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He wants to be best friends with his ex who he cheated on me with!!!!

masako

By masako
in Cheating, Flirting, and Jealousy

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masako Member

masako

Posted
Posted

Long story short...we been dating on and off for 2 yrs now, our son was born 3 months ago, after we decided we want to start a family together. But his ex is still in my way. She still loves him and i am afraid he still has feelings for her tho he claims she is just his best friend. So after they broke up, shortly after we met they agreed to be best friends but she still trying everything to win him back. Now he is currently working in france and she wants to come visit him for 2 weeks (!) as she happened to be there as an intern for a few months.

he biggest issue i have with all this is that he cheated on me with her last summer when our relationship was going thru a hard time, and niw i am supposed to be cool with her staying at his apartment for 2 weeks, nit knowing whats going on there, and he expects me to be cool with it and gets angry every time i tell him its not ok with me. So after a fight 2 days ago i stopped talking to him as i really dont know how to make him understand that what he does just aint right for me.

And now i am really scared that i will just push him back into her arms cause of all this argueing between us..I am at my wisdoms end!!!

blueskyday Established Member

blueskyday

Posted
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Um, NO! He's got a lot of nerve. What an idiot! Say "me or her." It's simple. If she comes and stays, then you leave....really, I would dump him for even asking...

Treasa Established Member

Treasa

Posted
Posted

Wow. He cheated on you while you were pregnant. What a guy.

 

I can only tell you that I wouldn't be with him, but I'd make sure he still paid child support.

  • Like 2
AMusing Established Member

AMusing

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Are you kidding me? Tell me this isn't real....

 

It's heartbreaking that you have a baby in the picture, but for both of your sakes, ditch this loser. He clearly doesn't care about your feelings; what he is planning on doing with his ex is beyond consideration. Worse yet, he's not even listening to your concerns! I don't usually get mad for posters here, but I am angry for your sake. You should be angry too. Really angry. Not sad, not trying to bargain with or talk to him about this any longer. Angry.

 

Now that you have a child, you need to be his role model. Start by showing him that you have self respect and boundaries, and won't let anyone treat you like trash.

KatZee Established Member

KatZee

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Walk away. Seriously, walk away.

 

Yes, you have a child together, but that doesn't mean YOU TWO need to remain together. You may have to both parent this child together, but I don't think this is the kind of person you should be in a relationship with.

 

He cheated on you with her already and instead of reassuring you that he'll never cheat again, he's busy being her "best friend" and inviting her over to the house for 2 weeks? Yeah, no.

 

I'm not a person to say to a guy, "Get rid of your female friends for me!" But she's not a friend. She loves him, they have a past, he cheated on you with her, and she's still in the picture.

 

I hope you see how messed up this is, and that you see how much he actually cares for you and respects you. (Pretty much zero). This girl is going to continue being a source of stress between you guys and I wouldn't put it past him to cheat on you again with her.

 

Also, your boyfriend is a coward. Do you really want to be with someone who's "pushed into another woman's arms" every time you hit a rough patch? God forbid you EVER get married to this person. Marriage is full of rough patches.

Edited by KatZee
Radu Established Member

Radu

Posted
Posted
Long story short...we been dating on and off for 2 yrs now, our son was born 3 months ago, after we decided we want to start a family together. But his ex is still in my way. She still loves him and i am afraid he still has feelings for her tho he claims she is just his best friend. So after they broke up, shortly after we met they agreed to be best friends but she still trying everything to win him back. Now he is currently working in france and she wants to come visit him for 2 weeks (!) as she happened to be there as an intern for a few months.

he biggest issue i have with all this is that he cheated on me with her last summer when our relationship was going thru a hard time, and niw i am supposed to be cool with her staying at his apartment for 2 weeks, nit knowing whats going on there, and he expects me to be cool with it and gets angry every time i tell him its not ok with me. So after a fight 2 days ago i stopped talking to him as i really dont know how to make him understand that what he does just aint right for me.

And now i am really scared that i will just push him back into her arms cause of all this argueing between us..I am at my wisdoms end!!!

 

Let her have him.

He is not a catch if he can't figure out what is important in his life.

 

Also ... you have been together 2yrs, and your son was conceived 1yr ago, planned too.

Why did you decide to have a child with this man after only being with him for 1yr ?

january2011 Established Member

january2011

Posted
Posted

There's is nothing you can do but walk away. I was in a very similar position (not pregnant) and we ended up breaking up. He married her eight months later and they now have a child together.

 

When people prioritise their exes over a current relationship, it is a very bad sign. I second the thoughts of the other posters and I'm shocked that he cheated on you while you were pregnant.

