targaryen Posted April 21, 2013 Posted April 21, 2013 I've done all the things you're supposed to do after a long 5 year relationship breaks off. I've gone full nc for almost 3 months, indulged in the things i love (travel, books, movies) and focused on my career, even changed up my wardrobe a little bit...I feel I'm relatively ready to date, but I don't want a relationship...so what I'm looking for is something purely physical, I think that would lessen the power of an ex to become negligible in my mind...once I manage to attrract somone who sleeps with me on a regular basis, but is not attached...hell even a one night stand would be great right now. The problem is, I think I'm doing it all wrong. I've asked out some 4-5 girls in April and they all turned me down, in different ways.. I thought I should start a log and maybe I'll see a pattern of what I'm doing wrong..so here goes: Girl 1 - Met an old acquantiance out one night and reconnected on FB, asked her out but simply stating I found her attractive, let me take her out, she said yes, but then ignored my texts (wtf?) Girl 2- Undergraduate, met her a university conference, my type, spoke a bit, she reminded me of my ex..when I asked her out a couple of weeks later she said she's been with a boyfriend for years but there's nothing on FB to indicate she's in a relationship.. Girl 3- A part timer at the company I work, we were on shift duty together and asked her out after a long 3 hour convo I enjoyed. Actually I only asked for her phone..she responded with the boyfriend story, but I know she's single :/ Girl 4 - A previous crush from before I met my ex, in the last year of the relationship I was a bit unhappy and we flirted a lot, now that I'm single she seems to have lost interest. She sees me as 'just a friend' so there's the window closed... Girl 5- A girl I simply walked up to at a gig and said hi, let me buy you a drink. She said 'can't you see I'm with my friends and we all have drinks?' I met my ex at college and we ended up together on the same day,until she broke it off years later, it was all very natural...I don't know how to go about making the effort ..in my life asking a girl out never resulted in anything...maybe I should relax and let it happen naturally...but if all I want is sex/physical stuff right now (not in the right place for a relationship) then maybe I'm doing this all wrong. I even considered proposing a friendship with benefits kind of thing to a girl I'm comfortable with but I'm scared of losing her as a friend (which happened to me in the past) So what do you think I should to hook up ?
Noproblem Posted April 21, 2013 Posted April 21, 2013 I think you should go to dating sites and such ....?
Mr_Flay Posted April 21, 2013 Posted April 21, 2013 I don't know, I'm kind of in the same situation. Maybe it's all just a number game and you should ask out 50 girls. Then at least one of them will say "yes".
blueskyday Posted April 21, 2013 Posted April 21, 2013 You want to have sex only? No relationship? Then you just be honest and find someone in the same emotional place as you. But remember, feelings can arise with a sex only arrangement. Another option might be to expand your social circle and make friends. I may be wrong, but I think you want to meet another girl in the natural way you met your ex, which is the best way to start a relationship! Sex only can feel empty and like you are using another. Consider meeting your emotional needs for a while. Make friends and go out. See how that makes you feel. 1
Estate Posted April 21, 2013 Posted April 21, 2013 I've done all the things you're supposed to do after a long 5 year relationship breaks off. I've gone full nc for almost 3 months, indulged in the things i love (travel, books, movies) and focused on my career, even changed up my wardrobe a little bit...I feel I'm relatively ready to date, but I don't want a relationship...so what I'm looking for is something purely physical, I think that would lessen the power of an ex to become negligible in my mind...once I manage to attrract somone who sleeps with me on a regular basis, but is not attached...hell even a one night stand would be great right now. The problem is, I think I'm doing it all wrong. I've asked out some 4-5 girls in April and they all turned me down, in different ways.. I thought I should start a log and maybe I'll see a pattern of what I'm doing wrong..so here goes: Girl 1 - Met an old acquantiance out one night and reconnected on FB, asked her out but simply stating I found her attractive, let me take her out, she said yes, but then ignored my texts (wtf?) Girl 2- Undergraduate, met her a university conference, my type, spoke a bit, she reminded me of my ex..when I asked her out a couple of weeks later she said she's been with a boyfriend for years but there's nothing on FB to indicate she's in a relationship.. Girl 3- A part timer at the company I work, we were on shift duty together and asked her out after a long 3 hour convo I enjoyed. Actually I only asked for her phone..she responded with the boyfriend story, but I know she's single :/ Girl 4 - A previous crush from before I met my ex, in the last year of the relationship I was a bit unhappy and we flirted a lot, now that I'm single she seems to have lost interest. She sees me as 'just a friend' so there's the window closed... Girl 5- A girl I simply walked up to at a gig and said hi, let me buy you a drink. She said 'can't you see I'm with my friends and we all have drinks?' I met my ex at college and we ended up together on the same day,until she broke it off years later, it was all very natural...I don't know how to go about making the effort ..in my life asking a girl out never resulted in anything...maybe I should relax and let it happen naturally...but if all I want is sex/physical stuff right now (not in the right place for a relationship) then maybe I'm doing this all wrong. I even considered proposing a friendship with benefits kind of thing to a girl I'm comfortable with but I'm scared of losing her as a friend (which happened to me in the past) So what do you think I should to hook up ? I don't know man, this is a tough one... given that these are the only 5 women in existance, I don't know what you'll do... Come on man, if you want a hookup, go to a bar, have a few drinks and approach more than 1 girl (and use a better "line"). 1
FitChick Posted April 21, 2013 Posted April 21, 2013 Join AshleyMadison dating site. Married people just looking for sex. Or join PlentyofFish.
HoneyBadgerDontCare Posted April 21, 2013 Posted April 21, 2013 Don't do online dating. The ratio is heavily favored in the females' favor and it's tough for most guys. Some guys naturally have success with it. Others learn how to be successful. But many are never successful with it. Go to bars and clubs and approach. Hit on girls you see during the day. That's your best bet. The really good thing about bars is that, oftentimes, you don't have to put A TON of effort in to get laid. Maybe a few hours of keeping her interested. Some girls will have sex with you in less than an hour. Those were my faves when I was single.
Author targaryen Posted April 22, 2013 Author Posted April 22, 2013 You want to have sex only? No relationship? Then you just be honest and find someone in the same emotional place as you. But remember, feelings can arise with a sex only arrangement. Another option might be to expand your social circle and make friends. I may be wrong, but I think you want to meet another girl in the natural way you met your ex, which is the best way to start a relationship! Sex only can feel empty and like you are using another. Consider meeting your emotional needs for a while. Make friends and go out. See how that makes you feel. I'm a relationship guy. 24 years old and already had 2 long term relationships (3 years and 4 years respectively, with only 10 months between them)..apart from that every time I've dated a girl it's listed an average of 2 months! im terrified of getting attached again, but to be honest? I prefer a relationship to sex only ... but I want to give casual dating a chance...I don't want to get hurt again
Author targaryen Posted April 22, 2013 Author Posted April 22, 2013 Don't do online dating. The ratio is heavily favored in the females' favor and it's tough for most guys. Some guys naturally have success with it. Others learn how to be successful. But many are never successful with it. Go to bars and clubs and approach. Hit on girls you see during the day. That's your best bet. The really good thing about bars is that, oftentimes, you don't have to put A TON of effort in to get laid. Maybe a few hours of keeping her interested. Some girls will have sex with you in less than an hour. Those were my faves when I was single. I won't. It's not popular in my country anyway, not like the US and UK. Only creeps and desperate people here go and make a dating profile. I don't want to be part of that group I've never had much luck with picking up girls in bars...but then again I've never tried it consistently. I'll guess I'll give it a shot. 1
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