He asked ME, and is now acting all weird! I'm already mad at him and we haven't even gone out! LOL

 

Why can't he just behave like a normal person??

 

I don't really know what to do about tomorrow. Wait for him to confirm? If I don't hear anything, do I just head home after work?

[KatZee]

I know. He asked ME, and is now acting all weird! I'm already mad at him and we haven't even gone out! LOL

 

Why can't he just behave like a normal person??

 

I don't really know what to do about tomorrow. Wait for him to confirm? If I don't hear anything, do I just head home after work?

 

Go and grab the balls by the bull! Or is it the bull by the balls?? O_O

 

Just ask if you're still on.

[Ninjainpajamas]

I know. He asked ME, and is now acting all weird! I'm already mad at him and we haven't even gone out! LOL

 

Why can't he just behave like a normal person??

 

I don't really know what to do about tomorrow. Wait for him to confirm? If I don't hear anything, do I just head home after work?

 

Pretend like he never asked you...if he doesn't confirm the "date" then don't go out of your way to do that. If he had any idea how you are acting and feeling as it is, he'd know he has this in the bag! This is exactly where men want you, a little on the insecure side, wondering what's going on and anxious to find out....it's like a curious mouse and you're the lying in wait cobra, then you just strike! hisss!

[Drseussgrrl]

Pretend like he never asked you...if he doesn't confirm the "date" then don't go out of your way to do that. If he had any idea how you are acting and feeling as it is, he'd know he has this in the bag! This is exactly where men want you, a little on the insecure side, wondering what's going on and anxious to find out....it's like a curious mouse and you're the lying in wait cobra, then you just strike! hisss!

 

Maybe. But quite honestly the whole thing has left a rather bad taste in my mouth and any "crush" I might have had, I'm just not feeling anymore.

 

This weirdness, this uncertainty... I dunno, maybe when I was younger it would have piqued my curiosity but I just don't have the patience for it. It's so dumb.

 

I'm not going to reach out to him first.

[Eternal Sunshine]

Maybe. But quite honestly the whole thing has left a rather bad taste in my mouth and any "crush" I might have had, I'm just not feeling anymore.

 

This weirdness, this uncertainty... I dunno, maybe when I was younger it would have piqued my curiosity but I just don't have the patience for it. It's so dumb.

 

I'm not going to reach out to him first.

 

Yep, I feel the same. The weirdness and uncertainty does nothing positive for me anymore.

 

I would do nothing and just wait and see what he does. If you have a firm date/time/place - then I would show up unless he cancels? Otherwise you are technically standing him up.