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Cant get her out of my head?

Tdog123

By Tdog123
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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Tdog123 Member

Tdog123

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So i made a topic like a week ago those of you who read will know what situation im in, i broke up with my 4 and half year gf who we have a child with, we broke up the sunday before valentines day so thats just over 2 months ago, she has had a rebound already, although she said nothing happened with them they just kissed once or twice but that didnt work out because he was still sleeping with his ex gf, and apparently he was just using her for a place to stay while he was homeless, so she got rid of him.

 

Now she is seeing someone else which i wouldnt know if it would be considered another rebound or what, but she seems to really like this one and he seems the same, they been talking and stuff for about 3 weeks now she says she is finally happy and told me to move on etc all that stuff nobody wants to hear.

 

my problem is i just cant get her out of my head, she is all i think about. i went to bed last night around 1am, and i was awake at 7:30am this morning and bam she was the first thing that was running through my mind i miss her so much how can i clear my mind and get rid of the thought of her and this new guy doing the things only i should be doing?? i cant have NC because we have a child so i cant avoid her and LC just isnt doing any good for me.

 

please guide me through this tough time LS :(

TearyEyedPride Established Member

TearyEyedPride

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Sooo... you broke up with her... and now you're obsessing about her because she's finally moving on with her life and seems to be forgetting about you and truly happy?

 

I hope dumpees are taking notice. This is kinda how it goes. Messed up, but the reality of things.

 

Ummm... In essence, I know it's hard to watch the person you love fall for someone else and move on with their life. But when you choose to end things with someone, ultimately you have to know that them moving on is probably going to happen anyways. It's what comes with the territory. You live and you learn. I hope she finds happiness, and I hope you do as well whether that be apart or together.

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Tdog123 Member

Tdog123

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Sorry I gave the wrong impression, she was the dumper not me, that is why I find it so hard if I was the one that ended the relationship then fine yeah I understand her and I don't have a leg to stand on its my loss but that's not how it is, this is the reason I feel like I do and just think about her 24/7

TearyEyedPride Established Member

TearyEyedPride

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Sorry for your heartache, and sorry I misunderstood. But all in all, it's still similar advice. She's kinda moved on, and I know it really sucks but in the end you owe it to yourself and to your child to truly be happy. It seems like she's seeking that happiness elsewhere. I suggest trying to accept that, and finding the strength within yourself to make YOU a priority in your own life.

 

The idle moments are the worse, so try to fill up your spare time. Work, friends, quality time with your kid, gym, and experiencing all those things you wanted to do before you sacrificed your time for a relationship. Sometimes it helps to make a short term to do list, do the things and cross them off.

 

Break ups are really about remembering yourself. Who were you before the relationship? What positive things did you learn about yourself during the relationship? What negative things will you learn from? Who do you want to be going forward? Guess what?! Now you have time to try to be that person! :)

 

Hopefully I'm helping. Broken hearts aren't easily repaired, but with diligence they do heal and you will survive. I wish you peace during this tough time and all the happiness you can find.

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Am4Real Established Member

Am4Real

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Good words Teary! Bravo!

 

Happy Sunday, btw.

 

 

Break ups are really about remembering yourself. Who were you before the relationship? What positive things did you learn about yourself during the relationship? What negative things will you learn from? Who do you want to be going forward?

TearyEyedPride Established Member

TearyEyedPride

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Good words Teary! Bravo!

 

Happy Sunday, btw.

 

 

Hey Am!

Thank you. Happy Sunday to you as well. :)

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Tdog123 Member

Tdog123

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Thanks for all the advice every bit helps break ups are such hard work, I mentioned about the first guy who she even said to me she regretted it and admitted it was just a rebound to help get over me and literally about a week or 2 later she was with this guy she is with now, would this still be considered another rebound or is it past that stage?

 

And also one other thing that is bothering me is what psychological effects will this be having on our child he is 3 years old and he is taking it all in, with different guys going round the house in such a short space of time will it be messing with his head and confusing him because he doesn't know who's coming and who's going and every time I pick him up he never fails to mention them and that hurts so bad.

 

My ex is 21 by the way she turns 22 next month

TearyEyedPride Established Member

TearyEyedPride

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Yeah that really sounds heartbreaking to have to endure.

 

As far as it being another rebound, maybe... because of the timeframe in which she engaged, but then again it doesn't matter because maybe she really is trying to find someone and something different. Something that she didn't feel when she was with you. It hurts to hear I know, but really the best thing to do in this situation is stop focusing on her actions and her life and step up your own. It doesn't matter if this is a rebound, fling, or her future husband. You guys aren't together anymore, it's over, time to do what's best for you.

 

It really saddens me when the kids are involved in these situations because they really can be super confused by what's happening. I would say do your best to be the most stable father that you can be. Always reassure him that you're his daddy and no matter what you guys will always love him most. You have to be strong for you, and if not for you then definitely your son. Hopefully things won't get crazy enough for you to have to battle for custody, but ultimately your son deserves healthy, happy, and unconditionally loving parents, whether they're together or apart.

 

Enough of my advice for today though.

 

Keeping you in my thoughts.

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mutant Established Member

mutant

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it is almost impossible to stop thinking about the ex after a break-up. but it is very important that you carry-on with you life in a constructive way. the best way to do so is to take stock of your former relationship so that you don't repeat the same mistakes. it is equally important to better yourself and accomplish any pending tasks that you may have.

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Tdog123 Member

Tdog123

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Yes, i know exactly where i went wrong and how the relationship came to an end and i have learned from it all, i certainly wont be making them mistakes again,

 

And yes TearyEyedPride, right now he is doing all the things that i never did for her and so he is pressing all the right buttons at the moment, for how long this will last i dont not know, but one thing i do know is i wont be there to pick up the pieces when and if her whole world comes crashing down.

 

My son certainly knows who his father is i am trying to be strong for him, i dont think i will ever go into custody battle with her because, she likes her freedom too much, but you never know what will happen in the future.

 

Thank you for your wise words they have been taken on board, in the future weeks / months i will update everyone on the situation and how things develop :)

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