My NC Journal

[i.am]

After much dancing to and fro emotionally after he dumped me 3 weeks ago and I've been finding excuses every other week to call or look for him. The last call we had last night tells me that there is nothing I can do anymore and I need to accept the fact that he is not coming back so that I can move on. I've decided to start NC today and I'm journaling it down, hoping I'll stick to it and not break it.

 

Hope to get some encouragement or advices.

 

Day 1

 

It's really painful to accept the fact that he is not coming back anymore, no matter what I do. And I know I need to start NC but I'm still having the habit of checking him out on WhatsApp. I still miss him but fighting it with the thoughts that calling or texting him will do me no good cause he'll not pick up or respond and it will irritate him further. Time. Only time can make things right. I need to stop checking on him and focus on myself but it's really hard cause I've nothing that interests me and keep my mind off him.

[Weathergirl]

Hi. This is day 2 for me, our background stories are a little different, but we are both in the same boat.

If this makes any difference for you sticking to it, I didn't and have found myself 14 months down the line, back at square one. This time however I want to go NC. I have to, because I figured enough is enough.

At least your ex has made it very clear when he stands. This is a positive thing.

I wish you well, and will be looking out for your journal....all the best x

[i.am]

Thanks, Weathergirl. Hang on yah. *Hugx*

[GI_Joy]

I'm a little over a week since my BU/NC. That first day sucks the most. Checking up on him is almost like a compulsive habit. But a week later the compulsion is starting to weaken and I'm finding other ways to channel that urge, like coming here or texting friends instead. Willpower!!

[i.am]

That's good news for you! It's really hard for me now cause other than staying at home, I've nowhere else I could go. And apart from watching TV all day, I just don't feel like doing anything or going anywhere. It sucks.

[GI_Joy]

That's good news for you! It's really hard for me now cause other than staying at home, I've nowhere else I could go. And apart from watching TV all day, I just don't feel like doing anything or going anywhere. It sucks.

 

How bout friends and family? Sometimes you just gotta force yourself to get out there, especially during those times you don't feel like it. That's another thing that helps me get my mind off the ex. Good company and good laughs make you forget the bad things

[steveT95]

If you don't have good company around, I can completely emphasize. All the advice is surround yourself with friends. Doesn't work when you don't have any or your friends are their friends.

Whether it is reading drivel on the internet or going for a walk do whatever you can to not dwell on the things that have happened.

NC really is the best thing ever, I wish I had started it from day 1 after BU. Good luck.

 

p.s don't read other people's break up stories on here, only read about the NC success stories. Anything else will only make things harder.

 

stay strong

[ScienceGal]

You can do this.

 

I know you don't feel like doing anything right now, but you'll need to pick yourself up off the couch at some point.

 

What do you normally like to do? I strongly recommend exercise. If you're not an active person, even a walk will do wonders. And find other things that bring you joy. You're not just going to forget him, so don't beat yourself up too much about that. In the beginning, it'll be gut-wrenching and awful to make yourself get out there and live your life. In some ways it might not even feel like your life, because it's a transition to something different. Transitions aren't easy, but you'll get through. It will get easier. Baby steps.

[i.am]

How bout friends and family? Sometimes you just gotta force yourself to get out there, especially during those times you don't feel like it. That's another thing that helps me get my mind off the ex. Good company and good laughs make you forget the bad things

 

I'm not close with my family. Or rather, I usually don't share my personal thoughts and feelings with my family. Friends actually know more than them.

 

But reality is such that friends have their limits too. They can't be with someone who mobs around everyday.

[i.am]

If you don't have good company around, I can completely emphasize. All the advice is surround yourself with friends. Doesn't work when you don't have any or your friends are their friends.

Whether it is reading drivel on the internet or going for a walk do whatever you can to not dwell on the things that have happened.

NC really is the best thing ever, I wish I had started it from day 1 after BU. Good luck.

 

p.s don't read other people's break up stories on here, only read about the NC success stories. Anything else will only make things harder.

 

stay strong

 

Thank you, steveT95. I've problem doing things alone cause I've been so used to company. So I guess that's another major issue about me.

[i.am]

You can do this.

 

I know you don't feel like doing anything right now, but you'll need to pick yourself up off the couch at some point.