 

At this stage, it looks like she will always be a temptation to him. Neither of them can let go. And your pregnancy, and now child, hasn't changed anything. You cannot force him to be with you nor can you, it seems, force him to not be with her.

 

Walk away. Yes, make him pay child support but walk away from attempting to have a monogamous relationship with this man. As painful as it is, his heart and loyalties lie elsewhere. Focus on your baby.

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masako Member

masako

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You all are right...i tried to talk to him today as he was blowing off my phone and he just says i am not confident enough and should trust him more...he said he cant tell her not to come cause agaaaaain thats his best friend...her flight back is onthe 6th and she got nothing to do or knows anybody else where shecould stay...pooor girl huh....this is so sad...ithings were really going better until this happened and yes maybe i should have left already back then but yall will understand that i tried to fix things for our son...Now he says he understands my concerns and how i feel but he cant tell her not to come cause she told him rebooking the flight is too expensive....yikes

xpaperxcutx Established Member

xpaperxcutx

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Posted
You all are right...i tried to talk to him today as he was blowing off my phone and he just says i am not confident enough and should trust him more...he said he cant tell her not to come cause agaaaaain thats his best friend...her flight back is onthe 6th and she got nothing to do or knows anybody else where shecould stay...pooor girl huh....this is so sad...ithings were really going better until this happened and yes maybe i should have left already back then but yall will understand that i tried to fix things for our son...Now he says he understands my concerns and how i feel but he cant tell her not to come cause she told him rebooking the flight is too expensive....yikes

 

He doesn't have to tell her to cancel the trip but he can tell her to stay over at another place. If I was in your position, i wouldn't trust my boyfriend to be in the same room as an ex especially if he has shown me he's capable of sexual relations with her.

 

Not only that, but I feel that he shouldn't have turned this on you and this about your insecurities, because your worries were warranted from the very beginning. IF he wanted you to trust him more, then he should have had no problem picking you over her and doing everything in his power to eradicate your doubts about their " friendship' and perhaps even forsaking this friendship for the sake of your family.

 

But this guy is a sleaze for wanting his cake and eating it too.

  • Like 3
Darren Steez Established Member

Darren Steez

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He doesn't have to tell her to cancel the trip but he can tell her to stay over at another place. If I was in your position, i wouldn't trust my boyfriend to be in the same room as an ex especially if he has shown me he's capable of sexual relations with her.

 

Not only that, but I feel that he shouldn't have turned this on you and this about your insecurities, because your worries were warranted from the very beginning. IF he wanted you to trust him more, then he should have had no problem picking you over her and doing everything in his power to eradicate your doubts about their " friendship' and perhaps even forsaking this friendship for the sake of your family.

 

But this guy is a sleaze for wanting his cake and eating it too.

 

There is no way to verify whether she stays at another place or not, if they want to hide it they can.

Darren Steez Established Member

Darren Steez

Posted
Posted

They had sex. They are still emotionally and physically connected, in fact so much so at the first sign of another trouble, he went straight to her and you know the rest.

 

Only you can separate him from the fantasy he's built himself. I don't even think he truly believes his own nonsense, but he tells himself loudly in his head there is nothing and you are the inconsiderate one for being so stubborn about this.

 

He's shoveling you BS and you're taking it. Make no mistake they will sleep together and continue this best friend ruse, that way he keeps his girl (you) and his bit on the side.

 

You simply tell him, It's over, you're packing his stuff and sending to wherever. He has to stop this out of respect for you. Another other compromise will just lead to more trouble down the road...plus you being tacit with allowing this dame to stay over at his place.

  • Like 1
KraftDinner Established Member

KraftDinner

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By him doing that, he will be effectively ending the relationship.

 

Make it official.

love1336x Established Member

love1336x

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Posted (edited)

Hmm... you need to dumped him.

I know you have a child now with him.

But, dumped him...

There is child support, you don't need him. Seriously.

It sounds like you're 3rd wheel vs being the mother of his child.

Don't be treated this way... Just don't.

 

It sounds like they never really broke up....

Edited by love1336x
aussietigerwolf Established Member

aussietigerwolf

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Posted

Get a bin, stuff him in it and dump it on the curb... (I'd actually do it too)

This guy doesn't care about you or his kid. From the sounds of it, she is his girl and you are just the bit on the side.

  • Like 2
Tinie Established Member

Tinie

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nit knowing whats going on there, and he expects me to be cool with it and gets angry every time i tell him its not ok with me.

