We accept the love we think we deserve ❤

[iouaname]

[highlight]"We accept the love we think we deserve"[/highlight]

-- The Perks of Being a Wallflower

 

I was watching this movie tonight, and it made me incredibly sad but it also was really touching and had a really great message, and I think that the quote rings true to my experience. I was in a relationship where I was cheated on, lied to, taken advantage of, manipulated, and humiliated and I stayed because I didn't realize that I deserved better.

 

I'm starting this thread to begin a new journey for myself. My ex is cut out of my life - permanently. There has been so much back and forth. "Maybe in the future," "I want to stay good friends," "I want to be there for you!" fast-forward a few months and now he's dubbed me the raging, suicidal psycho who won't leave him alone. The last time we spoke, he told me that he needed space from me and that he would be friends with me down the road I'm deciding now that that isn't going to happen. I am deciding now that he is officially, 100% in the past and that I am never going to speak to him again.

 

His Facebook has been blocked since we first broke up, and I haven't unblocked it once. I have him blocked on everything else now and am disappearing from the people who he has had 'keeping tabs' on me (Yes, I am the obsessed one , but he justifies it as "Well I'm just worried you're going to hurt yourself.")

 

I should have known when I first met him. He spoke badly about me, cheated on me, lied to me and took advantage of me the first few months of the relationship, but I took him back because he promised to change. ::SHOCKER:: He didn't change - at all. He is now back to the same scumbag he used to be, lying and telling people about his new ~amazing life~ without me

 

On the one side, I'm sad. I'm sad and I think that even though I've been struggling to get through the past four months, that it's only going to be more difficult from here. On the other hand, I'm relieved. I am ready to stop thinking about him and to never think about him again...

[Echo000]

[highlight]"We accept the love we think we deserve"[/highlight]

-- The Perks of Being a Wallflower

 

I was watching this movie tonight, and it made me incredibly sad but it also was really touching and had a really great message, and I think that the quote rings true to my experience. I was in a relationship where I was cheated on, lied to, taken advantage of, manipulated, and humiliated and I stayed because I didn't realize that I deserved better.

 

I'm starting this thread to begin a new journey for myself. My ex is cut out of my life - permanently. There has been so much back and forth. "Maybe in the future," "I want to stay good friends," "I want to be there for you!" fast-forward a few months and now he's dubbed me the raging, suicidal psycho who won't leave him alone. The last time we spoke, he told me that he needed space from me and that he would be friends with me down the road I'm deciding now that that isn't going to happen. I am deciding now that he is officially, 100% in the past and that I am never going to speak to him again.

 

His Facebook has been blocked since we first broke up, and I haven't unblocked it once. I have him blocked on everything else now and am disappearing from the people who he has had 'keeping tabs' on me (Yes, I am the obsessed one , but he justifies it as "Well I'm just worried you're going to hurt yourself.")

 

I should have known when I first met him. He spoke badly about me, cheated on me, lied to me and took advantage of me the first few months of the relationship, but I took him back because he promised to change. ::SHOCKER:: He didn't change - at all. He is now back to the same scumbag he used to be, lying and telling people about his new ~amazing life~ without me

 

On the one side, I'm sad. I'm sad and I think that even though I've been struggling to get through the past four months, that it's only going to be more difficult from here. On the other hand, I'm relieved. I am ready to stop thinking about him and to never think about him again...

 

good for you. really. Its so hard to do the things you mentioned, but i believe you can do it.

 

Just dont be afraid/feel bad if you feel sad sometimes..i.e. dont beat yourself up because low moments will (like you said) arise. fight through, because I dont have to know you to believe that you dont deserve a guy that treats you like that.

 

Oh, and I am sure he loves the idea that you are a "psycho", and the tabs thing is just to check in to see if your still into him. whadda LOSER!!!!!

[january2011]

It's one thing to label you a "raging, suicidal psycho" and another to say, "Well I'm just worried you're going to hurt yourself."

 

That's just BS, in my opinion.

 

You don't need him but I think you should also stay away from keeping tabs on him, regarding his "amazing" life. Just disappear from the lives of any mutual contacts and rebuild your life.

 

You deserve more love and respect than he gave you. Good luck.

[iouaname]

It's one thing to label you a "raging, suicidal psycho" and another to say, "Well I'm just worried you're going to hurt yourself."