 

What do you normally like to do? I strongly recommend exercise. If you're not an active person, even a walk will do wonders. And find other things that bring you joy. You're not just going to forget him, so don't beat yourself up too much about that. In the beginning, it'll be gut-wrenching and awful to make yourself get out there and live your life. In some ways it might not even feel like your life, because it's a transition to something different. Transitions aren't easy, but you'll get through. It will get easier. Baby steps.

 

It's really hard. I can't remember or think of anything that brings me joy lately. Really nothing attracts my interest.

[RiceaRoni]

It's really hard. I can't remember or think of anything that brings me joy lately. Really nothing attracts my interest.

 

something that bring me joy is watching comedy or shopping or even heading over to the pet store to see the cute animals and dog/cat adoptions LOL

 

Anything that you think will bring a smile to your face and make you feel better...will bring you joy.

 

Stay Strong

[i.am]

I'm feeling something is screaming inside me ever since I woke up but did not know what exactly it was about until a while ago, I realised that it seems to be screaming for attention. Images of the times where my ex texted or called me to check me out throughout the day. The moments we spent together after work are also haunting me.

 

What is wrong with me, I'm asking. Having spent the whole weekends at home had made me go bonkers and here I am screaming inside for lack of attention.

 

Thinking back, I realised that I've been constantly seeking for attention from him. And I did some searches online and found out that it boils down to me lacking in self love. How? How can I actually make myself love myself more when I can't come up with anything that could make me happy.

[RiceaRoni]

I'm feeling something is screaming inside me ever since I woke up but did not know what exactly it was about until a while ago, I realised that it seems to be screaming for attention. Images of the times where my ex texted or called me to check me out throughout the day. The moments we spent together after work are also haunting me.

 

What is wrong with me, I'm asking. Having spent the whole weekends at home had made me go bonkers and here I am screaming inside for lack of attention.

 

Thinking back, I realised that I've been constantly seeking for attention from him. And I did some searches online and found out that it boils down to me lacking in self love. How? How can I actually make myself love myself more when I can't come up with anything that could make me happy.

 

Dear things like this take time...you are only Day 2 of NC. give yourself a break.

 

yes self love is important and crucial in order to enter into a new healthy relationship...you must be happy with being by yourself and learning to love yourself..then you may have the opportunity to share that love with another healthy individual.

 

You will get there in time, but now grieve if you must, but do not wallow in self pity. You lost someone you loved..it its alright to feel sad and cry, but rise above and see to it that you will find love again after going through all of this..

 

We go through this pain to remind us of the person who put us through this...so that we can find better and know what we want in a lover and what we Do not want.

 

In order to love yourself once again, you need to become independent and be able to live life on your own.

 

You can start out by listing some qualities you like about yourself or qualities others have said to have liked in you then you can list out the qualities you dont like about yourself and work on those (don't be too harsh either)

 

best of luck in healing

[RiceaRoni]

and know that there is absolutely nothing wrong with you what so ever.

[i.am]

something that bring me joy is watching comedy or shopping or even heading over to the pet store to see the cute animals and dog/cat adoptions LOL

 

Anything that you think will bring a smile to your face and make you feel better...will bring you joy.

 

Stay Strong

 

Thank you. I'll try. Nothing attracts my interest and all I want to do is just to sit around and do nothing. Else I would just be surfing LS or watch whatever is on TV which I'll just stare at it most of the time and my mind went to him.

[Weathergirl]

Don't be too hard on yourself. What you are going through is a process, you will have all different emotions. Sometimes you will want to feel alone, other times you will want company. I have been through NC before, there have been times I've arranged to meet friends for coffee or had a hair appointment and I've cancelled because I just couldn't face it. I felt like being on my own.

We are all different and cope in different ways.

Be strong, stick with it, you are moving forward.

[i.am]

Don't be too hard on yourself. What you are going through is a process, you will have all different emotions. Sometimes you will want to feel alone, other times you will want company. I have been through NC before, there have been times I've arranged to meet friends for coffee or had a hair appointment and I've cancelled because I just couldn't face it. I felt like being on my own.

We are all different and cope in different ways.

Be strong, stick with it, you are moving forward.

