Sososad Posted April 21, 2013 Posted April 21, 2013 Hi guys . Was seeing a girl for years both of us very much in love But I'm not gonna dress it up as pure happiness and bliss we fought like cat and dog but loved each other very very much. I was struggling with alot of personal issues,family and depression And pushed her away.. We both took the breakup Hard. So nearly 3 months since b/u we've had the arguments the name calling the badness in the breakup we both said we were over each other and moved on.. Well a few texts were exchanged and things kinda seemed ok . We met up for a lunch time chat nothing serious and all of sudden she was crying ... I was like do u still love me ? She said yeah , honestly thought she was over me but after seeing me she's not! So here comes the part I don't understand She's seeing a guy . Which she says is nothing serious he's like another friend but maybe a little more. She's not even that attracted to him (she says?!) I don't know what to do these feeling are roaring back for me and I see it in her too. But she's terrified of me and possibly hurting her again. I have no right to be annoyed or really bothered about this guy as we were done and dusted .she has been honest I think about thinks . She says 100% her heart wants me but her head is saying is she able for the possible pain and hurt again. It's been all her with the texts I pretty much only reply not initiate . Am I been played ?!? Is she just wanting her cake and eat it ? I don't feel she is playing me but breakups we ain't always logical or straight. In my heart I feel keep this minimum contact up see where it goes Don't rush her show her that I'm the guy she fell in love with years ago before my problems . She said its so hard to see me now as she recognises the changes I've made and she sees me as me a year or so ago. I'm terrified I've been badly hurt we both have I still love her madly but what's going on. Do I have to keep thinking she's playing me? Is it unfair i demand she stops this guy and see how we go ? (Crazy i know but I've thought it) Is waiting around and texting back just me been her back up or should I give it a few weeks or so? Can Anyone help or relate I'm very confused I don't want to let her go but praying I'm not been a fool. Apologies on my poor writing and long read But all replies appreciated Thanks !!
roaminghart11 Posted April 21, 2013 Posted April 21, 2013 It sounds like she is telling the truth, she is scared of being hurt again and doesn't want to open herself up to that kind of pain again. If she is contacting you, it is a good sign that she may be beginning to trust again. If you love her just keep it slow and let her figure out her feelings. Hope this helps a bit! 1
Author Sososad Posted April 21, 2013 Author Posted April 21, 2013 Thank you for your advice . I'm extremely confused as I believe her to Have been quite honest about this new guy. When ever she is around me I see her eyes filling up so much by just talking to me. When we spoke last week she said she thought she was well over me and was fine going around " with her head in the sand" but once she met me its all pulled back up. Yeah she's initiating all the texts and stuff so I do see positive signs but just what's going on with this other person is what comfuses me? If I walk away I just push her to him anyway but staying in touch could just help her be happy with him .. Sorry if I sound crazy just looking for some clear advice ..
pofnin9 Posted April 22, 2013 Posted April 22, 2013 I am in almost the exact situation. What I am doing is this: I have told her that I recognize the problem, I was depressed etc and did not treat her right. I assured her that I saw this as something I need to fix and will work away at doing so. Now I am having very very minimal to no contact with her while I work on myself and give her space to decide if she thinks I can change and what she wants. I am doing pretty much no contact for 3 main reasons: 1. So thay we can both focus on bettering ourselves (me especially) 2. So that in a way we start a fresh relationship should we decide to try again and 3. I am bracing myself for the pissibility that she may decide that the possibility of feeling that pain again makes it not worth trying again
Author Sososad Posted April 22, 2013 Author Posted April 22, 2013 Am I best to just take things at her pace? I feel so helpless in the whole thing it's a mess . I'm getting the odd meet up and texts mainly but this guy seems to be getting the quality time ?!
intigo Posted April 22, 2013 Posted April 22, 2013 Am I best to just take things at her pace? I feel so helpless in the whole thing it's a mess . I'm getting the odd meet up and texts mainly but this guy seems to be getting the quality time ?! My ex was calling me texting me saying things like i love and miss you BUT now she goes out with someone else and she dissapeared. Do not be an option for her, take yourself out of the picture dont wait for her to tell you to get lost. You will never know what goes on in her mind. YOU are torturing yourself not her she does whatever pleases her. NC untill she comes crying back nothing less.
Author Sososad Posted April 22, 2013 Author Posted April 22, 2013 We've done no contact before and this is the First time were getting on and not fighting . Like its over now nearly 3 months but surely to rebuild Anything its got to start with just casual talking .
intigo Posted April 22, 2013 Posted April 22, 2013 We've done no contact before and this is the First time were getting on and not fighting . Like its over now nearly 3 months but surely to rebuild Anything its got to start with just casual talking . Every relationship is different. If you are sure about how things will evolve then you know then answer to the question (does she worth it?). I wish you the best hope everything goes as you want
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