 

This has been something that he does to me on a regular basis. He has serious issues with maintaining a 'reputation.' He will tell other people one thing, like that I'm insane or that I won't leave him alone or that the only times he has called me, he has called me to "check up on me because he is worried about me." Meanwhile, the messages I were getting from him were about how hard no contact was and how he missed talking to me

 

He's also a pathological liar. Before the relationship, he would brag about his hookups and make-outs and all of that to friends, and now that we've broken up he's just gone back to doing the same sorts of things. I guess there was also a twitter exchange about me, but I don't have twitter so I never went and looked.

 

The truth is, he was never that great to me. I am more upset about losing the person that I thought he was than the person that he really is.

[january2011]

The truth is, he was never that great to me. I am more upset about losing the person that I thought he was than the person that he really is.

 

I think this is the crux of the pain in breakups, losing the ideas and dreams we had in our heads.

 

But now that you know what kind of man you don't want, it will help you to watch out for the red flags when you get back into dating.

[iouaname]

At this point -- it's not so much him that I care about. He's kind of a loser, as I've come to see. Apparently after the drama from last week (in which we both called each other an equal number of times), he told people that I wouldn't leave him alone. And then there was a twitter exchange that I was told was directed at me and had something to do with me being psychotic, or something.

 

I mean, even if what he was saying was true and I was contacting him relentlessly - is that really grounds for being called psychotic? Like, he has blown up my phone over the course of this breakup FAR MORE than I have his. But I never called him psychotic or told mutual friends that he wouldn't leave me alone In fact, I said I felt guilty for ignoring him.

 

I mean I've heard of people who have done actually insane things after breakups and I hardly think that I qualify if the worst that I did was break no contact

[january2011]

It's unfair that he called you, "psychotic." Some people who know you well will know that it's BS and unfortunately, some will believe him.

 

You know what you did and what he did. You only have to be responsible for yourself. He has to be responsible for his own actions.

 

Just stay quiet and NC. It will all blow over and he/people will be talking about something else. Perhaps stay away from mutual friends for a while until you feel more on an even keel with everything.

[RiceaRoni]

I saw the title of your post and it brought back memories lol

After my BU my ex kept saying that line...he thought he deserved better and said I was a psycho who had just wasted his time and was so unfortunate to him..

 

When truly I treated him well and gave all I could into loving him...

 

The insults hurt like a b****, but I just ignored them, and learned to laugh of his insults

Because I saw he was still not over me if he had the energy to talk about me still..

 

You are not psychotic You were in love and it was a real love that you gave, that your ex was too foolish to see.

 

Save that love for someome who sees it as love and doesnt mistake it for being "crazy".

 

Like my ex your ex is just spewing out insults because.....well because he can. You arent together anymore so he sees it as okay and might do it for a while.

 

Yeah the inults hurt but just tell yourself he does this because he still cares in some odd way. Just ignore him and dont feed the flame because he'll then have more of a reason to belive his insults and continue them. Write down or tell a family member or friend you can trust all the things youd like to say back ex: " hes such a loser....."

 

Dont become bitter though..it'll be bad for your healing..if you're feeling down just get it out and then move onto a better activity and keep repeatinf this if you have to, to feel better.

 

In the end I honestly should be the one to say that line, and you deserve the right to say it too because you do deserve better

 

Stay Strong girl, you got this

[TearyEyedPride]

Congrats on your new journey!! I'm so proud of you for actually taking the steps to make this about YOU getting better, healing, and becoming a person that attracts the love YOU deserve.

 

Forget that guy. It's true... there will be lots of lonely tough times, idle moments and dreams that will come, but compared to the freedom that you'll feel, the sense of self empowerment and the ability to pick up the pieces and move on... with your strong willpower you'll kick heartbreak's *ss at a steady pace. You have LS for support when you need us.

 

Wish you all the best.

[RiceaRoni]

Congrats on your new journey!! I'm so proud of you for actually taking the steps to make this about YOU getting better, healing, and becoming a person that attracts the love YOU deserve.

 

Forget that guy. It's true... there will be lots of lonely tough times, idle moments and dreams that will come, but compared to the freedom that you'll feel, the sense of self empowerment and the ability to pick up the pieces and move on... with your strong willpower you'll kick heartbreak's *ss at a steady pace. You have LS for support when you need us.

 

Wish you all the best.

 

 

Oh yeah! How could I forget to be happy for you! You go iouaname

You're going to feel even better as time passes

And once you become yourself again and love yourself you can be damn sure someome better will walk into your life

 

Im happy for you continue to grow stronger everyday.