 

That is exactly what is happening to me. I'll be very hesitant to promise any meetups unless it's with my very close friends. Else I would rather stay at home.

[i.am]

I couldn't sleep well last night. My mind were all the thoughts of what he has been doing, whether he has another girl already.

 

There was a screaming urge to text him but I fought it back. I thought of him but don't miss him. I miss the times we had together though. I'm not sure if it's a good thing that I don't miss him. I'm trying very hard to remind myself that he is now not who I used to know. He has changed.

 

And he has moved on with new goals in his life to accomplish. And I asked myself what the hell am I doing? Why am I so stuck. He is moving on with his life and I am still mopping around. That gave me a kick to start living. But when I thought of what I can do, nothing came out.

 

I'm angry with him. Why did he do this to me. But another moment I detest myself for being so insecure.

 

There are many things I need to change and that is to love myself. But how, I asked again. I'm thinking...

[fiftyofsomethin]

I feel like I'm going through something pretty similar.

 

The feeling of wanting to text them or get back in contact with them is overwhelming and just kills you.

 

It's this thought that "maybe if I just explain myself to them, they will understand"

 

It just sucks. I wish I had some advice, but I honestly don't even have any for myself either.

 

We shall get through this.

[mtnbiker3000]

This is a list I came up with a couple of weeks ago. Hope it can be of some help. I keep a printed copy in my desk drawer at work. I read it this morning right when I came in

 

· DO NOT put him/her on a pedestal.

· REMEMBER, he/she is human complete with flaws.

· REMEMBER, there were multiple things about him/her and the relationship you were unhappy with.

· REMEMBER, your wants and needs were of little concern to him/her.

· DO NOT look backwards. Instead Look Forwards.

· DO NOT dwell on the past.

· DO NOT think about HIM/HER. Think about YOU.

· DO NOT assume things you don't know about.

· DO NOT fabricate scenarios.

· Be kind to yourself. This is NOT all your fault. You did the best you could.

· Understand your role in this situation.

· Forgive yourself.

· Forgive him/her.

· Learn from this experience. This is an opportunity to improve your life! It really is!!!

· Recovery is not a race. Do so at YOUR pace.

· You WILL feel better

· You WILL be happy & excited about the future

· You WILL find someone

· You WILL have grown stronger & wiser from this experience.

[fiftyofsomethin]

Oh my god, that actually helped so much. That is exactly what I need actually. I hope you don't mind me stealing that from you and doing the same haha.

[mtnbiker3000]

More power to ya!!!

[i.am]

This is a list I came up with a couple of weeks ago. Hope it can be of some help. I keep a printed copy in my desk drawer at work. I read it this morning right when I came in

 

· DO NOT put him/her on a pedestal.

· REMEMBER, he/she is human complete with flaws.

· REMEMBER, there were multiple things about him/her and the relationship you were unhappy with.

· REMEMBER, your wants and needs were of little concern to him/her.

· DO NOT look backwards. Instead Look Forwards.

· DO NOT dwell on the past.

· DO NOT think about HIM/HER. Think about YOU.

· DO NOT assume things you don't know about.

· DO NOT fabricate scenarios.

· Be kind to yourself. This is NOT all your fault. You did the best you could.

· Understand your role in this situation.

· Forgive yourself.

· Forgive him/her.

· Learn from this experience. This is an opportunity to improve your life! It really is!!!

· Recovery is not a race. Do so at YOUR pace.

· You WILL feel better

· You WILL be happy & excited about the future

· You WILL find someone

· You WILL have grown stronger & wiser from this experience.

 

Thanks!

[i.am]

I broke NC on 25th. I couldn't help it. I needed an answer. I needed things to be settled and not just hanging there.

 

I contacted him again. Asking him for a second chance to work out our relationship again. He refused. And I thought then we shouldn't keep our house anymore and sell it off so that we won't be bound by anything and we will have no reason to see each other again and it would be a closure for me so that I can move on. But he didn't want to sell off the house.

 

I negotiated, talked terms, soft approach, pleaded, etc... Nothing could change his mind.

 

I'm not feeling ashamed of what I had done. Perhaps I will in the near future and may feel stupid to have put myself so low. But I guess I needed to do these to myself so that I know I've given my best to fight for my relationship. I've tried my best and I should move on now...