Sticks and stones may break bones.. but name calling does hurt me.. Help please !

[unjustly accused]

hello friends,

my boyfriend and i had a row the night hurricane ivan swept through the U.S..

we had been on messenger for several hours and at that time all he had experienced was some light rain and wind..

 

here is the lowdown of what occured.. we spoke for hours and then when the storm caused his lights to blink i told him he should go... we had had a small dissagrement a few days before and i wanted to explain that he had totally missunderstood me..

 

what had happened was some woman who worked at the chamber of commerce had called teasing him about seeing him drive thru town with a woman in his truck..the woman was an old women friend he knows..

 

it seemed odd to me when he told me that this woman had gone to her phone after seeing him and left a message teasing him about holding back information that he had got hitched..

 

i asked why this woman would be so interested in who he was seeing ? he became sarcastic and made comments like oh maybe she was jealous.. implying that was what i ment by asking him about her.. i tried to explain to him that as his girlfriend i had every right to ask questions and that i was not fighting at all..

 

he went on to explain that this woman and her husband were aquaintances and he spoke to them a lot in town and they they tease each other back and forth.. so i replied.. well i didnt know that, and if he had given me more details i wouldnt have wondered.. he does this a lot to me and i told him that i sometimes feel he deliberatly leavse out details to bate me and when i ask questions he immediately jumps me and accuses me of accusing him of flirting and of women being interested in him...again i told him i did not imply she was interested in him as a man.. but that before he told the circumstances i felt she must be a busy body...

i also said that if i told him some man had called out of the blue and left out those datails would be not wonder why some man would take the time to call my house and leave teasiing messages?

i ask him to simply give me the respect i deserve..

he replied.. then give it

 

while this was happening unbenownst to me.. i guess the storm got worse.. and while i typed the last line he typed.. no you werent you were f--ing talking just to hear yourself speak.. i need to go this f-ing place is shaking ..bye. and clicked off on me...

 

i was very hurt by him cursing like that and leaving but i left it at that.. i watched the storm all night and the next morning i called his house..he answered and sounded same as usual.. i will admit i did something stupid.. instead of talking ,i just hung up..

 

at 6 pm i recieved this email from him...

 

 

 

""power has just come back on. we are in a state of emergency. Im glad to know you were concerned. Had I been open to continuing our discussion about my looser friends here you probably would have been a little more concerned. Funny some of those losers came by on 4 wheelers to check on me since no phone contact was available. the last thing I told you was that this home was vibrating from the storm and all you could do was continuing recounting that stupid previous conversation. your the only looser in my life.''

 

 

i replied twice.. here was what i said..

 

a very good friend of my fathers died and we went to the funeral today..

i called your home at 12;00 you were out.. at 1:15 i called your house again.. you answered the phone and sounded fine.. rather than subjecting you to me talking just to hear myself speak, i hung up..i watched the asheville news site the entire night and did not sleep a wink.

it was very nice of your friends to ride by and see you were ok..your very lucky to have them..

i also read that 8 people very close by were not so lucky.. my heart goes out to them

i am very sorry you feel that i am the only looser in your life..

I sincerely appreciate your honesty..

 

here is what i said..in the second email..

 

did not call anyone a hideous name like a looser.i have never used it and NEVER will. thats your word..you have used it many times even when talking about the very same people you call friends..

i wonder how you would feel if someone spoke to your daughter the way you have to me?..you would be first in line to point the finger and shake your bible..

i dont need to speak just to hear myself talk.. there are actually people in the world who find what i have to say intelligent and interesting..

i kept the script from last night and have attached it .. i thank god i did..i have proof of what i did NOT say and that i called nobody a looser..

shame on you bernie sampson..shame on you for telling such vile things about me.

shame on you

 

I did nothing to you.. i accused you of nothing

i have never NEVER called you such a hurtful thing in my life.. and i dont think you should be around someone you clearly think so little of..

 

Jesus says : if thy brothers hand strikes you down, turn the other cheek...

 

May God keep you and the people you hold dear safe..

thank you once again for your honesty..

 

i honestly did not call anybody anything.. i only did think it was weird that some woman would take such an interest in who he was seeing or dating.. but in a busy body sense. not like i felt she wanted him..

 

i really would like someones opinion on if i did anything wrong..

i know calling him and hanging up was stupid but he also will know when he thinks back thet he did get a hangup call at the time i stated..so i did not neglect to check on him and i was concerned.. its just hard to call and be nice to someone who attacked you and swore at you for absolutly no good reason...

 

thank you for taking the time to read this..

[Breathe]

This all sounds very childish. You two need to sit down like adults and communicate openly and about serious issues and not focus on the name calling and belittling. Stick to the issues at hand and go from there.

 

Honestly, if he thinks your a "loser" then why does he want to be with you and why would you want to be with him?

[gold26]

i did realize that he was upset and hurt ,but hoped once he cooled down he would realize he was wrong in saying what he did....and i felt i needed to cool off..i knew calling his house and hanging up without speaking was stupid and i wasnt proud of that and that i owed him an apology for that ..

i am happy to say that he contacted me yesterday and profusely appologized for what he said.. and things are now resolved..i in turn appologized for calling his house and not speaking when he answered,,

one thing that really shook him was the fact my nephew had seen the email.. so he may think twice before jumping the gun like that again..

i do feel like i have learned from this... sometimes a very simple situation can blow up into a catastrophy if we are not cautious of the things we do and say to our loved ones..

 

thank you for your reply.. it was very much appreciated