[iouaname]

Thanks for the support, everyone!

 

The insults hurt like a b****, but I just ignored them, and learned to laugh of his insults

Because I saw he was still not over me if he had the energy to talk about me still..

 

Well that's the thing, when I was ignoring him he was calling me and talking to people about how I was ignoring him, and going on about how he missed me, etc..., and then when I talked to him he decided he needed space, wanted nothing to do with me, "is over me" and basically just acts like he never even talks/thinks about me so I'm obsessed for even thinking about him It's a frustrating game that should have never even taken place.

 

Even though all of this has taken place, a part of me still hopes that he tries to get in contact with me again. Not so that I can speak to him or anything, but just because I want to feel like I have the upper-hand again and to know that the whole "I don't even think about her" was just his whole image-protecting thing. Even more so, though, I hope to get to a place soon where I no longer even care if he contacts me...

[AKisBaked]

Your too nice of a person if you took him back after he called you a psyco, lying to you, and just accusing you of everything.

 

Simple words, he will regret you once he realizes that you aren't in his life anymore. He will wish he cherished you when you were with him but now your gone.

 

Stay strong!!!

[Minneloa]

I know all of this is freshly upsetting, and I know you are frustrated and angry. However, the *only* way to have the upper-hand at this point is to take care of yourself and detach from him and any reminders/triggers. Simply put, you have to let go of this perceived power struggle. You can only control yourself: not him, not the lies he tells, not the reactions of others. The more you ruminate over who is "winning," the more you engage him emotionally and delay your healing. As Cav always says, the goal is indifference.

 

Sending good thoughts.

 

M.

[RiceaRoni]

 

 

 

Well that's the thing, when I was ignoring him he was calling me and talking to people about how I was ignoring him, and going on about how he missed me, etc..., and then when I talked to him he decided he needed space, wanted nothing to do with me, "is over me" and basically just acts like he never even talks/thinks about me so I'm obsessed for even thinking about him It's a frustrating game that should have never even taken place.

 

My Ex did the EXACT same thing....except instead of telling people and myself individually he would post it on twitter and tumblr...saying things like he wished I noticed him again....how ithurts him that I was ignoring him....on top of the insults this made me feel awful too because I was hurting him even when I was doing nothing...then he texts me one day wanting to fix the awkwardness and he had things to say to me...I agreed to meet with him because I too wanted to tell him for one last time I sill had feelings for him.

 

We met up and the first thinhs he asked me was "so what do you have to say?"

I was so dumbstruck...he had claimed he wanted to talk to me....I told him this and he said he had nothing to say....grinning amd smirking at me while I boiled up in anger..

 

He then tried to have a convo with me and got upset when it was going no where.....well duh.

 

I walked away and that was the last time we ever spoke to one another...he also posted om twitter how meeting me was a waste of time.

 

Sorry for the rant x/

 

I guess my point is...is that they are playing games and we must ignore them for our own sanity and healing.

 

Im very proud of you iou

 

Cont. to ignore him and his attempts to talk or insult you.

 

He'll stop eventually, but he wont stop if you talk with him and give in.

 

You got this

[RiceaRoni]

Its time for him to be cut from your life completely..

 

Thats the only way to reach total indifference.

 

Hes a poison and isnt helping you in anyway by calling you names, ect.

 

Weve been taught to stay away from dangerous, toxic things as children and iou..hes become one of those things..

 

I wish you the best in your healing.

[singme2sleep]

The way your ex is acting now, reminds me of another quote that rings true:

 

"When someone shows you who they really are, believe them."

 

He is a jerk and doesn't deserve you!

[Esoteric Elf]

[highlight]"We accept the love we think we deserve"[/highlight]

-- The Perks of Being a Wallflower

I believe I am deserving of no love, so I can accept...nothing? Sounds perfectly a-okay with me.

[iouaname]

I'm feeling a lot better, I think that I've had a bit of a turning point today (well at least in gathering my motivation and stuff).

 

I just have one question that I need some advice on: mutual friends. So my ex and I have a lot of mutual friends, and I have spoken to some but not others, and there are a few who have not been so kind. As far as the ones that are still kind and have reached out to me wanting to stay in contact - how should I handle that? They hang out with me ex sometimes, and have stated that they miss me (I've tried to stay away since the breakup) and would like to go out at times.