 

If he cared about you the way a man who loves you should, he wouldn't be entertaining any kind of fling with his ex. He'd care if you told him it bothered you. Dump the loser. He's not trustworthy...

  • Like 1
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masako Member

masako

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I want to thank all of you for your response, seems like everybody shares the same opinion about this...including me. My heart tells me the same i am just afraid to listen to it because that means giving up my dream of this family and i wanted my son to have his father the way i had mine...I am very sad but i dont see any other option for me now than to get out of this asap. I am not happy being with a man that doesnt put us first, despite all the love i feel for him....Thank you all.

  • Like 1
Jbum5 Established Member

Jbum5

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"Best friends" is just an excuse to keep in touch and continue the cheating. Do yourself a favor, drop this buffoon.

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masako Member

masako

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Well i told him either she doesnt stay at his place or i am gone...guess what...he just said "that s how you feel" i said yes, he said ok and didnt hear from him after....wow :(

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masako Member

masako

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he just called....and said if i wasnt going off on him like i do he would have "compromised" with me in this whole situation...i dont know what to say. he isjust reversing everything on me...making me feel responsible for his own inaction. he even says now he is so unahappy and when i asked if he is trying to tell me now that he doesnt wanna be with me anymore he refuses to answer the question and just told me "you dont care bout my feelings, you only talk about yourself. so you figure it out".

Joaquin Established Member

Joaquin

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Posted (edited)

The old switcheroo. Blame you because he has unresolved **** with his ex and you are getting in the way of his OTHER relationship.

 

Listen. He's feeding you BS. You've taken it for far far far too long. Tell him its over. Send him his stuff. Consult a solicitor 're your child and start getting some self respect back.

Edited by Joaquin
AMusing Established Member

AMusing

Posted
Posted
he just called....and said if i wasnt going off on him like i do he would have "compromised" with me in this whole situation...i dont know what to say. he isjust reversing everything on me...making me feel responsible for his own inaction. he even says now he is so unahappy and when i asked if he is trying to tell me now that he doesnt wanna be with me anymore he refuses to answer the question and just told me "you dont care bout my feelings, you only talk about yourself. so you figure it out".

 

Yep, we could see this coming from a mile away. Typical behavior from people like this. "Oh, if only you'd jumped through hoop x, y, and z, then I'd have given you everything you wanted. My actions are all your fault." Give me a break.

 

In cases like this one, there are no compromises (short of an open relationship, which I don't believe you want). Look at all the posters here: not a single one recommended compromising with that loser. Not one. You are in the right here. Don't let him make you doubt yourself or your feelings.

Jbum5 Established Member

Jbum5

Posted
Posted
he just called....and said if i wasnt going off on him like i do he would have "compromised" with me in this whole situation...i dont know what to say. he isjust reversing everything on me...making me feel responsible for his own inaction. he even says now he is so unahappy and when i asked if he is trying to tell me now that he doesnt wanna be with me anymore he refuses to answer the question and just told me "you dont care bout my feelings, you only talk about yourself. so you figure it out".

 

Like I said, drop this buffoon. Obviously this is easier said than done, but ask yourself this: would you rather stay in a relationship where you will hurt until he leaves you (at which point you will hurt even more), or would you rather skip that ****-filled part and just leave now to hurt for a while but be happy in the long-run?

  • Like 1
crederer Established Member

crederer

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That's completely unacceptable behavior.

 

However, you should have seen this coming, since you were the other woman, you must have known there was a strong possibility that this guy does not care at all about the women he sees and is very emotionally selfish.

  • 4 weeks later...
  • Author
masako Member

masako

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Dear folks!!

 

I just wanted to inform you how things ended...

 

He married her last Saturday.

 

He didnt say anything to me, actually after she left things got better again and she stayed just one week not two, and we started making plans for our summer vacation with our son..so until 2 days before the weddding we was on the phone he told me he loves me just wants me in his life and nobody else..he wanna be there for our family and he wants us to be a family.

 

On the day of the wedding he called, he said he is with his family and bout to drive home, i asked where she is he said she is in memphis with her sister...the day after the wedding we talked again in the a.m. he asked what our son is doing, we made jokes, i told him i love him and cant wait to fly over to him...thats when i get as a response "leave my husband the **** alone you ugly whore"...and then i look on fb..and see they got married the day before and she already put up a wedding pic. -The end- I dont have to tell yall how devastated i am...:sick:

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masako Member

masako

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Btw...he didnt say a word to me since then. He blocked me on fb and i got two other msgs from his phone with her sayin i am a tramp, a whore , a bitch and should delete her husband out of my life. And that he says "**** you" too.

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