 

Have others dealt with situations like this? Is this where I implement LC when I see the ex and don't engage him or should I just pull myself from the situation? I would like to keep in touch with these friends - I've been extremely lonely. I'm a little cautious though because I don't want to come off as desperate, and I also don't want this to prolong any kind of agony for me. At the same time, having these friends again would be nice... lol

[Mack05]

"We accept the love we think we deserve..."

 

so we don't you (we) realize early doors that you (we) deserve better? That is a far more relevant topic..

Edited April 21, 2013 by Mack05

[iouaname]

"We accept the love we think we deserve..."

 

so we don't you (we) realize early doors that you (we) deserve better? That is a far more relevant topic..

 

I'm not quite sure what that means?

[Am4Real]

No worries, I don't get it either. Mack, you been drinking again?? ;-)

 

 

I'm not quite sure what that means?

[singme2sleep]

Yeah sorry Mack, but that makes 3 of us!

 

???????? Lol

[Seachelle1]

iouaname:

 

The books is way way better. Stephen Chbosky is my hero. I read it when I was a high school drop out (shoulda been a junior) and was in a bad place. Oh man, that book made me cry and feel so many things. It's helped me in so many ways again now.

 

Chbosky is a great screen writer, also did the cult tv show Jericho.

 

The movie is great too, but I prefer the book in every way.

[iouaname]

[highlight]"Bottom line is, even if you see ‘em coming, you're not ready for the big moments. No one asks for their life to change, not really. But it does. So, what are we? Helpless? Puppets? No. The big moments are gonna come. You can't help that. It's what you do afterward that counts. That's when you find out who you are."[/highlight]

-- Buffy the Vampire Slayer

 

I have done a lot of things that I regret, both during the relationship and after. I feel like there were a lot of things that I could have done better, but I'm easing up on myself and realizing that this was my first experience with this and I had a lot of things within myself that I needed to deal with, all of which came to the surface when I was going through this breakup. I wish that I had dealt with things in a better manner.

 

Despite that, I am proud of myself. I'm proud that I have made it to where I am today. There were times where I really didn't think I'd make it as far as I have, but I am here, still going I have struggled a lot with anxiety, depression, the breakup (which contributed to both), all while attempting to maintain some sort of social life, some semblance of sanity, and my grades. I'm here now and I can say that I have a better social life than ever before, I haven't dropped out of school and I'm not in danger of failing any classes, and while there are times that I feel absolutely insane -- it's here that I am learning who I am and what I am capable of.

 

In honor of this quote I thought it would be helpful for me to reflect on what I do know about myself and what I like about myself.

 

What I Love About Me

 

1) I am a genuinely caring and empathetic person. I care a lot about the people in my life and I love nothing more than being able to help someone. I had a friend come to me today and tell me that I have an 'aura' of understanding about me that made him feel comfortable talking to me.

2) I am happy with my moral compass. I pride myself on being a good judge of character, and just because my ex turned rotten does not mean that has changed at all. I feel good about the decisions I make in life regarding other people and I am glad to be a nice person who doesn't cause pain to anyone.

3) I am creative & unique. I love thinking outside the box and putting my own personal touch on things, and I think that people recognize it and are drawn to it.

 

Life is full of learning experiences and I think this is just one that is going to shape me into a stronger, more put-together person who will not put up with what I have in the past.

 

For everyone posting here: I am proud of all of us because despite the pain we're all in, we're still here and we're still fighting, which makes us stronger than we'll ever realize

[Mack05]

 

What I Love About Me

 

1) I am a genuinely caring and empathetic person. I care a lot about the people in my life and I love nothing more than being able to help someone. I had a friend come to me today and tell me that I have an 'aura' of understanding about me that made him feel comfortable talking to me.

2) I am happy with my moral compass. I pride myself on being a good judge of character, and just because my ex turned rotten does not mean that has changed at all. I feel good about the decisions I make in life regarding other people and I am glad to be a nice person who doesn't cause pain to anyone.

3) I am creative & unique. I love thinking outside the box and putting my own personal touch on things, and I think that people recognize it and are drawn to it.

 

Life is full of learning experiences and I think this is just one that is going to shape me into a stronger, more put-together person who will not put up with what I have in the past.

 

For everyone posting here: I am proud of all of us because despite the pain we're all in, we're still here and we're still fighting, which makes us stronger than we'll ever realize

 

I think every poster should write something like this about themselves and pin it to their bedroom wall and read it when they are down.

 

Sounds to me you have a lot to offer a guy.

 

Adios

Edited April 22, 2013 by Mack05